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Topic : Dating After 40

Number of Replies: 1120
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Created on : Friday, September 08, 2006, 12:18:36 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
Whether you're new to the dating scene due to a breakup, or just still looking for Mr. Right, dating after 40 has some unique challenges. Share your stories, experiences and advice here.

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October 22, 2006, 9:43 pm CDT

Dating After 40

Quote From: atlmike

Does he still have her number programmed in his phone?  If so then that should answer your question.

 

When someone ask how your days was and the response is just Fine that is just a courteous way of answering a seemingly polite question.   If you are truly interested in his day perhaps you should rephrase the question like  Hey Darling, did you have a great day? If he says just ok or fine just say awhh  you of all people deserve to have a great day everyday. What can I do so that your day ends on a GREAT note  I know its cheesy but if he wants to tell you about his day he will but only if he feels like you are really interested and not just trying to un cover something.  If there is nothing coming back from him just telling him about your day or maybe talk about weekend plans or projects you two share.

 

I think the response you got was because he feels like you are prying into his private life and he has something to hide.  Remember he is not married to you and he is in the mind set that he is single and can explore other relationships. I think on the majority when guys are in a relationship even though not a committed one but one that includes sex he stills feels some guilt when exploring other options although he rationalizes that it is ok.

 

As for the phone calls.  He has no excuse unless you are calling him like a stalker.  If a guy truly likes you he will always answer the phone.  Even if he cant talk right them he will politely say so and will ask or tell you he will call you back and he will.  In those cases where he just cant answer the phone, leave him a nice sweet just wanted to say hello message and even if you dont ask for a call back he will call you back if he likes and values you.

 

Dont let this guy mess with your ego or self-esteem. I know an easy statement to make.

 

This guy may be looking for a loving relationship or maybe just friends with benefits. My guess is that he just wants sex.  Dont let the sweet words fool ya.  If he is truly interested in a loving caring relationship with you he will show you not tell you.  Words like I Love You are easy to say and are used by men to get sex.

 

My advice. Check his phone. If the girls number is still there ask him to delete it.  If he says she is just a friend then have him invite her and a friend over for dinner.  Also check all the numbers in his phone. If he really cares about you he wont have a problem telling you who each one is and deleted those that might pose a trust issue or temptation.

 

Now if you are ok with just being a friend with benefits I suggest that before you have a sleep over that you have him take you to a nice place for dinner, maybe a movie or comedy club or shopping And when you are out make sure you look awesome and hang all over him hold his hand put your arm around him, act like some love crazed high school kids.  Make him work for it. He will appreciate it more or move on to cheaper pastures in which case he is not worth it. No matter how great looking or how much he makes or trustworthy he is etc. or even how great the sex is he is not the man for you.

 

Sorry for the long reply

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Does he still have her #? Not really sure...

 

check his phone/email?  Have because he has lied to me and when i have found something he states "I CAN"T BELEIVE YOU...YOU FEEL YOU HAVE TO CHECK MY PHONE/EMAIL...DO YOU KNOW HOW THAT MAKES YOU LOOK?  well if he made me feel secure about this relationship then i wouldn't feel i needed to check....

 

as for asking how his day went and what he did? well he isn't much of a conversationalist.  And that was all i was trying to do was to have a conversation with him. 

 

as for the "SWEET" messages left on his phone by me?  Well i have done both...left messages and not left messages and sometimes he would call and sometimes he wouldn't OR if he didn't return my call he would say "I DIDN"T RETURN YOU CALL BECAUSE YOU DIDN"T LEAVE A MESSAGE AND IF YOU CAN'T LEAVE A MESSAGE THEN I FIGURED IT WASN'T IMPORTANT" 

WELL WHEN I QUOTED THOSE WORDS BACK TO HIM ONE DAY WHEN HE CALLED AND DIDN'T LEAVE A MESSAGE HE GETS "nasty" AND TELLS ME I CAN'T BELEIVE YOUR BEING LIKE THAT....

 

I HAVE NEVER CALLED HIM TO THE POINT THAT ONE WOULD CONCIDER IT TO BE "stalking" NOR AM I THE TYPE TO RIDE BY HIS HOUSE.....(he is close to 40 and lives with his parents due to $$$ issues)...BUT YET WHEN WE WOULD BREAK UP "he" WOULD NOT HESITATE TO RIDE BY MY HOUSE OR STOP BY ANYTIME UNANNOUNCED

 

AS FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS...I HONESTLY DON'T THINK I WAS EVER "just" THAT HOWEVER I ALSO DON'T THINK HE CARED FOR ME THE WAY I HOPED...or the way he TRIED to make me think.....

 

HOWEVER HE SAID HE HAS CHANGED BUT I HAVE HEARD THOSE WORDS BEFORE...

 

confused.....

