Topic : 09/11 Biggest Love Mistakes

My 30 year old daughter has 4 children (all born outside of marriage by different fathers) . I bought some property far from where we lived and she moved there to make a new start. She was pregnant when she moved, and only recently weaned her baby (2.5 years after the move) but within DAYS of weaning the baby she had hooked up with an ex-felon who has 2 babies by 2 different women (born 28 days apart). I suspect he, the man, suffers from fetal alcohol syndrome because he seems simple in many ways. My daughter moved him and one of his babies into the 6 bedroom house I built her. I told her I didn't want him living on my property so if she wanted to live with him she would have to move. He ended up moving out but he left the one baby behind with her and left her pregnant! She says they are still in love. To top off this whole Jerry Springer-like story, my 15 year old granddaughter has been acting out to such a point that she was cutting herself and choking herself. I offered to take her and Social Services backed me up so now she's living with me. Wow. Any advice? I sure don't want my grand daughter to go down the same path as her mother. I also recognize that I have limited power and rights to tell my adult daughter anything. By the way, my other kids are normal, healthy, functioning, etc. If I'm doing something wrong - tell me! And if I'm not and I just need to let go, some encouragement would be great. Thanks.

Dear Dr. Phil:

 

It never ceases to amaze me the ridiculous lengths women will go to, the abuse they will endure and the denial they will allow themselves to wallow in simply to be married or "with" a man.  Some one needs to tell this gal that if it looks like a duck, and it walks like a duck....guess what?  IT'S A DUCK!  Does she need a brick wall to fall on her head, before she gets it? 

 

I can't wait to watch this show and all the rationalizing she does to stand on the right side of wrong.

 

I truly hope you can open this gal's eyes.

 

Best wishes, Mickey Drake

 

I can't believe that this woman would allow that kind of 'private' relationship to develop between her husband and her daughter?  Did someone mention curbs?

Did Jamie despise her brother for something?  She must, otherwise out of loyalty and love for her brother she wouldn't have anything to do with this murderer let alone 'love' him.  He is a murderer.  He hurts people.  What perverse thinking is going on in that woman's head.

Dear Mickey Dear Dr. Phil I am touched by your response because in fact it is important to notice, become aware and take action about the red flags in any relationship not long after they come or at the right time. If we say nothing, if we don't say anything, if we don't do anything, like this woman probably did stretching her heart and compassion inside at ridiculous lengths for her man, most certainly, inevitably, she did this, endure, because of her own fears, hurt, blockages. How do we become the better in us. Everybody needs a personalized plan of action. I am so with you 'ickey Doctor Phillip when you mention and express shocking facts that A LOT of women do accept to endure the worst of treatments, by laziness, by fear, by stupidity or ignorance, by loneliness, etc. Make a woman of yourself!DOCTOR Phillip teach us more!So Mickey, thank you. I definitely was for you and then I read your name... which made me smile and not know if you were a woman or a man. I truly believe that women do need education to know what love is, truly and healthyly.If you are a man, I would say, dear friend, yes a duck is a duck and when your father was a duck, that duckkk, you love...If you are a woman, I would say, dear friend, do admit it to yourself that you saw it far long ago and you never tookk the courage to stand up and become independant in your realtionship. And take action and build the self esteem to get rid of this feeling of jaleousy.... 'I f he cheets he is a jack ass. If he is not likek doctor Phil teaches, guides men to be, there are not good enough! Point final. And the guys who still hurt women like the whites hurt slaves, blacks, to use these ridiculous terms to identify people, then he is a jack ass. Slaves learned to ENDURE. Women too learned to ENDURE.Are we in kindergarden World? Grow up peacefully.De Grace.Doctore Phil, I have no doubt you will open this gal's eye! ... And may you tell her 'it's not your fault' if need be. Likke you do to children... Thank you. I thank you for these set of words you use bringing consolation understanding effects I think so many of us humans need.Love to you and Robin and the WHOLE TEAM!Kindly to you Mickey and all.Synthia B.

There are all "babies" if your daughter is 30?!!! Now I come in peace to you with no kjudgement although your situation brings me to feeling very intensely that there is a huge lackk of love coming from far away somewhere in the family. Your daughter who throws herself, probably desperately or in "it just needs to happen of i'll die" type of thinking, or clicking, with a lot of passion into the arms of men who will make love to her... I grasp the state and would likek to tell you more. Ohhh my God, the other daughter, I think would be, you are right to not want to become the same as her mother... Better off sending out, with your loving support, and friendship, to a creative educational place or a resource group or etc. that she would love to evolve within for awhile... Now, your daughter, 30, 4 little lives, one other that comes from the ex infidelity, the one in her, god, she needs an ultimatum answer towards you. My suggestion and you are free to accept or not: Either she cuts this guy loose, give his mistresses baby back to him and get rid of his stuff, to start of project with your support, of building her self esteem back up and creating a very large resource group involving, researching for therapists, teachers, psychologists, sport trainers, voice coach, a teacher in canada, me haha, etc. to not have it all on the mothers' shoulders. The mother needs maybe to be there with limits though, that is what my intuition tells me. So it is either this project starts, like that and have the four kids in one structure no matter where they came from or Good bye and make it on your own, I am keeping your oldest daughter ( I presume here ) for education, re education. And maybe you too would benefit from some help psychologically to go through this and understand all your self and more at a deeper level. Please accept my sincere sympathy and infinite compassion. Synthia Borilekic from Montreal

