Topic : Abuse

Abuse is progressive - getting worse over time.  So sad that this woman didn't find HER healing in time to get out before this happened to her.  FEAR has a tight grip & I suspect she had a lot of it!  So sad.  Prayers are with her family.  LS

Boy, do I know how hard it is to start over!  I, too, was married 33 years.  My X was alcoholic on top of abusive (emotionally/verbally) & then started cheating.  That's what ended it for me.  Funny, a year after the divorce I found out that there was not only 1 woman he cheated on me with but there was a list!  It just re-affirmed my decision. 

 

One step at a time.  It's ALL overwhelming when you look at the whole picture at once.  Just as a beautiful picture is done 1 brush-stroke at a time, so too will your life be painted.  I always like to say that every picture has dark spots in it just as our life has - but there are wonderful, bright & colorful places too that wouldn't be half as beautiful without the contrast!  When the painting of our life is completed, it will be a masterpiece but now, it's a masterpiece in the making. 

 

How to let go of old dreams, etc.  Replace them with new ones.  We CLUNG to those old things from our past but there was no happiness back there. AFTER our healing, the sky is the limit to the possibilities in our lives.  The world is yours to make of it what you want to. 

 

You said you are an "educated, professional and artistic" woman.  You will need to support yourself & find a good place to live.  It will come together when the time is right.  Stay strong.  You are smart & can do this. 

 

I know how everything seems to be falling apart all around you.  My youngest was also facing failing her senior year.  She was so depressed.  I took her to the Doctor.  He had her on medication for a bit & with my encouragements, she picked herself up & graduated with 2nd honors even.

 

You can only tackle one problem at a time so as something comes up, you'll take care of it.  ALWAYS remembering that in the end, things will be better.  Your life crashed - you are recovering now.  You will be OK.  Your son has also crashed but together, he will gain strength & will succeed!  YOUR healing will give him strength.  You may not have all the answers but that's OK. They will come.  He is finding his way too.  Just let him know you are there for him & together you'll both find your way to a better future.     

 

Make a plan for your future & stick with it.  Don't try to take on too much at once. The whole picture is hard to take in all at once.  You have a plan & as long as you keep placing 1 foot in front of the other, it will all work out.  Sure, there will be new problems that pop up now & then but you will have the strength to handle them as they come your way.  Believe in yourself.  Trust yourself.

 

Everything will be different but that's a good thing.  You are free now - free to be happy, free to find your peace, free to rebuild your life & make a it a better place to be. 

 

Come back again - we care!  God Bless - LS  >^.^<    

I always cry when I read your answers. But it's a good cry, a peacefull cry, because it confirms what I feel. Thank you LS and ALL OTHERS here on this board.

 

I am taking one day at a time right now and try to resist to his pressure to "make me happy" by force now. I am not promising him anything. He continuously asks me to believe in him now but I keep telling him that I can't. That's all for now.

 

Bless you all!

 

JS

 For those of you that have followed my "saga" I need help navigating the seperation.  He lives in another town with two of my older girls (long story) he has used and manipulated them into BELIEVING him, and he drug them in the middle and one hit me and the other lied to me about his whereabouts on OUR property the day I locked him out. (the only way I could hold down the fort so that my youngest could have HER things and I mine, so we could attempt to function in spite of his "abuses". ) and self centered, all about ME behaviors, and the blame, lies and set ups began BIG TIME, in order to "punish" my inability to deal with his self involvement to to determent of all reality.

 

  I did not "kick them out" as he claims, but did tell the oldest, I have warned you that this pot was about to boil over for the last six years, and I KNEW he would drag you in and you "fell" for it, and decided to lie to me when it absolutely wasn't necessary,  and now he has done this and put you in the middle, so you need to be making plans to get your own place as soon as you can.  I will NOT be lied to about my husbands whereabouts if I ask.  (he ran to her apartment in back which is the equivelent of staging his war from one of the childrens rooms, I specifically asked (make that told) him DO NOT INVOLVE THE OLDER GIRLS IN OUR WAR, they have their own lives and you are a grown man, I will work with you on the MONEY, and figuring out how we are going to afford a seperation. 

 

 It is NOT their concern, go get a hotel room, heres 300.00, then 500.00 and he lied and took out a 900.00 loan in our names, and all the while claimed I would not give him any "money" but locked him out penniless. WRONG. I wasn't going to break the bank as it was towards the end of the month, and frankly I though his whole bs act, didn't deserve to be funded to the degree the youngest and I were left "grubbing" so he could "make a point". I was, however, willing to make a plan, starting the next month........to see what could be done but he ended up with over 1600.00  so he was NOT penniless as he claimed. He "camped out" sleeping in the shed, daughters apt, the greenhouse and the lawn chairs "hunting for sympathy" and telling everyone I wouldn't give him a dime of his own money........LIES LIES and more lies.

