Topic : Dating After 40

 Welcome to the Real World.

 Have you watched Televison lately, besides Dr. Phil? There is a reality show out there about a woman named "Daisy" who is about 21 yrs old, and looks, acts and dresses like a prostitute/stripper. In this show, there are 20 males trying to "win her love" (LOL)...this Daisy character, much like Tila Tequila, or Paris Hilton are women who have no talent, other than their bodies and pretty faces. If Daisy looked average or was overweight, she would not have this show. However, she looks great in a bikini, although she would probably get a headache staring at an English Exam. Hence, 20 men trying to get into her pants. Did anyone besides myself see the "fat" Jessica Simpson photos and the sensation they generated? This society is EXTREMLEY judgemental, and since you are on the dating scene, my advice to you, to weed out the "dogs" is to tell these men who ask you out without talking to you first "I'm sorry, I only want to be friends" and tell them that any dates will be dutch, in seperate cars. This should discourage 90% of them.

Sorry...

but a lot of people are in relationships for just the sex. If you can live with that... then continue on grasshopper.

There is a huge difference between having kids that are in their teens as opposed to adult kids.  Teenagers need as much time and energy from their parents as toddlers do.  When your kids are adults, they have their own lives and their is no need to do silly things like not say "I love you" or spend alone time.

What would your man have to feel guilty about?  These kids have gone on with their lives and he needs to also.

Ihave been dateing  my boyfriend for 4 1/2 years now he dose not show me enough attention we both work long hours however he dont want to committ but he says he loves me and will never let me go,and that i remind him of his mom and all her struggels so i feel ok at times but here lately i have been down , in 4 years we have not been on a date,no movies ,dinners ,or special gifts ,no valentines day i spend it alone no christmas iam alone he dont believe in spending money on gifts for holiday occasions never a b-day gift ,he says hes just to damn busy , because of work he has never spent the night i have never been to his house dont know his family ,however he has been to my house once every 2 weeks knows my kids and family, so iam mad i feel as though i have lost alot of time with this guy he repeat his self about loving me daily and i love him ,am i settling or what am i dating myself here or fooling myself i dont know but we just dont see each other at all now our relationship is based on sex, and texting and iam not good at texting all day i get fustrated if you cant talk then wait til you can dont text me. I want to  date other people now and this is old so do you give up love for attention or do i wait til his work load lightens up like he promise and have been promissing for 41/2 long years waiting on affection and special gifts and nice dinners ,what makes it so bad is that other men hit on me and i feel bad that i let them pass me by should i just give him up all the way and start over or keep waiting

Let him see this message.

Why do you feel you can't tell him how you feel? Are you afraid you may scare him away?  If you feel you will scare him away, then that is evidence the relationship is based in lies and fear; this will never turn out good.

By telling him what you are experiencing, your view, you will give him the opportunity to either make a difference so that you don't feel so frustrated, or he won't do anything, meaning he just may not care as much as you would like to believe. :(

Put your cards on the table and I don't mean give him an ultimatum. No one likes ultimatums.  But you have every right to tell him you don't feel he is taking this relatioship to a level higher then good friends, with benefits.  I am sure having children puts this in a whole different perspective for him and you as well.

How does he feel about your children? Maybe the reason he doesn't stay over is because he doesn't want the children to think he is "more to you" then he really is. Look at his actions, not his words.

Men display their love by their actions, not verbally usually.  So when you do talk to him, give him tangible things that he can do to make you feel like he takes this serious. He may need guidance.  Put yourself in his mocassins and see if he can put himself in yours. If not, then this is not going to work because in life, in order to have successful relaitonships, we have to get out of our heads and into our hearts and find compassion for others........its not just about what we want.  Maybe he is afraid of the committment with you so is keeping a safe distance. Understandably but not good if you want more from this.

I wish you luck. It is not easy to ask for what we want...there is the risk of not getting it. But if we don't get it, then it gives us to freedom to keep looking......and that is a right that we all have. Peace and happiness to you and your children and your boyfriend.