 

 
October 23, 2006, 4:22 pm CDT

Expanding Options

I am not quite 40 yet, have a few months to go but I do consider myself in the "Dating after 40" category.  What I've found is that the options are different and I'm learning to be more open about whom I'm might consider a potential person to date.  To that end, I've recently started dating an older man, He is a young 51.  I really like this guy and have to admit that I was surprised to find that we had so much in common.  I do see him as someone that I could get serious with.  However I do wonder about the age difference and what challenges it could bring down the line. 

 

I'm posting this message seeking some insight/ advise or simply stories of experences that others may have had in dating older men/ women. 

 
October 25, 2006, 2:59 pm CDT

Dating After 40

Quote From: turtle3

I am not quite 40 yet, have a few months to go but I do consider myself in the "Dating after 40" category.  What I've found is that the options are different and I'm learning to be more open about whom I'm might consider a potential person to date.  To that end, I've recently started dating an older man, He is a young 51.  I really like this guy and have to admit that I was surprised to find that we had so much in common.  I do see him as someone that I could get serious with.  However I do wonder about the age difference and what challenges it could bring down the line. 

 

I'm posting this message seeking some insight/ advise or simply stories of experences that others may have had in dating older men/ women. 

Where are the 50+ responsible, reasonable, resourceful, loving, caring, compassionate, passionate, kind, considerate, healthy, not in too bad shape, breathing men? Have they been kidnapped? Do they need to be rescued from some kind of forced imprisonment? No, I'm not talking about the married guys! I just want to have a long-lasting, lifetime relationship with someone who remembers that Dallas was also a TV show and that there was actually a time when TV went off the air - remember the bar codes and the national anthem? It was an automatic "Okay kids, time to go to bed if there was no school the next day! Othewise, you had to wait for the weekend before you could hear that irritating hum that woke you up from you sleeping on the couch and let you know there would be no more TV until around 6 in the morning! I tried dating a guy that was nine years younger than me. I edured hardship for three years and then I realized everything was running according to his agenda and he didn't really care or care to know how I felt. That's not to say that he was not a good guy. He was selfish and self absorbed, but he worked a full-time job and ran a business and was delightd when I could help him with all of the things he wanted to accomplish, but reacted pretty much like a three year old when things didn't go his way! Anyway, I know that some where on the face of this earth, there have got to be some 50+ men still available! Or maybe not! Maybe that's the reason for the discovery of all those new planets. Maybe that's where they are! What do ya' think? By the way, if you are a man and had to put on your reading glasses to read this, good, 'cause I had to put mine on to type it! Can't tell you how many times I backspaced to make corrections! (smile) Halla!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 
October 27, 2006, 1:06 pm CDT

age difference here

Quote From: shebalove

Where are the 50+ responsible, reasonable, resourceful, loving, caring, compassionate, passionate, kind, considerate, healthy, not in too bad shape, breathing men? Have they been kidnapped? Do they need to be rescued from some kind of forced imprisonment? No, I'm not talking about the married guys! I just want to have a long-lasting, lifetime relationship with someone who remembers that Dallas was also a TV show and that there was actually a time when TV went off the air - remember the bar codes and the national anthem? It was an automatic "Okay kids, time to go to bed if there was no school the next day! Othewise, you had to wait for the weekend before you could hear that irritating hum that woke you up from you sleeping on the couch and let you know there would be no more TV until around 6 in the morning! I tried dating a guy that was nine years younger than me. I edured hardship for three years and then I realized everything was running according to his agenda and he didn't really care or care to know how I felt. That's not to say that he was not a good guy. He was selfish and self absorbed, but he worked a full-time job and ran a business and was delightd when I could help him with all of the things he wanted to accomplish, but reacted pretty much like a three year old when things didn't go his way! Anyway, I know that some where on the face of this earth, there have got to be some 50+ men still available! Or maybe not! Maybe that's the reason for the discovery of all those new planets. Maybe that's where they are! What do ya' think? By the way, if you are a man and had to put on your reading glasses to read this, good, 'cause I had to put mine on to type it! Can't tell you how many times I backspaced to make corrections! (smile) Halla!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Hi. I am 44, and the women I was seeing is 51 also. we have had a wonderful time together. there is a lot of being compatible, and I thought, and will still think she is beautiful even if she dumped me this morning. She will possibly be my last. not wanting to be hurt more. god bless.
 
October 27, 2006, 1:08 pm CDT

on line stuff

Quote From: atlmike

I know there is a message board for on line dating but I was curious if any 40+ have had any luck with sites like match.com and eHharmony.com. The ads for eHarmony make it sounds so easy to fine your soul mate.

 

My short time experience with match and yahoo personals was not to encouraging.

 

Any good or bad stories from the 40+ crowd?

Hey I have not found them to be good either. I have not found dating for that matter good for me now. It will be someday, but for safty sake I am going to hide for a while. good luck, and god bless.
 
October 27, 2006, 1:24 pm CDT

same experiences.

