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Topic : Dating After 40

Number of Replies: 1120
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Created on : Friday, September 08, 2006, 12:18:36 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
Whether you're new to the dating scene due to a breakup, or just still looking for Mr. Right, dating after 40 has some unique challenges. Share your stories, experiences and advice here.

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October 20, 2006, 6:22 am CDT

Am I fighting a losing batle?

 Ok, this is the first time I have ever done this. I'll try to give you teh short version. I'll appreciate any honest opinions.  I'm 47 y/o wdf.  I've been in a relationship w a man for the past 3 yrs who has treated me like a queen.  It's a pretty  complex situation.  He has always lived w his parents (now very elderly) and is their caregiver.  He  is an EMT and very involved in sports activities.  I had an issue w that  being a priority but realized it's a huge part of him.  HIs mother  is  very controlling and  manipulative.  Has done nothing but judge me and she has never taken the time to get to know me.  They are very southern baptists. We love each other very much and are very committed to each other.  We have discussed  future plans.  Here's the problem...because of his parents attitude towards me if we were to marry it wuld not be possible for us to live with them and he will not move out.  He says he needs me to "wait for him".  How long am I suppose to wait? We're not getting any younger. I want our relationship to move forward.  I have told him what I want and we have had a very rough past three days.  I am at my wits end and he knows that the end is probably around the corner.  I feel he's being very selfish and stubborn. SOS
 
October 21, 2006, 10:11 am CDT

Girlfriend mad because I am tied to my ex's schedule..

I apologize if this isn’t the right message board to post this

 

Background – I am 48 and she is 39 – we are both divorced. She has two kids 16 and 18 that don’t currently live with her. I have 3 kid 21, 18 and 9.

 

We don’t currently live in the same town – we live about 300 miles apart. We have talked on the phone for about a year and then finally met and spent a wonderful week together this last summer doing all sort of things like white water rafting etc.  We both had a great time and decided that there is something good here and we want to take things slow but we both want to pursue a boy friend girl friend relationship.

 

Here is the issue.  Because I have worked from home for the last 9 years I am like a stay at home dad for my 9 year old son. Although I only have him every other weekend I do pick him up from school every day and keep him until his mother picks him up after school. Normally between 5 and 6 pm. However my ex travels almost every week for business. On those days that she is out of town I keep my son.  My girlfriend doesn’t have a problem with my son or me keeping him.  The problem is that she says that my life still revolves around my ex and it is like I am still married.  That I can’t live my life because I am tied to my ex’s schedule. I don’t know how to deal with this. I love my son and would have him 100% of the time. I enjoy being the Stay at Home dad so to speak.  I get to see him every day except on the weekends that he is at his mother’s house.  My ex provides me a schedule of her travels for the month always in advance. There is very little last minute things.  Other than dealing with issues with my son I have no other contact with my ex. We are on friendly terms.  

 

I am taking my girlfriend on a 4 days cruise for her 40th birthday. (first of Nov) The last time we spent physical time together was about a month ago. We both drove half way and spent a long weekend together and had a great time.  We both knew that it would be a little over a month before we would get another chance to see each other again.  Little did I know but she was planning on a surprise visit on 10/21 sweetest day.  Without knowing this I agreed to switch weekends with my ex so she could attend a school fundraiser and so that I could attend my book clubs Halloween party the following weekend.

 

Well I have been in the dog house ever since she found out my schedule had changed. Had I know that she was available to come for a visit I would have never had made any changes to the schedule.

 

For the last few weeks our phone calls have been strained. She can’t seem to forgive me. Her statement is that she doesn’t know if she can live under my ex’s schedule for the next 10 years. Yet she doesn’t want to call it quits.  The cruise is only a few weeks away and now I am not very excited about going if she is going to still be mad.  Maybe things will get better after today. I did send her a dozen red roses for sweetest day.

 

Dating after 20 years of marriage is hard.  One of the things that crossed my mind when my ex asked for the divorce was that I was to old to date and that living my next 20 years with out a female companion was not a pleasant thought. When we first started talking life was exciting again and things just got better and better until this whole schedule thing.

 

So am I wrong in being so flexible with my ex’s schedule so I can be the caregiver to my son or is she right? Do I tell my ex no and make her find an alter naught caregiver?  Do I go on the cruise and if she is still angry call it quits and move on?  Do I give up now and call it quits?  Is this the way relationships after 40 and marriage are like? Is there hope?

 

I look forward to your comments and appreciate you taking the time.

