Topic : Overcoming Grief

on sept.1st we got the call that my father&brother in law had just been in a tragic accident they were both killed my brother-in-law was only 40yrs old,31 hrs later on his way home from makeing funeral arrangements for his family my husband was killed in a real fluke accident,i don't know how to handle all this,where do i go from hear,my husband was only 39,please tell me how to cope with his large of a tragidy.please help me my friends

 

 

                               rhonda landriault

 hello..... first , i would like to say that i am truly sorry for the loss of your dad....i also have lost my dad.  my dad  was diagnosed with lung cancer in jan. 2007 and lost his battle in dec. 2007. i too am in my 30's and have absolutely no clue as to how i should deal with him not being a part of my life. i am hoping that since you have had some time  to cope somewhat with losing your dad that you might be able to give me some advice and comfort. i am in pain everyday. i miss my dad so much that theres days that i just dont think i can go on. i have faith in GOD and thought it would be a little less painful since i know where my dad has gone. however, my heart hurts so much that i just cry everyday and miss him more and more each day. up until the last two days before his death, the oncologist told us that there was still a chance he would beat this as long as his platelets would stabalize. his spine had cancer cells that were causing extreme pain every minute that passed. he had to be injected with so much morphine that he had shortness of breath. within 2 days he was no longer able to breath on his own and passed away slowly. i cant understand how we went from him being in my house talking to us to dying in the hospital.if you can please help me with some advice i would gladly listen. thank you.

I am 53yr old women and i've been battling ending it all for 10yrs since my husband died...i'm in debt, broke, live with my sister in a remote area, i have 2 grown children one i dont see due to her husband he's controlling i try , my son  is married but lives in another state his wife is depressed......

my sister offered a room , we havent lived together since we was children and its a strain sometimes.....for both of us..my brother in law also, rents so exspensive here i dont earn enough to cover it....i feel i was born to be unhappy, my mother tried to kill us when we was young and she suffers depression.....i've seen a doctor and he says i'm suffering post traumatic stress but he hasnt helped me, that was in the city a couple of years ago....i dont see any hope other than death for me, it seems like my only option...its a tiny outback town with no professionals here..i feel i've just made another mistake again since he died.....

when he died i became anerexic, then i married out of loneliness someone who threatened my life and has threatened to hunt me down for leaving.......and now i'm so depressed i barely function..i can see no way out anymore..my depression swells my joints and i have constant panic attacks........has anyone else been in the same place as i am could you give me some advice please i cant hold on much longer

I am so sorry for your loss and the grief you're going through. I'm in my 40's and lost my mother three years ago to a sudden heart attack. I dearly loved my mother, my best friend. I cherished her, and I too didn't know how to live without her in my life. I miss my mother every day and don't know if that will ever stop. But I also know that my mother would not want me to be consumed with sadness. I know she is now a part of God's kingdom, and her joy and happiness know no boundaries. These things I believe with all my heart. So when I'm really missing her I think about how she would want me to feel about where she is right now, and I know she would want me to know and feel her joy and happiness. My mother gave me a lifetime of good memories and those are in my memory bank. So when I feel sad I think back on my good memories, and my mother to this day still brings a smile to my face even when I'm missing her. And I realize how awesomely blessed I am to have had this special woman for my mother who still brings me comfort even though she has passed on.

 

I didn't think it was my mother's time to pass away. I know her doctors were negligent in diagnosing a heart condition. But I know that this won't bring her back. I have come to accept that God makes no mistakes, and we will all pass when God determines it's our time. So while the doctors were negligent, maybe God put her in their hands because that was his way of bringing her to him. If we all died a "right " way I don't think life would make much sense. I don't know if any of this helps you in any way. But when I began to look at my mother's loss from a different perspective, I began to feel some peace with her loss. I'll always miss my mother very much, but I have the peace of knowing that she's full of joy and happiness  in the most perfect place. I hope you too find peace.

I wonder every so often now. Its like a deadline of life, that I need to do everything possible before it happens and then just give up in the end. Everything my mother has thought of me has fallen apart, now I only live under a guise and at home of course.

 

It will not be possible to overcome the grief of my mothers death, let alone survive. The moment I hear the words, "Your mother has passed", that is the end of my life. I don't know if there is a name for it to be so emotionally attached to something or someone, but the bond I share with her is too strong, and when its cut, my soul will be cut from the body.

