Topic : Dating After 40

Quote From: landesl

I was married at age 23.  Stayed married for 13 years.  Now at 46 years old, I have been divorced for 23 years.  Seems weird doesn't it?  I have to say it was my fault my marriage failed.  I could not be faithful.  Even to this day I like to have my cake and eat it too, as they say.  I now find myself living alone and it is very hard.  I get very lonely.  I do not have any friends.  Even co-workers and I are not close.  I feel like a hermit.  I try to get myself to do things.  I do go to church.  I voluntered as a host at the church.  I am trying to hook up with some ladies who are forming a small group from church.  My neighbors in my apartment complex are not friendly.  Everyone is busy with their own lives.  From an early teenager I have always had a boyfriend and when it ended it was my choice.  My last relationship ended by his choice.  I find myself lost.  I have a really high sex drive and am trying to learn how to satisfy myself.  I want to marry again and have that someone to grow old with.  I almost feel it is too late for me.  I am not interested in partying anymore.  I don't have the energy for that.  I am also a kidney dialysis patient and feel like damaged goods.  How does someone like me ever hope to meet that special someone?  Everyone says when you are not looking.  I am sorry I just don't buy that if I'm not looking he will magically appear.  I want to get it right before I die.  Any suggestions are well received.

Quote From: lawyer2b4me

I have been in a relationship for the past eight months. I am 37 and my boyfriend is 25. We have been together for six years. When we first met I wasn't looking to fall in love I just wanted a friendship. We have a daughter together. She is now 4 yrs old. I was dumped by him after 3 yrs of being together. I was devastated I didn't know what to do. I felt like my heart had been ripped out. I wasn't sure what I did, and I went through this if I could understand why he did this to me period in my life. I usually in the past would get into another relationship, but this time I decided to find out what I could do to make me happy. I cried, laughed, sobbed and ever thing else a person with a broken heart would do. I eventually started to come out of my shell and then I started to feel some hope. I thought he was the worst s.o. b. that ever walked the earth. I tried after about 1yr to go out on a date and I realized that I wasn't ready. I still talked about him with my new date. I realized at that point that I wasn't going to date any more.I was okay and each day it got better and better. I went on with my life started back to school and realized this was going to be the time when my education was the most important. This was going to bring my children and I the things that we deserved with out any one Else's help. I started to forget about him more and more everyday. One day out of the blue he came back around after 2 yrs. We started to see each other again. Everything was going smoothly I still felt Angy and didn't trust him, but I thought I could try for my daughter sake. I felt happier than I had in a long time, and then he started back to his old ways. Sarcastic remarks, maybe they are things that most people wouldn't think were that bad, but I feel everyone should respect each other. I have talked to him about this and he says he will change. I do love him, but I notice that there are many things we don't have in common. I am spoiled he cooks, cleans and is excellent with the kids. But I am not sure we are meant to be together. I feel like if the smart remarks don't change and also I crave affection and he is not that way. He doesn't drive I am always the one to drive. I want to feel like the women in the relationship. My fear is that if we don't work the issues out and we stay together I will continue to get older and I see how hard it is for women who are over forty to get married and be happy. Yes he wants to get married. I don't because I don't want to be unhappy for the rest of my life. I just don't want to waste 5 more years and I will be 42 and he will only be 30. I know no one will be perfect and I wonder if I am being silly? I just need some advice on what to do . I know if you haven't been raised to treat people with kindness, you won't, but I have tried to share my way of thinking with him, but it doesn't work for that long. I do love him but I don't know if my love is enough to fix this. He says age is nothing but a number and I keep saying because he is younger than me. I think I have grown and he hasn't grown enough for me. We don't even like the same music. Our sex life stinks and we can be in the same house and yet are so far apart. I am not sure he won't leave again and I haven't forgotten that he crushed me and the kids before when he left. I am not sure what to do.I know if we broke up again I would be hurt but would it be because of us or because another relationship for me hasn't worked?  I know Demi Moore and Ashton are still together,but we are not them. I sure would love some advice.

 

 

Quote From: meejane

 After all that you wrote about your bf, what would make anyone say you should stay with this man?  Dr. Phil says "the best predictor of future behavior is past behavior" so you'd just be signing yourself up for more loneliness and sarcasm (which is thinly veiled anger by the way).  Just keep in mind the other thing that Dr. Phil says - about the worst thing is wasting one more minute on a relationship with someone who treats you badly.  I am 43 and having a really fun time dating, looking for the right guy but really wanting to get to know them so I stick with a good match.   YOu deserve happiness - your age is just a number so don't let that make you feel like you need to stay in a bad situation for a minute longer!

Quote From: alstonbuzz

I am a 42 year old woman.  I recently made a command decision that I will not sit alone in my home on any more weekends, and that I will find that healthy-good-for-me man.  I am not saying I am an expert at this, but I would like to share my approach. 

 

I recently read a study for job applicants.  Basically in my age group and gender, I would need to apply for 27 jobs to get one interview.  I realized this job hunt is just a numbers game, and I wondered if the same was true for finding a great mate.  So to test my hypothesis, I put together a project plan, with a committee, complete with status updates, and weekly review meetings. 

 

My committee identifed several ways to meet people, including internet dating, coffee shops, similar interest clubs, outings, dog parks...etc.  They helped me feel more approachable, and were a fantastic support circle. I had a weekly report  due every sunday over brunch, on how and who I met and what great qualities they displayed, and the red flags they showed.

 

It took about 3 weeks to really get rolling with my plan... But once it took off, I dated 18 men, in one month. I had coffee or dinner with them, wrote up a review, and crafted many polite follow up emails stating the the candidate did not get the position...so to speak.  I was exhausted, because it was hard work, and I worked on it every evening for about 2 months.

 

I know I sound nuts, but I found a nice guy to date.  We have only been dating a few months and I have no idea where we are going with this, but I do know one thing... I don't sit at home alone on Saturday night anymore.  And my good friends (aka "the committee") had a great time meeting, reviewing, and helping me out, along with some wonderful sunday brunches.

 

Hey, I am just saying...one woman's approach.

Quote From: joycemiles

 

  Wow, You rock!!! Well written and strong comments.   Would you be willing to post those comments on a non profit no personal gain site. Simply trying to prove the more honest sex and age range. Dare to share type of thing.   Please hit me back