Topic : Overcoming Grief

hi... sorry i am not trying to be annoying or anything... but things have just gotten worse; my gerbil died. That doesn't sound like a lot, but it's the one thing that tipped the scale.  I don't know if I can do this anymore.    

If you could read the post I left (about 8 message down or something), I'd really appreciate it a lot. Thanks 

You are not being annoying or anything like that.  The death of a beloved pet can be the final straw on the camels back.  I read your previous message & you said you couldn't get in your parents way.  What did you mean by that?  Your parents MAY be the very place you need to turn for help.  If you don't think you can turn to your parents, what about a school guidance counselor or some other trusted adult?  I'll be happy to listen to you here & help all I can, but this may not be enough.   

Can you tell me a little more about yourself?  You are a senior in high school & that's all I know.  What are your plans after graduation?  What are your current interest?  Most important of all, what has made you so sad?  I know the years you are living through now are full of unknowns & that scares everyone, but has someone hurt you or let you down?  On this board we are similar to a little family & will help you all we can, love & support you.  I hope to hear from you soon...my email address is teenangel@otelco.net.  You can message me here or email me, which ever you are more comfy with.  If you email me, in the subject line let me know you are from the DP board so I'll be sure & open your message. 

Denise 

Hi Kimmie - I can totally undestand how you feel.  My dad passed away 4 months ago and I can't imagine the upcoming holidays without him.  He was 67 and had been sick for a few months and at the end of May we found out he had some rare form of cancer, which was supposed to be treatable with this miracle drug, but the cancer was too far advanced for the medicine and he passed away June 15, just a few weeks after starting the medications.  I know I have lost a HUGE part of me and my best friend.  I have a hard time going to my parent's home now and just see everything thru different eyes since my dad passed away.  I had always been closer to my dad than my mother,  I was a "daddy's girl."   Everyone around me,  including my husband , is also suffering,  as my father was like a real father that he never had.  I cry at the slightest thing and anything that reminds me of my dad.    I am 40 years and also a diabetic, which was a gift I shared with my father.  I feel like I was robbed,  at times I'm mad at him for dying and at the same time I'm mad at myself for letting him die.  I feel like I missed something with his illness, that I should have insisted on a second opinion or I should have saw something and made him get treatment sooner.  I ask myself everyday, what could I have done.  My dad watched his mother suffer thru breast cancer and was adament that he did not want to be a bother to anyone and did not want to have to go thru chemo and all of that if there was no hope.  He did not want to be a vegetable or just a shell of a man that used to be.  He went fast and with dignity, the way he wanted to and thats the only thing that gives me strength is just knowing that he didn't suffer needlessly and endlessly.  I have an aunt that's in her mid 50's and has battled cancer for 5 years and she is now paralyzed and bedridden and that was exactly what my father did not want.  I have tried everyday to ask myself, what would daddy do if he was here - would he go there or do this or do that.  I talk to him everyday as I like to believe that he can hear me.  I pick up the phone to call him and realize that he's not going to answer.  I have 2 young children and I have to keep going for them and for my dad, if not for myself, then for them.  Unfortunately, I have learned in the last few months I can't stop living cause he's not here.  I go on, day by day, trying to honor and carry on his memory cause thats what he wanted for me and for his grandchildren.  I know nothing will ever fill this hole in my life or the hole in my heart, nothing will help the pain. 