 

 He has claimed in a month we will "date", and in the meantime continues to tell me when he is coming over, "if it is all right with you" to you guessed it BURN LEAVES.  I have told him numerous times, burning leaves 24/7 is one of the main reasons we no longer got along, it has become one of his obsessions and for several years now I have had "the yard" as a rival to get anything else out of him.   Many things on the property (not to mention our relationship) are falling apart, and his response to EVERYTHING is to mow, rake and burn 24/7 and ignore EVERYTHING else. That and his lies, and money bs and being totally rejected in the most cruel ways finally pushed me to "turn the locks" and reject his total rejection of all other aspects of our lives.

 

  I am perfectly willing to "let it go" and not have a THING to do with him at this point which is why I risked turning the locks, it was the ONLY way to be rid of his abusive mind games.  He refused to leave, and I wasn't going to on the advice of several attornies who told me leaving the house meant I didn't want it, and could hurt my chances..........not to mention I have a minor child going to school and I would NOT disrupt her further by going on the lamb...........just to avoid his bs.

 

  Divoricing is the absolute worst thing we could do financially, we did both agree on that. However, he is believe it or not.........expecting to come onto the property ANYTIME he states he will to BURN LEAVES.  I have repeatedly told him that is NOT a major priority with me and never really was, and that he is obsessed with it.  LOOK at our lives, we are seperated, our childrens lives are in shambles, the cops are involved, the finances strapped and in jeapordy................we have fought non stop for years due to his "stuff" and all he can think to do to manage or "fix" or move on, is to come to the house and do the VERY thing that caused so much additional contention in the first place? What is wrong with his brain?

 

    He actually acts like this is a "snit" I am having and if he just keeps plugging away at this I will be somehow  thankful, or it is "courting me"  and a contrived way to serve himself while purporting to be helping me, when I didn't even ask for THIS!.   What is more, he is taking one child to her job in this town, (she did not get to take the car she is supposed to be paying us for with her as I would not support her disrespect by continuing to tote the note, after she became physical with me.) and he comes over to our house (one he no longer lives in) to kill time and save on gas, he comes in the morning and stays till time to pick her up, on the days she doesn't work.............I hear NOTHING from him at all.  What in the hell is this man thinking.............or why isn't he?

 

   I know from past experience in dealing with him, better humor him to a degree or else.  I am currently trying to manage this seperation (which he is working solely to his advantage) as now he actually thinks he can do what he said he would, and come back to take care of the yard and the pool, both of which he obsessed about and made full time jobs, which like I said was bones of contention, that contributed to the complete breakdown of the marriage that was on pretty rocky ground anyway.

 

   Oh, he barely says hi to his minor child...........and shows NO interest in maintaining ANY sembelence of a relationship with her, which I am glad of in a way as he would taint her views of me with lies too, but it is sick the way he "nurtures the yard and leaves" all day...........and barely says HI, to her. Sick, Sick  This hurts her some, but then she says she doesn't like talking to him..........at her age (12) I think she has it figured out what a sicko he has become, and frankly how he has USED everyone and caused so much unhappiness in our family.

 

  So, how do I make him see what he thinks is helpful...........(I can burn or forget it for now) is just putting bs back into our lives, and that if I want something or his "help" wait till I ask, don't TELL me what he is going to do and then delude himself into believeing I asked for him to do this.

 

   Help..................again I am losing my mind over his one way stuff. Do I have to involve the "law" and get a restraining order..............I risk hearing nothing about my other girls, and now have probably really pissed him off, and there WILL be a payback for sure.    Again, we are talking a very large amount of money that people need to keep their wits about them or we could lose it all............and hurting us both and the minor child in the long run.................Can these guys EVER be reasonable?  And how in the heck can he STILL be so dellusional that what is needed now, is him burning leaves?

 

  I told him, this "rubbing my nose" in one of my gripes is totally sadistic and clearling not "reconcilliation" or even remotely trying to be amicable.

  It worked so well (his lies) that the oldest took pity on him, after he INSISTED, and let him sleep in a chair in her living room,  and came into the main house and FLAT LIED that she would rather not say, if in fact he was still on the property.   I knew he was, as his car was here and I had seen him minutes ago.  She even asked, "if I do see him can I take a magazine out to him" WHAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Why are you lying?  This is between your father and I and I have TOLD him to leave, PLEASE and to NOT involve you. 

