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Topic : Dating After 40

Number of Replies: 1120
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Created on : Friday, September 08, 2006, 12:18:36 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
Whether you're new to the dating scene due to a breakup, or just still looking for Mr. Right, dating after 40 has some unique challenges. Share your stories, experiences and advice here.

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October 29, 2006, 8:16 am CST

made a mistake.

Quote From: kwindshawn

     I'm so sorry-reading this made me almost cry myself.  The whole dating thing is just horrible.  I know everyone knows I am dating a guy right now, but after the last few experiences, I have decided to protect myself and not get too close, and I think that is why his obnoxious behavior kinda annoys me.  After the widower, I decided from then on I was not going to allow anyone to get too close to me, and so far I have kept to my word.  It's a shame it has to be this way, but opening yourself up like this always ends up hurting in the end.  I wish you the best my friend.  I hope you can heal quickly-I wouldn't recommend doing what I do, but this is my defense mechanism, and the world would be better off if we all didn't have to do these things.  I have lost hope on the dating thing as well, and now, I am just friends with everyone-dating is overrated!!
I have to tell you I made a mistake. This person was confused ,and I had taken it as breaking up. I want her to see me apoligize here ,and I hope she will forgive me. I was just venting, and that was wrong. I am sorry I had hurt you
 
October 29, 2006, 8:24 am CST

made a mistake.

Quote From: hobart7

Hi. I am 44, and the women I was seeing is 51 also. we have had a wonderful time together. there is a lot of being compatible, and I thought, and will still think she is beautiful even if she dumped me this morning. She will possibly be my last. not wanting to be hurt more. god bless.
Hey all. I need to tell this wonderful women I made a mistake. I need to tell her I am sorry, and just can hope she will forgive me. I am sorry I hurt you. I hurt now for me being stupid, and doing this. I pray so you will. PLEASE!
 
October 29, 2006, 6:00 pm CST

Hey all. post relacement.

Quote From: hobart7

I have to tell you I made a mistake. This person was confused ,and I had taken it as breaking up. I want her to see me apoligize here ,and I hope she will forgive me. I was just venting, and that was wrong. I am sorry I had hurt you
something has come to mind that I have to straighten out. I have to say that Ihave hurt a friends feelings ,and that we are not dating. I may have said this wrong. Ijust want others to know this, and not to get the wrong ideas ok. can we be friends, make mistakes woth saying wrong things. It was dumb of me to say it like that. sorry guys.
 
October 29, 2006, 6:13 pm CST

neet to correct a posting.

I have found that I posted this wrong after I sent it. I had not said things right so now I have to correct it. Iam not dating this women we are just friends like so many of us are on these boards. Sorry for any confusion or miss lead feelings.
 
October 31, 2006, 10:23 pm CST

Dating After 40

Quote From: englishknt

im single at 44, and i agree with what you say , although i dont go for the under 35s ,  if  a younger girl came along, id be foolish not to go out with her just because she was under 35. i concur that age is important but it shouldnt be.

 Im sure you are an attractive lady , and will find the right guy soon so dont give up hope.

 i haven't given up hope yet . maybe or should i say hopefully  there is a miss right out there. someone who is intelligent, kind, with a good sense of humour, who is reasonably attractive. and is a millionairess :-),ok the last one was a joke lol. is this a dream or is she really out there. Is there someone for everyone or is that just a saying?.

 mom used to say for every pot there is a lid ....Personally I'm a frying pan
 
November 1, 2006, 2:33 am CST

Dear "dating various ages"........

Hello, I just read the posts on dating of various ages, and wanted to comment on it.  I think one can find ppl in almost any age group (within reason) as a very nice and interested person to go out with...But, I do agree you can also find that someone younger then yourself by more than a couple of yrs., as they are in a different stage in their life, as you are...So, that can make it more difficult...30's true probably still younger kids at home...So, if you're not wanting that, than it's not a good idea...But, it's also true you can't help if you do fall for someone that is either much younger or older than yourself...I guess, you just try not to date anyone like that than...to avoid that from happening...Although, I'm sure it's true ppl whom have been married before, (both men and women) could have a chip on their shoulders...But, I feel that can also happen at any age, if they were married before OR have been in relationships that went sour...I think that one can't categorized women/men in groups...Women from all age groups, could be looking for a man with money...Just like men from all age groups, could be looking for a woman that also has money OR a promising career that includes making good money....It can work both ways...So, I guess it all depends on one's own experiences...But, it's nice to share these experiences here...      dee
 
November 1, 2006, 2:11 pm CST

Stay at home dad.

Quote From: kwindshawn

Unfortunately, it is one of the strains of trying to combine 2 families-this is one of the prime examples of life at our age and why I have lost hope.  There is just so much of this and different viewpoints on how to handle it, that it always ends up being stressful.  This type of thing is what ulitmately caused me to lose the one good relationship I had after the divorce-he always made excuses for the ex as to why she couldn't hold her end of the bargain, although she was a drinker and a druggie at the time and I just couldn't exuse that.

 

Your kids are very important, however she needs to realize that you didn't know her plans, and she needs to be a little more flexible.  It's the parternship thing that everyone talks about.  Other than both sides being more flexible, I don't know what can be done to make it better, however she needs to realize you're not going to put the kids on the back burner either.  These situations scare me in new relationships, cause I know one day I may have to deal with it.  Dating now really sucks, and I yearn for the days when it was so much easier.  I was married for 15 and I still have problems getting out there-even though I really want to be happy again, I just don't have the guts to try anymore.  I know there isn't much advice here, but I hope something in here gives you some hope and that it works out-good luck to you-sincerely.

