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Topic : 09/04 More Feuding In-Laws

Number of Replies: 55
New Messages This Week: 0
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Created on : Wednesday, August 30, 2006, 03:51:43 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
It's the invasion of the in-laws! Despite an intervention by Dr. Phil, a couple and their respective mothers still struggle to get along. See how Ernie and Kerry are doing, and what happens when their moms agree to set their differences aside and meet for coffee. Since the last show, Kerry says her relationship with her mother-in-law has never been better! Unfortunately, her relationship with her own mother has never been worse. Plus, Alaina and Ray are married with two children, and they all live with Ray's mother, Eda. The two women are constantly at each other's throats. Is this family too close for comfort? Share your thoughts, join the discussion.

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September 5, 2006, 12:22 pm CDT

I am happy its not just me

Quote From: butlerca

Well I must say i feel your pain!!  My MIL has been against me from DAY ONE!  She lied to my husband (finace at the time) to get him to HER counselor only to turn on him to say he is crazy for marrying me.  I fought with him for weeks begging him NOT to go too.  Then she didnt even speak to me at the rehearsal dinner even though I tried to talk to her.  She even showed up at the rehearsal in a sweatshirt!  Then she didnt even talk to me at our wedding.  She has sent numerous nasty emails to us.  The ONLY time she was nice to me was when I was pregnant...of course there was a reason for that....she thought she was going to be in control of our duaghter after I delivered her.  Wrong!!!!!  She called many times crying how she needs to bond with our daughter....UMMMMMMMM  wrong...her parents need to bond with her.  It gets worse.  She has told hundreds of lies to the restof my husbands familly so now MOST of them think we are keeping them from seeing their granddaughter!!!!  Oh yeah and his father tried to physically attack me on our front lawn my husband had to get physical to protect me.  Now I am pregnant again and my husband doesn't even want to tell them!!!!!  This is only the tip of the ice burg with my story.  BUT you are not the only one.  And to be honest  I am sick & tired of people saying well it is his family....so am I!!!
I have been having tha sam problem with my father in law.  I am happy its not jsut me.  I am also tired of people telling me that he is family .  I tell them my husband, son, daughter, and new baby are my family and they are the only ones I need to worry about.  My father in law chose to take the word of my brother in laws girlfriend who has been around for maybe a month over mine and my husbands and now if she is up his house we will not go up an the children are not allowed to be around her.
 
September 5, 2006, 2:47 pm CDT

I thought I was alone

It seems as thought this topic hit home. But the sad thing is...that its not  my mother-in-law....its my MOM!  I can't stand my mom what so ever and living with her for a year has been punishment enough to last my whole life.  She hates my husband and tries to control my kids. We live with my mom cause my husband had a good job in OHIO but moved to be with me me here in a little town of Missouri and I can't move cause my ex-husband would have a fit if i try to take his son elsewhere.  So my nightmare begins.  I have an 8 month old baby with my new husband....and I love my husband now to pieces and my kids from my first marriage really love him too.  My mom calls him names to me but never to his face....my mom charges me babysitting and we try to help with bills but sometimes can't meet her standards on how much money she wants to take from us.  Its like a big battle every pay day.  I wish we could move but its not going to happen anytime soon cause we have so many bills.  And my husband and I only make so much....but let me tell you this....my mom is  not young.....she will be needing help from me someday and I found her a good nursing home.....
 
September 5, 2006, 3:08 pm CDT

Alaina, Alaina, Alaina

Okay, this show actually surprised me because of Dr.Phils lax view of Alaina.  

 

I did though agree with him onthe mother in law being a victim.  Victim of an immature, and innappreciative son and daughter in law. Why was the blame put on the husband soley. Okay he's a louse and is living with his mother at 40 odd years but...

 

Alaina knew this and then knowlingly got pregnant and married this guy that has three other children he is uanble to provide for, lives with mom and doesn't have a job. Did you see the shocked look on her face when he said he had one and started next week. Someone not being honest. 

 

So I think Alaina should have been repremanded for her hateful and disrespectful behavior of the person who is feeding her babies, putting a roof over their head and is doing what she can to help these two who did not plan well make it. in the world.  Shame in you Alaina

 
September 5, 2006, 5:33 pm CDT

Wait a minute

Quote From: shahzadee4

Okay, this show actually surprised me because of Dr.Phils lax view of Alaina.  

 

I did though agree with him onthe mother in law being a victim.  Victim of an immature, and innappreciative son and daughter in law. Why was the blame put on the husband soley. Okay he's a louse and is living with his mother at 40 odd years but...

 

Alaina knew this and then knowlingly got pregnant and married this guy that has three other children he is uanble to provide for, lives with mom and doesn't have a job. Did you see the shocked look on her face when he said he had one and started next week. Someone not being honest. 

 

So I think Alaina should have been repremanded for her hateful and disrespectful behavior of the person who is feeding her babies, putting a roof over their head and is doing what she can to help these two who did not plan well make it. in the world.  Shame in you Alaina

You must have not listen very well.  Aparently it seems as thought Alaina flew from somewhere to get married to this guy and he got layed off from his job?hummm now that can happen. 

