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Topic : 09/11 Biggest Love Mistakes

Number of Replies: 155
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Created on : Friday, September 08, 2006, 01:42:51 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
Is your friend or loved one making a serious error in judgment? Is he or she falling for or about to marry the wrong person? Christa thinks her husband, Matt, is having an emotional affair with their adopted 18-year-old daughter, Nadia. She says he even gave Nadia a private cell phone so just the two of them could talk. Matt feels that Christa is overreacting and has always been jealous. Is Matt just a doting father, or is he acting inappropriately with Nadia? Then, Jaime feels guilty for being in love with the man who killed her brother 12 years ago. The man is still in prison, but Jaime believes he's rehabilitated. Her family friend, Sue, says the affair needs to stop right now. Is Jaime's heart in the right place, or is she being conned? Share yur thoughts, join the discussion.

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September 9, 2006, 1:47 pm CDT

As Dr. Phil would put it..."What is he thinking"?

Okay, Matt has some serious issues to be having this kind of a relationship with his daughter. If Nadia has issues with talking to Christa, Matt still should not hide their conversations from her. If Nadia is fine with talking to Christa, then there are even more problems with this picture. They seriously need to get this all out on the table with Dr. Phil a.s.a.p.! First, the cell phone has got to go! Second, Matt has some explaining to do. If you need to discuss issues about you and Christa, then you need to talk to CHRISTA NOT NADIA. If you are having issues with work or some of your friends, then you need to talk to CHRISTA NOT NADIA! Yes, she is 18 and considered an adult, but she is your daughter. It is great to be close to your children, but you and Christa do it together. You don't alienate someone in the family especially the Mother and Wife. I hope Dr. Phil can get the truth out about this on Monday, because this guy sounds like sicko to be acting like this towards his own child!
 
September 9, 2006, 1:50 pm CDT

Be Wise, not a Fool

This program summary sounds like my teenage life.  Mom was a single mom and had a boyfriend/fiancee who was more interested in my sister and I than in her, but she did not see it nor did she listen to us.  While they were dating he paid all of the bills for her while she went to nursing school.  On the surface this looks like a reasonable arrangement except for the fact that once Mom began her clinicals, she was working 11p-7a and guess who was watching the girls.  You guessed it, B O Y F R I E N D!  I was the rent, utility bill and grocery bill.  Please be advised!  Do not do this to your daughter.  He has crossed the boundary between healthy adult relationship and unhealthy relationship.  When, not if, but when he tells you otherwise, and he will because these dogs are very cunning and persuasive, listen to your instincts, unless they are so screwed up that you do not have the good sense to rear a daughter!  He will say anything to get at her "honey" and he has probably already met her when you were unaware.  Wise up sweetheart.  This goon wants the sweet young thing, not you.  Hear my words.
 
September 9, 2006, 5:25 pm CDT

Let's not Judge

Quote From: ilovejujubes

I can't imagine falling in love with someone who murdered a member of my family, whether he's changed or not. I'd never be able to look them in the eye without getting upset let alone fall for them. Every time she looks in his eyes, won't she see her brother looking back?

We don't know the whole story......I volunteer in a Prison and have for three years.  One man just released a month ago was found guilty over one year ago but through DNA was innocent and always claimed he was. 

 

Jaime could have a problem of tying herself emotionally to someone who she knows can't be there for her, or she could be just in love with someone innocent, or who killed in self defense for her. 

 

Many women marry men while they are in prison or stay married to someone confined.  They like control or sometimes are victums. Those women can say they are married but can control their home and their  life because their husband is behind bars and can't tell them what to do. 

 

There is always a acountablity for the choices we make, and we like the acountability or we wouldn't make the choice.

 

What is the story?  Did this man kill to keep her safe and alive, even if it was her brother that was killed?  Was her brother on drugs, drinking or both,  and  was this self defense?  Who are we to judge, unless you have walked in her shoes?

 
September 9, 2006, 7:51 pm CDT

Single mother's with daughters are the prey

Quote From: tstew55

This program summary sounds like my teenage life.  Mom was a single mom and had a boyfriend/fiancee who was more interested in my sister and I than in her, but she did not see it nor did she listen to us.  While they were dating he paid all of the bills for her while she went to nursing school.  On the surface this looks like a reasonable arrangement except for the fact that once Mom began her clinicals, she was working 11p-7a and guess who was watching the girls.  You guessed it, B O Y F R I E N D!  I was the rent, utility bill and grocery bill.  Please be advised!  Do not do this to your daughter.  He has crossed the boundary between healthy adult relationship and unhealthy relationship.  When, not if, but when he tells you otherwise, and he will because these dogs are very cunning and persuasive, listen to your instincts, unless they are so screwed up that you do not have the good sense to rear a daughter!  He will say anything to get at her "honey" and he has probably already met her when you were unaware.  Wise up sweetheart.  This goon wants the sweet young thing, not you.  Hear my words.

