Quote From: babszeeI tried 3 times to post this yesterday. Let me try ONE MORE TIME.
I have been batteling depression. There have been times in my life that i "felt" depressed. You know that sinking feeling probally more like the blues. But this time it is totally different.
Over the past 3 years I have been helping a lot of family members mostly with health issuses. I kind of lost myself in it all. I have looked after my mom and so gradually I didnt even realize how much, until I was maniging her total care. in and out of the hospital and finally in a nursing home. My DIL hadthe birht of hersecond child while she had meningitis. I stayed with her for about 2 months until she learned how to care for her children again. mom broke a hip. and had sundowners. Dementia set in and never quite went away. My husband lost his job. I totaled my car and had some back injuries.My sisters husband had a heart attack and stroke. and passed away. She has terribel migraine headaches. So I started h elping manage her meds and going to the Dr with her. My son went to war in Iraq only 3 days after his 3rd child was born by c section. I went back and forth 100 miles to help his family. then to deal with sons pts on returning home. and that was about the time we put mom in nursing home with parkensons and other problems. She was always mad at me, and didnt know where she was. We moved my son and his family in with us for a few weeks and during that time my DH did not speak to me. In December this year I knew I wasnt functioning well. I couldnt understand what people were saying unless they were talking about these issues. I didnt mind telling anyone i know about any of th is but if anyone started asking me questions, I felt sick and then got mad. thats not like me at all. I couoldnt understand written words on a page so reading anything was out of the question. Unless of corse it was moms medical or insurance papers. I am a quilter... I couldnt seem to get anythingdone. couldnt think past a first or second step. And I didnt want to be in my sewing room at all. Even getting myself dressed in the morning was very dificult. I was going through the motions of life, or trying to. I didnt remember to do the simplest of things like opening a curtain so the house wouldnt be dark. Or burshing my teeth, or making dinner. then one of my very close uncles died of a brain touomor. I had been helping my aunt with some things for h im to.
My Dr said she would have medicated me for any one of these issues. She diagnoised me with Grief Response Depression.two weeks after my uncle died, my mom died. two weeks later we got a phone call from my husbands family. His mom died. Twoweeks later another special uncle died. I helped my sister move into our moms house. she is closer to me now. and I am taking her to her Dr appts. I am begenning to treat her just like my mom. and I am trying not to. A month after that my neice was dianoised with Lymphoma Stage 3 it wasin her bone morrow. So my sister and I have been going with her to her chemo treatments.
my Dr said it would take from 6 month to a year for me to get over this. Believe it or not, i am leaving out a lot of stuff that happened... I have been on Lexa pro for a while but she changed me to Effexor and also on stratera. I am a 54 year old woman. I have been so glad I dont have to take any regular presreption drugs. I hope to be able to get off of the effexor some time but for now I will trust what my Dr says. She did send me to a Nuro Psychologist which helped me a lot. She gave me permission to start taking care of me. That has been a challenge. Through all of this I have gained about 30 lbs which i had lost about 2 years ago. Im sad that it is back but i know i will need to start that battle again soon.
Its been about 7 months now. I am just now starting to feel more like me. I finished a good book yesterday. I have been sewing. I have been cleaning again somewhat. lol I am still haviang trouble with memory of some little things. and cooking. i have become an awful cook.
Thats my story with Depression. My story is probally not completely over yet. I havnt cried since moms funeral. My Dr says in time I will be able to cry again. It feels so strange to NOT CRY even when I need to. I m almost afraid to because last time I cried it was for about 2 hours and I was so out of controll it frightened me. But I know i am improving every day. I laugh more and that is important.
Like i said in the begenning... I tried to send this 3 times.. and have wirtten it 4 times now. I am going to make sure i dont loose it this time. cut & Paste :-)
BabsZ
HI i am sorry for all your troubles.Wow there's more well you are a strong lady you know that and you came to the right board for help i haven't even posted really what i am going through as far as my depresion but i can relate to you on alot of the depression .I know all about the not wanting to even get out of bed and not so interested in enjotable things that usually give me pleasure.As far as showing emotions forget it .We my family i mean have had alot of deaths in this year alone i know all about looking after family too.My husbands mom died of cancer and my grandmother also .So i was at the hospital all the time and after it wears you out not to mention the other family members that died like my 2 uncles and my husbands 2 uncles and 1 aunt all in a 6 month span.I have also got two girls that are beautiful my youngest who is now 15 is struggling with grief response depression agter my husbands mom died she was very close to her so i dealt with her also and tried to comfort her when she was so stressed out with high aniexty that she was having images so she would be not even here when we spoke to her ,she was in the hospital with her grandmother hemorriging to death and we never new thats what she was seeing and thats what i mean by not here .And when she would snap out of it well then it was nightmares to deal with alog with images that were so traumatizing along with suicide that she thought she would try because she thought that if her grandmother wasn't good enough to be alive she my daughter thought she should die also and to her ,her grandmother was a saint ,and she was .But we are all human so it was alotof her being scare to sleep and not wake up and see us again ,and also the fact that she will go to the ground when she dies and not see us again so it was alot of stress around my home and i haven't even touched my own story as well yet.So post as much as you want because you will find support here thats for sure ,We here are like a family and when one suffers we all rally around and comfort who ever needs it,We even say goodmorning and check in before bed and say goodnight so we all have this bond.We also don't just post our problems we also post to support each other and sometimes thats good too because it helps that people can relate to alot of each others stories.So welcome to the boards and please feel free to keep posting.It can sure be a good thing .lots of luv .cathy
ps if you want to read more about my situation with my daughter i have a couple of posts to read over in the archives boards its a deprssion board we had before this one .I think its at the top if you click on message boards it should show archive boards for june /05 shows depression should be 
around there the same as it is here under the health board.goodluck chat soon.cathy
