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Topic : Overcoming Grief

Number of Replies: 1337
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Created on : Friday, July 01, 2005, 04:53:58 pm
Author : dataimport
Grieving profound loss can be devastating, but it is a natural process. Share your grief with others and find support to help you recover.

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June 23, 2009, 8:19 pm CDT

breaking point

i'm at my breaking point right now!!! my mother needs to change she with my uncle yep my dead fathers brother then second he died she was with him and she can't figure out that he treats her lik crap and i hate that when i try to help her she gets mad at me i mean she won't listen to me and i can't tell anyone else about anything thats going on not even my moms really close friend who knew me since i was born she threatend to basically shun me from her if i told her and i don't kno what to do i mean its either it changes or i become emo (cutter)

help!!!

 
June 23, 2009, 8:31 pm CDT

Overcoming Grief

Quote From: janedamaid

Three years ago my Dad was diagnosed with Myleodysplasia a incurable blood disease, also known as pre-Leukemia.  We were all devastated as he was such a strong healthy stable force in our family. I have never come to terms with his illness, and for the past 3 years have been on such a roller coaster of emotions....Elated when he was doing well to being heartbroken when he wasn't.  On June 23rd, my Dad peacefully passed away in his bed at home.  I am so absolutely devastated by this, and have no idea how to deal with him being gone.  No matter how old you are, I am in my late 30's and the mother of two school aged children.....Your parents are still your parents, and I really miss my Dad so much.   How do you ever overcome such a loss???

hi

my father died 2 years ago on june 4th not from the same reason as your father. i am 14 years old and my father was my whole life and i hate to say it but i don't think you will ever overcome the loss of such an important figure in your life i think that you can only live your life to the best you can but something that helped me and i'm not sure if it will help you or not but going to a phycologist and figuring out how your feeling and getting a new perspective of what your feeling really helped me. But eventually you will get to the point were you can say this was a sad time in my life but i'm going to make him proud and live my life as a tribute to him and to yourself but you WILL find a way to deal with what your feel. i hope this helped

-luldp1

 
June 25, 2009, 3:19 pm CDT

My Father passed 12-23-2008

My 88-year-old father passed away on December 23, 2008, with me at his side.  He had prostate cancer, diabetes, congestive heart failure, and pulmonary fibrosis.  Two months before he died, his liver began shutting down. 

 

I was there for him the last few days of his life, singing Christian songs to him, and telling him it was okay to let go, that I would always love him and never forget him.  It wasn't until I told him that I was my sister Jean (who died at 6 weeks of age) and that I was there to take him home that he finally let go and died.

 

Dr. Phil opened my eyes today -- when I remember my Father, I remember him on his death bed, and I remember his dying.  I now know I need to concentrate more on the special memories of my Father and celebrate this wonderful man that I was so blessed to have as my Father, and to let go of the grief.

 

I still love him, always will.  I still remember him, always will.  I still miss him, always will.  But I know I will see him again someday when I pass on.

 

Thank you Dr. Phil for the show on 6-25-09 on grief.  You are such a blessing to so many of us!

 
June 26, 2009, 12:59 pm CDT

death

i am new to this, but ill try the best i can do. I was 16 at the time and i was best friends with this guy. We had a wonderful connection, he was the type of guy i loved to spend time with. We never went out but we became very close personal friends. On Jan. 11, 2007, i had just come home from school when i received a call from a friend that he had passed away. His body was found on train tracks the night before. No one knows how he dies, the train did not hit him but he has bruises all over his body. The autopsy report said that he died from a hit to the head. That was it. No one knew how he got there and no one knew why. Its been two years since he died. I still have days were I dont believe that he has passed away. But i have now understood i cant anything about it. The one thing i am terrified about is forgetting him. His death was the most pain i've ever felt, i never experienced death until that day. My grieving was hard because i had to be tough for his family and friends. I feel like through out the years, im going to forget him. Im worried that in 5 or 10 years, im not going to remember him. Now its a fresh wound, i think about him every day, i leave him comments on his myspace like if he was still alive because i feel like that is the only connection that i have with him. I feel like i wont remember him. it hurts that i feel that. and i feel really bad and it hurts me that i believe that. i would like to know if thats normal, or is it something that everyone fears. Thanks for reading.
 
June 29, 2009, 3:09 am CDT

That is encouraging.

Quote From: eddiebugger

My 88-year-old father passed away on December 23, 2008, with me at his side.  He had prostate cancer, diabetes, congestive heart failure, and pulmonary fibrosis.  Two months before he died, his liver began shutting down. 