  I can't believe how many women have gone through the same thing.  I was a single mother of three daughters.  I did not find out till after my seventeen year old daughter moved out, that she was being molested, raped, by my husband since she was 14.  When I confronted him about it, he told me she came to him and he thought he would be more of a "teacher" for her.  As soon as we got married, he wanted another child, RIGHT AWAY.  That was his way of keeping a hold on me.  This was going on before we were married, during my pregnancy, after our child was born.  While I was upstairs nursing our child in the middle of the night, he would sneak downstairs to her bedroom.   I am a college educated woman.  Why did I not see any signs?   Or did I and just could not bring myself to see the truth?  I also was working all hours of the night while he was home alone with my children.    He destroyed my life.  He put me so far in debt that I don't know how I am going to get our of it.  I am going to lose my home.  The only home my children have ever known.  He has sold or threw away anything and everything that I have ever had of value.    He would take all the pain meds from my 15 year old who just had all her wisdom teeth pulled.  All my pain meds from my kidney surgery.  He was a drunk.  He hid it so well.  I still today find bottles of liquor hidden under my back porch deck.  In the ceiling tiles in the basement.     His excuse for everything now is that he was drunk, and didn't know what he was doing.    I have never hated someone so much in my life.  I can't even afford to buy the packet at the courthouse to file divorce papers yet.  He has been out of my home for over a year.   I am still finding bills that he never paid, just threw away.  All the creditors are coming after me.    I feel at times that I wish the good lord would just take me.  I am so ashamed of not protecting my children from such a man.  I can't turn to my family.  How do I explain this?    

 
September 9, 2006, 7:53 pm CDT

09/11 Biggest Love Mistakes

Quote From: susie75

A year ago, I would have passed this topic by without a second glance.  But following the death of my husband's best friend after a short and unexpected but gruesome illness, it seems my own decades-long marriage has become threatened by his near obsession and concern for the widow.  Don't misunderstand.....I think that it is very important that friends show care, concern and compassion for friends who have lost their significant other.  But he was able to talk of nothing else for weeks....he turned to late evening cell phone calls to her "because I think late night is when she would become especially lonely."  When I suggested that we should console her TOGETHER, he would get irritable and contend that this was something HE needed to do on his own.  One thing that I just could not and still CAN NOT accept or tolerate was his offering to take her for a ride through the country in his truck, "just to get her out of there for awhile."  I'm sorry, but he is NOT a counselor.....it was NOT appropriate for a MARRIED MAN to be so attentive to another woman, REGARDLESS of the circumstances.  We had fight after fight over his continued behavior and the fact that he thought of her non-stop while leaving his own family out in the cold.  He endangered the livlihood of his own business because of his lack of care and concern for his own life while contending that "we shared something special....I just can't cut it off with her with the snap of my fingers!"  I maintain that is exactly what he SHOULD have done.......on more than one occasion when he was so worried about HER.......I told him the following:  "She's getting up and out of bed everyday......putting one foot in front of the next......she's keeping her house clean, dressing well, going to work, going to church, camping with her family, babysitting her granddaughter, getting out and about......YOU'RE the one that can't function here."  In essence, i held his toes to the fire and it was very ugly from time to time.  Now, almost 6 months later, I still have trust issues with him......still wonder where he is if he isn't home in the evenings.....still believe that he crossed the line.  THIS WOMAN DID NOTHING WRONG.......HE DID.  Things are better, BUT....we go through the daily motions of our marriage with this big ELEPHANT between us.....I can TELL and FEEL when he's thinking about her.....and it eats me alive.  There is so much more, but I believe in peeling back the details and looking at the CORE of things........and basically, it is this:  he spent day after day watching his friend die and could do nothing about it.....it overwhelmed him and he used terrible judgement in attempting to deal with it afterward.  A counselor I talked to advised me to have one of his good male friends hold his toes to the fire and help him see where he was going astray.  I couldn't do it because.......it's MY marriage and up to ME to set it straight.  I still believe in that philosophy, but it has sure taken a toll.  At one point, from the depths of despair, all I wanted was to MATTER.  I wonder what will happen as we grow closer to the holidays which will be the anniversary of when his friend was first diagnosed.  I hope I have the energy to deal with the fallout and especially dread the next time we have to see his wife.  It's been far too long already but I felt my husband needed to distance himself from her and gain some perspective.  I worry that he'll start this whole shebang all over again when that happens and I'm not sure I'm up for dealing with it all another time.  Has anyone else ever experienced this kind of a mess?  It truly underscored the statement that it's not what you expect to happen that gets you down.....it's what hits you broadside.  Don't EVER.....EVER......take your relationships for granted.

