Hi I am a 23 year old mother of 5, I am a wife, a daughter, I don't really have many friends, and I can't seem to figure out who the heck I am! The past three years have been a complete roller coaster for me. I was in a very mentally abusive relationship, with a man, I suffered, my daughter suffered, and so did he I am sure. Anyway, that ended with me being pregnant with his child, and he and my best girlfriend of four years moving in together the day of the breakup. My mother has been in poor health for most of my life, she started to get really sick the last four months before the horrible breakup. She had a heartattack and ended up in a coma for two weeks, she was declared brain dead, we took her off life support, but she hung on. I gave permission to get her a pacemaker, and took care of her for a long time. When she started to gain independence, my newest baby was about four weeks old, then my father was hit by a truck while he was riding his motorcycle. I remember the call from the hospital, he called, asked me to call his partner, to tell him he can't make it to work tomorrow, and if I could bring him some nicatine patches. I didn't know the extent of his injuries until I got to the hospital, he had broken collar bone, pelvis ,arm, squished bladder, and so much more, he was in his hospital bed for three weeks, me, my daughter and my new son, had to do everything from pay bills, to rent walkers. When he got out, I helped as much as I could, between caring for him and my mother, I barely had time for my kids. I think there was a short period of noone being ill or hurt, but my mother was losing her mind, forgetting to take her life saving meds and ending up in the emerg. I was needing support, and love, so I went online in search of a friend. I found one, we didnt take things slow, we were living together with my 2 kids, and his 2 kids within one month. I turned in to primary caregiver of four kids, and my mom. Things went ok for a few months, frustrating, but nothing I couldn't handle. Then I found out I was pregnant, my youngest was only 7 months, so now stress has jumped sky high. I was nervous to tell my parents, scared of their reaction. In the meantime, weird things are going on at home. My boyfriend is partying alot, money is going missing, we moved because we could not afford the rent. Not 5 days after the move, he goes out and doesnt come home. I call the cops, cause he's drinknig and driving in my car, they found him, and called me to get my car, so I did. He comes back, very drunk, very high on something, and very angry. There's yelling and throwing furniture, and a couple of shoves ( I was four months preggo). So I call the cops again, he goes to jail, and gets charged. Well I am to find out through many different people that he was drugged by his cousin because he wanted to be with me. So time passed, he went to recovery, and we are back together, which now is so good he is clean and so good to me. We moved again, my parents are doing pretty good now, it's two weeks after the move, I am getting ready for my daughters birthday, that is the next day, the day my parents are coming for dinner, we will celebrate, and I am telling them that I am going to have another baby. Knock, knock on the door, it's my dad, crying, told me my mom had died this morning. Now I am in shock, I have to put it on hold and concentrate on my daughters party, then my son's birthday, then court battles for my step-sons, my partner losing his job, being pregnant. So it ends up being August, she died in March. We find out that we lose the boys to their biological mother who left them, we had to hand them over one week before our newest baby was born. No time to grieve for them either, now I am having a baby.
Now it's Dec. my baby is three months old, our boys have been gone for the same time, my mom has been dead for nine months, I just found out that my uncle is dying of a brain tumor, and only wants to see me, and I have not had a relationship with him since I was four. How do I deal with this, grieve, and find myself, I think I have lost her forever..