 
September 6, 2006, 9:19 am CDT

family

My brother and his wife used to call me and other members of my family "you people from.......(naming the state that we live in)"  Nothing we did was right from the moment of their engagement.  The strange thing is that I actually liked her. I was thrilled that my brother was so in love and had found someone to share his life with after a difficult (and very young) marriage and divorce. He had a child and she had a child. We all welcomed her with open arms and immediately accepted her and her baby into our big and blended family. Twenty five years later, I still have no idea what happened. Neither of them were ever happy with anything that we did. They stopped coming to family functions long before they moved out of state. They didn't like the gifts we gave. My brother told me once that it "ruined" his birthday when I sent him a card. When my sister in law gave birth to their son (after 4 daughters), I was so happy for my dad that he received an announcement. But my brother and sister in law didn't send it, my dad's sister received one and SHE sent it to my dad. I have only seen my father cry four or five times in my life. Once was when my sister, my dad and I were having lunch with an old family friend. She was innocently telling us how much she enjoyed getting the yearly Christmas card and picture from my brother's family.  My father. sister and I had never received a Christmas card from them. My father is a wonderful man. There is no drinking or abuse in our family backround. We are a large extended family. I have a stepmother, four step siblings and lots of nieces and nephews. My kids grew up near both of my parents and adore them. We have large family gatherings and small family gatherings with lots of pictures, conversation, laughter and opinions. The opinions are where the problem lies. My brother and sister in law cannot/will not tolerate the expression of any opinion that is different from theirs. I am not talking about advice. I am talking about a simple opinion, on any subject. After they got married, they systematically isolated themselves, eventually moving away. My niece from my brother's first marriage got left behind and is very close to the rest of us. All these years, I did the best I could to keep in contact. I always send Christmas cards and occational remembrances to the children. The saddest part of all this is that my sister in law has now left my brother (and the kids) and they are headed for divorce. My brother has turned back to my dad. I don't think my father will ever understand what happened but I can see that he (now in his 80s) is so happy to have his son and grandchildren in his life again. All of this talk about boundaries makes me uncomfortable. There are always several sides to any issue. Families need each other. The grandparents need the grandchildren. Kids need aunts and uncles and cousins. Sisters in law need sisters in law. People should find a way to get along
 
September 6, 2006, 7:58 pm CDT

09/04 More Feuding In-Laws

This is Alaina...and I would like to start off by saying that, before people start being critical of other peoples situations on the show they need to keep in mind that not all of the facts and information are being put out on the table. 

 

When I met Ray he lied to me about alot of things, it wasn't until it was too late that I found out the truth about everything...he really hurt me in alot of different ways in which I refused to speak about these issues on the show.  I just brought up the main jist of everything.  Not that I disagree that I was probably disrespectful...and I understand it seemed like I was unthankful, however I was not...I was thankful of my mother in law, but it was a bad situation that caused me to behave in a disrespectful manner and the situation got way out of hand...the only person I lost respect for in this whole dilema was Ray.  It was an extremely selfish thing for him to do to me and his mother in this situation  I was trying to do the right thing by trying to work things out with him so that the kids would have both their parents, and I made a point of NEVER fighting in front of the kids, everyone is so critical of me, but I was the one who wrote to Dr. phil because I wanted to know how to fix the  problem, however the solution ended up being very simple, but when you are in the midst of all the stress you often wonder if there is more to it.  When in reality theres not...he often says to me that you and the kids are the best thing that has ever happened to me...however I say (under my breath) okay but do you think you are the best thing for us???

 

Alaina

 
 
September 7, 2006, 5:37 am CDT

alaina and ray

Quote From: jmmjhm

I want to see this show too and since it is Labor Day, I'm afraid it won't be shown in my area

Dr. Phil's show invites people and families to discuss their 'current' life's situations that present as dilemma's and true tribulations.  I thought Dr. Phil did a great job of sorting through the issues as Alaina, Eda and Ray viewed them without being critical, judgemental or condescending.  None of them needed that; they needed to be heard respectfully and guided appropriately, which Dr. Phil did.

Comments such as yours only add fuel to an unhealthy situation, but, you are entitled to your unhealthy,unwise, unkind comments.

 
September 7, 2006, 5:54 am CDT

09/04 More Feuding In-Laws

Quote From: shahzadee4

Okay, this show actually surprised me because of Dr.Phils lax view of Alaina.  

 

I did though agree with him onthe mother in law being a victim.  Victim of an immature, and innappreciative son and daughter in law. Why was the blame put on the husband soley. Okay he's a louse and is living with his mother at 40 odd years but...

 

Alaina knew this and then knowlingly got pregnant and married this guy that has three other children he is uanble to provide for, lives with mom and doesn't have a job. Did you see the shocked look on her face when he said he had one and started next week. Someone not being honest. 