 

 Do NOT lie to me, and pretend you don't know where he is............supporting him in any way allows him to manipulate us all in this sick game. Ok, so you KNOW he is in your apartment, and what can any of us do about it anyway, I knew he would run hide behind one or more of you girls, so why lie?  She claimed she wasn't lying.  I asked if she had seen him and she said, "I would rather not say" and then asked if she could take him a magazine!!!!!! Knowing I was locking him out, as I just couldn't take his head games anymore.  So now, he is playing them big time, pitting me and her against each other.  How sick.......so I did ask her to make a choice.........to lie to me to cover for him.........not to ..get involved by lying for him or leave.  She left to live with him.   His bs totally messed with her life. Does he care at all, no.............she is helping support him and pay HIS bills and there is NO need for this at all. Especially when he took out a 900.00 loan, that he LIED about.  She probably doesn't know that, and wouldn't listen if I tried to "tell her the truth" regarding how she was used.

 

  Well, he played it to the hilt and so this daughter who was saving to be ABLE to move out as soon as she secured another teaching post for the following year, is spending ALL her savings contributing to the house he now lives in.  The youngest soon followed...............as the stress of his lies and bs finally resulted in her having another violent breakdown directed at me.  I called the cops..........as I told her I would if she EVER got violent with me for ANY reason.

 

 He acts oblivious to all of this he has created, and still expects to burn leaves.  Is it possible to have him evaluated, incarcerated or charged with anything.  I actually thought once we didn't live together the bs would die down NOT UNLESS HE GETS HIS WAY or can make someone pay.   At this time I am totally unprepared to continue haggling over his burning leaves as if it is THE most important thing going on here.   I have NO choice to either no pay the bills, or get legal help.   I tried to humor him, but the whole thing is making me LIVID and totally unable to stomach the site of such idiocy.   So much for "amicible" seperation.   I KNOW he cannot be told no, and I also know the courts will be of little help to me and the reality is the money IS his, and he can "put me out" by stopping it from coming here. He actually thinks he has "bought" the right...........to be an ass. He is lying to our middles oldest and painting that he is working on reconcilliation with me, while pulling this bs..............again set up to look "impossible" when the reality is he is NUTS.

 

 

 

  This was my last resort after years of asking for easily done things, the main two being STOP involving the girls in our battles, hiding behind them using them and telling your lies to them (lies easily proven) and two spend some time on the relationship, NOT just what YOU want, and three I don't work for you now that you have retired, and four, I am spending OUR money on this family get over it or work with me to make the changes needed to be more frugal, and one thing is to EXPECT more responsibility from the girls besides covering your arse, everytime we fight.  Clearly he manipulated all this into "burn more leaves", a MAJOR sore point as no matter WHAT I asked for or expressed I needed or we needed or the family needed........his response was to isolate himself in the yard and burn leaves.

 

  Everything was going to hell in a handbasked and ALL he would attempt to do of his own accord was piddling yard work 24/7, while everything else was either "stolen" from me (jobs I don't mind doing or have always done, ie cooking, cleaning, and being mom, I wanted HIM to be more manly and to realize that OTHER stuff was also important...........and that he had let it all suffer due to workalcoholism.  Now that he was retire "no excuses" time to deal with the OTHER aspects of living.  He wasn't interested AT all. He began to be a bigger ass, and had NO intention of melding into our lives, he set out to destroy and reinvent everything to center around HIM, and what he wanted and ALL he wanted was to escape into the yard (piddling stuff) just like he escaped into work. NOT!!!!!

  I wanted to add, I tried to accept that is the price I pay for having the bills paid and he has been more than generous on that, however it is becoming really clear to me that he think STILL by "allowing me" to continue to pay the mortgage, and all other costs associated with keeping the house (which he claims he wants to do, no matter what ) and allowing me to support the minor child................and ALL he wants is 500.00 a month, which due to my being short (on account of the money given to him without notice to set up another house in another town to wage war on us again) he OFFERED 400.00 back to me to use if needed. 

 

 And NOW, claims I didn't give him his 500.00.   I am beginning to realize he is BUYING his way back into "manipulations" that serve HIS purposes.  I feel I have NO choice right now, but to attempt to humor him, but really he is willing to pay xxxxx amt of dollars to be "allowed" to burn leaves. Is this sick or what.......clearly his brain doesn't realize WE need the money, he agreed to it, even to offering me back 400.00 (lost of expenses with end of the year parties and proms and glasses, and clothing for her, and bras and well you know how that goes, it all came "due" at once and he already broke the budget with his forced evacuation (lies, lies and more of the same) so NOW, he is calling his due............he WILL come around whenever he "needs to" to make HIS life easier.............ie USING me and financially abusing me again.

