Topic : Overcoming Grief

I don't know if feeling lost comes here anymore to read.  

Odd how I picked the name reallylost.  

My husband recently commit suicide also. My life & world make no sense at all anymore.  

I walk around in my body but nothing feels real anymore. .....only the pain. My mind spins so fast. 

I do not blame myself. I understand it was his choice. But, I can get so lost in the empathy of how he was feeling & takes me deep in that pain. That part of it makes me think & re-think anything that I could have done differently to help him. I think the answer is no.  

When my mind can leave the pain he was feeling alone...it brings me back to my pain & trying to cope with it. It's too horrific. Totally reality has not set in for me yet. A place in my mind just can't comprehend how or why he could do this. We loved eachother. We were best friends. It was other stuff. But how could he do this & leave me with all this pain.  

Everyday I want to join him. Everyday I am exhausted with coping. I haven't found that one thing yet that makes me want to hang on.  

I could write a book on all the I feel. All that I fear. But I just don't even have the energy to try & think.  

I am so sorry for your loss. I can't even begin to imagine how you feel. Some internet resources that may be useful (and please let everyone know if they are or if they're not) 

http://www.selfhealingexpressions.com/suicide_survivor.shtml 

http://www.survivingsuicide.com/widow.htm 

I went & looked at those 2 sites you gave me. The bottom one in particular has alot of good info in it.  

Thank you for sharing them with me.  

Surviving the loss of a loved one to suicide leaves you feeling so alone. Many friends can't understand what "we" feel. The grief is so complex. We have to deal with the shock for of what they did....then the horror of the reality. In my case...the method was horrific. It's hard to even let your mind deal with it....even though it's there in your thoughts 24/7. 

Thank you for the feedback. I can't even begin to imagine all the emotions that you must be feeling. As a friend, I know that my response is to just be there for whatever is needed and to not take it personally when my grieving friend needs to be alone. Grief is so personal and it can just be so so lonely. One great thing about the internet is that people who might otherwise truly be alone, especially at night or when the house is empty during the day, can have someone to talk to. 

My thoughts are with you. 

Another resource on spousal suicide that may be helpful: 

No Time to Say Goodbye: Surviving the Suicide of a Loved One by Carla Fine. Her husband committed suicide. This is available through amazon.com and there are excerpts from the book on the amazon website. Carla Fine also has her own website and the book is available there, too. http://www.carlafine.com/ 

I went & looked at her site.  

This is going to sound pathetic, but there's not even a proper library around here.  

And I am so financely distressed I can't afford to buy these books.  (not trying to sound whiney...just stating a fact)  

That's part of my even getting help. So far out in the country...and pinching pennies so tightly to even just get by.  

Walls....nothing but brick walls.  

So websites with helpful ideas is good.  

I appreciate your posting them for me.  

thank you. 

Hi - how are you doing today? Is there a library near you? Oftentimes, if your local library doesn't have a book that you want, you can get it on an interlibrary loan. 

There's another book that I found called After Daniel: a Suicide Survivor's Tale. I found it on this website: http://www.suicideinfo.ca/csp/go.aspx?tabid=158  This is a Canadian based website and there is information on it about interlibrary loans. 

You are a gem.  

Today is a horrid day for me. Just no peace.  

It was a ...do I take a bath, one pill & a nap....or just take a whole bunch of pills day.  

There's an online meeting tonight so I hope I calm down abit.  

I am checking out these sites you are finding form me. I have a list going of the books also.  

One of the sites, a lady got back to me...just a note of encouragement. She also recommended one of the books you suggested.  

I really do thank you for finding these things for me. I've been feeling so "left on my own" to find my way. And I am so far down that I can't do that.  

thank you.   

I'm happy to find things for you. I'm one of those people who love to do research. Most other lawyers think I'm nuts because I like to research and write but that's what I love the most. 

Because of you, I am learning about the array of emotions that a spouse has when the other spouse commits suicide. Of course, you wish that you weren't the catalyst for me learning these things. I wish you weren't too. But one thing I try to do is gain something out of an awful situation. If you haven't already checked, you'll see them I'm fairly active on the pregnancy loss board. I tried to learn from my terrible loss and turn that experience into something that could help me with other people. Equally obvious, of course, is that I'd happily wave goodbye to all this newfound "knowledge" if I could just have my baby back!  

The one thing that I do understand about grief is that it can help to have someone to talk to or who talks to you. Sometimes that can help to get through a difficult moment. So I hope this board is providing that for you in addition to being a resource. We all have to find our own way, but fortunately there are many people who will hold our hand along that path. 

Some more resources: 

http://www.griefhealing.com/deathspousepartner.htm  This site has an article on losing a husband to suicide