Topic : Overcoming Grief

Hi my name is Purvi.  I just signed up and this is my very first post: 

In January of 2005 I lost my father to a heart attack.  He was only 56 years old and he had heart problems and he was being treated for them, but one day his heart just gave out.  I remember getting the phone call (my family lives in California and I live in Houston because of school) and getting on a plane as soon as I could to fly home to be with him.  I wrote a eulogy for him and said it at his funeral. 

His birthday in April was hard for me.  Father's Day was hard.  The day we scattered his ashes was hard.  My birthday in November (turned 24) was hard.  Going to India for winter vacation without him was hard, especially going back to his hometown in India.  Trying to help my mom and sisters through this is also very difficult.  It is about a thousand times more difficult when I am here in Houston and the rest of my family is in California.   

Grieving is a process.  It comes and goes, and it will come at any time it wants to.  All you can do when the thoughts come is just feel your feelings and let them pass.  It is like a storm.  I think about my Dad every day, and sometimes I think about sad feelings like how much I miss him, and how I got along a lot better with him than I do with my mom.  And how he was the most loving and sensitive father anybody could ever have.  But other times I remember the fun moments and memories of my Dad.  And it makes me smile because I'm so thankful that I had him for a father, even though I wish he were still here, at least I can be proud enough to know that I will always carry the values that he taught me and I am so proud to be his daughter.  I love it when my relatives tell me I'm "just like my father" because there is nobody else I would rather be like.     

I hope that you find my story and thoughts helpful in some way.  I will be around if you want to talk to me. 

I am a 35 year old female and lost my grandpa suddenly in may 2005.  My grandpa was like my father.and i went to my grandpas house every Sat to just sit and talk. He died on a Sat morning and I didn't go see him that day because......Well there is no excuse as to why I didn't go over I just didn't.  For that I have guilt. I think what id I had gone over could I of helped him.  I was able to help him about 5 years pryor to this when he was having a stroke on a Sat morning and I came to see him and noticed the signs.  He made a full revovery from that.  Which I was so thankful that I was able to be there for him.  That is another reason why I have guilt about not going to see him because I feel I was supposed to be there for him and I wasn't and because of that he was alone.  My mother has taken his death hard and I have tried to keep my pain hiden so that I can help her.  I cry everyday and I have slipped into a depression state.  Everyday I am able to go to work but I can not do anything else.  I do not leave my house on the weekends because it takes me that long to get my self together to go to work the next week. This is the hardest thing I have ever gone through in my life.  I still remember the day my mother called to tell me she had found him.  I have not been able to get past the pain of losing him and the guilt if only I had gone to see him on Sat. 

I thought if I wrote some of my feelings down  that it would help me cope with the pain so forgive me if I am rambling or jumping around. 

I have learned in my life that it is a safe thing for me to hide my feelings and reveal them to noone.  My closest family and friends do not know what I am going through.  They all think I am fine but I am not.  I guess my biggest thing is that I can't get past the thought of never seeing him again.  Everyone told me in the beginning that it will all be ok and the pain will subside but I feel it is just getting worse as the days go by.   

Some of my friends have tried to tell me they know how I feel because they lost the grandparents.  i can't help but think do you really, were your grandparents like parents and did you spend your whole childhood with them because your mother and father were to busy to raise a child.  I answer myself with a NO.  Maybe that is a mean thing to think because maybe they have felt the same pain.  I know there are alot of people who have felt my pain and worse.  I probably should not feel this way but I do.    I know all of my life everyone around me has told me that I am cold because I do not show emotions but that is because in the past when I did they took advantage of that and I built up a wall and have lived with the wall for many many years. 

i do hope being able to write some of feelings down  will help me GET PAST THE PAIN. 

Hi Bambi13:  I lost my Dad to Leukemia 3 years ago 2 months before Christmas.  I just lost my Husband to colon cancer right before Christmas and my Mom had surgery 1 year ago for uterine cancer.  I watched my Husband go through surgery  after surger after chemotherapy for 6 years trying to beat the cancer.  Even though it's been 2 months the hurt is still there.  I can't even imagine what it is like for you with so much loss.  Hold tight to your faith to get you through.  Sometimes it feels like we can't take anymore and then we find out we can take a little more.  Sometimes it feels like I have had enough, I'm done.  Then something tells me that tomorrow will be better.  Sometimes it is, sometimes it isn't.  All we can ask for is the strength to go on one more day at a time. 

thank you so much. I am still trying to find something good in all this. I'm sorry about your daughter. I hope we all have some good days soon! 

                                                                                  Angie 

Please tell Dennis to e-mail Richard Simmons at SimmonsSirius@aol.com, there is a place in Far Rockaway New York that helps obese people. unforunately we didn't know of this place until after my son died! My heart goes out to Dennis! The dr. couldn't find any reason to why Shane was over weight. He had lots of tests, but no answers. I have 3 other children, a son 22, a son 19, and a daughter 16. My heart is so broken that I feel numb. I pray that God will ease all this pain very soon. Thank you so much for caring ! 

                                                               Angie