 

I was there for him the last few days of his life, singing Christian songs to him, and telling him it was okay to let go, that I would always love him and never forget him.  It wasn't until I told him that I was my sister Jean (who died at 6 weeks of age) and that I was there to take him home that he finally let go and died.

 

Dr. Phil opened my eyes today -- when I remember my Father, I remember him on his death bed, and I remember his dying.  I now know I need to concentrate more on the special memories of my Father and celebrate this wonderful man that I was so blessed to have as my Father, and to let go of the grief.

 

I still love him, always will.  I still remember him, always will.  I still miss him, always will.  But I know I will see him again someday when I pass on.

 

Thank you Dr. Phil for the show on 6-25-09 on grief.  You are such a blessing to so many of us!

I am sorry for your loss. I lost my mom march 27, 2007. I know I will never be able to find another person that had so much love for me and so much committment to her role as parent. There are many thoughts that pass my mind that make me feel very sad - I hope the word is more introspective, yet it feels like a pain that rattles my whole being. I miss my mom so much I sometimes can't even stand it.

 

I try to look for her in the flowers, trees, birds, little children, in the sick and the well, in my friends and in my enemies. She was my support network for well, all my life.  It is so difficult thinking I will have to get along without her.   I don't believe I am depressed, but I sure do feel it sometimes.

 

But like you say, now, when you remember your dad, you can remember him and use it to make you a better person. One that even if is not here to see it, you are committed to living out his legacy. Isn't that a beautiful thing?  Now we live apart from them, but they are in us and we continue on with a passion for life, in their memory.  God bless.  

 
July 3, 2009, 11:09 pm CDT

Still grieving after all these years.

Basically, I've been grieving since 2002, when May 6th, my grandpa, who had always been there for me, was killed on his morning walk, by a woman who was driving, and she had also been doing drugs. I was at school, and for 2 weeks before then, I had been having this dream about him dying, but with my dreams, I never know when, so when my sister and her husband picked me up from school, I had been having a bad feeling the whole time, and I just had to ask."What happened? Who died?" and my sister just said."there was an accident, it's grandpa" and I tried to hold myself together, until we got to the hospital, where my mom was in the waiting room, and I just hugged her tightly, I could tell that she had been crying, the police had gone to her job, and took her to the hospital. I was a wreak, I couldn't stop crying, I didn't want to go to school, but I went for the last week or more for my tests, I had a hard time trying not to cry while I was at school, it just killed me inside. And then 2 years ago on July 17th, my nephew's birthday, my sister called, extremely upset, telling me that she was on her way, and that he had to talk. I was worried of course, and then I found out that the only man that had been a father to me in my life, my step father had died of a heart attack early that morning, he was in his late 40's. The 2 hardest funerals I ever had to go to, with my grandpa, I just cried, and walked silently out of the room, but with my step father, I ran crying from the room, past his body, into my mother's arms where I cried for hours, unable to stop. But the most recent has really been the worst I believe, on June, 28th, 2009, one of my greatest, and dearest friends commited suicide after all that she had been through. Unlike the others, her's didn't sink in until hours later, and that's when the crying began all over again. I stopped eating, started smoking even more than what I was, and everytime I even talked about it, saw her picture, or heard a song that reminded me of her, I would cry. I wanna know how I'm going to deal with this most recent loss. Any advice is welcome, as well as prayers.
 
