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Topic : Dating After 40

Number of Replies: 1120
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Created on : Friday, September 08, 2006, 12:18:36 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
Whether you're new to the dating scene due to a breakup, or just still looking for Mr. Right, dating after 40 has some unique challenges. Share your stories, experiences and advice here.

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May 16, 2009, 6:56 am CDT

Dating After 40

Quote From: dawns_light

I am 42 years old; but, I don't look it.  I'm very petite and I don't look my age.  Men who look at me and ask me out without my ever even opening my mouth get shot down quicker than anything else!  I know they are basing it on my outward appearence and that mskes me mad!  I have a brain!  I own my own business; I can support myself and my family on my own and go to school full time.  There is more to a woman than what you see on the outside!  We have feelings and emotions; we have ideas and dreams.  We aren't a piece of meat!  Basing your dates on looks alone can leave you feeling very empty inside!!  Look beyond outward appearence to the heart...that is where true beauty lies....I know men are visual creatures, but honestly; it gets old!!!

 Welcome to the Real World.

 

 Have you watched Televison lately, besides Dr. Phil? There is a reality show out there about a woman named "Daisy" who is about 21 yrs old, and looks, acts and dresses like a prostitute/stripper. In this show, there are 20 males trying to "win her love" (LOL)...this Daisy character, much like Tila Tequila, or Paris Hilton are women who have no talent, other than their bodies and pretty faces. If Daisy looked average or was overweight, she would not have this show. However, she looks great in a bikini, although she would probably get a headache staring at an English Exam. Hence, 20 men trying to get into her pants. Did anyone besides myself see the "fat" Jessica Simpson photos and the sensation they generated? This society is EXTREMLEY judgemental, and since you are on the dating scene, my advice to you, to weed out the "dogs" is to tell these men who ask you out without talking to you first "I'm sorry, I only want to be friends" and tell them that any dates will be dutch, in seperate cars. This should discourage 90% of them.

 
May 27, 2009, 12:42 am CDT

How do I encourage him to lose weight?

I've known this guy for almost 20 years as a very good friend and recently we've started dating. The only problem is that he's overweight. It didn't bother me before but it does now that I look at us as potential "mates". I'm concerned about his health more now than I was before. Help! How do I encourage him to lose weight without hurting his feelings or damaging the relationship?
 
May 31, 2009, 8:24 pm CDT

relationship with a 42 year old woman

i posted this on the wrong message board by mistake. well here it goes again. hi im daniel and im 16, i consider myself a bit moe mature than some
people my age and tend to find older women to fullfil my love needs, i
didnt think it would come this far but, i am currently in a
relationship with a 42 year old woman(she's not a pedofile if thats
what your thinking) and we both love eachother very much. i already
told her that by the time i was 42 she would be 67 and we both realize
that, i also told her that i would like to be in this relationship for
as long as possible despite the age diference. i need some advice, do
you think i should avoid the prejudice and stay in this relationship
for love or is it not and can never be a true relationship and should
end right now?
 
June 19, 2009, 12:52 pm CDT

She might be using you...

Quote From: patanas

i posted this on the wrong message board by mistake. well here it goes again. hi im daniel and im 16, i consider myself a bit moe mature than some
people my age and tend to find older women to fullfil my love needs, i
didnt think it would come this far but, i am currently in a
relationship with a 42 year old woman(she's not a pedofile if thats
what your thinking) and we both love eachother very much. i already
told her that by the time i was 42 she would be 67 and we both realize
that, i also told her that i would like to be in this relationship for
as long as possible despite the age diference. i need some advice, do
you think i should avoid the prejudice and stay in this relationship
for love or is it not and can never be a true relationship and should
end right now?

Sorry...

 

but a lot of people are in relationships for just the sex. If you can live with that... then continue on grasshopper.

