Topic : Overcoming Grief

thank you for responding and giving insight to my issues even though your loss is greater.  i pray that evry day your pain is lessened and replaced with fond memories of your lives together. god bless you and keep you is my prayer.

I'm trying to overcome grief too, it's the loss of a child, not in the conventional sense.  My son became involved with a girl with a very hard past, she began to neglect/possibly abuse my grandbaby, and when I confronted her said I would never see the babies again.  My worst nightmare come true.  I debated for months and finally called DCF.  I didn't feel I had a choice, knowing about it and not reporting it are not right.  I feel she leaves my son little choices on what he can do, she uses harm of the kids to manipulate him, so he is lost to me.  It hurts so bad I feel like disappearing.  I'm going to counseling.  Part of my grief is because there was sexual abuse in my family, I had a very hard childhood, tried to find love and just got pregnant at 17, however, I gave that baby away so she would be safe, and this feels very much like that.  I was punished by my ex husband (my son's dad) and treated very badly.  I'm just coming around myself to finally getting help for PTSD, dissociation disorder and life long depression.  There's no getting past this though, as I now have two grandbabies, and I feel like it's too late, that if my son ever did (which I can't see) try to reconcile with me I would have to say no because I feel like I have to set boundaries on people who hurt me this much.  So, it feels like he died.  I do alot of work in coping.org, and go through alot of pain and get a little better all the time, but I don't think I can ever reconcile my mind to this.  I journal all the time.  I guess I was hoping someone could tell me that life got better for them, even though they never saw, you know, the core of their heart again.  It's so hard. 

I feel so guitly about my mother-in-law passing away, she battled cancer for 2 years and lost her battle in May.  I was the one who took her to her teatments and I was the one who was with her when she passed.it was so hard to watch her pass I told her to go so she took her last breath and she was gone.  My question is the guilty I feel for telling her to go will it ever go away.  I know she is in a better place and she isnt in pain anymore but the guilty I feel is eating at me I have a hard time going to sleep.  I just want to know that I am not a bad person I did what was right

I'm so sorry.  My best friend Val was living a gay lifestyle also.  I am a holy spirit filled Christian and the people that misquote the holy Bible are a trip. 

The Bible says to 'love the sinner and hate the sin'.  This young man shouldn't have been killed. 

When r people going to learn to love each other instead of being hateful?

If we don't recognized/remember the past like the Holocaust- we will be condemned to repeat it. Hate only begets hate. 

Hang in there! 

 

DEAR OVERCOMING GRIEF,

HI, I TOO AM SUFFERING GRIEF FROM THE LOSS OF MY FIANCE' OF ALMOST 10 YRS.  HE WAS 54 YRS. OLD AND WOULD OF BEEN 55 JUST 25 DAYS LATER AND WE WOULD OF CELEBRATED OUR 10 YR. ENGAGEMENT OF BEING ENGAGED.  THE DAY OF HIS ACCIDENT WE HAD A BIG ARGUMENT OVER THE PHONE BECAUSE I SAID NO TO HIS PROPOSAL OF MARRIAGE.  THE REASON WHY I SAID NO WAS BECAUSE HE WAS AN ALCOHOLIC AND I JUST COULDN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE.  I  TOLD HIM THAT BEFORE WE GER MARRIED I WANTED HIM TO GO GET HELP FOR HIS DRINKING AND HE GOT MAD AND HUNG UP THE PHONE AND THAT WAS THE LAST TIME I TALKED TO HIM, WHICH WAS FEB.27th,07.  I HAD GOTTEN A PHONE CALL IN THE EARLY HRS. OF FEB. 28th. SAYING THAT JIM WAS IN THE HOSPITAL AND WAS BEING FLOWN FROM ONE HOSPITAL TO ANOTHER BY FLIGHT 4 LIFE.   AND THAT THEY (son and daughter-in-law) WOULD BE PICKING ME UP SO THAT THE 3 OF US COULD GO TO THE HOSPITAL WHERE JIM WAS AT.  IN THE MEAN TIME, I CALLED JIM'S SISTER AND BROTHER TO HAVE THEM MEET US AT THE HOSPITAL ALSO.  WE WERE TALKING ABOUT THE SURGERY THAT HE WAS SUPPOSE TO HAVE WHEN THE DR. CAME IN AND TOLD US THAT IF HE REGAINED CONSCIOUSNESS HE WOULD BE IN A VEGETATIVE STATE UNTIL THE DAY HE DIED, AND IF HE WOULD OF WOKE UP FROM BEING UNCONSCIOUS HE STILL WOULD OF BEEN IN A VEGETATIVE STATE.  SO WE (the brother, sister-in-law, sister, niece, son, daughter-in-law, and I) DECIUDED THAT IT WOULD BE BEST TO NOT LET HIM SUFFER, AND TO HAVE HIM TAKEN OFF THE RESPIRATOR. 