July 16, 2009, 8:31 am CDT

Overcoming Grief

Quote From: nanm916

It is so difficult to loose your spouse suddenly.  I lost my husband 8 years ago and it was sudden.  He went to work that day fine and by 2:00 in the afternoon I get a call from his boss saying they found my husband on the ground face down in water not breathing and no pulse.  He went into cardiac arrest and because they couldn't get him intibated in time, he was brain damaged.  They got his heart back into normal rythum (sp?) but it took over 30 minutes to get him intibated.  My husband was in a coma for two weeks and then I had to make the decision of having him lie in a coma and hope that he may come out of it but be in a vegetative state or allow the doctors to administer morphine to him and shut his organs down.  It was the hardest decision I have ever had to make in my life and to this day I feel like I may have allowed the doctors to kill him.  He never came out of the coma and we were together for 25 years and had been married for 23 years.  He was my buddy, my best friend and I was on disability at the time and he died with no life insurance so I was in one financial mess after his death.  I think you are numb for the first couple of years from a sudden death of a spouse with alot of would haves and should haves racing through your mind.  Then you are angry at the world and saying "Why me and why my husband" and then depression sets in and you feel like life isn't worth anything and you become isolated because people including family feel you need to pull up your boot straps and get over it and I so wish it was that simple.  It has taken me this long to finally realize that my husband is gone and is not coming back and that life does go on and I finally have come to remember the good times instead the horrible sight I saw in the ER of my husband on life support having seizures due to the brain damage and with a neck brace on because he had fallen off the truck he drove when he went into the cardiac arrest.  It was a sight I thought I would never see in my life and it was embedded in my head for so many years.  I would see him like that in my sleep.  I was angry at myself for not being able to save him or make him wake up with my words of I love you and I want you to wake up.  Everyone grieves at their own pace and I have my story of those two weeks on my website for people to read and I have gotten so much e-mail saying that it was so nice to know that they were not the only ones who felt that way and it was a relief to know that there was a light at the end of this horrible tunnel you go through in your grieving process.  I still miss him terribly and on holidays I still have problems but I don't hide off and feel sorry for myself anymore.  I just see my boys and see their father in them and enjoy that fact.  My youngest looks exactly like his father when I first met him and he is just like his father, very loving and caring.  All our boys have that loving and caring trait of their father and it's wonderful to see them keep it going through their own children.  It's a hard road but it does get better..

First of all I would like to extend my sympathy to you and your family.

 

I, too, have lost my spouse who was only 49.  He was battling liver disease for several years, being in and out of hospitals 5 different times.  I blame him and the doctors for not taking life seriously enough.  He always thought he had more time than his liver was going to give him.  When he found out that he wasn't going to make it based on his lifestyle he chose, he decided to give living a try.  Unfortunately he couldn't predict that he would develop a hernia that needed immediate surgery because it had wrapped around his intestines in his stomach causing bile not to pass. I tried telling the doctors that his liver couldn't take too many drugs, but they didn't listen.  He was actually doing pretty well in the hospital, but when the 5th day came along, he started getting dillusional.  He barely recognized me and pushed me away.  He then later slipped into a coma which he never came out of.  For 2 weeks I sat by his bedside begging and pleading with him to wake up, but he never did.  I've always wondered if he didn't want to because he thought of me as a bad wife.   When the doctors finally came around to see me they told me that his organs were shutting down.  That all fluids going into his body were just coming out BLACK.  Obviously that is not a good sign.  I, too, had to make the decision of letting the doctors give him morphine so he could go on to his next life.  It wasn't too hard of a decision to make since we both had discussed these things in the past and we both didn't want to make family suffer by watching for a lengthy period of time.  I re-live every day, every moment ALL the time.  While I drive the car, while I'm exercising, while I'm walking, while I'm eating, while I take showers, while I dress, while I feed the dog and cat, and when I socialize, but never do I dream about it.  I have been numb since he died, and the little smiles and laughs that do come out of me are totally fake.  When people ask me how I'm doing I say fine, because I do so so others don't worry about me.  You see, I'm the caregiver and peacemaker of the family.  Besides, family and friends don't want to be with you when you can't cope and when all you do is cry and want to talk about the deceased.  My problem that I am having is that I have never in my life lived by myself so this is so new to me.  I have no motivation as my husband was my motivator.  I walk around in circles not knowing what to do.  My husband had a small life insurance policy (he didn't believe in them and he didn't know about because I took it out) that just covered his funeral and marker.  The house was in his name only.  He had no will.  Now the house is in probate as well as everything else he owned that was in his name.  I am about to be taxed 6% of the total assets that was in his name and I have to pay an attorney 3% of the assets as well for handling something that I could have done myself but was to ignorant to know.  I lost my job less than 6 months after his death, so I have a lot of time on my hands to think about all the horrors we went through in the hospital.  I have lots of time to think of who is to blame.  I also have plenty of time to try to figure out what I'm going to do financially as the remaining mortgage needs to be refinanced and without a job I'll be forced to sell my house.  I am finding that I am not healing like most people do, but I am developing an anger that is turning into rage for all the wrongs that happened to him, to me and my supposedly called "life" that I am left with.  I have had thoughts of suicide as I'm worth more dead than alive at this point, but I find myself not doing this because I do have my daughter and step-daughter and my 6 grandkids with 2 more coming into the world.  Only wish they were in my life more, but I'll take what I can get.  It hasn't been quite 10 months for me, so I am assuming the reason why I cry more each day is because I'm just not accepting the fact that he is dead.  I'm wondering when things will get better.  My heart aches oh so much.

 
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