Quote From: legalredhead42I am 47 and have been divorced for 15 years. My husband was an lazy, irresponsible, gambling, cheating drunk. I didnt even think about dating for the first 11 years after my divorce. I just concentrated on raising my son. I have never been a social invalid. I have a wide circle of friends and am very outgoing. Im not drop-dead gorgeous, but I have always tried to look as attractive as possible. Five years ago, I decided it was time to test the waters. I joined three dating websites - Eharmony, Match and Yahoo Personals. Eharmony was expensive and it took forever just to get to the open communication stage. I have no trouble communicating, so I decided it was a waste of time. Match is a meat market. The reality is that all of these sites are like entering a beauty contest with women of all ages. I have discovered several things. The new listings for men are much fewer than those for women. Reason is most men hunt stealth. They are looking while they are still in a relationship, just to be sure they have at least a few prospects lined up ahead of time. Fat, bald, homely men are under the mistaken impression that they are handsome. Do these guys own a mirror? Read the profiles. Be sure to read the part about what they are looking for. They want women who are way out of their league. I look for men who are similar to me - in age and appearance, as well as with similar interests. At 40-something, I know there are more important things than appearance. Pity most men havent figured that out yet. I have been in five relationships in five years. Two arent even worth mentioning. One lasted seven months - he was younger with young children. I treated him like a king. He hid our relationship from his family and when I called him on it, he dumped me in an email at work. One was with a widower. He wanted me then he didnt - back and forth for three months until I told him to take a hike. The last one was the last straw. He was an old friend from school. Again, I treated the man like a king for an entire year. We never had an argument. I thought I would spend the rest of my life with him. I later found out he had been looking for someone new for quite some time before he made up a lame excuse for ending it. He didnt even really end it - he kept saying he didnt know what he wanted - just to buy time until he had a relationship to go to. I figured it out and ended it myself. You wouldnt believe how many married men and men in relationships are on those dating websites. There are men who are just looking for a woman to support them, men looking for a woman to raise their brats, men who just want a steady partner in the sack, and on and on. The most important thing to know is there are damned few, if any, who have any intention of ever marrying a woman unless they have a financial reason for doing so. They will string you along forever if they have to. We give them everything they want, so why should they marry us? It makes me sick and Im done. No man is worth what Ive gone through. I can take care of myself. The only thing a man can give me I dont already have I can buy for $200 with a rechargeable battery.
I think your opinion is valid in many ways, although I have not given up on the male species altogether! Society has managed to screw up many a village and it is human nature to hunt and seek out the best possible mates. I have seen how men are taken advantage of financially while women are taken advantage of emotionally. There is an innate need that we all try to fulfill.
The problem comes in when we expect something different but continue doing the same thing. I have also found men to be much more shallow then I ever imagined. It seemed they picked up some kind of holier then thou attitude and also I have opened my eyes to how they will use a woman financially as well. So the mirror is very dusty and they are not seeing themselves clearly . It also can be called denial. I don't think men really like women but they need them on certain levels. And I don't think women really like men, but we have needs as well. So we have to learn to tolerate each other.
As much as I don't want to be alone the rest of my life, I have accepted the fact that that might be exactly what happens or else settle for someone that I don't necessarily like but need. It gets ugly when the things we needed from them don't come to fruitation eitehr.....sheesh....then we have to tolerate that.
I have found that people will string you along. My therapist says I have a trust issue.....maybe you do too??? :) But the reality is this is what you have seen, and what I have seen, so there must be something to it, right????
I think we need to stop looking, as painful as that is and put ourselves in situations where wwe can be who we are and happy about it. I don't want to have to play games anymore to get looks or leers; although I believe in good healthy and taking care of oneself to the best that they can. but now it is more about accepting that coupledom has only a certain amount of benefits....sex is definately one of them. Something I have difficulty grappling with giving up.....But then again, there are always those guys that are just lookinng for sex.....so maybe I'll give one a call! lol
Take care and I hope you have some nice eye candy today because I don't think anything is going to worth boxing and wrapping in gold ribbon. Kimi
