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Topic : Dating After 40

Number of Replies: 1120
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Created on : Friday, September 08, 2006, 12:18:36 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
Whether you're new to the dating scene due to a breakup, or just still looking for Mr. Right, dating after 40 has some unique challenges. Share your stories, experiences and advice here.

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September 13, 2006, 9:59 am CDT

dating after

Quote From: kwindshawn

I'm sorry-I can imagine how that feels.  My dad jumped into a marriage shortly after the divorce, and it lasted a few days.  To my knowledge,my mom hasn't dated hardly at all, and the one she did date was more friendship than anything.  Both folks are very bitter, and I don't see either one ever marrying again or even dating for that matter.  It sucks for everyone really-I just hope I can have some friendship for the rest of my life-but one thing-I will be more careful this next time, and I am going to be really careful about allowing myself to feel to much for anyone.

I am 64 and have been single for over 30 years.  In my earlier years I dated a lot, now that I am over 60 - welllllllll I found out it does not matter how good you look, once a man finds out your are over 60 - forget it, most are looking for someone younger.  Turn the wheel, woman shouldn't have to settle.  Tell some "over" 60 man you are only interested in a younger man who can keep up with you!

 

Please don't smoulder.  Life is too short.    don't spend energy  looking for Mr Right, if he's out there,  he'll find you.

I figure, I am right where I am suppose to be, and that is an ok place.

 

good luck!

 

 

 
September 13, 2006, 5:07 pm CDT

Dating After 40

Quote From: singhlu

I am 64 and have been single for over 30 years.  In my earlier years I dated a lot, now that I am over 60 - welllllllll I found out it does not matter how good you look, once a man finds out your are over 60 - forget it, most are looking for someone younger.  Turn the wheel, woman shouldn't have to settle.  Tell some "over" 60 man you are only interested in a younger man who can keep up with you!

 

Please don't smoulder.  Life is too short.    don't spend energy  looking for Mr Right, if he's out there,  he'll find you.

I figure, I am right where I am suppose to be, and that is an ok place.

 

good luck!

 

 

I have never been much of a dater in my life-I was usually the last one to get picked for anything-that included.  Now that time is no longer on my side, it is even more impossible to hope for a date or anything long term either.  I lost my friend of 2 1/2 years-he's a widower and the whole time he was thinking of her.  IN january it stopped because I went to his new apartment and there were pics of her everywhere but none of us.  I don't think it was intentional, but it still cut me to the core-and I am finding I have not recovered and probably never will.  My trust is skewed now and I look at men differently, even though I crave a relationship and wish I had someone who gave a damn about me.  Just the hugging and that sort of thing is the void I can't fill.  I am trying not to be bitter, but men are not interested, and the few who have shown any inteest just used me to get what they want.  So, i don't know if I can ever be happy again.  People tell me men do not make you complete, but I sure do miss their companionship............

 
September 13, 2006, 5:07 pm CDT

Dating After 40

Quote From: kwindshawn

I have never been much of a dater in my life-I was usually the last one to get picked for anything-that included.  Now that time is no longer on my side, it is even more impossible to hope for a date or anything long term either.  I lost my friend of 2 1/2 years-he's a widower and the whole time he was thinking of her.  IN january it stopped because I went to his new apartment and there were pics of her everywhere but none of us.  I don't think it was intentional, but it still cut me to the core-and I am finding I have not recovered and probably never will.  My trust is skewed now and I look at men differently, even though I crave a relationship and wish I had someone who gave a damn about me.  Just the hugging and that sort of thing is the void I can't fill.  I am trying not to be bitter, but men are not interested, and the few who have shown any inteest just used me to get what they want.  So, i don't know if I can ever be happy again.  People tell me men do not make you complete, but I sure do miss their companionship............

Besides that, should I just give in and give them what they want?  At least it's something
 
September 13, 2006, 5:09 pm CDT

When you really know who you are and what you want in your life, you'll meet more than you can date! They're out there, just be choosy!

Quote From: kwindshawn

new topic-hmmm.  Dating after 40? Nonexistent.  Anyone else having any luck?

I started dating my significant other when I was almost 44 and he was almost 50. We are still together and now I'm 46 and he's almost 52. We still have our ups and downs, we still don't live together, but at least the discussion of it in the future is not off the table. We love each other immensely, but there are still some "issues". Mainly, I have young children 5 and 10 at home and the rest of our kids are all grown up and moved out. Neither one of us talk marriage at all because I'm just not convinced that it's necessary to maintaining a life-long committed relationship. I'm not opposed to marriage, just opposed to jumping into it because it's what is expected after a period of time. I don't have a need at this point to be married, I certainly love him more than I loved any of my ex husbands, (I've had 3....but don't judge!) but marriage again? I don't know. Maybe if I was dying and needed the medical insurance. Hey! Just being realistic. Good Luck. There are some great ones out there, just don't settle.
 
September 13, 2006, 5:17 pm CDT

Dating After 40

Quote From: vickisal

I started dating my significant other when I was almost 44 and he was almost 50. We are still together and now I'm 46 and he's almost 52. We still have our ups and downs, we still don't live together, but at least the discussion of it in the future is not off the table. We love each other immensely, but there are still some "issues". Mainly, I have young children 5 and 10 at home and the rest of our kids are all grown up and moved out. Neither one of us talk marriage at all because I'm just not convinced that it's necessary to maintaining a life-long committed relationship. I'm not opposed to marriage, just opposed to jumping into it because it's what is expected after a period of time. I don't have a need at this point to be married, I certainly love him more than I loved any of my ex husbands, (I've had 3....but don't judge!) but marriage again? I don't know. Maybe if I was dying and needed the medical insurance. Hey! Just being realistic. Good Luck. There are some great ones out there, just don't settle.
I have an aunt who was married 5 times-I don't judge, for sure.  I think those of us who are divorced had the courage to put a stop to the bad treatment-I see nothing wrong with that!!  I absolutely will never ever marry again, but I would like a guy who cared about me-there are just some voids in life that can't be filled-and this is one for me.  I still don't get any dates-I have one now who I go out with, but he is just wanting to take me to bed-I'm thinking about allowing it, at least it's better than nothing-and right now nothing is what I have...
 