 

I always say anti-depressants will kill me, I've done research but I am not going to take them because it will probably overcome my will and cause me to commit suicide.

I found out a couple of weeks ago that my Father has ALS (better known as Lou Gehrig's Disease).  It has been so devasting.  In the last two months alone he has lost mobility of both his arms.  To give some history:

 

On January 12, 2002, my Mother had a stoke.  It was truely a miracle that she survived.  She was in ICU for over 6 months.  She was only 69 when this occurred.  My Dad took it upon himself to tend to ALL my Mom's needs.  She lost her ability to speak but can understand EVERYTHING...you can only imagine the frustration my Mom lives with on a day to day bases not being able to communicate.  My parent's just celebrated their 50th wedding anniversay this past September 2007.

 

I have three siblings and we are all struggling with the end that my Father will face leaving this world and going to Heaven.  I feel so selfish with all my tears being that I'm not the one who will suffer all the physical pain my Father will be facing over the next several months.  The worst part for myself and my oldest brother is we live on the other side of the Country.

 

All of this seems to be unjust...I'm trying to figure God's plan.  Who will look after my Mother....she is so close to my Father...their relationship reminds me a lot (of what I can see on TV) of Dr. Phil & Robin's. 

 

I'm looking for ANY words of comfort ... I have been very blessed to have grown up in a "Family First" environment.  We have not experienced ANYTHING like this....I'm sooooo close to my parents....help please....

 

Kathy

I am so sorry. You should go to a grieving group. It helped me a lot. I was really depressed and it helped me get a lot of my feelings out and relized they were safe. I met people who are going through what I was. I am so sorry. I hope this helps.

 Well, here goes I have tried just about everyone I can think of to just ask for a bit of advice.. so here it goes, In march of this past year March 14,2007 to be exact we suffered the loss of my husband's sister my best friend and she lost her husband in June of 2004 they had 3 small children of which we now care for. My husband mom and dad lived with my sister and brother in law as well so we inherited them I guess you would say as well.our home is very small and we have 2 boy's of our own so as you can see it is now very crowded we have gone from a family of 4 to a family of 9 over night this last year has held much heart ache for all of us my husband are working long hours and about 2 to 3 job's apiece, then it gets better the oldest of the children had decided that life just was not work it and on November 18 of 2007 he tried to take his life by jumping off the bridge in town to the pavement below and I spent the whole month at his side in the hospital with his other aunt and I taking turns at his bed side the month I had off of work has strapped us to the point of losing home and transportation  but my nephew is at least alive and I would never ask anything more except for him walking again but he's here... point I am getting at is not one of charity but one of where to find some advice for what's left of our family to have some help emotionally for a little girl of 7 who longs for mommy a little boy of 10 who is so angry and for a boy of 13 who thought nothing but jumping off a bridge would solve his torment PLEASE DON'T LET MY LETTER GO UNNOTICED AS IT ALREADY HAS BY SO MANY!!!!! if any advice can be given please THANK YOU

My step-dad had a stroke last year. He was left paralized on one side and unable to speak. He has raised me since i was 1. Him and my mom never married but, they always told every one they were. After his stroke his family came and took him away. We are unable to see him or speak to him. We have been told if we try to see him we will be arrested. There's nothing we can do b/c they never married.

How do i deal with losing him like this? It's like he has been kidnapped and noone else cares to help us.

I have tried to come to terms with the fact that i will never see him again, but i can't. I saw him everyday for 27 years, he helped me raise my daughter. He is suppose to be here where he is happy.

The last time we saw him was in Nov. and he cried and cried b/c he wanted to come home. He would shake his head and cry when we asked if he was afraid of his family. He is helpless and i am helpless.. How do i deal with this????

 

Hi there, I am truly sorry about the loss of your father.  I lost my husband 7 years ago and I was only 34. Today at 41, single mother with two beautiful teenagers I am thankful that my children are healthy, strong and here to keep me going.  I would like to share the words of wisdom from my elder (my grandmother)  when I lost my husband, " if you think this pain is hard now - wait til you lose a child".   I know that it's never easy seeing your loved one pass on but always remember your pain will eventually go away and you'll come to terms that your father is in a very peaceful happy place with no more suffering.  Always remember your father and how he would expect you to be even if he's not around.  What would he say to you?  He'll always be watching over you - keep that with you too!  Take care and My prayers are with you...