 

 

 

 
October 21, 2006, 10:18 am CDT

90 days

Quote From: kiplinger6

I am 44 been divorced for 13 years, have had 2 serious relationships. The last one really ended around 2 years ago in my heart and mind. But we just split this past January and I recently moved out of the house we both owned. The house is on the market once sold he will be moving back to where he previously lived about 3 hours away.

 

I have been very negative towards men and relationships and felt this whole dating game and wishing for "The Dr. Phil and Robin" life really was not for me.  My past 2 relationships ended from finding out they were into porn, escorts, online websites of other women. SICK of men not being HONEST about their sexual desires and seeking else where.

 

OK to make a long story short, I just went to lunch yesterday with someone and IT FELT WONDERFUL, we shared our first kiss and I feel like a giggle school girl......Believe me I never thought that would happen. I had a whatever bad attitude about the whole thing. My older daughters figured I would be just a MAN HATER for ever.....

 

I am not sure what any of this means and I PLAN on taking it VERY SLOW but to really feel that fog like your in a daze feeling after a first kiss, was awesome and I hope it never goes away.  It can happen!

Enjoy the feeling… it’s what love is all about.. But give it 90 days.  Don’t make any life altering changes for 90 days. If the feelings are still there and there are no major obstacles, then just maybe you have found what many of us are looking for.

For the next 90 days smile, have fun and enjoy.

 
October 21, 2006, 10:30 am CDT

Dating After 40

Quote From: kwindshawn

Sadly, I agree with you.  After a couple of bad experiences of late, I have lost hope of ever finding a good relationship. 

I disagree.  I am 48. Although I find women in there 30’s attractive I also find women my age attractive. The problem with a 30 something is that they are not where us 40 / 50 somethings are in our lives.  IE they have kids still at home… and most likely younger kids at that.  I don’t want to be a father again. It’s time to enjoy life as “empty nesters”.  Travel a little, go to dinners, to the movies learn to dance etc.  The issue I find with women in there 40’s is that they have been in a bad marriage and have a chip on their shoulder or they are out for Mr. GQ or a man with lots of money.  Just my 2 cents… don’t give up or give in or pre-judge.

 
October 21, 2006, 8:41 pm CDT

Dating After 40

Quote From: atlmike

I apologize if this isnt the right message board to post this

 

Background I am 48 and she is 39 we are both divorced. She has two kids 16 and 18 that dont currently live with her. I have 3 kid 21, 18 and 9.

 

We dont currently live in the same town we live about 300 miles apart. We have talked on the phone for about a year and then finally met and spent a wonderful week together this last summer doing all sort of things like white water rafting etc.  We both had a great time and decided that there is something good here and we want to take things slow but we both want to pursue a boy friend girl friend relationship.

 

Here is the issue.  Because I have worked from home for the last 9 years I am like a stay at home dad for my 9 year old son. Although I only have him every other weekend I do pick him up from school every day and keep him until his mother picks him up after school. Normally between 5 and 6 pm. However my ex travels almost every week for business. On those days that she is out of town I keep my son.  My girlfriend doesnt have a problem with my son or me keeping him.  The problem is that she says that my life still revolves around my ex and it is like I am still married.  That I cant live my life because I am tied to my exs schedule. I dont know how to deal with this. I love my son and would have him 100% of the time. I enjoy being the Stay at Home dad so to speak.  I get to see him every day except on the weekends that he is at his mothers house.  My ex provides me a schedule of her travels for the month always in advance. There is very little last minute things.  Other than dealing with issues with my son I have no other contact with my ex. We are on friendly terms.  

 

I am taking my girlfriend on a 4 days cruise for her 40th birthday. (first of Nov) The last time we spent physical time together was about a month ago. We both drove half way and spent a long weekend together and had a great time.  We both knew that it would be a little over a month before we would get another chance to see each other again.  Little did I know but she was planning on a surprise visit on 10/21 sweetest day.  Without knowing this I agreed to switch weekends with my ex so she could attend a school fundraiser and so that I could attend my book clubs Halloween party the following weekend.

 

Well I have been in the dog house ever since she found out my schedule had changed. Had I know that she was available to come for a visit I would have never had made any changes to the schedule.

 

For the last few weeks our phone calls have been strained. She cant seem to forgive me. Her statement is that she doesnt know if she can live under my exs schedule for the next 10 years. Yet she doesnt want to call it quits.  The cruise is only a few weeks away and now I am not very excited about going if she is going to still be mad.  Maybe things will get better after today. I did send her a dozen red roses for sweetest day.