September 13, 2006, 5:50 pm CDT

Don't jump into anything without thinking about the aftershock!

Quote From: kwindshawn

I have an aunt who was married 5 times-I don't judge, for sure.  I think those of us who are divorced had the courage to put a stop to the bad treatment-I see nothing wrong with that!!  I absolutely will never ever marry again, but I would like a guy who cared about me-there are just some voids in life that can't be filled-and this is one for me.  I still don't get any dates-I have one now who I go out with, but he is just wanting to take me to bed-I'm thinking about allowing it, at least it's better than nothing-and right now nothing is what I have...
If this guy just wants to take you to bed my advice is be sure this is something that you can live with, so that it does not add to your depression! Is he a true friend? A long term friend? Or just some guy who wants to get off and say see ya never? Cause if he even remotely seems like that kind of guy, don't waste your time on him. Not worth it. I can only speak from experience that having meaningless sex is not fullfilling and sometimes it only makes the void larger!!!  Get out there and meet people! Make friends! Get out of your depression by doing things that make you happy! I don't care if it's going to museums, or garage sales. Figure out what you really love to do, and go do it!!!  Men are great, but they aren't the end all and be all if they aren't with you as a true "PARTNER", and just there for the "RIDE".
 
September 13, 2006, 6:12 pm CDT

Dating After 40

Quote From: vickisal

If this guy just wants to take you to bed my advice is be sure this is something that you can live with, so that it does not add to your depression! Is he a true friend? A long term friend? Or just some guy who wants to get off and say see ya never? Cause if he even remotely seems like that kind of guy, don't waste your time on him. Not worth it. I can only speak from experience that having meaningless sex is not fullfilling and sometimes it only makes the void larger!!!  Get out there and meet people! Make friends! Get out of your depression by doing things that make you happy! I don't care if it's going to museums, or garage sales. Figure out what you really love to do, and go do it!!!  Men are great, but they aren't the end all and be all if they aren't with you as a true "PARTNER", and just there for the "RIDE".
That is the problem-I can never have any fun time-I am going to school full time and working full time and dealing with a very clingy daughter that getting any time to myself is next to impossible.  So meeting people and being around people my own age is damn near impossible.  (even though she is 19 and should be doing her own thing) Anyway, I'm not sure what his deal is-he works 3rd shift so any time together is a real challenge.  I really don't know any different-I haven't really had a good relationship in my life-with the exception of the widower-every guy I've ever been around has been after tail, so to me it's just the way they are.  So, they say they want a relationship, but I know they are all lying and really not wanting that at all.  So, I don't know-the void consumes almost my whole being, and I can't imagine it getting any bigger.  I feel I am running out of time-crazy or not, that's how I see it with the world events going the way they are-and I guess that's what drives my desparation.
 
September 13, 2006, 6:50 pm CDT

Forgot one thing!

Quote From:

HOLD YOUR HEAD HIGH, PUT YOUR GAME FACE ON, AND GO OUT THERE WITH THE MINDSET THAT YOU ARE A SPECTACULAR FABULOUS WOMAN WITH A MILLION QUALITIES AND THAT ANY MAN WOULD BE LUCKY TO HAVE YOU! (You can fake it for a couple days and just try it, say, as a test. An excercise, if you will. See what happens.) Time for you to leave the self-pity party dear, because you are headed in a direction that I hate to see ANY woman go through. And I don't even know you, but I can tell you, the party you are at is a drag, and it's only going to get worse, unless you walk out the door and leave it. Best of Luck.

 
September 14, 2006, 12:35 pm CDT

dating after 40

 I have this problem with my boyfriend after he had givin me an angagment at that after being together for 5 years, now he is getting nervous. he does not want to go to a motel or hotel after we wed because he cannot afford it  i'm thinking how cheap can you get. he would rather stay home. he is 30 I am 52.

darklore
 
September 14, 2006, 3:36 pm CDT

I've never thought of myself as a prude but....

I have been divorced for over 6 years, have 3 grown children, (I'm in my early 50s) and have had one semi-serious relationship since my divorce (it lasted over a year and I ended it when he admitted that he didn't like my younger son).  My problem is that now I'm dating another man -- we've been dating for awhile now, and the last time we were together, and making love, he (in the heat of the moment, so to speak) took digital photos of my private areas.  Then, when I jokingly (because I didn't really know how to bring it up) confronted him the next morning, his first response was "Wow, it didn't have a flash, I didn't know you knew I was doing that!"  Then, the next evening he told me that he had deleted the pictures from his camera because he "felt bad and guilty".  I don't know if I believe that or not.  Also, he's EXTREMELY needy, always touching and rubbing me, subtly trying to make me feel guilty for not touching him constantly -- and still talks about his wife (who died more than 3 years ago) frequently, usually tearing up each and every time he talks about her.  I feel like I'm being obligated to care for this man and it's driving me away from him, but I'm afraid to tell him because I honestly don't know how he'll react.  Am I being overly sensitive or do I really have a problem?  I really feel like the camera thing was a violation -- but I'd like to hear from others out there -- maybe I am just being too picky -- I just don't know anymore.
 
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