In 1978 I had an abortion, the lost of this child haunts me today. In 1990 I was married and pregnant with my third child when I miscarried in my 12th week. I became very depressed. I thought God was punishing me for aborting my child by first child. I aborted my first child at 12 weeks, I know that that was taking a child I wanted from me, because I took a life He gave me. I became so depressed I neglected my 2 year old daughter. I was crying alone in my room, my daughter was somewhere playing. When I was crying I asked God why he took my child, I have nothing to live for now. The house became very quiet, and I could not hear my daughter playing anymore. I went looking for her, I could not find her anywhere. The doors were all locked I knew she was not outside. Then I noticed a toy outside the fridge, I yelled Oh my God. I open the fridge and my daughter was facing inside the fridge not moving. I grab her and hugged her, she took a deep breath and started crying. I thanked God for her life, He showed me then and there what I had to live for, she was my baby safe and sound in my arms. My grief turn to joy.
Nine years ago I lost my father, my mother has take up with someone new. I cannot accept this new relationship. I love my father and miss him very much. I cannot let him go. I am still grieving him. I became pregnant wtih my fifth child, soon after my father died. I did not truely grieve him then. I had a preqnancy and then a child to take care of. I always imagined that my dad was away on a trip and would sood return. It was not until my mother started dating and then meet this new man, which soon moved in with her. He wanted to give fatherly advice and be grandfather to my children. NO WAY no one could be that but my dad. All this made me have to realize that my dad was not coming back, he was dead, not going to walk though the door. I went into full blown grief, I cried, told my mother not to bring her new man to my house. I hated him, even though he made my mother very happy, and she was no longer alone. I would see her kiss him and the pain in my heart and soul was so intense I could not sleep at night. My family was suffering, and worried about me. My husband had losted both his parents and I could not support him. He was going though grief and stress too. He was unemployed and could not provide for his family, I was not there for him. My children needed a mother and I could not mother them. My husband has since gotten outside help, my oldest daughter now sees someone. I personally can't get help, yes I take medication, counsoling I can't do right now. I realize I must be strong now for my kids and husband when they are ok then I can seek help. So here I am reaching out to all of you. Grief is a terrrible pain and can be destructive if not dealt wtih right away. Thanks for giving me this outlet. Many thanks from Maria O
