Hi, this is my first time posting. I have had a very tough year, but as I read through some of the other postings I realize that there are many of us out there. It is nice to have a place I can go to talk to people who understand.
I was in a car accident last year while I was about 3 months pregnant. I ended up with back and neck injuries and had a ultrasound, but the baby seemed to be fine. We were so excited to be having our first child, we waited until we were married and were completely ready. I suffered with back and neck pain and went to many doctors and was in physical therapy. Due to the pregnancy I was not able to take any type of drugs to help and was in constant pain. I was limited with my job and the pain was horrible, but I was trying to preoccupy my time with the excitement of our first child. One day in December I woke up and was in the worst pain. I called my doctor and let her know that my back was hurting the worst it has and that there was no way of me getting comfortable. The only comfort was a bath. Later that evening the back pain started to turn into lower stomach pain. I called my doctor and rushed to the emergency room. There was no stopping the labor, she was coming way to early. I delivered all natural and she was rushed to the NICU unit to be checked. I was then told I could go see my new baby girl. We wanted a girl, but did not want to spoil the surprise and never found out. She was tiny and had to stay in the NICU unit, but my husband and I were there ever minute possible. Things seemed to be going okay, but her lungs were not completely developed. She was a tough little girl and the most beautiful baby I have seen (and that is not just cause she is mine-hehe). She seem okay until one morning the doctor called us early to give us news, I knew there was something wrong and we got there as soon as possible. She was not doing very well and he wanted us to spend her last minutes with us. We ended up sitting in a room alone with our daughter and held her as she passed away. At 24 I never thought I would have to plan a funeral for my daughter and to make it worse, our life insurance policy we had gotten was not going to be paid because she did not live over 14 days. This has been a huge loss for us and have both suffered great depression as a result. I then found out that I had reoccurring chronic Mono and Parvo, which left me completely tired, achy and all together frustrated with my life. I have been on more medications in the last year and seem more doctors than I have in my entire life. All of these issues and some that I haven't even discussed have put a strain on myself, my marriage and finances.
Sorry for the long story, but I just don't feel like I will ever be the same. I tried to stay positive, but it just seems like one thing after another. I know many of you have gone through situations that have left you with the same feelings I am having. Is there hope for me?