 

 

 

 

 
July 18, 2009, 10:32 am CDT

Dating After 40

Quote From: sublime40s

I know the answer pretty much...just wanted to get some other viewpoints please! [for future reference I recently ran into an x-boyfriend. We were both born in 1960. He's been going through some difficulties - his step-mom was ill and just passed away, his divorce just became final after 2 years..and he also ended a relationship he had after the divorce. We've seen each other quite a few times over the last few months, not going out because he always said he didn't have time, was stressed etc. We've had some good talks, and yes we were intimate. He asked me out to dinner and was going to spend the night for the first time Friday night. I called him as planned to let him know what time I was available, he was supposed to come over when I called.  Instead, he said his friend stopped by and they were drinking beer, could he have a raincheck. He PROMISED he would take me to dinner on Wednesday when I cooked for him-HE asked ME. I said, No, tell him you have plans. When he still persisted, I said I don't want to force you to be with me if you don't want to but I am furious with you. He texted me later, saying sorry, please don't be mad. To me, it was insulting and rude. I felt used, hurt and mad. I told him this. I am not going to see him anymore. He acts like I should not have been mad, he said 'plans change'. Did I overreact? 
No you did not overreact, your boyfreind is a jerk. You would not take this type of treatment from a girl-friend, and you deserve better.   Hang in there girl, I'm almost 50 and have finally found a great man.  If I can, you can.
 
July 18, 2009, 11:13 am CDT

13 & 15 different than "adult"

Quote From: honestguy2

I am a 40 something single father that can relate to your boyfriend. I have 2 great girls aged 13 & 15. I have had a few dates in the last 7 years but I still feel like I am betraying my children when I try to put my needs above theirs. I would probably act in a similar fashion around my kids. I am not sure how long you have been together or how good things are when it is just the 2 of you, but if everything else is good, I think you should give him time and let him get more comfortable with showing affection around his children. I know this is one of the reasons I have made a decision to stay single right now. I am not sure that I could properly build a new relationship while maintaining the bond I have built with my kids. My hat is off to him for trying though. This is just my opinion, I hope it helps

There is a huge difference between having kids that are in their teens as opposed to adult kids.  Teenagers need as much time and energy from their parents as toddlers do.  When your kids are adults, they have their own lives and their is no need to do silly things like not say "I love you" or spend alone time.

What would your man have to feel guilty about?  These kids have gone on with their lives and he needs to also.

 
July 28, 2009, 9:01 pm CDT

confused-fustrated-and upset

Ihave been dateing  my boyfriend for 4 1/2 years now he dose not show me enough attention we both work long hours however he dont want to committ but he says he loves me and will never let me go,and that i remind him of his mom and all her struggels so i feel ok at times but here lately i have been down , in 4 years we have not been on a date,no movies ,dinners ,or special gifts ,no valentines day i spend it alone no christmas iam alone he dont believe in spending money on gifts for holiday occasions never a b-day gift ,he says hes just to damn busy , because of work he has never spent the night i have never been to his house dont know his family ,however he has been to my house once every 2 weeks knows my kids and family, so iam mad i feel as though i have lost alot of time with this guy he repeat his self about loving me daily and i love him ,am i settling or what am i dating myself here or fooling myself i dont know but we just dont see each other at all now our relationship is based on sex, and texting and iam not good at texting all day i get fustrated if you cant talk then wait til you can dont text me. I want to  date other people now and this is old so do you give up love for attention or do i wait til his work load lightens up like he promise and have been promissing for 41/2 long years waiting on affection and special gifts and nice dinners ,what makes it so bad is that other men hit on me and i feel bad that i let them pass me by should i just give him up all the way and start over or keep waiting

 
July 30, 2009, 2:55 am CDT

The most difficult and easiest thing to do would be:

