Topic : Dating After 40

As a man in my late 40's and having gone through a VERY painful divorce myself, I can only suggest that you don't give up on him if he's into you, but reserved because of his past experiences. He'll come around with some nurturing, understanding and support.

If he's aware of your (frequent dating), that will be sure to keep him at bay. One who has been hurt and hurt badly needs someone who is ONLY there for them. His knowledge of your dating may stir his memory of the past and create reservations on his part. I speak only for myself and how I would feel.

Needing some advice - I have been seening someone for 1.5 year who I am crazy about as well as the kids.  I just found out that he is in debt - and doesn't own his car.  I have a house paid for etc.  Do I continue with this relationship? Very stressed thinking about the future and my kids.

Were in our mid forties - what to do? 

I think I'd gently dig into the reason why he seems in a precarious financial position at his age. Was there a divorce that he maybe got the "short end of the stick?" Has he had to pay enormous sums of child support? There are very real reasons why perfectly good men might find themselves in a less than desirable financial position.

Is he a hard worker? Does he appear to have good spending habits? Is he frugal with his money without being a tightwad, or does he spend money like there's no tomorrow? Does he pay his bills on time? Is he responsible with his money?

I think there are some hard questions that you need answers to. If he appears to be a hard working man, and uses what money he does have wisely, I don't see why you couldn't continue forward with the relationship.

If it progresses into something that will be permanent, there are ways to protect your financial future, and that of your children. Good luck...

Oh my!   Please please please proceed with caution.   As for me and the experience I have had in this, if it ever happened to me again I would leave the person and the situation behind.  In a heartbeat. 

I married someone that I had known for 15 months.  Before we married I specifically asked him about finances - what he owed on - what we needed to take care of - credit card debt - I asked him to let me know so we could take care of things together.    He looked me straight in the eye and told me that he didn't have credit cards - his boat was paid for and everything was fine.  We married - I moved into his home (and left mine) and found out shortly thereafter (when he went in the hospital and I started getting the mail and taking phone calls) that he was three months behind on his house (the bank was ready to do a walk-through), another bank was wanting to come pick up his truck, he had not made a boat payment in 5 months and they couldn't get in touch with him to locate the boat, his gas was off in his house and had been for a year (he told me that he didn't want to pay an $8/rate a month in the summer months because it was a waste), he had three credit cards and two companies were suing him.   I was devastated and it cost me $12,000.00 to be with him for 8 months.  I gave up the home I lived in - lost deposits from the quick move - had to come up with other deposits, etc.   This is a man that makes around 80,000.00 a year.   Oh and by the way, I never say his checks and did not know what he made UNTIL after we were married and I saw a check stub in his desk drawer at the office. 

I'm curious how you found out about his debt after you were together for a 1.5?   Oh and by the way, he was 50 years old.   (And this didn't just involve me - it involved my two sons - and his two kids as well.   Let me add here, he doesn't pay child support either as him and his wife split time with the kids equally.   AND, he has little to no furniture in his house.   What was there belonged to his parents.  

Stay in touch.  I'm curious on this one...

I am 47 and just left my husband of 7  years. This was my first marriage and I have dated ad nauseum up to then. I think that is really funny......knowing that you are settling vs. settling and not knowing...good one.....I can relate. :)

I have a few guy friends that I have dated over the years and the strange thing about it, now that I am single and they want to get highly involved, I don't want to. Even though I like them, actually even can say I love them, I know that if we didn't hook up over the years, doing so now could possibly jeapordize our great love/friend relationship.

I don't want to settle because the guys that we settle for are bound to get hurt....and hurt equals "pain in the ass crap". Now that I am living alone, 3 days, I am gettting numerous requests from guys that have been waiting for me to be single. When I was married, they looked good...now that I am single I don't want to see them. So, in a way, that is proof that I was using them.....Unfortunately they are really sweet guys and I am going to have to let them down gently.

