Topic : Overcoming Grief

My dad past away 4 years ago and I'm still lost with out him.It crushed our family when he past. It still feels like yestarday. My mom still hasn't recoverd, sometimes I think she never will. I'm hopeful that we all will. My 2 sons are doing better then my mom and I are. My dads family has had a very hard time with loosing him. My dad was 1 of 10 children. By the way I'm 39 years old. I don't think it makes a difference how old you are when a parent dies. 

Your friend sounds very brave but she is also in shock. Call her and ask her if she needs some company. Having someone sit with her when her husband gets very ill can be good. Just listen to her tell you what's on HER mind. She may need someone to sit up with her husband at night so she can get some sleep and be there for him during the day. (I mean she can just sleep in the next room.) If this sounds like more than you want to do suggest the need to her and she can find someone who will be able to help her.

I have been in your place, not knowing what to say so I don't say anything - ever. And I have been the wife of a dying husband (two years ago) but fortunately, I had plenty of help during the five weeks before my husband was gone. One thing that makes a big difference is; are your friends Christians? People can die without being Christian and can be cared for, but if they are Christians they will have hope, peace and even joy that can't be explained. I have tried not to ask my friend, "How are you doing?" but I do it automatically and they respond automatically with, "Fine." Of course they are not fine so try to take it to the next level with another, more specific question like,  "Are you getting any rest?" "Have you been able to eat?" "How is He feeling?" "What can I do to help you?" This will take some courage on your part but you will be glad you were brave enough to risk saying the wrong thing because caring for your friend in more important than saving yourself possible embarrassment.

Let me know how it is going. And thanks for caring.

From reading “Dear Abby” in the newspaper, I’ve learned that because many people don’t know what to do or say, they say nothing, and the friend ends up feeling abandoned. I don’t want this to happen to my friend, she is so dear to me. Thank you so much for your advice, it is helpful to have some suggestions. As for visiting- when I chatted with her a few days ago, she mentioned that she needs to learn how to deal with ‘well meaning visitors who stop in at inconvenient times.’

I talked with her yesterday, and they just learned that her husband has only about one week to live. She is being so strong. She said that they are watching old home videos and vacation pictures, walking down memory lane and remembering all the good times. She said this without a quaver in her voice- do you think that it is shock? I was a wreck, but tried not to sound like I was crying, because she wasn’t crying. I worry that I will say or do the wrong thing. Thank you again for the advice.

Hi,

I am seeking some guidance on how to deal with my one and only 'phobia'.

I'm 37, have a loving family, a wonderful fiance, run my own business and have a great life but I cannot get the fear of my loved ones dying out of my head. To such an extent it is now ruling my every thought.

I can burst into tears at the very thought of my fiance dying and have even had to leave a meeting when I couldn't get the thought out of my head and the tears started. He is 11 years older than me and i have become obsessed with comparing famous people to him who are living or dead! I look at an actor and think that's ok he looks older than my fiance or if someone has died who is say 55 I start getting obsessed I may only have 7 years left with him. I pour over celebrity birthdays in the papers looking for people to compare. Its ridiculous.

I have cried myself to sleep on many a night thinking this over and over. I feel the same about my parents too to whom I am very close.

I have no fear of my own mortality whatsoever so its not a fear of death per se and have no other phobias or fears at all.

I don't have any children so I think this may contribute to a degree maybe subconsciously thinking i may be left alone. I haven't wanted any so its not a maternal yearning or anything.

I have everything to be grateful for and so much to live for and feel ashamed when i see such sad losses on here but its taking over my life.

Can anyone offer some words of guidance; I'm looking for a verbal 'get your act together' slap!

Best wishes to you all,

LisaJo