Dr. Phil.com - Messageboards - Overcoming Grief

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July 25, 2005, 7:41 pm PDT

Overcoming Grief

Quote From: conniedobe

On May 10, 2005 my 39 year old son comitted suicide. He had been incarcerated for 9 months and was depressed and the jail would not give him his antidepressant drugs or his anxiety drugs. Consequently he began to loose hope and hung himself.

I had spoken to him just 1 hour before the guards found him. I had a strange feeling, but did nothing about it.

I feel very guilty for not notifying the authorities, but my son had often "cried wolf" so many times.

I'm having a very difficult coping with my guilt and most of the loss of my first born.

I know and understand you...... My thoughts and prayers are with you always

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newin2003

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July 25, 2005, 11:02 pm PDT

Suicide

I would like to be able to have some conversation with the woman appearing on the show that lost her husband to suicide. I was not able to view the show because of a committment, but he died by lighting himself on fire. My Mother did the same thing and this was back in 1990 and the pain never goes away, but it gets a little easier to handle. I will always feel like there should have been something I could have done for her. She left nothing to let anyone know why she did this and this was after a unsuccessful attempt. One of my siblings and I went to a support group that included others suffering the same pain. Nobody knows the grief until they go through it themselves. There are a lot more emotions involved when it is a suicide and without the proper help and counseling there is trouble ahead. I always try and help when I hear of such stories because I know exactly what they are going through and when someone knows they are not alone it makes it so much easier to cope. I wish I would have had someone to talk to back then, but thank goodness there was a support group at the time it was needed so desperately.

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missbilly

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July 27, 2005, 1:12 pm PDT

lOST MY DAD TO CANCER

Quote From: 2nephi

my dad died on july 9 of a heart attack and my family and me are still trying trying to handle it as we all miss him so much.. it is so hard but with each other help we are getting thru it and God s help also. I still cry alot sure but we will make together as a family and with Gods help and guidance we can get thru this trial in our life if we only ask of him. as each day goes I know we can have happy memories of him and talk of what we did with dad and the car rides we did when we was little. we will always have that. also pets can have a great hold as a family member also when they die also as our cat died 2 hours after dad died. a blood went to his back legs and the vet said there wasn't nothing they could do. so we had to put him down. he had a heart problem also. Love comes in all sorts of ways. just have to look for them......they may be tiny,or big,but love can come from anywhere. 2nephi

I feel for you on the loss of your father as I have lost my own father back in May of 1997 to cancer. He was diagnosed with bladder cancer a couple weeks before Christmas of 1996 and it rocked my world. My dad and I did alot together and were very close and when we lost him six months later it was very hard on all of us. He ended up having pancreatic cancer also and they operated on him and a routine 2 hour operation took six hours because they had come across problems and had to call a specialist in before completing the surgery. I miss my father everyday and it was like I said hard. I think about him everyday but I have moved beyond it, however the source of moving beyond my fathers death is not helping me cope with it. I lost my dad in 1997 and three years later on October 29, 2000, I myself ended up in my mothers shoes, having lost my husband to a car crash at the age of 47(him) and I became a widow at 38. To this day I have not been able to move on with my life. I feel like my life is over. I cannot even help my daughter with the loss because she was 14 when he was killed and my son was 12. I want so much to try to help my daughter but am at a loss because I did not lose my dad until I was 35 and I don't know what my daughter is feeling she won't talk about it and she doesn't want to talk about it and pushes it to the back of her mind.

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2nephi

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July 28, 2005, 5:53 am PDT

coming togethetr as a family

Quote From: missbilly

I feel for you on the loss of your father as I have lost my own father back in May of 1997 to cancer. He was diagnosed with bladder cancer a couple weeks before Christmas of 1996 and it rocked my world. My dad and I did alot together and were very close and when we lost him six months later it was very hard on all of us. He ended up having pancreatic cancer also and they operated on him and a routine 2 hour operation took six hours because they had come across problems and had to call a specialist in before completing the surgery. I miss my father everyday and it was like I said hard. I think about him everyday but I have moved beyond it, however the source of moving beyond my fathers death is not helping me cope with it. I lost my dad in 1997 and three years later on October 29, 2000, I myself ended up in my mothers shoes, having lost my husband to a car crash at the age of 47(him) and I became a widow at 38. To this day I have not been able to move on with my life. I feel like my life is over. I cannot even help my daughter with the loss because she was 14 when he was killed and my son was 12. I want so much to try to help my daughter but am at a loss because I did not lose my dad until I was 35 and I don't know what my daughter is feeling she won't talk about it and she doesn't want to talk about it and pushes it to the back of her mind.