Now that I am single again, I am not going to date for at least 6 months. By next summer I will be read to explore romance again. I don't want to settle any longer. From here on in, no more romance unless I want it and I am in control. If we give the settlee an inch, they will most likely want to take a foot. 

I am not looking forward to dating again. As a matter of fact, I am not going to and I know this is going to create a lot of hurt feelings.

The man I am seeing first told me how much he had.....so I googled him and found out that what he had was repossessed by the county as he had not been paying his child support.  So for $50.00 you can do a google search and learn a lot.  I did confront him with my info and he did fess up.  Yep, I am still seeing him as it is easier to just date him than be out there in that singles scene.  However, I know I must be very careful with him as who knows.......I do own my home, car and have a good retirement and bank account. If fact, it seems there is something wrong with every man I have dated since by 30 yr marriage suddenly ended 3 yrs ago.

I've been reading these boards for awhile and use to post years ago.  Well here I am back and wanting to post about my boyfriend.  I met this man online about 3mths. ago.  He's really cute and at first had a great personality.  He told me very quickly that he had strong feelings for me but wasn't sure if it was love.  I told him time will tell so we have been dating and staying the night with one another.  I am 44 and he is 45yrs. old.  We both have great jobs.  I am so annoyed by the fact that this man never pays for anything!  When we went away one weekend which he invited me I payed for almost everything!  We even took my car and I payed for all the gas and even pumped it!  He never even offered!  When we go anywhere his excuses are that he lost his Debit card or doesn't want to pay with a credit card because of finance charges or he left his wallet at home!  Or he will just sit or stand there looking at me and giving me the go ahead to pay.  I quit going anywhere with him because he is making me damn broke!  He has a 16yr. old daughter who is always demanding money from him and I've watched him almost on a daily basis give him every dollar and cent on him!  When we do anything this girl calls everytime demanding he bring her money or take her to get something to eat.  You know what he drops what were doing and goes and takes care of her demands.  I got so mad at him one time when we were sitting down to eat a dinner that took me awhile to prepare well his ex-wife called demanding he come get his daughter and take her shopping for school supplies she needed because she was broke!  He actually was out of my house in 15 seconds of that call!  When I got mad at him about it and said something he got mad at me and accused me of keeping him from doing his fatherly duties!!!  He then broke up with me!  I was like well good!  He then was right back in 2 days begging for forgiveness.  This stuff has never ended with his daughter and ex.  The daughter never says hello to me or makes any eye contact with me and pretends I'm not even there.  I find it very disrespectful and shameful on my BF's part for allowing her to be that way to me.  If I say anything to him about her he will just yell at me and start putting me down like he has done several times.  My kids are grown and on there own doing very well so I have alot of time on my hands.  This guy gets mad at me if I don't come by his house everytime I'm near his house.  He's mad at me if I don't call him all day.  Everytime he gets mad at me he calls me on the phone and tells me what an angry person I am all the time to him and how forgetful I am about our plans.  He will ask me which personality is he talking to this time... He makes me feel like something is wrong with me and tries to convince me that something is wrong with me.  OMG!  I think the only thing wrong with me is that I keep taking his crap!  I take him back everytime.  He tells me all the time I have a problem with communication.  I have been single for 3yrs. and all my adult life all I have done is work and raise my sons.  There is nothing wrong with me mentally and I'm not crazy.  I don't know though why I keep this man around.  Honest to god not one time have I ever picked a fight with him nor done anything intentionally to this man.  He says he wants a future with me.  He is buying a house he can't afford and I told him last night all his money will go to make a mortgage and barely enough for household bills.  His response was well what's left will go to my daughter and what she needs.  I asked him well what about us and he said well we have to stay home unless you want to pay.  What kind of answer is that? 

I'm so fed up with this crap but don't seem to have the courage to break it off for good and don't really know why?

Any feedback out there????

Cindy

Thank You