Topic : Dating After 40

I'm over 40 (like 15 years over 40) and can't even contemplate the thought of dating again. I had enough trouble dating in my twenties, but was fortunate to find a wonderful man to fall in love with and marry anyway.  ( It's been 27 years and counting.)  We actually worked together for several months before he asked me out, but it took a couple of more months of pestering before I agreed to go out with him.  I was concerned about how dating would affect our work relationship, and figured it would be better to give up on the possibility of a relationship rather than screw up my job.  Thank God he was persistent, or I finally came to my senses, or whatever, because our life together has been pretty darn good on the whole.  There were tough times, but we made it through, and I have confidence that we'll make it through tough times in the future.

 

If I ever found myself single again for whatever reason, I just can't see myself dating, much less marrying again.  Being chicken has a lot to do with it, and so does laziness or the unwillingness to put in the hard work it takes to build a relationship a second time.  And knowing myself, I think I would keep making comparisons to my husband, and that is sure poison for a new relationship, and very unfair. 

 

If you've been waiting for a question, here are three: Is my attitude unusual?  And how do women especially get up the nerve to date later in life?  And how often is it worth the effort?  Just curious, not planning!

     Well, I am 55, look a lot younger and I am trying the dating scene for the past 10yrs. So far, I have dated a womanizer and a man who could not commit and thought he was 20 instead of 48. Most the men want a 30 yr old with a small body except they themselves are fat or bald or selfish and the list goes on. They are all pathetic. If I find a guy in his 50's he is falling apart or very old looking and acting. Am I just being picky?
     I don't want to take care of someone, I want someone to share life with. My kids are grown and on their own, very well off without my help, so what gives? Where do you meet men that are not going to ask right off the bat about sex? match.com has loosers from what I see.
     Is anyone else having problems or have suggestions?

     I dated a guy  who I normally would not date, but I thought he was a nice guy. He was overweight and ok looking, but not a brain and I turned him down 3 times before I gave him a chance. BIG MISTAKE. He was the worst out of everyone. I am not saying looks matter, I did not want to change him, but after a yr. I did want to know what happened to the guy I met, because he turned into a selfish, nasty, rude, ignorant, sex crazed fool. And he was not young.  So, in the future, I will not compromise what I want again.

Thanks for your reply to my message.

 

You must think similar to me.  I am going to plan a few girl trips away for weekends etc.  I have kids and it is tricky to get away in the school term.  I am now going away in June with my girlfriend and her kids and he can't come.  The trouble with us is that we are very competitive with each other, each wanting the upper hand.  He has not backed down on the ski trip though, so I have made things a bit difficult for him if he goes on about priorities.

 

It is good to keep the upper hand.  He wants to know if I am playing games!  It is at the end of Summer here in Australia.  I am in Queensland so it is pretty much warm all year.   I have an inground pool in my backyard.  I think Dr Phil is great and watch it whenever I can.

 

 

I've been dating (44) for about 2 years using match.com.  i've met lots of "interesting" men from those who make it clear sex is their primary focus to those who spend dinner bashing their ex.  I did meet one guy i dated exclusively for 9 months but he was newly separated when we met and wanted the option to date other women.  as much as i hated that, i agreed with that decision.  I'm trying hard to not rush into something to replace my marriage partner of 18 years.  i think that its important for us to find ourselves and be comfortable with aloneness and even loneliness as much as it hurts.  the most successful second marriages (from what i read and observe) are between people who took the time (3-5 years) AFTER the divorce to heal themselves before trying a new marriage. 

I am not sure when was the last time you've been to Match, but, after logging in, go to the top of the page and click my portrait.  I personally haven't used Match in a longgg time, but I looked at it to see if I could figure out how to answer your question.  That should work because I just did it.    Good luck with it.

Hmmmmmmm........? Awwwww come on. Not all men... surely.....lol

 

I finally decided to do this.  I am a 42 year old woman.  Divorced in Sept 06.  I actually let my ex-husband come back home after the divorce and his infidelity, thinking MAYBE?????  Well needless to say that lasted a month and he was right back to the old game of it.  I was married to him for 8 years.  He was 9 years younger than me.  Now I am having a terrible time finding attraction in men my age.  Furthermore, I have this idea that men my age only want a 20-30 year old "hard body".  Is that true?  Are there good men out there that see beyond the breast?  People do tell me that I look OK, but I am thinking my self asteem has hit an all time low.  I just do not feel attractive.  Could this be due to the infidelity in my marriage?  Hopefully someone will have some insight, maybe even Dr.Phil will read this and give me some answers.