 

Dating after 20 years of marriage is hard.  One of the things that crossed my mind when my ex asked for the divorce was that I was to old to date and that living my next 20 years with out a female companion was not a pleasant thought. When we first started talking life was exciting again and things just got better and better until this whole schedule thing.

 

So am I wrong in being so flexible with my exs schedule so I can be the caregiver to my son or is she right? Do I tell my ex no and make her find an alter naught caregiver?  Do I go on the cruise and if she is still angry call it quits and move on?  Do I give up now and call it quits?  Is this the way relationships after 40 and marriage are like? Is there hope?

 

I look forward to your comments and appreciate you taking the time.

 

 

 

Unfortunately, it is one of the strains of trying to combine 2 families-this is one of the prime examples of life at our age and why I have lost hope.  There is just so much of this and different viewpoints on how to handle it, that it always ends up being stressful.  This type of thing is what ulitmately caused me to lose the one good relationship I had after the divorce-he always made excuses for the ex as to why she couldn't hold her end of the bargain, although she was a drinker and a druggie at the time and I just couldn't exuse that.

 

Your kids are very important, however she needs to realize that you didn't know her plans, and she needs to be a little more flexible.  It's the parternship thing that everyone talks about.  Other than both sides being more flexible, I don't know what can be done to make it better, however she needs to realize you're not going to put the kids on the back burner either.  These situations scare me in new relationships, cause I know one day I may have to deal with it.  Dating now really sucks, and I yearn for the days when it was so much easier.  I was married for 15 and I still have problems getting out there-even though I really want to be happy again, I just don't have the guts to try anymore.  I know there isn't much advice here, but I hope something in here gives you some hope and that it works out-good luck to you-sincerely.

 
October 22, 2006, 3:18 am CDT

is it possible he changed???

I know this is long but I am hopeful/yet confused..and insight would be GREAT....   I met a man 2 yrs ago...things didn't start off well because we slept together on the first date...I HAVE NEVER DONE THIS ACT BEFORE (not on the first date) it was from what I have read thus far in Christian's book OBVIOUSLY a physical attraction....however as weeks went by I noticed he still had a number of an old friend he went to school with and after his 2 divorces he hooked up with her but this time with BENEFITS...(prior to meeting me he was jumping between 2 women just for sex...he stated he had a hatred towards women until he met me..)however as time when on he said because of me his attitude toward women changed however his actions didn't show that....I asked him several time if he slept with this FRIEND and he told me no (I know I know that was a mistake on my part because what he did BEFORE we met is none of my business and I agree 110%) however I asked him several wks later again (HE STILL HAS HER NUMBER IN HIS PHONE) and he admitted yes...well he still would not get rid of the number...Now keep in mind that prior to knowing he slept with her I was for the first time in my life willingly willing to accept that the man that I was dating had another woman's number because I felt if she is JUST a friend then I would one day meet her..however after learning he slept with her and I told him I didn't feel comfortable about him keeping her number he says to me WHAT DOES IT MATTER IF I HAVE HER NUMBER...ITS NOT LIKE I AM USING IT....now being and know how I am I didn't feel that was true...I felt that all he did was replace the other women he was sleeping with with me...(I should had walked away at that time)   I didn't walk away but my self esteem went down hill.  I tried to over come that but as time went on and I would ask him how his day went he would tell me "FINE!!" if I asked him what he did he would say to me "WHAT DOES IT MATTER? IT DIDN'T"T HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH YOU SO ITS REALLY NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS" now he states he only said that once or twice but once is one time too many for me....   I remember telling him I enjoy talking to him over the phone since we didn't get to see each other that often during the week due to our work schedules...and he stated "it didn't matter to him if he talked to me daily or see me daily or not"   however his actions cause me to respond in negative ways with accusations and not necessarily about other women as much as they were about him not caring for me....   but he was able to always make me second guess myself....   well 3 months ago I called him on his lunch break and he answered...we talked 30 seconds at the most and hung up because he was talking with a co-worker (male)..a few days later I called him again on his break and he didn't answer when I asked why he stated "I AM NOT GOING TO ANSWER MY PHONE WHEN I AM WITH MY FRIEND AND ITS YOU THAT IS CALLING BECAUSE I DON'T WANT TO BE RUDE TO THEM" (I know call me STUPID)....however he tried to tell me the way it came out is not how he meant it....well several days later when we were talking he could tell that something was wrong and when I told him that his words he stated were laying heavy on my heart he tells me "I DON'T CARE HOW THOSE WORDS MADE YOU FEEL I JUST WANT TO BE FRIENDS"... I said fine....well after getting over the shock of the reason he broke up with me I got the attitude of "its over" I started to work on healing from the confusion and the hell and hurt we BOTH put each other throughout the past two year....   well its been 3 months since he broke up with me and he is trying to get back with me....he is good with his words.."SWEET" words so good that he could melt the artic circle with them....however part of me thinks if he wasn't sincere then he would had given up weeks ago but then the other part (maybe my ego) tells me that he really hasn't changed...because when I remind him that he broke up with me he tells me "NO I DIDN'T" I then remind him of that days conversation...he then turns it to the reason he broke up with me was because of my accusations....(we started fresh and had been going on a month and I never said anything negative to him)...I remind him that all I stated was that his words were laying heavy on my heart and that is when he stated he didn't care...blah blah blah.....   since he has been trying to get back with me he has went from telling me how much he loves me to if I (me Trish) walks away I will have regrets because he is the great person....and that I will NEVER find another man with his qualities...which is a good paying job, not bad looking, loyal, honest, trustworthy.....blah blah blah...   please give insight....thanks  
 