IN THE MEAN TIME I HAD A DR'S APPOINTMENT AT A DIFFERENT HOSPITAL AND AFTER I WAS DONE THERE I WENT HOME.  TO THIS DAY I DON'T KNOW WHY I DIDN'T GO BACK TO THE HOSPITAL AND STAY THERE WITH HIS FAMILY AND MINE, SO I SAID MY GOOD BYE AND LEFT TO GO TO MY APPOINTMENT AND THEN HOME.  THE NEXT MORNING MY SON CALLED TO TELL ME THAT JIM HAD PASSED AWAY AT 11:01a.m. WHICH WAS MARCH. 1st,07.    TO THIS DAY I STILL REGRET NOT STAYING WITH HIM AND EVERYONE ELSE THAT WAS THERE AT THE HOSPITAL, BUT I GUESS I WAS AFRAID TO SEE HIM DIE.  DON'T GET ME WRONG, I LOVED HIM WITH ALL MY HEART AND ALL MY SOUL AND THEN SOME PLUS A WHOLE LOT MORE!!  BUT I JUST COULDN'T STAND HIS DRINKING ANYMORE.  SEE WHEN I WAS 15 I TOLD MY PARENTS THAT I WAS GOING TO MARRY THIS GUY, BUT WHEN, I DIDN'T KNOW!!  AND ON MARCH 29th, 1997 WE HAD OUR FIRST DATE, WHICH WAS CALLED "THE DATE THAT NEVER ENDED"!!  WHICH BY THE WAY IT NEVER DID END BECAUSE ON MARCH 29th,1997 HE MOVED IN WITH MY 2 SONS AND I!!

 

NEEDLESS TO SAY, IT HAS ONLY BEEN 1 YR. 5 MONTHS AND 10 DAYS SINCE HIS PASSING AND I AM VERY LONELY, I DON'T KNOW IF I'M COMING OR GOING.  I AM TIRED OF FEELING ALONE AND I DON'T KNOW IF I SHOULD START DATING AGAIN OR NOT.

 

THANK YOU

 

OWENGM2

there is no HOLY WAR going on against the gay and lesbians in this world.  I love these people but what they are doing is a sin.  It could not be any clearer than what the Bible says.  I don't think this young man should have been killed but the wages of sin is death.

In April My mother was told she had lung cancer and that there was nothing to they could do for her.  Mom said she was ready and that she missed my Dad so much so she decided on doing nothing and let it run it course.  I took my mother into my home and with the help of Hospice I had nine weeks with her.  Nine weeks that I would never take back or regret.  Hospice told me that each member of the family needed to let my mother know it was alright to go that we would miss her but we knew where she wanted to be.  I was holding her hand on this side while God took her hand on the other side.  Yes I cried and yes I miss her more that I thought possible but she had to know it was alright to go.  Do not feel bad sleep the sleep of someone who did the right thing,

 I know I am not the first this has happened to.   I have been so busy, I don't feel I've had the chance to grieve yet.  All of a sudden,  I think it's hitting me....but I'm not sure, and I don't know what to do or how to deal with it.  I am telling myself 'don't think about it'. I loved my Father so much. He battled cancer for two years and lost the fight, he was an amazing, strong, positive person through all he had to suffer: hip surgery to remove cancer in the hip, kidney surgery to remove cancer there, they took out his C6 verterbrae because it was also cancerous, the implant slipped and he could no longer walk without help/or hold up his neck without a brace. They couldn't go back in and operate because they where afraid he would bleed to death on the operating table as he almost did that time.  His blood was very thin due to taking aspirin as 10 years before this he had a bi- pass for a heart attack, though he came through with fighting colors after battling that. And all this with chemo therapy ...I have  never seen my mother the way she is now, I don't feel I can help her, she has withdrawn into herself, I'm trying to help, but I am not reaching her.  I am terribly worried for her.  My husband sais he understands exactly what I am going through, yet he has not lost a parent yet. I don't feel he does know what I'm going through, it makes me angry and upset.  I know he's only trying to help.
Anyone out there with advice on how to deal with this?
Thankyou so much.
 

 

I'm sorry I offended you. Just trying to find a way out.