 

So I think Alaina should have been repremanded for her hateful and disrespectful behavior of the person who is feeding her babies, putting a roof over their head and is doing what she can to help these two who did not plan well make it. in the world.  Shame in you Alaina

What good is reprimanding?  Dr. Phil sorted through the dilemma's and guided appropriately.  Alaina was not disrespectful toward her mother in law, she was communicating to her mother in law regarding appropriate language (around the babies), which her mother in law disregarded and was non-sensitive to (an appropriate request don't you think?).  Alaina should be anything but reprimanded, Alaina and Ray were trying to make the best of a bad situation, (unplanned babies?????????? whoever heard of such a thing???????????????--------------I guess California doesn't experience this phenomena like the rest of the country, bully for you guys!!)

 Alaina most certainly did have a shocked look on her face when Ray told her he had a job the following week, do you think the world didn't catch that?  Do you think with all the editing that goes on with these shows, that was a mistake?    A little less criticisim and little more support would go further next time you decide to post a comment. 

 

 
September 7, 2006, 3:16 pm CDT

09/04 More Feuding In-Laws

Quote From: shahzadee4

Okay, this show actually surprised me because of Dr.Phils lax view of Alaina.  

 

I did though agree with him onthe mother in law being a victim.  Victim of an immature, and innappreciative son and daughter in law. Why was the blame put on the husband soley. Okay he's a louse and is living with his mother at 40 odd years but...

 

Alaina knew this and then knowlingly got pregnant and married this guy that has three other children he is uanble to provide for, lives with mom and doesn't have a job. Did you see the shocked look on her face when he said he had one and started next week. Someone not being honest. 

 

So I think Alaina should have been repremanded for her hateful and disrespectful behavior of the person who is feeding her babies, putting a roof over their head and is doing what she can to help these two who did not plan well make it. in the world.  Shame in you Alaina

I wasn't surprised at all that Dr. Phil said both Alaina and her mother-in-law were not the source of the problem--I felt that the husband was the biggest problem. I also don't think Dr. Phil excused Alaina's behavior either...I think he told her several times she was handling it badly.  Alaina may not be handling the situation appropriately with her mother-in-law, but she's getting zero support from her husband, which leaves her with few options to amend the situation.   Life rarely goes exactly as planned and sometimes we have to deal with bad situations for a while.  What Dr. Phil said confirmed my own feeling that mother/daughter (or mother-in-law/daughter-in-law) *shouldn't* live in the same space together, because no matter the intentions, it will stress the family unit(s) to it's outer limits, if not break it entirely. 

 

I wish though, that he had addressed some more proactive ways for the 2 women to handle the stresses of living in the same household with each other while they're there, at least.  I'm in a similar living situation right now (except that, unlike Alaina, I have a supportive DH to help hold things together) and I hope the stress never blows up to something hateful to ruin family relationships, but it often feels like it's heading that way.  I could see a lot of myself in what Alaina was doing...For me, it's a need to create an emotional distance because I don't have physical distance.  When I feel my independence and ability to care for my own family in my own way is being undermined or manipulated, I tend to retaliate in immature ways.  It's not the way I'd like to be, and I try very hard to handle things in a more constructive way, but day in and day out of constantly feeling like I'm competing with others for control of my own family takes its toll.  Anyway, to sum it up, I think Alaina is just trying to do the best she can, and I sure hope things work out well for her and for her mother-in-law in the end.

 
September 8, 2006, 8:01 pm CDT

Information

Quote From: austinmiles

This is Alaina...and I would like to start off by saying that, before people start being critical of other peoples situations on the show they need to keep in mind that not all of the facts and information are being put out on the table. 

 

When I met Ray he lied to me about alot of things, it wasn't until it was too late that I found out the truth about everything...he really hurt me in alot of different ways in which I refused to speak about these issues on the show.  I just brought up the main jist of everything.  Not that I disagree that I was probably disrespectful...and I understand it seemed like I was unthankful, however I was not...I was thankful of my mother in law, but it was a bad situation that caused me to behave in a disrespectful manner and the situation got way out of hand...the only person I lost respect for in this whole dilema was Ray.  It was an extremely selfish thing for him to do to me and his mother in this situation  I was trying to do the right thing by trying to work things out with him so that the kids would have both their parents, and I made a point of NEVER fighting in front of the kids, everyone is so critical of me, but I was the one who wrote to Dr. phil because I wanted to know how to fix the  problem, however the solution ended up being very simple, but when you are in the midst of all the stress you often wonder if there is more to it.  When in reality theres not...he often says to me that you and the kids are the best thing that has ever happened to me...however I say (under my breath) okay but do you think you are the best thing for us???

 

Alaina

 
Alaina....what do you mean "it wasn't until it was too late...", you obviously jumped into this thing too quickly---didn't you know that he was living with his mother at 40 years of age?  The problem is Ray sounds like he's very lazy (or he would WANT to provide a place for his own family) and his mother & you are enablers.  I would have taken the kids & left a long time ago.  There are plenty of single mothers who take care of themselves & their children.  Get a job and make sure everyone knows that you are planning a life for yourselves, if necessary.  This is an horrible example to set for children---boys or girls!  If he really was serious, he would have gotten a job years ago; not wait until he's on national tv to announce it.  I wouldn't be thankful of your mother-in-law--she's just making it easy for him to not grow up....and so are you.
 
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