Hi! I read your posting and I think you are wearing a lot of hats. Certainly, your son is of the utmost importance to you. He's nine, so while I wouln't try to hide anything from him, I would not bombard him with a whole lot of adult reasoning as to why you are going out on a date. If he is especially attached to you, then you may want to start teaching him to be a little more self-reliant and not overly dependent on you. After all, he is not going to spend the rest of his life with you. As far as the lady that you are seeing is concerned, she doesn't have the same concerns as you do because he children are older. She may want to take into consideration that your son's mother is always going to be his mother. This is the set up she walked into when she decided to have a relationship with you. She walked into it with her eyes wide open and now after two years, she should not be wanting to make changes in the script. I think maybe a cruise would be nice for the both of you. Maybe it will give you the time that you need together to decide what direction you are both going to take. Bottom line, your son is a child. He needs his father. She may not always be your girlfriend, but he's always going to be your son. Sheba.
 
November 1, 2006, 4:45 pm CST

Dating After 40

Quote From: shebalove

Hi! I read your posting and I think you are wearing a lot of hats. Certainly, your son is of the utmost importance to you. He's nine, so while I wouln't try to hide anything from him, I would not bombard him with a whole lot of adult reasoning as to why you are going out on a date. If he is especially attached to you, then you may want to start teaching him to be a little more self-reliant and not overly dependent on you. After all, he is not going to spend the rest of his life with you. As far as the lady that you are seeing is concerned, she doesn't have the same concerns as you do because he children are older. She may want to take into consideration that your son's mother is always going to be his mother. This is the set up she walked into when she decided to have a relationship with you. She walked into it with her eyes wide open and now after two years, she should not be wanting to make changes in the script. I think maybe a cruise would be nice for the both of you. Maybe it will give you the time that you need together to decide what direction you are both going to take. Bottom line, your son is a child. He needs his father. She may not always be your girlfriend, but he's always going to be your son. Sheba.
I'm not sure I follow you on this one.  I am a woman, and I think maybe you were replying to a different post and somehow clicked on mine.  My daughter is 19 and well able to start doing things for herself.  I was basically talking about a past relationship I had with a guy i truly loved.
 
November 1, 2006, 6:34 pm CST

Dating someone from out of town..

Hello, I just read this post concerning dating someone out of town...and the difficulties that arise from having an ex and shared custody...I was in a relationship like that myself, and found it very difficult...When your first starting off, it's a slow process in the first place, let alone having the distance/ex and kids to consider...I always felt Kids from first!!  But, I do believe there's got to be a lot of understanding on both sides...In the case of this post, where the ex switched weekends, without knowing about the surprise visit...I think with the distance, it's not a good to have 'surprise' visits...Because, of the arrangements involved...But, if at all possible, perhaps the ex could find someone else to watch their child...and it can work out for everyone...Sometimes, even in marriages both parent, has something they really have to do..and IF you can't have one or the other watch the child, then they need to have some kind of alternative ways...like a friend, babysitter, family member, etc...Because, things do come up....I don't know, I found it very difficult...I even found myself jealous, where I neve have before...Jealous, because perhaps I lived so far away from him...and she was say 5 mins. away...seemed, they communicated and saw one another, more than we did...and I know it's for the child sake...and I agree completely, to try and keep on friendly terms is best...BUT, I also think that each other HAS TO live their separate lives too, especially when another person is involved...(like a new g/f or b/f)....their feelings have to be kept in mind as well...I use to hate, when I felt bad, sad, jealous, or whatever those feelings were...Because, the days he didn't have her, and the ex did...the child would say she also wants the dad there as well...Maybe, I'm wrong...and I needed to be more understanding, but I guess it was just too hard for me...the distance especially.... dee
 
November 4, 2006, 4:48 am CST

Dating After 40

Quote From: dee0123

Hello, I just read this post concerning dating someone out of town...and the difficulties that arise from having an ex and shared custody...I was in a relationship like that myself, and found it very difficult...When your first starting off, it's a slow process in the first place, let alone having the distance/ex and kids to consider...I always felt Kids from first!!  But, I do believe there's got to be a lot of understanding on both sides...In the case of this post, where the ex switched weekends, without knowing about the surprise visit...I think with the distance, it's not a good to have 'surprise' visits...Because, of the arrangements involved...But, if at all possible, perhaps the ex could find someone else to watch their child...and it can work out for everyone...Sometimes, even in marriages both parent, has something they really have to do..and IF you can't have one or the other watch the child, then they need to have some kind of alternative ways...like a friend, babysitter, family member, etc...Because, things do come up....I don't know, I found it very difficult...I even found myself jealous, where I neve have before...Jealous, because perhaps I lived so far away from him...and she was say 5 mins. away...seemed, they communicated and saw one another, more than we did...and I know it's for the child sake...and I agree completely, to try and keep on friendly terms is best...BUT, I also think that each other HAS TO live their separate lives too, especially when another person is involved...(like a new g/f or b/f)....their feelings have to be kept in mind as well...I use to hate, when I felt bad, sad, jealous, or whatever those feelings were...Because, the days he didn't have her, and the ex did...the child would say she also wants the dad there as well...Maybe, I'm wrong...and I needed to be more understanding, but I guess it was just too hard for me...the distance especially.... dee
         I don't want to discourage anyone, but I have found it doesn't work.  My ex was in the Navy, and him being gone all the time pretty much killed our marriage.  You tend to grow in different directions, and when you are finally together again, it becomes an explosive situation.  I know there are a few people out there who have managed to make it work, but for me it doesn't work.  I have to have someone close by to hug and just be with-otherwise I may as well stay single.  It's a tough thing, and keeping a relationship strong is hard enough without that added burden.
 
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