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Topic : Overcoming Grief

Number of Replies: 1337
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Created on : Friday, July 01, 2005, 04:53:58 pm
Author : dataimport
Grieving profound loss can be devastating, but it is a natural process. Share your grief with others and find support to help you recover.

As of January, 2009, this message board will become "Read Only" and will be closed to further posting. Please join the NEW Dr. Phil Community to continue your discussions, personalize your message board experience, start a blog and meet new friends.

March 1, 2009, 5:56 pm CST

Grief for Veterans

And what some are doing about it.

 

Take a look at this recent article from Paddler magazine.

 

http://www.paddlermagazine.com/people/features/team-river-runner.html

 
March 13, 2009, 8:33 am CDT

I need help

In dec,09 I lost my aunt the day before I was to leave for California to be with my terminaly ill father,She was ill but we didnt know we would lose her.I had to get to my dad as soon as possible so I had to go.We didnt know how long he had to live.I stayed with my dad every day in his hospital room at the veterans home.I fed him when he would eat,cleaned him when he needed cleaned and we cried when he talked about dying and going to be with God.when he quit eating and drinking I knew he was getting close,the Dr and nurses were awsome.My sister and I watched our father die a slow very painful death,he died Jan,1,09 with us both lying next to him and holding him.We came back home to Pennsylvania feeling emty and lost,We felt like we didnt get to say goodbye to our aunt and our hearts were torn into from being with our dad.Then on feb,6,09 my best friend was killed in a car accident she was only 35.I am so emty from death.We have lost our mom,a brother,all my moms family,and dad within 5 years.The death of my best friend has taken what little bit of my heart that wasnt broken and just broke it completely into.I hate getting up in the mornings and I am even thinking about suicide.that way I wont hurt like Im hurting now.The pain will all be gone.It is just too hard to deal with all this grief.I just cant understand it all.It seems all my life death has run me.I was 5 years old when I watched my sister drown and 6 years old when my best friend was run over by our school bus right in front of me.My life has been so screwed up from death and I cant handle anymore.My aunt I just lost was the only one who could talk to me and I would listen now she's gone and I have no one.I dont want to die but I cant handle this anymore.I hate death.can someone please explain to me why God has taken all the people that I loved away from me.help me...Melody

 
March 27, 2009, 8:06 pm CDT

What do I do?

I lost my sister July 25, 1996. She was 11 mos and 24 days younger than I am and we were very close. She had juvenile diabetes. She had been having problems with her sight ( 2 laser surgeries) had the eyesight of a 60 year old woman and she was only 25 when she passed. I always knew she would go before me, but I never thought it would be so awful. She died in a car wreck. She hit 4 parked cars and a truck and the truck landed on top of her car when she finally came to a stop. She was on her way to a fasting bloodwork appt. She had blacked out from the lack of food. So I am hoping that she never felt a thing. I always felt guilty, cause she had asked me to go with her.and all I did was worry about getting some sleep,because I worked the night shift. If I had gone I would have driven and maybe she would still be alive. I don't talk about it much and have never been to her grave site except the day we buried her. Everyone says it's not my fault, but I have a hard time believing that. How will I ever get over it? Or won't I? It's been almost 13 years.
 
April 11, 2009, 6:37 pm CDT

losing my mom and my life

its been three years, since i last spoke to my mom! i miss her hugs and kisses! i miss talking to her! or even her silly laughter. i lost my mom due to a heart attack and stroke. my mom was a single parent. and i am an only child. she left me on Dec. 11, 2006. i'm married with three kids. i feel like i'm a single parent. my husband is always on the road for work. he's a welder/pipefitter. we have three kids 2 boys and one beautiful little girl. my mom was my friend, my sister, and especially my MOM! i miss her a great deal. i'm still going through a lot with my middle son, i have gone to several therapist, with my son, and still having problems with him in school and at home. the therapist that we have seen and talked to say that he hasnt grieved or doesnt know how to grieve. i dont know how to help my son. my kids and i are all still feeling the pain and the loss of my mom. at times i dont know what to do. i feel lost at times, where i have thoughts .....terrible thoughts. of just leaving this earth and just walking away at times. and it scares me! i feel lost and i'm walking on egg shells. i go to my room and take a shower and cry, because it just hurts so much! and i dont know if it'll get better or if i'll get better. and it scares me! thank you for letting me vent!  
 
April 13, 2009, 7:45 pm CDT

Sorry for the error s/b Lawerence King

Quote From: arjnsdca

I would really like Dr Phil to do a show on the murder of 15 yr old Mathew Lawrence who was murdered by a classmate because he was gay and asked to be his valentine.  There is a holy war being waged against LGBT people in this country because fundamental Christians mis-interpret the bible and use it as a weapon of discrimination.  I think Dr Phil can help save lives by doing a show on hate crimes like this.
Sorry, when I wrote this e-mail I confused the name
 
April 19, 2009, 8:43 am CDT

A changing year , How do I become a miracle?