Quote From: atlmike

I disagree.  I am 48. Although I find women in there 30s attractive I also find women my age attractive. The problem with a 30 something is that they are not where us 40 / 50 somethings are in our lives.  IE they have kids still at home and most likely younger kids at that.  I dont want to be a father again. Its time to enjoy life as empty nesters.  Travel a little, go to dinners, to the movies learn to dance etc.  The issue I find with women in there 40s is that they have been in a bad marriage and have a chip on their shoulder or they are out for Mr. GQ or a man with lots of money.  Just my 2 cents dont give up or give in or pre-judge.

Hey all. my girlfriend had told me that my schedule with my ex was something she could not live with, and dumped me. I had thought we were making good efforts towards being close. I had made some changes to thing with my ex so we could spend time together, and have fun learnign about each other. My daughter came back home, and then things started to go shouth on me with her. She sumped me this morning telling me she don't want to be hurt anymore. Well Ihad hoped fo rthe same things as her to. I have been hurt before like her. At this point in my life I don't give a crap about being into a relationship. This is to much for me to be involved with now. Being alone is better Ican see this. Sorry for not being hopeful. Just seen the same situation here, and felt like crying. She has made me feel like I was special, and I was not really god bless.
 
October 27, 2006, 6:15 pm CDT

Dating After 40

Quote From: hobart7

Hey all. my girlfriend had told me that my schedule with my ex was something she could not live with, and dumped me. I had thought we were making good efforts towards being close. I had made some changes to thing with my ex so we could spend time together, and have fun learnign about each other. My daughter came back home, and then things started to go shouth on me with her. She sumped me this morning telling me she don't want to be hurt anymore. Well Ihad hoped fo rthe same things as her to. I have been hurt before like her. At this point in my life I don't give a crap about being into a relationship. This is to much for me to be involved with now. Being alone is better Ican see this. Sorry for not being hopeful. Just seen the same situation here, and felt like crying. She has made me feel like I was special, and I was not really god bless.
     I'm so sorry-reading this made me almost cry myself.  The whole dating thing is just horrible.  I know everyone knows I am dating a guy right now, but after the last few experiences, I have decided to protect myself and not get too close, and I think that is why his obnoxious behavior kinda annoys me.  After the widower, I decided from then on I was not going to allow anyone to get too close to me, and so far I have kept to my word.  It's a shame it has to be this way, but opening yourself up like this always ends up hurting in the end.  I wish you the best my friend.  I hope you can heal quickly-I wouldn't recommend doing what I do, but this is my defense mechanism, and the world would be better off if we all didn't have to do these things.  I have lost hope on the dating thing as well, and now, I am just friends with everyone-dating is overrated!!
 
October 28, 2006, 9:09 am CDT

How about dating after 50?

I'd like to see another Dr. Phil show on dating, but I'd like to see it focused on the 50 and over set. I think we have some specific problems that need to be addressed. My biggest frustration is the on-line scene. Most men my age are looking for the proverbial "younger woman". They don't see themselves realistically and are hoping for that one last big romance. I think they forget to look in the mirror...

 

I'm an attractive, well-kep woman who's smart, funny, and a bit overweight. The pickin's are lean out here - even in California!

 
October 28, 2006, 8:14 pm CDT

Advice

Quote From: atlmike

I disagree.  I am 48. Although I find women in there 30s attractive I also find women my age attractive. The problem with a 30 something is that they are not where us 40 / 50 somethings are in our lives.  IE they have kids still at home and most likely younger kids at that.  I dont want to be a father again. Its time to enjoy life as empty nesters.  Travel a little, go to dinners, to the movies learn to dance etc.  The issue I find with women in there 40s is that they have been in a bad marriage and have a chip on their shoulder or they are out for Mr. GQ or a man with lots of money.  Just my 2 cents dont give up or give in or pre-judge.

I enjoyed reading your comment. But, I am really curious and need a man's advice about a situation I am expierencing. I met a really nice man, we dated for 6 months, then he began to change (very moody, drinking excessively, emotionally unavaiable). I understand he came out of a bad 22 year marriage and I understood he was really not able to really be in solid relationship. To make a long story short.....I decided it was time to end it (nothing I did), let's just say he gave me very good indication he was not being monogmous. I told him if he wanted to be with other women that was alright, but please do not include me in that because I will not be a part of that. Six months later, out of the blue.....he calls me and says "I really messed up things with you." I felt that was a very difficult thing for him to say, however, I let him talk and I listened to him. He called me a few times after that, but now it has been 3 weeks and he has not called me. I have not attempted to call him or pressure him by any means.  I just do not understand his intentions and his disappearing act. Is he that wishy-washy or just extremely indecisive?

 
October 29, 2006, 7:24 am CST

Dating

I have been seperated and started on my divorce. I would like to talk and meet people and make some friends, and was wondering when is it okay to go on-line dating or go out with someone. I have friends who have been going through a divorce for 2 yrs. do you wait til it is signed and over. Or can you meet people while you are waiting for the divorce to be settled and signed.
 
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