Dear Mickey Dear Dr. Phil I am touched by your response because in fact it is important to notice, become aware and take action about the red flags in any relationship right away, not long after they come or at the right time. If we say nothing, if we don't say anything, if we don't do anything, like this woman probably did, stretching her heart and compassion inside at ridiculous lengths for her man, then nothing new or better happens. That is why we need a development in the field of psychology which Doctor Phil makes us discover, demonstrates the necessity of and explains live, very, very, very well. This woman, most certainly, inevitably, did this, performed this, to endure, because of her own fears, hurt, blockages. How do we become the better in us, how do we stop something that conforted us for so long? Everybody needs a personalized plan of action. I am so with you Mickey and doctor Phillip when you mention and express shocking facts that A LOT of women do accept to endure the worst of treatments, by laziness, by fear, by stupidity or ignorance, by loneliness, etc. Make a woman of yourself! DOCTOR Phillip teach us more! So Mickey, thank you. I definitely was for you and then I read your name... which made me smile and not know if you were a woman or a man. I truly believe that women do need education to know what love is, truly and healthyly and how to be strong. If you are a man, I would say : Dear friend, yes a duck is a duck and when your father was a duck, that same duckkk, you can love also. If you are a woman, I would say : Dear friend, do admit it to yourself that you saw it far long ago, the red flags about him, and settled in your comfort zone, familiarity, and you never took the courage to stand up (or keep on coming back and standing on) to claim or reclaim you right and become independant in your relationship, or, take action and build the self esteem to get rid of this feeling of jaleousy you ve been feeling for so long,.. ... "I f he cheets he is a jack ass. If he is not likek doctor Phil teaches, guides men to be, there are not good enough! Point final. And the guys who still hurt women like the whites hurt slaves, blacks, to use these ridiculous terms to identify people, then he is a jack ass. Slaves learned to ENDURE. Women too learned to ENDURE. Are we in kindergarden World? Grow up peacefully. De Grace. Doctore Phil, I have no doubt you will open this gal's eye! ... And may you tell her "it's not your fault" if need be. Like you do to children... Thank you. I thank you for these set of words you use bringing consolation understanding effects I think so many of us humans need. Love to you and Robin and the WHOLE TEAM! Kindly to you Mickey and all. Synthia Borilekic

Boy that sunds like quite a mess. I'm sure you have great intentions but I also wonder who is paying all of your daughters bills-you? It sure sounds like she has too much time on her hands if she can keep giving these losers all of herself-does she work and support herself and her children? I feel like it sounds as if she has no self esteem or pride in herself. I could be way off base and apologize if I am but if you are paying her housing and other expenses then it only serves to let her keep on doing what she's doing and is really doing her no favors. I hope for the sake of all of your grandchildren that somehow this can be turned around for them. She definitely sounds like a Dr. Phil show in the works, maybe you should try to get his help.

Dear Mickey Dear Dr. Phil I am touched by your response because in fact it is important to notice, become aware and take action about the red flags in any relationship right away, not long after they come or at the right time. If we say nothing, if we don't say anything, if we don't do anything, like this woman probably did, stretching her heart and compassion inside at ridiculous lengths for her man, then nothing new or better happens. That is why we need a development in the field of psychology which Doctor Phil makes us discover, demonstrates the necessity of and explains live, very, very, very well. This woman, most certainly, inevitably, did this, performed this, to endure, because of her own fears, hurt, blockages. How do we become the better in us, how do we stop something that comforted us for so long? Everybody needs a personalized plan of action. I am so with you Mickey and doctor Phillip when you mention and express shocking facts that A LOT of women do accept to endure the worst of treatments, by laziness, by fear, by stupidity or ignorance, by loneliness, etc. Make a woman of yourself!DOCTOR Phillip teach us more!So Mickey, thank you. I definitely was for you and then I read your name... which made me smile and not know if you were a woman or a man. I truly believe that women do need education to know what love is, truly and healthyly and how to be strong.If you are a man, I would say : Dear friend, yes a duck is a duck and when your father was a duck, that same duckkk, you can love also.If you are a woman, I would say : Dear friend, do admit it to yourself that you saw it far long ago, the red flags about him, and settled in your comfort zone, familiarity, and you never took the courage to stand up (or keep on coming back and standing up) to claim or reclaim you right and become independant in your relationship, or, take action and build the self esteem to get rid of this feeling of jaleousy you’ve been feeling for so long... ... 'I f he cheets he is a jack ass. If he is not like doctor Phil teaches, guides, men to be, they are not good enough! Point final. And the guys who still hurt women like the whites hurt slaves, blacks, to use these ridiculous terms to identify people, then they are jack asses. Slaves learned to ENDURE. Women too learned to ENDURE.Are we in kindergarden World? Grow up peacefully.De Grace.Doctore Phil, I have no doubt you will open this gal's eye! ... And may you tell her 'it's not your fault' if need be. Like you do to children... Thank you. I thank you for this set of words you use bringing consolation & understanding effects I think so many of us humans need.Love to you and Robin and the WHOLE TEAM!Kindly to you Mickey and all.Synthia Borilekic.

     Allow it to happen?  Isn't he responsible for his actions?  Clearly, she recognized that something isn't right about the situation and is trying to take steps to correct it, but, realistically, what would you have her do?  Tape his mouth shut?  Put him on lock-down?  Can she really, legally, remove the child without evidence of misdoing on his part?  I think you might be surprised to find out how difficult that can be, especially when the child is denying any misdeeds (or is not mature enough to recognize the wrong).  Plus, she's 18.  And, I can tell you from personal experience, when someone who is your parenting partner, whom you love(d) and trust(ed), denies that they are doing anything wrong (and they will usually try to convince the accuser that they are sick and crazy for implying such a thing), you want to believe them.  At least she's trying to get intervention.