October 22, 2006, 3:52 am CDT

Dating After 40

Quote From: atlmike

I apologize if this isnt the right message board to post this

 

Background I am 48 and she is 39 we are both divorced. She has two kids 16 and 18 that dont currently live with her. I have 3 kid 21, 18 and 9.

 

We dont currently live in the same town we live about 300 miles apart. We have talked on the phone for about a year and then finally met and spent a wonderful week together this last summer doing all sort of things like white water rafting etc.  We both had a great time and decided that there is something good here and we want to take things slow but we both want to pursue a boy friend girl friend relationship.

 

Here is the issue.  Because I have worked from home for the last 9 years I am like a stay at home dad for my 9 year old son. Although I only have him every other weekend I do pick him up from school every day and keep him until his mother picks him up after school. Normally between 5 and 6 pm. However my ex travels almost every week for business. On those days that she is out of town I keep my son.  My girlfriend doesnt have a problem with my son or me keeping him.  The problem is that she says that my life still revolves around my ex and it is like I am still married.  That I cant live my life because I am tied to my exs schedule. I dont know how to deal with this. I love my son and would have him 100% of the time. I enjoy being the Stay at Home dad so to speak.  I get to see him every day except on the weekends that he is at his mothers house.  My ex provides me a schedule of her travels for the month always in advance. There is very little last minute things.  Other than dealing with issues with my son I have no other contact with my ex. We are on friendly terms.  

 

I am taking my girlfriend on a 4 days cruise for her 40th birthday. (first of Nov) The last time we spent physical time together was about a month ago. We both drove half way and spent a long weekend together and had a great time.  We both knew that it would be a little over a month before we would get another chance to see each other again.  Little did I know but she was planning on a surprise visit on 10/21 sweetest day.  Without knowing this I agreed to switch weekends with my ex so she could attend a school fundraiser and so that I could attend my book clubs Halloween party the following weekend.

 

Well I have been in the dog house ever since she found out my schedule had changed. Had I know that she was available to come for a visit I would have never had made any changes to the schedule.

 

For the last few weeks our phone calls have been strained. She cant seem to forgive me. Her statement is that she doesnt know if she can live under my exs schedule for the next 10 years. Yet she doesnt want to call it quits.  The cruise is only a few weeks away and now I am not very excited about going if she is going to still be mad.  Maybe things will get better after today. I did send her a dozen red roses for sweetest day.

 

Dating after 20 years of marriage is hard.  One of the things that crossed my mind when my ex asked for the divorce was that I was to old to date and that living my next 20 years with out a female companion was not a pleasant thought. When we first started talking life was exciting again and things just got better and better until this whole schedule thing.

 

So am I wrong in being so flexible with my exs schedule so I can be the caregiver to my son or is she right? Do I tell my ex no and make her find an alter naught caregiver?  Do I go on the cruise and if she is still angry call it quits and move on?  Do I give up now and call it quits?  Is this the way relationships after 40 and marriage are like? Is there hope?

 

I look forward to your comments and appreciate you taking the time.

 

 

 

Hello, I am sorry for your situation..and I will try to make this as short as possible...but I am a women and you know how we females are we like to talk...lol but i do hope this give you insight.