 

When you see this woman again.  Your going to give her this information.

 

GROWW.ORG  (Grief Recovery Website for widdows and Widowers)

 Better yet.. get a hold of her and give her the info now... so she can go there and make freinds of support.

 By the time the holidays come around ? She'll be too busy wiith her new found and understanding friends to bother with your husband.

 

Fight fire with Fire.
 

 
September 9, 2006, 8:05 pm CDT

Mom's enabling..

Quote From: ppdtucekr

Boy that sunds like quite a mess. I'm sure you have great intentions but I also wonder who is paying all of your daughters bills-you? It sure sounds like she has too much time on her hands if she can keep giving these losers all of herself-does she work and support herself and her children? I feel like it sounds as if she has no self esteem or pride in herself. I could be way off base and apologize if I am but if you are paying her housing and other expenses then it only serves to let her keep on doing what she's doing and is really doing her no favors. I hope for the sake of all of your grandchildren that somehow this can be turned around for them. She definitely sounds like a Dr. Phil show in the works, maybe you should try to get his help.

 Thank you for saying what I was also tihnking

 

Moves the boyfriend into the 6 bedroom house she BUILT for her daughter... ? and she's SUPRISED ???

 

Sometimes you have to force your kid to stand on their own to learn to walk.

 

 
September 9, 2006, 8:10 pm CDT

09/11 Biggest Love Mistakes

1.  if this were my husband, there would be no pussyfooting around . The phone would be gone.

Pops picks up the slack or he's gone too.  You dont mess kids over like that. Ever.

 

 

2. Someone get that girl to a shrink for a dose of SELF ESTEEM.  It's fine to have compassion, but you dont move killers into your home.  Get a grip.  I survive a murder victim, and I can realize his killer made a mistake. I dont let that guy write to my kids.  Sheesh.

 
September 9, 2006, 8:46 pm CDT

mistakes

 ok i think its really weird that this lady wants to hook up with the guy that killed her brother

and then this other guy likeing his adopted step daughter or whatever thats just to much for me

 
September 9, 2006, 8:58 pm CDT

Let's see some creative problem-solving on these shows--Pop Psy is passe

T he topics of most of these shows is simply boring. Our nation's is in the worst shape its ever been in before, the administration, and most of Congress is either lieing, incompetent, or sending up smoke screens to keep the citizens distracted while they carry on without purposeful and ethical conduct, our vets are returing from an illegal war with Depleted Uranium poisoning, our K-Bachelor's Degree education is the lowest of fifteen other nations, millions of people are working on minimum wage while the CEOs of the companies are earning $multi-million salaries/year, our poor, disabled, elderly, and children have had serious benefit cuts, and we have an election before us. Now how on earth can issues that one might find reading "True Love Magazine (if there is one)" be worth a one hour TV show?

 

Its grow up time, folks, we have a nation to repair, and do it fast. If someone cannot make wise choices in relationships, as those cited for Monday's show, they need to learn by experience. I, for one, am really tired of the pop psy on TV the last few years. No psychological problems may be resolved in a one-hour TV format.

 
September 9, 2006, 9:43 pm CDT

Watch CNN instead then!

Quote From: upsflyin

T he topics of most of these shows is simply boring. Our nation's is in the worst shape its ever been in before, the administration, and most of Congress is either lieing, incompetent, or sending up smoke screens to keep the citizens distracted while they carry on without purposeful and ethical conduct, our vets are returing from an illegal war with Depleted Uranium poisoning, our K-Bachelor's Degree education is the lowest of fifteen other nations, millions of people are working on minimum wage while the CEOs of the companies are earning $multi-million salaries/year, our poor, disabled, elderly, and children have had serious benefit cuts, and we have an election before us. Now how on earth can issues that one might find reading "True Love Magazine (if there is one)" be worth a one hour TV show?

 

Its grow up time, folks, we have a nation to repair, and do it fast. If someone cannot make wise choices in relationships, as those cited for Monday's show, they need to learn by experience. I, for one, am really tired of the pop psy on TV the last few years. No psychological problems may be resolved in a one-hour TV format.

If you find it boring, then don't watch the show.  I've learned a lot of things on relationships and rearing children that have educated me to live a better life with my husband and child without paying for counseling.  I think the show is educational and so are his books.  Some of the shows are a little redundant and the topics are drastic, but really, it's real life and about how to handle everday lives.

 
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