you need to come together as a family and part of it is talking about your husband and their dad. we talk about my dad and what we did all the time and that we miss him yeah, as thats the truth. only keeping it in will it fester. somehow you have to come together as a family and do things as family as you once did before, but minus one. Keep his memeory alive as as maybe doing a scrapbook together as a family might help or maybe counsiling might help. But you need to do something. also ask God for help as he is always there for you if you just ask. He always answers if you just learn to listen to with your heart.your kids need you so much. my family talks about my dad and what we did and where we went and everything with him, don't let his memeory die also, I know you miss him so much but his memeory deserve to live on thru you all and you know he is watching you from above and he loves you all so much. I am sure he didn't want to leave either. I know that you all can get thru this together as a family and by talking with a counsilor or someone you can do it. you need to get back as a family unit as your huband wants you too. your children depends on you. think, on getting some help please to get thru this. I know you can do this. I will be praying for you and your family. don't forget that maybe scrapbooking your husband and their dad's lifes might help also. look at all the great times you had. the great memories will always be there. I will always be here for you. 2nephi

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tierd5

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July 28, 2005, 5:21 pm PDT

lost in my own world

Lets see were do I start. I guess with the fact that I was raped 8 years ago and wound up pregnant by the whole ordeal. Four months after the rape the man that I loved more than anything died in a car accident (I also have an older daughter with him). I had my son five months later and when he was a week old my sister died of brain cancer. So needles to say my whole life was turned upside down without a warning. My family refused to talk about my rape they wanted me to just go on. I tried but it was impossible. Then when everything else started no one wanted to talk about it either. I seen a psychiatrist, but it wasn't enough I needed my family.

A year after my sister died I started dating a man that I thought would be there for me and I married him, but he's not. I used to love him, but I don't anymore. I still have feelings for a man that is no longer alive, and I am trying to make my husband into him. My husband however doesn't think that there is anything wrong.

How am I suppose to move on knowing that I cant have a man that died almost 8 years ago??

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2nephi

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July 28, 2005, 9:00 pm PDT

going forward

Quote From: tierd5

Lets see were do I start. I guess with the fact that I was raped 8 years ago and wound up pregnant by the whole ordeal. Four months after the rape the man that I loved more than anything died in a car accident (I also have an older daughter with him). I had my son five months later and when he was a week old my sister died of brain cancer. So needles to say my whole life was turned upside down without a warning. My family refused to talk about my rape they wanted me to just go on. I tried but it was impossible. Then when everything else started no one wanted to talk about it either. I seen a psychiatrist, but it wasn't enough I needed my family.

A year after my sister died I started dating a man that I thought would be there for me and I married him, but he's not. I used to love him, but I don't anymore. I still have feelings for a man that is no longer alive, and I am trying to make my husband into him. My husband however doesn't think that there is anything wrong.

How am I suppose to move on knowing that I cant have a man that died almost 8 years ago??

you need to talk about this and get some support from a family member like a grandma, cousin, aunt, uncle,ETC. if you can't I see by reading your currant husband sounds like a great support system. but not talking about it will not make it any better. you need to get it out so you can heal from the rape. and loving a dead husband is ok but just don't make your currant into him. your currant husband is his own being and can bring so much more to your life if you let him. sure you can remember your husband before and the great memories you had those you can't forget. :) Let your currant husband be himself and he could be the support you need to ge thru all this and sounds like you still need counseling also. But talking to someone or a group would help you. you can't sweep this under the rug and hope this gets better like your family hopews it would. you need to pray to god to God also and ask of him all these questions you have and I know you will get answers if you just learn to listen. God always answers. But please go to for couseling as you still need to talk about all this still. You have a wonderful husband who will support you, it will be hard, but he is his own person ,and if you let him show you wow what a wonderful couple you both will be. I know it can happen. it takes works but you can do. . 2nephi