 

You and your ex seem to be GREAT co-parents and are good at co-parenting.  With the 300 mile living arrangement between you and your gf seeing each other seems to be more on a planed bases.  However the surprise visits are GREAT too...however sometimes like what happened (the switch of the wk ends with your ex) do happen.  but there is always a work around...like is there someone (family member, friend) that you TRULY TRUST watching your son?  if so when these surprise visits happen tell your gf that you will get someone to watch your son so that you both can have a night(s)/day(s) together....hopefully if she  will understand and agree with that arrangement...the other day(s) you both can spend with your son...

 

And maybe a bit of why she doesn't seem comfortable with you and your exes arrangement(s) could be because she herself does not have that type of relationship with her children's father or she feels insecure about 1) being so far away or 2) that (from your message) you really didn't want the divorce and she feels you may still have feelings for the ex. 

 

Now on your part since you are with your son so much and you want a relationship with the women...Taking time away from you son does NOT make you a bad father...however if this is the first relationship you have had since your "D" talk to your son about your feelings for this women (that you like her and would like to spend time with her) and that there may be times that he may have to go over to Grandma/Grandpas or to a good friends for the day or to spend the night....see how your son feels about this....because if he loves you he will understand and want you to be happy..

 

HOWEVER PLEASE DON'T PUSH YOUR SON ASIDE JUST BECAUSE OF AND EMOTIONAL FEELING YOUR HAVING FOR SOMEONE...BECAUSE IF ITS RIGHT THEN THERE WILL BE UNDERSTANDING....COMMUNICATION...WITH GIVING AND RECEIVING...

 

HOPE THIS HELPS

PS THIS IS MY PERSONAL OPINION...i AM BY FAR A DR. PHIL..big smile!!!

BUT KIDS WERE (THOUGH HE WOULDN'T ADMIT THAT) WAS AN ISSUE... HE HAS 4...NONE OF WHICH HE AS ACTUALLY RAISED PAST THE AGE OF 3....

 
October 22, 2006, 4:00 am CDT

not sure if i replied correctly to atlmike

when i attempted to reply and clicked post it came back showing as though i posted your message...sorry and  hope you get my reply...
 
October 22, 2006, 2:10 pm CDT

Dating After 40

Quote From: trish319

I know this is long but I am hopeful/yet confused..and insight would be GREAT....   I met a man 2 yrs ago...things didn't start off well because we slept together on the first date...I HAVE NEVER DONE THIS ACT BEFORE (not on the first date) it was from what I have read thus far in Christian's book OBVIOUSLY a physical attraction....however as weeks went by I noticed he still had a number of an old friend he went to school with and after his 2 divorces he hooked up with her but this time with BENEFITS...(prior to meeting me he was jumping between 2 women just for sex...he stated he had a hatred towards women until he met me..)however as time when on he said because of me his attitude toward women changed however his actions didn't show that....I asked him several time if he slept with this FRIEND and he told me no (I know I know that was a mistake on my part because what he did BEFORE we met is none of my business and I agree 110%) however I asked him several wks later again (HE STILL HAS HER NUMBER IN HIS PHONE) and he admitted yes...well he still would not get rid of the number...Now keep in mind that prior to knowing he slept with her I was for the first time in my life willingly willing to accept that the man that I was dating had another woman's number because I felt if she is JUST a friend then I would one day meet her..however after learning he slept with her and I told him I didn't feel comfortable about him keeping her number he says to me WHAT DOES IT MATTER IF I HAVE HER NUMBER...ITS NOT LIKE I AM USING IT....now being and know how I am I didn't feel that was true...I felt that all he did was replace the other women he was sleeping with with me...(I should had walked away at that time)   I didn't walk away but my self esteem went down hill.  I tried to over come that but as time went on and I would ask him how his day went he would tell me "FINE!!" if I asked him what he did he would say to me "WHAT DOES IT MATTER? IT DIDN'T"T HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH YOU SO ITS REALLY NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS" now he states he only said that once or twice but once is one time too many for me....   I remember telling him I enjoy talking to him over the phone since we didn't get to see each other that often during the week due to our work schedules...and he stated "it didn't matter to him if he talked to me daily or see me daily or not"   however his actions cause me to respond in negative ways with accusations and not necessarily about other women as much as they were about him not caring for me....   but he was able to always make me second guess myself....   well 3 months ago I called him on his lunch break and he answered...we talked 30 seconds at the most and hung up because he was talking with a co-worker (male)..a few days later I called him again on his break and he didn't answer when I asked why he stated "I AM NOT GOING TO ANSWER MY PHONE WHEN I AM WITH MY FRIEND AND ITS YOU THAT IS CALLING BECAUSE I DON'T WANT TO BE RUDE TO THEM" (I know call me STUPID)....however he tried to tell me the way it came out is not how he meant it....well several days later when we were talking he could tell that something was wrong and when I told him that his words he stated were laying heavy on my heart he tells me "I DON'T CARE HOW THOSE WORDS MADE YOU FEEL I JUST WANT TO BE FRIENDS"... I said fine....well after getting over the shock of the reason he broke up with me I got the attitude of "its over" I started to work on healing from the confusion and the hell and hurt we BOTH put each other throughout the past two year....   well its been 3 months since he broke up with me and he is trying to get back with me....he is good with his words.."SWEET" words so good that he could melt the artic circle with them....however part of me thinks if he wasn't sincere then he would had given up weeks ago but then the other part (maybe my ego) tells me that he really hasn't changed...because when I remind him that he broke up with me he tells me "NO I DIDN'T" I then remind him of that days conversation...he then turns it to the reason he broke up with me was because of my accusations....(we started fresh and had been going on a month and I never said anything negative to him)...I remind him that all I stated was that his words were laying heavy on my heart and that is when he stated he didn't care...blah blah blah.....   since he has been trying to get back with me he has went from telling me how much he loves me to if I (me Trish) walks away I will have regrets because he is the great person....and that I will NEVER find another man with his qualities...which is a good paying job, not bad looking, loyal, honest, trustworthy.....blah blah blah...   please give insight....thanks  

