Topic : Overcoming Grief

And what some are doing about it.

Take a look at this recent article from Paddler magazine.

http://www.paddlermagazine.com/people/features/team-river-runner.html

In dec,09 I lost my aunt the day before I was to leave for California to be with my terminaly ill father,She was ill but we didnt know we would lose her.I had to get to my dad as soon as possible so I had to go.We didnt know how long he had to live.I stayed with my dad every day in his hospital room at the veterans home.I fed him when he would eat,cleaned him when he needed cleaned and we cried when he talked about dying and going to be with God.when he quit eating and drinking I knew he was getting close,the Dr and nurses were awsome.My sister and I watched our father die a slow very painful death,he died Jan,1,09 with us both lying next to him and holding him.We came back home to Pennsylvania feeling emty and lost,We felt like we didnt get to say goodbye to our aunt and our hearts were torn into from being with our dad.Then on feb,6,09 my best friend was killed in a car accident she was only 35.I am so emty from death.We have lost our mom,a brother,all my moms family,and dad within 5 years.The death of my best friend has taken what little bit of my heart that wasnt broken and just broke it completely into.I hate getting up in the mornings and I am even thinking about suicide.that way I wont hurt like Im hurting now.The pain will all be gone.It is just too hard to deal with all this grief.I just cant understand it all.It seems all my life death has run me.I was 5 years old when I watched my sister drown and 6 years old when my best friend was run over by our school bus right in front of me.My life has been so screwed up from death and I cant handle anymore.My aunt I just lost was the only one who could talk to me and I would listen now she's gone and I have no one.I dont want to die but I cant handle this anymore.I hate death.can someone please explain to me why God has taken all the people that I loved away from me.help me...Melody

I have been widowed many years now and lost my husband to a lot of errors made by drs , and hospital staff. As you know it is so hard to find a place where most people cannot understand your loss.

I had a terrible time trying to maneuver this world that had no place for a woman alone.

I was so lucky to go on line and find a widow and widowers group, of which I have now become a moderator. There are lots of groups out there to fit almost any age of widow or widower. Without the support of people who truly understood my devastation, I am not sure that I would be standing tall now.

I found friends in these groups who were either dealing with the emotions I was dealing with , had dealt with them or would be dealing with them. I found just sharing with people who understood helped me to not feel crazy and alone with my thoughts.

I find that healing from grief sometimes means reinventing the you that you have been for such a long time. Not that I changed the person I was or my values, but reinventing myself to function in a society primarily made up of couples and families.

I find now with the help of my friends in this group I can smile more at the good memories than cry over the bad. Continue to share in whatever venue is most comfortable for you. If it is on line, I urge you to be careful for people do prey on widow and widowers, If not on line join a local grief group at a church, synagogue or community or senior center if you qualify for that.

On the 21st of October 2008 my partner hung himself in our garage, I got home to find him and tried to help he but it was no use I couldn't get him down, We lived on a main road so I ran down drive and stopped anyone that would stop, first was a older man who I then had to tell what I needed help for, (how do you tell someone that they need help for that) I felt so guilty putting this on this man.  We ran up the drive back to my partner, we got him down and as the man was a ex St John Ambulance Officer he started CPR then next in the door was two doctors driving past, next in was a cardiac nurse.  My partners heart had stopped. It wasn't till later I thought about my luck having stopped the best people for the help I needed.  They worked on my partner for what seemed agers but to my disbelief they got his heart going again and even breathing by himself.  We rushed him to hospital but to my horror once in ICU they informed his family and I that so far there was no signs of brain function.  But it wasn't till I asked his nurse honestly what was his chances?? She replied with I'm Sorry the best outcome for him is death... My heart broke... But it also prepared me and gave me a chance to say goodbye...  I was only one with him when he passed and cried on his chest, tears of love, sadness, loss, anger, everything I could think of... I left my tears on his chest as a way of a part of me with him forever!!  

I look back and even though I had to go through this horrible experience, at least i know I tried everything I could and gave him every chance of survival.  And with the help that I was given in a situation that you usually don't get the chance to do what I did, I think I saved him for Ten hours for a reason, for goodbyes not usually able to give.......

I will never get over this and it is a constant thought every moment of every day.  RIP BABE!!!