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101160

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July 30, 2005, 3:23 pm PDT

EVERYONE

HI THERE ALL.I WAS READING SOME POSTS AND THOUGHT I WOULD SAY HOW SORRY I AM THAT THERE HAS BEEN LOST IN ANY OF YOUR LIVES.WE HAD ALOT OF LOSTS THIS PASS YEAR I LOST MY GRANDMOTHER AND 2 UNCLES AND MY HUSBAND LOST HIS MOM AND 2 UNCLES AND 1 AUNT TOO SO WE HAD OUR FAIR SHARE TOO .I HAVE A POST IN THE DEPRESSION BOARDS THAT IS ARCHIVE READ ONLY.ITS JUST LIKE THIS BOARD ONLY ITS IN THE ARCHIVES OUT AT THE BOARD THAT SHOWS MESSAGE BOARDS ON TOP OF HERE IF NO ONE KNOWS ABOUT THEM .JUST CLICK ON MESSAGE BOARDS AND IT WILL BRING YOU OUT THERE TO READ ARCHIVE BOARDS AND YOU LOOK THE SAME AS YOU WOULD HERE.THANKS ALL MY PRAYERS ARE WITH YOU ALL GOD BLESS AND TAKE CARE.CATHY

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bevilma

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July 31, 2005, 12:38 pm PDT

Drunk Driver's Suck!!

My uncle was hit by a drunk driver July 15. He was on his motorcycle driving home when a guy hit him going 70 m.p.h. My uncle was not wearing a helmet but somehow survived. The accident happened at 2:30 in the morning. He was released from the hospital by 8:30 although he could not even stand up. For 5 days we took care of him as best we could. He was even brought back to another hospital 2 days later by ambulance, it took 2 hrs. for E.M.S to get him in the truck. Again he was let go after only a couple of hrs. and very few tests, returned by E.M.S sice he still could not walk. He died 1 day and 1/2 later at 3 in the morning. He was 43, a teacher, husband, and father of three girls ages 8, 10, and 25. We buried him on his daughter's 25th b-day. The guy spent one night in jail for a P.I. He had no insurance, and his license had been suspended since 1999. He claimed another person was driving but, didn't know his name. The druck was released to him without ever having any fingerprinting done. He had his truck stripped within 4 days and is still walking (probably driving) around as a free man today.

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bukieboy

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August 2, 2005, 9:48 am PDT

suidcide of son

Quote From: andreamg57

I know and understand you...... My thoughts and prayers are with you always

I understand your pain and guilt. My son died of sucide in 2000. I am the one who found him. I feel tremendous guilt and it seems no one understands. Even mental health doctors say "get over it" But how does a mother do that? In my mind I know it was not my fault but my heart just aches and tells me something different.

I just wanted to let you know that there is someone out here that understands how you are feeling. I get so tired of people lecturing me on what I NEED to do and what I NEED to feel. They have not been through this horrible madness and they do not know how I feel.

Somedays are better and somedays are worse.

Peace and Love to you.

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jellybelly

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August 2, 2005, 8:17 pm PDT

grief

Quote From: bukieboy

I understand your pain and guilt. My son died of sucide in 2000. I am the one who found him. I feel tremendous guilt and it seems no one understands. Even mental health doctors say "get over it" But how does a mother do that? In my mind I know it was not my fault but my heart just aches and tells me something different.

I just wanted to let you know that there is someone out here that understands how you are feeling. I get so tired of people lecturing me on what I NEED to do and what I NEED to feel. They have not been through this horrible madness and they do not know how I feel.

Somedays are better and somedays are worse.

Peace and Love to you.

i gave a daughter up for adoption 26 years ago . she commited sucide in 1996. i just in the last 5 years found out . the parents did not want me to know. then they wouldnt tell me the location of the cementry. i know it wasnt my fault, but it was.. i feel that if i had of done things differently that she would still be here. i strugle with this every day and night.. i hear a song that makes me think about her and here i go again. like how do you get so lonley. by blake larson. it just tears me up.. like the song how could i not know... did i not tell her i loved her... know what i didnt. i couldnt even hold her because i knew if i did i would never let her go.. she did deserve better than what i could of ever give her. i guess i should get over it and let it go but i cant .. i did not ever get to tell her why and that i did love her more than i could ever imangion.. this was the hardest thing i ever had to do was give her a chance. if i had known that my life would of turned out like it did i would never let her go. but i didnt ever see things going any where but where i was at . i was too young to realize that thing do change if you push and try and luck up. but i still blame myself. i will never know her and never see her that is my fault.. i can not get over it i cant talk to any one about this no one hardly knows that i could trust and would understand. it is just one of those things that i have to go alone like the day i signed papers.. the worst day in my life.. just one day at a time......

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Message Boards

Topic : Overcoming Grief

Overcoming Grief

Suicide

lOST MY DAD TO CANCER

coming togethetr as a family

lost in my own world

going forward

EVERYONE

Drunk Driver's Suck!!

suidcide of son

grief