 

   I have thought to get a job, but the reality is he will make that impossible.  Why in the hell would he think to even come on the property..................at this point in the game.  He is NOT here to make things right for anyone but himself.   He refuses to discuss how HE played a major role in anyone being where they are including himself.  He can now claim I defaulted on our "agreement". When in reality we didn't have one in regards to what his money is buying him.   If I don't "allow" his use of us and our time and our yard, then he will stop the money.......and in fact I am realizing he has "set me up" again to be beholding to him, so that he can obsess over the leaves AGAIN, and now that I took back the 400.00 of the 500.00 I gave him earlier at his INSISTANCE (cause I was short and still had a bit of month to go) he is claiming I "cheated him" but only when I gently then not so gently tried to tell him I could SEE he was just using me AGAIN, and calling it something else. 

 

  I cannot afford "losing my mind" over his games again, but right now cannot be "penniless" due to his payback.  I realize this is financial abuse all over, he thinks he is entitled to his money's worth.........and I am against a wall.   I told him over and over and over I have a hard time having you here burning leaves, as if NOTHING else mattered, but I notice he is STILL mentally manipulating and one way he did this was to refuse to pass on the message that if anyone wanted to do anything for me for mothers day, they could take me out, as under the circumstances I did not want to "host" my own party, but at some point I was taking my mom her present, probably later in the day.  The story now is I told everyone that since no one had mentioned any "celebration" and I could see why......................that I would be spending the whole day with my mom. NOT..........so the girls sent their presents via him.  I don't think ANYONE got the message.....and are all acting like I told them "go to hell" .  He always does everything at the last minute and since I hadn't heard I did spend the majority of the day with my mom, now he has TWISTED this into being my original plan, initially it was a PART of my plan if I didn't hear from anyone, which I didn't.

 

  He accuses me of twisting.............he is the KING of twisting reality.........mostly because it is black or white and NOTHING in between.   He has always been jealous of my time spent with ANYONE else to include my own mom on mothers day.  Again, still manipulating the truth to fit his adverse actions.   How in the heck I am EVER going to be shed of his "dellusions"?  Apparently the ONLy way is to start all over and have a restraining order against him being anywhere near me.  He is trying to make this all my fault, says I am doing it to myself and I smell a HUGE rat, working behind the scenes (lies to others and himself) while deliberately setting me up to look bad by deliberately twisting everything I say and inventing the rest. 

 

  Of course I appear amicable..............it is financial death to us all if I am not.  He came to burn leaves, and kill time and later accussed me of being unsociable because I went inside and locked the doors.  Clearly he wasn't here to visit or make nice with me..............I know he was focused on what HE wanted, so why act friendly while he slaps me in the face and is in reality serving himself.  Help.........I am so confused as to why he CANNOT understand the English language everyone else communicates with.  He just doesn't hear it if it doesn't support his self involvement and he cannot USE others to meet his own objectives.

 

  Talk some sense to me please cause I am feeling pretty "insane" right now.

You have a right to your feelings.  We all do.  Don't let him tell you that you SHOULD feel this way or that way or that you SHOULD be trusting him again.  Even if he did change (which is HIGHLY doubtful & almost impossible), it would take you a LOOOOOOOOOONG time before you believed in him again just as it took years to wear you down to where you are now. 

 

Just wait & see.  I can promise you there will come a time when he gets tired of the "new & improved" him & then he'll start to get angry & the old games will begin again.  Of course, it will all be YOUR fault for not believing in him.  SURE!!!!!!!!!!! 

 

You are seeing the game.  You are not being sucked back in so easily as you used to in the past.  This is a good thing.  I know you are frustrated - VERY frustrated.  It's not easy. 

 

The reason my posts confirm what you feel is because I LIVED IT!  I KNOW how you feel.  I WAS THERE where you are now.  As hard as it is, you are kind of "emotionally divorcing" him now.  When/if the time comes when you actually do get a divorce, it won't hurt as badly.  You're "using up" your pain now to a certain extent.   

 

We once had SO much love for our H's - would do anything for them.  We did!  Abuse wears down & out all the love we once had for our H's till there is nothing left but an empty shell of what it once was. 

