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Topic : 09/04 More Feuding In-Laws

Number of Replies: 55
New Messages This Week: 0
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Created on : Wednesday, August 30, 2006, 03:51:43 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
It's the invasion of the in-laws! Despite an intervention by Dr. Phil, a couple and their respective mothers still struggle to get along. See how Ernie and Kerry are doing, and what happens when their moms agree to set their differences aside and meet for coffee. Since the last show, Kerry says her relationship with her mother-in-law has never been better! Unfortunately, her relationship with her own mother has never been worse. Plus, Alaina and Ray are married with two children, and they all live with Ray's mother, Eda. The two women are constantly at each other's throats. Is this family too close for comfort? Share your thoughts, join the discussion.

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September 4, 2006, 4:21 pm CDT

To RAY especially...

QUIT BEING A BABY AND FACE THE FACTS BUDDY. Just because you are divorced and paying child support doesn't mean you have to ruin two other lives (4 inc. your twins) because YOU don't have the money to get a REAL job. So sad that you finally found when after the show started... If Ray was a real man then this wouldn't of happened. Face the facts of life before you marry someone and get her pregnant. BE THE MAN RAY. A MAN DOESN'T RUN HOME TO HIS MOMMY AT 40 YEARS OLD BECAUSE HE'S OUT OF MONEY. Booohooo for you!

Ray's mother was very nice for opening her home but she shouldn't of had to. At 40 years old, if you cannot afford your own apartment then there's really something wrong.

Alaina has every right to feel how she does. She has been let down by her husband and by her MIL who cannot take a hint to back off. Yes its her home, but those twins are Alaina's children and no one should be meddling in that.

 

Ray made me absolutely SICK on this show. He was dispicable to watch. He sat there like a small child defending his mother and putting down his wife saying she puts walls up around her. WELL D'UH! What are you stupid?

 

Next time Ray should keep his zipper up before he goes around and ruins lives like that. Such a disgrace. I truthfully think Alaina needs to move on without them. If he really cared about this situation something would of been done FIFTEEN MONTHS AGO (the age of the twins) then announcing that he FINALLY found a job one week after the Dr. Phil show. Such a shame... get a life Ray.

 
September 4, 2006, 5:29 pm CDT

Feuding In-Laws

Quote From: marceyau

 It sounds like your inlaws are the ones that have the problems - not you. Just be lucky that its your in-laws rather than your own family as it is with me. I had to go to the extreme to keep them  and their problems away, but i just keep smiling as you should as you are a special person  because you are you.

Thanks Marcey for taking the time to respond,I appreciate the uplifting words. Most days I try to not dwell on it, but somedays it gets to me that I know I have never done anything to these people but be kind, thoughtful, helpful and caring. Frankly, thats how I treat all  of the people in my life, I don't understand their hatedred towards me it is completely un-justified. Thanks again!!
 
September 4, 2006, 5:49 pm CDT

I CAN RELATE

I can definitely relate to Alaina.  I live with my boyfriend of 4 years and our 3 year old son.  His mother lives in the same apartment complex that we do.  Every single day, either my bf goes over to visit her, or else she comes over to our place.  The 3 of us seem to never have time alone.  When she comes to our place, she always makes remarks that it is freezing in our place.  She'll shut the a/c off.  Then, she'll start tidying up the place, "since I work".  She does the dishes, she gives my son a bath, she'll dust.  I feel the same way Alaina does...that is MY job.  I am the one that takes care of her son now, and my own.  I'm a young mother, let me do things myself.  I have even compromised so much that my son stays overnight at her place EVERY Friday night.  This is my way of avoiding conflict with my bf and my attempt at getting along with HER.  Saturday afternoon, when she brings my son home, she has all of his stuff in a bag; and, she'll be sure to tell me that she washed EVERYTHING.  What, she washed 4-5 pieces of his clothing...meanwhile, Friday evening after she takes him, I wash all of his laundry from the whole week.  We recently were preparing to go to my bf's company picnic.  We were given 4 tickets, and of course, since it was his picnic, we took his mom.  We were asked to bring a covered dish to share with everyone.  As the "wife", I figured this would be my job.  She started asking me what she should make.  I told her I didn't think it would be necessary for her to make anything, because I had it covered.  Well, she didn't take anything for the picnic....but would you believe that I only got to ride one thing with MY son that day?  I thought the 3 of us could take turns riding with him, but she wouldn't let that happen.  The ONE thing that my son got behind his dad in line to ride...I stepped out of line to let them ride alone...the mother in law is the one that ended up riding with him, because she stepped in line and her son stepped out.  Nothing I ever do is good enough, and I'm not sure it ever will. 
 
September 4, 2006, 6:41 pm CDT

Feuding Out-Laws

Eda cried "Respect me as a grandmother!"

 

Maybe Eda should respect Alaina as a mother! Respect is earned..NOT Given..Both Alaina and Eda need to remember "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you"

 
September 4, 2006, 6:57 pm CDT

09/04 More Feuding In-Laws

When I saw the married couple, their twins (and isn't there a daughter of hers, too?) living with his mother, the first thing I thought was that they should move out.  Even if they end up living in a small apartment or something, at least it would be their own.  Maybe the wife has to go out herself, and wait to see if the momma's boy husband comes along.   At least she should get child support from the guy who doesn't have any bills. 

 

As a mother-in-law myself, I do get along fine with my daughter-in--law, but I don't think we would do very well living together.  Everybody does things differently, in ways that work for them, and I don't want my ways criticized and I wouldn't want to do that to her, either.  Seeing each other on holidays or at certain other planned occasions--unlike my in-laws who dropped in a couple times a week--is good and works for us..