Does he still have her number programmed in his phone?  If so then that should answer your question.

 

When someone ask how your days was and the response is just “Fine” that is just a courteous way of answering a seemingly polite question.   If you are truly interested in his day perhaps you should rephrase the question like  “Hey Darling, did you have a great day? If he says just ok or fine just say “awhh  you of all people deserve to have a great day everyday. What can I do so that your day ends on a GREAT note”  I know it’s cheesy but if he wants to tell you about his day he will but only if he feels like you are really interested and not just trying to un cover something.  If there is nothing coming back from him just telling him about your day or maybe talk about weekend plans or projects you two share.

 

I think the response you got was because he feels like you are prying into his private life and he has something to hide.  Remember he is not married to you and he is in the mind set that he is single and can explore other relationships. I think on the majority when guys are in a relationship even though not a committed one but one that includes sex he stills feels some guilt when exploring other options although he rationalizes that it is ok.

 

As for the phone calls.  He has no excuse unless you are calling him like a stalker.  If a guy truly likes you he will always answer the phone.  Even if he can’t talk right them he will politely say so and will ask or tell you he will call you back and he will.  In those cases where he just can’t answer the phone, leave him a nice sweet “just wanted to say hello” message and even if you don’t ask for a call back he will call you back if he likes and values you.

 

Don’t let this guy mess with your ego or self-esteem. I know an easy statement to make.

 

This guy may be looking for a loving relationship or maybe just friends with benefits. My guess is that he just wants sex.  Don’t let the sweet words fool ya.  If he is truly interested in a loving caring relationship with you he will show you not tell you.  Words like I Love You are easy to say and are used by men to get sex.

 

My advice. Check his phone. If the girls number is still there ask him to delete it.  If he says she is just a friend then have him invite her and a friend over for dinner.  Also check all the numbers in his phone. If he really cares about you he won’t have a problem telling you who each one is and deleted those that might pose a trust issue or temptation.

 

Now if you are ok with just being a friend with benefits… I suggest that before you have a sleep over that you have him take you to a nice place for dinner, maybe a movie or comedy club or shopping… And when you are out make sure you look awesome and hang all over him… hold his hand put your arm around him, act like some love crazed high school kids.  Make him work for it…. He will appreciate it more or move on to cheaper pastures in which case he is not worth it…. No matter how great looking or how much he makes or trustworthy he is etc. or even how great the sex is he is not the man for you.

 

Sorry for the long reply…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 
October 22, 2006, 2:19 pm CDT

On line dating for the 40+ crowd

I know there is a message board for “on line dating” but I was curious if any 40+ have had any luck with sites like match.com and eHharmony.com. The ads for eHarmony make it sounds so easy to fine your soul mate.

 

My short time experience with match and yahoo personals was not to encouraging.

 

Any good or bad stories from the 40+ crowd?

 
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