Dr. Phil has once again, IMO, completely missed the boat on this one and missed a great opportunity to bring to light a growing issue that gets way too little attention.
Let me make it clear that I completely agree that Matt's attention to Nadia is completely inappropriate. There is no excuse for his behavoir and Nadia is the victim here.
My problem is what was not said about Matt and Christa's relationship. I could have written Christa's story myself. From the moment my h and I got married, he changed. Before we married, he was loving, affectionate, and couldn't keep his hands off of me. As soon as we said "I do", that all changed. We had a two week honeymoon in Hawaii where we made love exactly 3 times...and they were less than satisfactory. After returning home, we became, as Christa mentionted, just roommates. Our sex life was almost non-existant. I could not figure out what was going on...I thought I was going crazy. How could a man change like this almost overnight?
We went into marriage counseling, but he was always resistant to it and not much changed. I was at the end of my rope. I finally got part of the answer 3 years after our wedding and one month after our son was born...I found out that my h was addicted to pornography and masturbation. He began a recovery program (12-step) and counseling, but he only played at it...he never really worked at it like he needed to.
One year later, I finally got the other piece to the puzzled. I had joined an online support group for spouses of sex addicts and someone mentioned "sexual anorexia". When I researched it, I knew that was the biggest part of our problem. My h was a sexual anorexic.
Sexual anorexia is the complete avoidance of any type of *intimacy*...sexual, emotional, and/or spiritual. The sexual anorexic can be a sex addict...sex without relationship is "safe" for them. They marry because they believe that it will "fix" them. But it doesn't and life in this marriage becomes a living hell for the spouse.
I, like Christa, become controlling...first trying to control our marriage, trying to fix it (before I knew what the problems were), trying to *make* him love me and desire me. I tried to change everything about me to make myself more attractive to him. I became a shell of the loving, vibrant, life-loving person I was before I got married.
My h and I are now separated and are probably headed for divorce. He has been in and out of recovery programs, but never sticks with any for very long. As soon as it gets to the point where he really has to choose to stop the addictive behavoirs, he refuses and quits.
As for me, during our 4 years of separation, I have found myself again! I know that none of this was my fault and that I couldn't fix it or control it. I have my life back again and will never ever go back into that dark hole again. And this is why I get so frustrated when I clearly see a Dr Phil guest that is so blatantly a sex addict and a sexual anorexic and Dr. Phil says nothing about it! There are thousands of women out there are are living the same nightmare that I did and have no idea what they are dealing with. What a wonderful service Dr Phil would be doing for them to let them know that it's not about them...they didn't cause it, they can't fix it, and they can't control it.
I encourage anyone who can relate to my story or to Christa's to do their own research. You can start with the following websites...
www.sexhelp.com (website of Dr. Patrick Carnes)
www.sexaddict.com (website of Dr. Doug Weiss)
a google search for the term "Sexual Anorexia" will also give you many good places to get some great information.
I would also like to see Dr Phil do a whole show on this topic...it is a growing problem that needs to have attention brought to it.
Blessings!
Kim
Is your friend or loved one making a serious error in judgment? Is he or she falling for or about to marry the wrong person? Christa thinks her husband, Matt, is having an emotional affair with their adopted 18-year-old daughter, Nadia. She says he even gave Nadia a private cell phone so just the two of them could talk. Matt feels that Christa is overreacting and has always been jealous. Is Matt just a doting father, or is he acting inappropriately with Nadia? Then, Jaime feels guilty for being in love with the man who killed her brother 12 years ago. The man is still in prison, but Jaime believes he's rehabilitated. Her family friend, Sue, says the affair needs to stop right now. Is Jaime's heart in the right place, or is she being conned? Share yur thoughts, join the discussion.