Dr. Phil speaks in his commercial about  a changing day in a life. Mine was a change ten months ago .In Jan. 2007 we received a call and was informed that an MRI had shown a tumor in my husbands cerebellum. We were shocked. The Dr. instructed us to be at the hospital the next morning.  We complied and then the downhill spiral began. After surgery , rehab, home health, several hospital visits, chemo, and radiation my partner of 44yrs. slipped away on 10/31/07, my birthday.Our plans of travel and time together after raising two children and a grandchild were gone. That was my changing day. How do I regain my life? How do I become a miracle?We spent our lives raising our family, looking forward to the time we could give to us. Now I'm alone. WHAT DO I DO NOW? How do I creat a miracle? YanceyBev
 
April 27, 2009, 2:19 pm CDT

My Husband

My husband drowned when we were on vacation last June, at our favorite fishing resort.  I am struggling to find a new life for myself; the only places I go are to work & the grocery store!  How can I find happiness & new place for me? 
 
April 27, 2009, 8:17 pm CDT

So new to the grief journey

Quote From: fayetr

My husband drowned when we were on vacation last June, at our favorite fishing resort.  I am struggling to find a new life for myself; the only places I go are to work & the grocery store!  How can I find happiness & new place for me? 

I have been widowed many years now and lost my husband to a lot of errors made by drs , and hospital staff. As you know it is so hard to find a place where most people cannot understand your loss.

I had a terrible time trying to maneuver this world that had no place for a woman alone.

 

I was so lucky to go on line and find a widow and widowers group, of which I have now become a moderator. There are lots of groups out there to fit almost any age of widow or widower. Without the support of people who truly understood my devastation, I am not sure that I would be standing tall now.

 

I found friends in these groups who were either dealing with the emotions I was dealing with , had dealt with them or would be dealing with them. I found just sharing with people who understood helped me to not feel crazy and alone with my thoughts.

 

I find that healing from grief sometimes means reinventing the you that you have been for such a long time. Not that I changed the person I was or my values, but reinventing myself to function in a society primarily made up of couples and families.

 

I find now with the help of my friends in this group I can smile more at the good memories than cry over the bad. Continue to share in whatever venue is most comfortable for you. If it is on line, I urge you to be careful for people do prey on widow and widowers, If not on line join a local grief group at a church, synagogue or community or senior center if you qualify for that.

 
April 28, 2009, 3:15 am CDT

My partner commited suicide!

On the 21st of October 2008 my partner hung himself in our garage, I got home to find him and tried to help he but it was no use I couldn't get him down, We lived on a main road so I ran down drive and stopped anyone that would stop, first was a older man who I then had to tell what I needed help for, (how do you tell someone that they need help for that) I felt so guilty putting this on this man.  We ran up the drive back to my partner, we got him down and as the man was a ex St John Ambulance Officer he started CPR then next in the door was two doctors driving past, next in was a cardiac nurse.  My partners heart had stopped. It wasn't till later I thought about my luck having stopped the best people for the help I needed.  They worked on my partner for what seemed agers but to my disbelief they got his heart going again and even breathing by himself.  We rushed him to hospital but to my horror once in ICU they informed his family and I that so far there was no signs of brain function.  But it wasn't till I asked his nurse honestly what was his chances?? She replied with I'm Sorry the best outcome for him is death... My heart broke... But it also prepared me and gave me a chance to say goodbye...  I was only one with him when he passed and cried on his chest, tears of love, sadness, loss, anger, everything I could think of... I left my tears on his chest as a way of a part of me with him forever!!  

 

I look back and even though I had to go through this horrible experience, at least i know I tried everything I could and gave him every chance of survival.  And with the help that I was given in a situation that you usually don't get the chance to do what I did, I think I saved him for Ten hours for a reason, for goodbyes not usually able to give.......

 

I will never get over this and it is a constant thought every moment of every day.  RIP BABE!!! 

 
April 28, 2009, 4:59 pm CDT

Light at the end of the Tunnel

Hi to you all...First let me say I'm sorry to you all for your sorrow and grief.  I lost my husband of 31 years almost 5 years ago after being his caregiver for the last 10 years of his life due to his illness.  I lost myself during those 10 years, my devotion was to him and have no regrets.  Part of me wished for death and the other part of me wished he would get better and be my husband and best friend again.  The pain that he endured almost killed me and our children and that's when I would wish for God to take him and the guilt would come in.  I thought we were all prepared for his death and we still were in shock when it happened.  I remember those days as if in a dream, but we somehow got through them.  I locked myself in my home for 13 months after that, didn't see friends, didn't go out unless I had to, didn't want to talk to anyone and started going into a black whole of depression.  With grief counseling and speaking to others who lost someone special  in their life, helped me get through the darkest days of my life.  Now, after almost 5 years, I've finally accepted his death, I have two beautiful grandchildren that my husband would have loved so much and never got to see.  He didn't walk our daughter down the isle when she got married, it was all so bitter sweet, but I know he's with us and he does see all of us.  I've started dating and although it's difficult  to imagine being with someone else, I don't want to be alone anymore, I'm only 56 years old and still have alot of life in me and I know my husband would want me to be happy.  My girls are very supportive with me dating and they want to see me happy...so I pray that I will find that light at the end of the tunnel and hope you do to, whatever that may be.   God Bless you all and you will get through this, one day at a time...I promise...it will happen!
 
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