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Topic : Dating After 40

Number of Replies: 1120
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Created on : Friday, September 08, 2006, 12:18:36 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
Whether you're new to the dating scene due to a breakup, or just still looking for Mr. Right, dating after 40 has some unique challenges. Share your stories, experiences and advice here.

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September 26, 2006, 7:39 pm CDT

bite back!!

Quote From: alttwssf

Im in love with a man with a complicated life. His wife died of cancer 7 years ago and left him to raise a daughter with cystic fibrosis. Ive been dating him for five years now and things are getting more complicated than ever. His daughter (who is 18 years old now) has used his guilt against him to control him and not let him move forward with our life together, always letting me know she comes first. We built a house together and had planned on moving into it until Dana wanted to move up town so her father and her have recently gotten a rental house together and are living there together. I on the other hand am just waiting for mine and his relationship to begin with some us time. Examples we will be together and she will call around 6-7 times not letting us have any alone time. He is there for her beck n call and Im left waiting again. The other night we were in an intimate moment and she called his cell and he jumps up and answers it and continues to talk! I know that he feels like if he is not with her all the time and gives her whatever she wants then he feels that when she gets sick again he will feel like a bad father, but I am again waiting behind her or on the sidelines. Im very confused because we both want this to work but I believe I can only give so much without getting anything back. We have taken breaks before and I always end up going back because I do sympathize on some levels with him and feel sorry for him when he is crying to me about his bad childhood.  If anyone could help on this matter or give advice please.

Gosh giorl Wher has womans ba kbones gone??

Grab tat phone nxt time and speak ibto it!! AND sy HE will ralk 2 U later WE are busy,We sr busy, very Nice soft and sexy,,AND hang up,...The Catch is to keep your husband in a good moof and show NO signs that you feel guilty.

Just say "we cannot have her interruptoing my "almost orgasm" or something like that.Do you get it? KEEP a smile on your face. If the person you want to keep DOES NOT KNOW you are mad or Bothered by "whatever" chance are HE will continue normally if you keep STABLE GOOD energy control. It just is but  it is ALL about keeping a SMILE on your face and talking to the child quietly and with respect!! The child will 1st be a little confused and qurious to find out later sokeep it SEXY with "CLOSENESS" to your hubby!!DO YOU UNDERSTAND?? I Despise typing,

Lynda ,,,LAULETTA at bellsouth dot net

 
September 26, 2006, 7:53 pm CDT

stop

Quote From: niciroush

Have had similar experience with last boyfriend.  Knew he had bad past but at the wise old age of 45 still thought he might be ready to grow up.  Long story short, we were friends for a couple of months.  Ended up in bed almost by accident and the hormones flew - have you heard of oxytocin?  Not oxycotin - had men that had been there too!!!

 

Anyway, after an extremely bitter, disappointing divorce I hadn't dated in five years.  Had gained some weight, had been drinking previously, and getting over serious illness.  Had lost weight, feeling much better, looking great when he came into my life.  I emphasized that I had to have absolute honesty in a relationship.  Also told him of all of my ex's misbehavior.  When it was all said and done I felt like he was making mental notes like, she'll accept lying, drugs, stealing, etc., etc., etc.,

 

Between the hormones and the absolute hope that things might work out, I overlooked alot of conflicting stories, outright lies, and other seemingly small but telling hints - no absolute obvious facts that he wasn't a good honest guy I was looking for.  Finally with the help of a few good friends, and wisdom from relationships past I was able to boot him.  Our stories are somewhat different but the point I'm trying to get across is if your gut is telling you something, listen.  Although it was hard to restart living single again, I'm much happier that I did.  I've also found that making a few good friends has made all of the difference.  Denise

WHY do women today have NO self esterem???? LEAVE!!! You have to do it first.If he does noot RUN after you by the FIRST week.. chances ar he is having the AFFAIR!! ANY relationship with ONE part of the MEMORY BRAIN that has another person in it DOES NOT NOT NOT have the capability to bring ALL the attention and enerrgy home to YOU!!

STOP IT!!!
GO.. Go to a friends for start but you MUST soubd completely convincing,,becauase it is hard..NO CRYING! NO babble babble discussions. GIVe him the piece of youy EVERY EVERY EVERY MAN NEEDSSSSSSSSSS;  INDEPENDENCE and a darn little bit of MYSTERYl

YOU Will have iot all if you do a SIMPLE thing. lauletta at bellsouth dot net.(Lynda)

 
September 30, 2006, 5:58 am CDT

worried about the future

 hello, is there really life out there after being in a devoted 23 year marriage, ( i know there is and life will go on but sometimes you just feel like asking this question) i have been married for 23 years and am seperated now and in the process of getting a divorce. were trying to keep it amicable but it seems like at every turn spouse is  giving me a few more jabs. she filed and wanted the divorce,and in hindsight she has done the right thing , because truthfully neither one of us has been happy for the last couple of years. i guess the only good thing about our situation is both of my kids are 18&20 so that has been a blessing.i guess i am posting on this board looking for people with  shared experiences to chat with.and who knows couldnt every one stand to make some new friends, i know i would like to .  jeff
 
