Quote From: shadowoncanvasi've been married for over 25 years. i feel kinda dumb asking this after all these years- but this stuff has been escalating lately and i can't take it anymore.
my husband drinks almost every nite- at least 5 beers, sometimes wine- by the water glass. he's been drinking every nite for about 16 years but his drinking has gotten particularly worse/heavier in the past 3 years. he used to be what he refered to as a "happy drunk". he still thinks he is and doesn't think he has a problem with the amount he drinks. i've found that he is far from happy- a lot of times he's down right mean. he likes to slap my backside with the tips of his fingers-so it stings, everytime i'm near him. he also swats my hair when he walks behind me. he also grabs my breasts and squeeses till i yell. sometimes he grabs my arm or leg so hard it leaves a small bruise. when i tell him not to do these things, he gets defensive and tells me i'm a whiny baby and a big mouth.
we rarely have sex because i'm so mad at him i can't stand to be touched. he's always gripping about that too. i can't seem to get it across to him that i'm not a switch that can be turned on at will. i need nice attention, to be treated like a valuable intelligent worthwhile human.
i don't have anyone to turn to about this- no family, few friends (he gets jealous if i spend any time with anyone- including talking on the phone). i've lost my perspective on reality. he keeps telling me that i'm the abusive one and that my temper is out of control. years ago he said if i tried to leave him, he would destroy me and take our kids from me. he tells me the kids are afraid of me and my temper. yet its him they don't talk to, they come to me with thier joys, worries and sorrows. they don't like his drinking either and stay away when they can tell he's been drinking.
i wish i could leave but i don't have a full time job and can't afford to support myself or my kids. i'm also really confused because sometimes i believe the things he tells me- that i have problems and he puts up with so much from me.
am i imagining that he has a drinking problem or is it normal to drink so much. he says i'm a drama queen. and is there something wrong with me that i don't appreciate him and hte way he acts toward me?
First off, welcome to the board.
You will find good support and great help from caring women here.
Welcome.
From what you have written here of your life.....there are some major deal breakers happening.
Are you ready for the blunt version?
If so......here goes.
YOUR HUSBAND IS AN ALCOHOLIC. And he has been for years. There is NO such thing as a "happy drunk."
HE DOESN'T SEE THAT HE IS AN ALCOHOLIC, THUS THE DENIAL OF HIS REAL PROBLEM WITH ALCOHOL.
ALCOHOL IS A DEPRESSANT.
YOUR HUSBAND IS ALSO ABUSIVE. HE IS PHYSICALLY ABUSING YOU WITH THE SLAPS, THE SWATS, THE GRABBING OF YOUR BREASTS, AND THE SQUEEZES OF YOUR BREASTS. The grabbing of your arms and legs is also abuse....physical abuse.
YOUR HUSBAND IS ALSO EMOTIONALLY ABUSING YOU.
HIS CONTROL OVER YOUR PHONE CALLS, AND WHO YOU SPEND TIME WITH IS ABUSE AND A WAY THAT HE ISOLATES YOU FROM OTHER PEOPLE. Thus removing your support system or your reality checks with the "outside" world.
HE HAS THREATENED TO DESTROY YOU............and HE HAS THREATENED TO TAKE THE KIDS FROM YOU........ABUSE, USING THE KIDS TO ABUSE YOU , TOO.
Your husband is projecting his problems on to you......and you are believing him......he is lying to you......attempting to brainwash you.
Your children are living with an alcoholic and an abusive father. A very bad role model for them.
Has your husband succeeded in brainwashing you.......are you really believing him and his lies and abusive statements and labels?
None of this is NORMAL.............you are NOT imagining any of this........you are an intelligent women and YOU ARE NOT TO QUESTION YOURSELF.....YOUR INSTINCTS AND INTUITION.
Your children rely on YOU, they are depending on YOU.
You are NOT a drama queen.............your husband is denying, minimizing and justifying his choices and behavior and he is WRONG.
Well, brief and blunt......I can elaborate further if you would like.
Are you reading the other informational posts that have occurred in the last few days? How much of the board have you read?
Come back and discuss this some more......others will have plenty to say.
Take care.
"Controllers fear being wrong and being inferior. Hence they need to be right and to win."~~Controlling People by Patrica evans