hello everyone, 

i have been a  fan of dr. phil for a long time but i am new to the site and already, i have found this to be a very healing place.my story is not one i wish on anyone to have to post but it may help others to know that their are others out there dealing with grief as well.On june 19 fathers day 2005 (this past june) i lost my 15 year old son and my 13 year old nephew due to an accidental drowning in a city park that is across a field from my back yard.my nephews had come over to see if my boys wanted to go there fishing on that day.this city park has small ponds that all of the community kids go to  to play and fish.so this was not an uncommon thing for the boys to go over there,anyways,about 2 hours later a knock on the door and it was one police officer dressed in uniform and one plain clothed officer.they had said a call had come in that two boys were in the water but thats all it was they didnt know what was going on.well to make a long agonizing day end as this was around 4:00 in the afternoon at 12:20 a.m. they found my son in the bottom of this pond.needless to say,my life has been a blur every since that day.my whole world has been turned upside down and i feel as if i have been on a roller coaster going nowhere for a little over 4 months now.my living children are now being diagnosed and assessed for pdsd (post traumatic stress disorder) my 9 year old which was with the boys on that day and went to run for help has not dealt with this loss at all.he misses his brother  and cousin so much but will not express that at all.my 13 year old daughter misses them as well my son was the only family she has on that side of her family.(my 15 year old son and her have the same dad) but he hasnt been in their lives at all.in fact at my sons funeral her dad didnt recgonize her although he wanted to, in his words"get to know her" so  supervised by his mom i gave him permission to take her to where he lives two hours away to hopefully give this little girl a piece of that side of her family back,he had her their a week and that was that ,he has walked away from her life again.it breaks my heart to see the pain and heartache in my children and i just want them to be ok,,,,,anyone have suggestions of stuff i can do?? they are going to counseling.i know they say the first year is the hardest after a loss,,and i can say this may be true but  speaking truthfully,i have also lost another child unfortunately,in 1991 just one day before the date of my 15 year olds death on june 18th  to a stillborn baby boy. the pain is always there and never goes away it does get easier with time ,but i guess i just dont understand how you put the fear out of your mind of asking ok i have had 4 children two of them have been taken from me,is my other children going to be taken too?i dont want to coddle my living kids but i surely dont want to see anything happen to them anyone have any suggestions?? i know i sound as if i am all over the place with my story and i am truely sorry i have so many questions and so few answers i just want to make sure we are all going to be ok.......how do you deal with your own grief and make sure your kids deal with it as well?i thank you for any help some of you may have and again,if u have a similar story,i just want to say how truely sorry i am for your loss it feels as if it is a nightmare that is very hard to wake up from.in advance,thank you so much for replies received. 

                                                                 sincerely, 

                                                                   K_LEA 

p.s. also,after the boys's drowning we have found out that they are not the only ones that have parished in this parks ponds,a 17year old 11 years ago and a 12 year old 5 years ago and many many stories in the community out there that there have been others.what can we do to assure this wont happen again?? we have sought legal help but they say it will take thousands of dollars to hire water analysts ,divers ,investigators and such and we dont have the finances to hire.we have talked to the parks people but they  wont say much.frustrating to know  that it is money that will save these kids lives and if you dont have it nothing will ever be done and it is only a matter of time before it happens again. 

This is my first time writting on a message board but i think i've come to the point of just not knowing what to do anymore! My mother was murdered by her husband(my step-father) 14 yrs ago, but her body has never been found! She was a victim of domestic violence for years and her life was threatened on many occasions (in my and my 4 yr old sister's precense). She had an order of protection against him and was already in the process of leaving. The night she "disappeared" - Feb 23, 1991 - she had just come back from an interview for a second job. He started an arguement with her and she put us to bed - that was the last time I saw her! For years our small town police dept thought she "just left her rocky marriage" - despite all the domestic violence reports and 911 calls. I was 12 at the time  - to young to really understand, but old enough to know my mom would NOT leave my sister and I! Over the years I left IL - I had to get away from all of it - but now I'm back and my mom's case has never been "closed", it pisses me off that it's taken so long to arrest this ass. Since my mom, he's been married twice - his second wife "mysteriously" died, and his third wife (who is now in contact with the IL State Police) left him for "being to violent". He now has another girlfriend! How many women does he have to kill before anything is done! 

If anyone is curious - my mom's name is Vikki Vukelich! There's a few articles on line from when it hit the news in Feb ( I did interviews with the news channels on the anniversary of her disappearance, so people don't forget about her).  

Thanks for any advice or support - I need it! 

Why don't you contact Dr. Phil! Maybe he could tell you how to go about getting something done! It sounds as it didn't stop with your Mother. Have you talked to the police any lately? Have the any ideas or thoughts? Did they have any evedince on her murder? Did they come to your house after she was murdered? I watch Forensic Files all the time on the Court T.V. Channel and I bet if someone got nosey enough then they could find clues for her disappearence! I wouldn't give up! I'd call anyone and everyone! I mean it! He sounds as tho he's gonna do it again. What about Unsolved Mysteries. Maybe you could go on the show and tell your story and someone somewhere might know something! It's worth a try! I hope you get something done!