Topic : Overcoming Grief

maybe you should ask your mother about it first.....but i think you have to be prepared for whatever it might say.........i am very sorry to say this and please no insult is intended ! but at the age of 14 , it is still sometimes hard to comprehend adult problems....maybe your mother can fill you in on some of the dteails if they are not too hard to understand.........I an sure they are not trying to forget about him, but maybe it is for different reasons than you think...I know when you are left to assume something that you are not sure about we all too often tend to make it something it isn't.....take care and I hope you can resolve this issue.....

     Here is my story. My dad got diagnosed with throat cancer about 8 years ago. Not long after my little boy was born. I felt at the time that I could deal with everything I knew he would have to go through. As the time went on I seen him spiritually and physically getting weaker. I am a certified nursing assistant so I felt like I could really deal with it.  

     He went through the radiation, surgeries etc. But if anyone knows sometimes it is just not capable of getting all the cancer out. I spent a lot of time with him cuz I knew that there was a time when I wouldn't see him no more.  

     Over time a hospital bed was in the livingroom and my mom and I were cleaning his trache and giving him the morphine that he needed. He was quite ill on Thanksgiving Day and I asked him what he was thankful for. He looked up at me and told me what he was thankful for and then he told me. I only have one wish. I want to spend Christmas with all of you.  

    As the time came closer to Christmas I myself was praying that if he could just have his one last wish. On Christmas Eve we were all together. Of course, with the illness that he had it wasn't the happiest Christmas. We knew that he was not going to be with us much more.  

     The day after Christmas I helped him to the bed because he said he was tired. The nurse was going to be there in about an hour so I didn't think too much of it. I was sitting in the livingroom when the nurse showed up. She came out of the bedroom and said. We need the ambulance right now. My dad was taken to the hospital. Excactly where he didn't want to go. His face and neck area had swollen up so much he couldn't breathe.  

     Two days after Christmas I had to place him into the nursing home where I have worked for 14 years. It was on a cold friday morning he got admitted. It is a very wonderful nursing home. My boss let me take the time off. I was there nonstop friday and saturday. On saturday night he was laying in bed and told me to go home to get some rest and that he was ok. I went home. On Sunday morning the phone rang. My friend in which was the nurse that day called me to tell me that I needed to get there quick. All day Sunday he was in a lot of pain. I then asked the nurse to give him something to calm him down cause he was just too anxious. Around 8 p.m. he was laying there in bed with my mom and I holding his hand. From being around dying people I know when it is almost time. I looked at him holding his hand  and told him that I would take care of mom and she would be fine. I then told him that he couldn't leave me unless he kept a special spot next to him in heaven. He closed his eyes and went to heaven. I knew it would be hard to see him leave but that was the hardest thing in life I ever had to do.  

     Soon after the death of my daddy I got a divorce. I moved in with my mom to help her out and she was my support also.  

     I am still living in the same apartment where my daddy was ill. I just feel as long as I stay there Im not really leaving him.  

     The death of my father has actually killed me in a way cuz he was my whole world. I left the job where I was at though. I couldn't walk into the room where he died.  

     How do people overcome the pain and the hurt of losing someone so special. I would love to hear from anyone who could help in any way???? My email address is ssmith53589@hotmail.com or shawner_1971@yahoo.com 

First, I would like to say how sorry I am for all of your losses. I lost my 15 year old sister 5 years ago in a car accident (she would be turning 21 this March). I just wanted to share a resource that helped me get through my grief with the people here also grieving the lost of a sibling. The Adult Siblings group on Yahoo! When I joined, five years ago, it was on e-groups and has since moved to Yahoo! It is really a wonderful group. You can choose to have the group messages e-mailed to you to make it more convenient to read and send replies and there are some really great people on there. Everyone in the group, as the name suggests, has lost one or more siblings. I think that too often there are not enough resources for people who have lost sibs. There are plenty of parent support groups and children, but we sibs seem to be the lost sector. I suggest if you are looking for fellowship with others who have been where you are, or will be soon, you join the group.

once i had a friend she was aleast 20 or 21.she was diagnosed with cancer and oneday i was out skating and my cell phone stared ringing so i answered it and it was my other friend leslie.so she was crying and told me that my friend was dying and i better get the hospital fast.so i ran out the skating as fast can could and got to the hospital.so my dying friend requested to see me so i went in there and she was so sick and all i could do was cry.and the last words she said to me before she died was ''YOU ARE PRETTY.''WHEN YOUR DOWN LOOK UP.ILL BE THERE WATCHING YOU.''so i just stared crying worse and she told me not to cry.then the rest of the people came and thats when she took one more look around at us and died.i was so heart-broken.now i still cant get over that she died on a friday.now is like on fridays i dont wanna do anything but sit home in the dark.what should i do?

Hi everyone, 

Just wanted everyone to know that I lost my dear precious nephew Jace on June 12, 05. He had an enlarged heart valves that was never detected until after he died. He was only 5 weeks old. His death was so unbelievable for me. I mourned his death and still do. I felt like I was in a "hole".  Going to his funeral was the hardest thing I ever had to do. I have lost my Mother but losing a baby is so much different. He was so beautiful and it was such a shock. I didn't know what to say to my sister. In the short weeks he was here I developed a close bond to him. I miss him terribly but I know he is an angel in heaven. 

oh dear im so sorry and please except me deep deep sorries.i know dealing with death is very hard and losing your mother is worse.yes you do have to relize that the baby is up in heaven now.and i know how it feels because my mother had lost my older sister.she only lived 5 minutes then she was gone.i never knew her or met her.so if you ever wanna talk or have something on your mind you could find me on the depression boards ok.byes.

 *hugs* to you.  It is so hard to lose anyone and there's just something even more painful when it's such a new innocent life.  As far as what to say to your sister, your message on here was extremely heartfelt and I bet if she knew you were grieving with her, it might help ease her pain.  I think she's lucky to have a sister who cares so much about her and her child.

not sure.....    I was wondering if anyone has any advice on my first posting, I am soooo sad as to what has been taking place, and with the holidays coming it is getting very hard to deal with, all the losses and this situation with my brother, any advice? My first post went unanswered and i am still not sure....

How I do hate that word "widow".  It makes me feel so old.  But my 6 months of being one will be tomorrow.  I understand, believe me.  My husband was healthy, but he smoked, and I always worried he'd suffer from emphazema someday and not be able to breathe.  Little did I know that he'd never make it that far and that his heart was much worse off than his lungs.  He did love you, and he would never have left of his own accord.  It's just that sometimes we don't realize what we're doing to ourselves or to those around us and we think we can "handle" it.  My husband was only 54 years old and I really planned on a lot more years together.  He knew he needed to quick smoking, but there was just something that couldn't let him do it.  I look at it this way -- if he had quit, how long would he actually have gained?  He'd have needed to quit 20 years ago to do any real good.  At least he was happy and enjoying his life right up to the very end.  Yeah, I'm alone now and missing him more than I ever thought possible, but I'm happy for him.  He didn't suffer, he was happy, we were happy, and I have tons of wonderful memories.  I feel as though he's still with me every day and I just do whatever I have to do for myself to get through each and every day.  I'm going to start with a bereavement support group at the Hospice in our area and that might be something you'll want to consider, too.  Good luck, we'll get through this, like it or not.

well thank you so much that made me feel so much better today i needed that.