October 1, 2006, 5:58 am CDT

Dating After 40

Quote From: padoos

 hello, is there really life out there after being in a devoted 23 year marriage, ( i know there is and life will go on but sometimes you just feel like asking this question) i have been married for 23 years and am seperated now and in the process of getting a divorce. were trying to keep it amicable but it seems like at every turn spouse is  giving me a few more jabs. she filed and wanted the divorce,and in hindsight she has done the right thing , because truthfully neither one of us has been happy for the last couple of years. i guess the only good thing about our situation is both of my kids are 18&20 so that has been a blessing.i guess i am posting on this board looking for people with  shared experiences to chat with.and who knows couldnt every one stand to make some new friends, i know i would like to .  jeff
We were amicable through and after our divorce-even though there were a few times I could have killed him and he probably could have killed me.  Those little jabs and things do come up from time to time through the process.  I have moved on, and he definitely has-he remarried.  And sometimes I wonder, how is it  he was able to find someone so quickly and I don't even have a prospect?  We have only been divorced 4 years, and I am no closer to finding a partner than I ever was.  It's harder after 40 I think because we all have hurtful experiences to work through and it is all so fresh that we are not as open as when we were younger.  I was married 15 years and the last few were awful-took me a lot of courage to do it, but after we were physically apart two weeks and the divorce wasn't even final, he was already dating again.  So, it just takes time I guess to get through it.  One of the other boards mentioned a divorce aftercare program that is run by churches-I am not a church goer-but at the time I wish I had taken them up on it-if nothing else it makes the pain a little more manageable from what I've heard.  Anyway, hope this helps-I battle severe depression along with this and I had wished I had done that only to help make new friends and to make my life more enjoyable, since right now I am still very isolated.
 
October 4, 2006, 4:36 pm CDT

Dating After 40

Dating after 40??????? is there such a thing.....I've been so busy with raising kids and getting them through school and working...who has the energy.....
 
October 4, 2006, 4:56 pm CDT

Dating After 40

Quote From: rvnsshadow

Dating after 40??????? is there such a thing.....I've been so busy with raising kids and getting them through school and working...who has the energy.....
I have that problem too-although mine is in college, but we fight a lot.  I am too tired also-although at night when I'm falling asleep, it does cross my mind and I get depressed over it
 
October 6, 2006, 2:43 pm CDT

I agree!

Quote From: rvnsshadow

Dating after 40??????? is there such a thing.....I've been so busy with raising kids and getting them through school and working...who has the energy.....
     Dating after 40? Most men that I know want woment that are 35 or younger. Dating in my 40's has been scratched off my list. I cannot compete with 30 somethings.
 
October 6, 2006, 3:01 pm CDT

Dating After 40

I was separated from my husband for 16 years before I even tried to date.  I had enough other things to do to keep me busy.  I spent that time learning why my marriage didn't work so I wouldn't make the same mistakes; raising two small children; working to maintain my home and family.  Who had time to date?  Now, I'm 48, both kids in college, own my home, successful in my career and dating a wonderful man I met on the internet.  I'm a much better person for the years I invested in my family as opposed to running out to try to find someone to share my life with.  My advice...set some unselfish goals, be a strong person determined to meet those goals, spend every available minute raising and guiding your children and learn to rely on yourself.  Once you are content with yourself and know you've successfully raised your children, then you are ready to commit to someone else.  Don't date to try to fill a void in your life...try to find someone who is capable of leaving a void.
 
October 6, 2006, 5:33 pm CDT

desparate at 40

Yes I am in my mid-forties and will soon have to be searching for Mr. right? Despite thinking Mr. right was with me for 25 years. It is disheartening when another 40 year old can not find her own forty old man! 
 
October 6, 2006, 6:04 pm CDT

My thoughts about being over 40

I'm 41 and barely over it but have used the dating sites.  Men have a smorgasbord of women to pick from and want to sample everything.  I haven't been giving out samples.  I'd like an activities partner just don't want the sex except that everything to men has to do with sex or money and if you aren't giving them either/or they are out of there.  I've never been married and have loved my own company and have plenty of family and friends around the area.  I just bought a 2006 PT Cruiser and am taking a driving test Oct 24th and looking forward to my freedom of taking road trips next year.  I'm always occupied.  I plan on finishing up my associates in science so i can go onto nursing school.  life isn't always about relationships but improving self and getting on with life.  too many people just want to wait to meet someone to make their lives happen.  too bad i'm getting on with mine. 
 
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