Quote From: ladyleosandra

Ihave been dateing  my boyfriend for 4 1/2 years now he dose not show me enough attention we both work long hours however he dont want to committ but he says he loves me and will never let me go,and that i remind him of his mom and all her struggels so i feel ok at times but here lately i have been down , in 4 years we have not been on a date,no movies ,dinners ,or special gifts ,no valentines day i spend it alone no christmas iam alone he dont believe in spending money on gifts for holiday occasions never a b-day gift ,he says hes just to damn busy , because of work he has never spent the night i have never been to his house dont know his family ,however he has been to my house once every 2 weeks knows my kids and family, so iam mad i feel as though i have lost alot of time with this guy he repeat his self about loving me daily and i love him ,am i settling or what am i dating myself here or fooling myself i dont know but we just dont see each other at all now our relationship is based on sex, and texting and iam not good at texting all day i get fustrated if you cant talk then wait til you can dont text me. I want to  date other people now and this is old so do you give up love for attention or do i wait til his work load lightens up like he promise and have been promissing for 41/2 long years waiting on affection and special gifts and nice dinners ,what makes it so bad is that other men hit on me and i feel bad that i let them pass me by should i just give him up all the way and start over or keep waiting

Let him see this message.

 

Why do you feel you can't tell him how you feel? Are you afraid you may scare him away?  If you feel you will scare him away, then that is evidence the relationship is based in lies and fear; this will never turn out good.

 

By telling him what you are experiencing, your view, you will give him the opportunity to either make a difference so that you don't feel so frustrated, or he won't do anything, meaning he just may not care as much as you would like to believe. :(

 

Put your cards on the table and I don't mean give him an ultimatum. No one likes ultimatums.  But you have every right to tell him you don't feel he is taking this relatioship to a level higher then good friends, with benefits.  I am sure having children puts this in a whole different perspective for him and you as well.

 

How does he feel about your children? Maybe the reason he doesn't stay over is because he doesn't want the children to think he is "more to you" then he really is. Look at his actions, not his words.

 

Men display their love by their actions, not verbally usually.  So when you do talk to him, give him tangible things that he can do to make you feel like he takes this serious. He may need guidance.  Put yourself in his mocassins and see if he can put himself in yours. If not, then this is not going to work because in life, in order to have successful relaitonships, we have to get out of our heads and into our hearts and find compassion for others........its not just about what we want.  Maybe he is afraid of the committment with you so is keeping a safe distance. Understandably but not good if you want more from this.

 

I wish you luck. It is not easy to ask for what we want...there is the risk of not getting it. But if we don't get it, then it gives us to freedom to keep looking......and that is a right that we all have. Peace and happiness to you and your children and your boyfriend.

 
August 13, 2009, 9:15 pm CDT

Run, don't walk

Quote From: twisted_poet

This man has a serious drinking problem. IMHO he needs to see the consequence of his addiction. He gets away from the liquor, sober for a good deal of time and then gets the reward of a woman like you. Then he proves to you that the lying was just a symptom of the drinking. You are not married to him yet and there are plenty of men who would adore a woman that could stick with them through the normal problems of life and marriage much less a self-induced problem. Unless this man has an epiphany in the next couple of weeks he is going to drag you down in some sort of way. To me, being with someone and sticking with them through the tough times does not include this time of trial. If he does not take his sickness seriously, neither should you.
Listen, I spent 18 years with just such a man. I'm telling you...run, don't walk. Don't waste your time on a liar that drinks. Sorry to tell you, but he will never change. My x went to marriage counceling only to use the jargon to do more lying and continue to manipulate me as well as both his sons. We divorced and many years later, he died of his alcohol habit. Life is to short to waste.
 
August 21, 2009, 4:27 am CDT

Lies and lies

I'm new to this. I'm 52 y/o. Last year I met someone that I thought was a good man. Turned out he was demanding, selfcentered, violent, untrustworhty, and used his bill money needed to buy crack and marijuana. Everything was I, me and my. Now when I asked why you kept such a thing from me,its I've been doing this for forty years. Yeah, but I should have been given the option to choose whether I wanted to be involved with someone in drugs. Which after I found out, a lot of things became clear. Now I find myself trying to deal with the break up, because I really loved him. We had originally planned to be married by April 1 2009, which would have been when his appt lease was up.
 
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