Topic : Overcoming Grief

I KNOW THE PAIN I LOST MY MOTHER 6 YRS AGO ON NOV.9 WE BURIED HER ON NOV. THE 11TH UNKNOWNED TO ME THAT 6 YRS. LATER I WOULD BE BURERING  MY FATHER ON THE SAME DAY HE HAD DRANK HIMSELF TO DEATH BY GRIEVING OVER HIS WIFE MY STEP MOTHER SHE DIED OF CANCER JUST 2 YRS,PREV.AFTER HER AND MY MOM MY STEP DAD DIED OF CANCER.SO DEALING WITH DEATH IS BEEN HARD YOU JUST AHVE TO TAKE IT DAY BY DAY AND REMEMBER THE GOOD TIMES .AND THE SMELL MY DAD WAS A COON ASS AND LOVED TO COOK MY MOM TO THE GOOD THING IS THEY PASSED THAT DOWN TO ME SO NOW WHEN I COOK SOMETHING SOECIAL I ALWAYS REMEMBER THEM LIKE ON THANKSGIVING MY MOM WOULD ALWAYS MAKE ME CUT THE ONIONS AND NAtrally tears start she would laugh and before the onion was fully cut up she would have tears 2 then we would just laugh and ask each other why r u crying ,stuff like that helps .for me but it get better with time..

 Hello,

I'm new here. I have a dirty little secret I have been carrying around since June 6, 1998, the day my mother died. It was just me and my mom growing up, except for a couple of step dads. She was very ill most of my life, alcoholism. She was also abusive. She tried treatment, therapists, medication, nothing worked. She was haunted by her childhood, demons is what I call it. I learned early on what she had was an illness, she didn't want to be sick. My secret is that growing up I wished she would die, to end her suffering, but most of all to end mine. Don't get me wrong I love my mother very much and miss her tremendously. Her death has been very hard for me, but also it has been a huge relief. It just sounds so awful, I hate myself for ever thinking like this. I think about the last 8 years and if she was still here the hell we would all be living in. I rationalize by thinking we put animals down all the time to end their suffering, is it wrong to feel relief when a loved one dies and their suffering has ended. It's very confusing to me. Am I a terrible person for feeling this way? I have never talked about this to anyone. I'm afraid of what people will think of me. I will respect all feed back good or bad. Thanks for listening.