 
September 4, 2006, 11:10 pm CDT

Don't they know what is important

 I watched the show today. Do these people know  how blessed they are to be alive  and have each other. They all seem like they have been blessed with good health and really loving grandchildren. They are taking everything for granted.  All they did was natter at one another and the two mother in laws should be ashamed. They need to work on themselves and they have too much time on their hands. I have a son in Afghanistan and my husband is on dialysis so I know that something could happen and I could lose one or both and I just get really angry when people do not know how blessed they are. I can't understand why they do not listen to Dr. Mc Graw because they have been on the show  too long as it is. They are both very rude  older women and life is just passing them by. Also the father of the daughter is sticking his head in the sand. It seems to be that he is afraid to have an opinion because he has to live with his wife once the show is over. I have seen that before. Dr. Mc Graw's advice and help is too valuable to be wasting on people that don't seem to have anything better to do then fight among themselves and I just do not understand it. Of course there is not much I do understand about this world we live in. I hope they wake up soon or all will be lost.
 
September 4, 2006, 11:13 pm CDT

To mreedyorkie

Quote From: rafoston

Wow, Reading your post as well as the quoted post, really made me think about my own mother in law. Other than being the most considerate, kind and caring person I know, she puts to shame my own mother in terms of being just that, a mother. I don't mean to say I do not love my own dear mum, though. Having me at 15 couldn't have been easy and even now we live across the country from each other and share a phone call or two a month. My mother in law showers me with expensive gifts and reminds me every so often that she'd LOVE to pamper a grandchild. Having had two TERRIBLE mother in laws, she really goes out of her way to make me feel like a part of the family.

Loved your words of wisdom, "There is family, and then, there are relatives"!  My question to you is, "Is it o.k. to protect my kids from a passive-aggressive, jealous sister-in-law", married to my brother? It has been 10 years since we have spoken or seen each other.   Now, I am afraid of rejection to try to see my brother.

Thanks,

xyzcandy

 
September 5, 2006, 6:33 am CDT

I feel for ya

Quote From: daunie78

Hi all I have to say is that it makes me feel better to see people going through the same garbage I am going through with my in-laws.  I thought I was the only one.  Although I do not live with my mother in law, thank God, I do not think it could get any worse if I did.  She meddles in everything, watches everything like a hawk, monitors what goes on in our home, and constantly contradicts myself and my husband in front of the kids.  If we tell them something she is right there to tell them the opposite.  Recently, I dicovered she was talking about our finacial situation with other family members, to be honest, I do not want her in my home or life anymore.
Well I must say i feel your pain!!  My MIL has been against me from DAY ONE!  She lied to my husband (finace at the time) to get him to HER counselor only to turn on him to say he is crazy for marrying me.  I fought with him for weeks begging him NOT to go too.  Then she didnt even speak to me at the rehearsal dinner even though I tried to talk to her.  She even showed up at the rehearsal in a sweatshirt!  Then she didnt even talk to me at our wedding.  She has sent numerous nasty emails to us.  The ONLY time she was nice to me was when I was pregnant...of course there was a reason for that....she thought she was going to be in control of our duaghter after I delivered her.  Wrong!!!!!  She called many times crying how she needs to bond with our daughter....UMMMMMMMM  wrong...her parents need to bond with her.  It gets worse.  She has told hundreds of lies to the restof my husbands familly so now MOST of them think we are keeping them from seeing their granddaughter!!!!  Oh yeah and his father tried to physically attack me on our front lawn my husband had to get physical to protect me.  Now I am pregnant again and my husband doesn't even want to tell them!!!!!  This is only the tip of the ice burg with my story.  BUT you are not the only one.  And to be honest  I am sick & tired of people saying well it is his family....so am I!!!
 
September 5, 2006, 6:40 am CDT

09/04 More Feuding In-Laws

Quote From: mmcturk

 I can understand your daughter-in-law's anger. The baptisim of your Grandchild was the absoloute wrong time to use as an opportunity to tackle your ex-husband, (no matter how politely you asked) ,about back child support. If it is long deliquent ,did you expect him to say 'Oh yes here you are I'll write out a cheque now' ? Of course not. All it could do was cause upset. That's my opinion anyway and I can understand your daughter-in-law and son giving you a wide berth. If you do such an inappropriate thing at a happy family event then obviously it will take a long time for them to trust you not to do other inappropriate things and spoil other events. My suggestion would be that you write a letter to daughter-in-law and son apologising and admitting you realise you made a mistake, ask for their forgiveness and promise not to do anything so unkind again. Then leave it to them to approach you. Continue to send Christmas cards and presents but learn from your mistake.

I totally understand your daughter in law.  How dare y ou do that at a family function??  Have you no sense??  IT sounds like you are jealous that your ex is married and doing well.  Leave it to the courts to get your money.  I'd be upset too.  My MIL started a HUGE fight with my husband at an event/fundraiser for my 18 yr old cousin that was in an accident leaving him paralyzed.  She totally embarrassed me too.  She was upset b/c was husband was selling his house that we were living into buy a house that was OURS.  She was just PO'd b/c he'd no longer be living less than 2 mins away.  Maybe try an apology letter but it is hard.  We just had our daughter's 2nd bday party & there were NOt invited.  They almost missed her 1st bday party too....  Be more thoughtful  next time.

 
September 5, 2006, 9:00 am CDT

More feuding in-laws

When my hubby & I married, it was second for both of us.  Our spouses were cheating on us & at one time with each other.  When I first met his parents, his mom said she hated me because she felt he should have tried to make it work with his first wife.  She was living with another man when he met me & didn't want him back.  After that, we never had much to do with them.  At Christmas they invited her over but not us & never did accept my children.  We didn't fight, though.  Now I'm a mother-in-law & have promised my kids & myself I'd do what I can not to ever interfere in their marriages & we all get along great.
 
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