 

Might I suggest that instead of feeling badly about where you are now, start thinking of your future.  Think about all the possibilites that are open to you.  Think about where you could be in just a year or two.  I KNOW you had many hopes & dreams but I know that you know now that the possibility of all those hopes & dreams being realized are small to none.  It's sad & it hurts but you can still have a happy & peaceful future.  Eventually you will move out of the pain - the "train wreck" that you currently call your life - & into a better place.  You'll move out of that long tunnel of pain into the light of peace, love, & tranquility where you are at peace with yourself once again. 

 

I first realized I was a victim of abuse in January, 2003.  I KNEW once I admitted to it that there was no turning back & there might be some unpleasant decisions to be made!  My stomach was in knots - I wanted to throw up!!!  (Denial of my situation was misery but it was a familiar pain - the future was just too scarey to think about!)  By July I had declared myself a survivor.  Read lots of books & came here often to find my healing.  I didn't have a councelor myself but they are a handy tool to have - the right one.  I felt so empowered & finally in charge of my own destiny.  January, 2004 I learned that MY "last chance" to my H was a joke.  He had formed a relationship with yet ANOTHER woman (he was a cheater too - made my decision a little easier at least but I kept that knowledge to myself for the time being).    By  April, I was looking at schools & making plans for my future.  In October I filed for divorce.  My lawyer advised me to keep what I knew to myself till the final papers were signed - I had a good settlement.  Talk about hard!!!    The final papers were signed in January of 2005 & I composed a letter to my soon-to-be-X.  I wrote & re-wrote till I had it JUST the way I wanted it - said all that I needed to say.  I didn't want to leave ANYTHING out because I wanted that letter to be the FINAL WORD.  (Believe me, I gave it to him with both barrels! - It was healing for me.)   In March, 2005,  it was over - he moved out & the divorce was final.  Life for me began again!  Total time - 26 months.  A LOOOOOOOONG 26 months but SO worth it!!!    

 

About not leaving.  It's OK to give your H "one last chance".  Lots of us have.  It's like we had to PROVE to ourselves that - OK, it really is what it is, no chance of it changing into what it should be.  Our decision is made but maybe, just maybe we had one last chance in us to see if MAYBE things could be different.  When we have proven beyond a shadow of a doubt that things are not what WE want them to be but just are what they are, THEN we are ready to move onward.  You'll get there.  Maybe this is YOUR last chance. 

 

So when all is proven, you'll take a deep breath & DO IT - you'll start putting one foot in front of the other again & before you know it, YOU ARE IN THE LIGHT & OUT OF THAT TUNNEL!!!  WHAT A FEELING!!! I can't tell you how proud of yourself you'll be - how peaceful you will be - how so very grateful you'll be to have been one of the blessed ones that found healing.  It's yours for the taking, you earned it with years of tears!!! 

 

We only get this one life - one go 'round.  Don't EVER regret the past but don't accept less than you deserve anymore.  NEVER AGAIN!  God Bless - LS  >^.^<   

We all know about the games abusers play.  Details aren't even important - it's all the same "type" of manipulation. 

 

The only thing that came to my mind was a saying I heard once.  "When you marry for money, you earn every penny."  I'm sure you are living the intent behind this saying now. 

 

How important is the money?  Can you downsize?  Can you somehow figure out a way to get your OWN money (job, etc.) or live with family or a good friend?  If not, you are going to continue to get the same treatment until you do.  Are you prepared to live this way forever?  You already KNOW there is NO reasoning with an unreasonable person. 

 

You have to be willing to make the changes necessary to get out of this trap you are in.  If not, it will continue FOREVER.  There IS NO making sense out of it all because it is senseless insanity. 

 

Insanity is doing the same things over & over but expecting different results. 

 

It will continue till YOU put an end to it one way or the other.  You can complain all you want to but it will NEVER make a difference.  You will NEVER get through to him and he will NEVER change. 

 

It's ALL up to you.  God Bless - LS  >^.^< 

If you continue the game with your husband the game will continue. Like q says when you stop playing the game; the game stops.Seems like you and hubby have so much history and things in common and are in that comfort zone that its hard to change. Rack up the years you know him and were married and how long you two have been living like this its understandable. There are many gurus out there including DrPhil who say if one thing doesnt work; then do something else. It is going to be all up to you because hubby will def. not change or compromise. Why should he? This life has been working for him for many many years. In a way who can blame him?

 

I don't think I can give you the answer your are looking for because both of us know you are loosing a loosing battle. 

 

My mother had a saying that I feel fits your situation:  "No one is worth your health or your sanity."  You have put too high a price on the quality of your life.  You may wake up one day and find out the price was too high.  I personally would take my chances and walk away if I were in your shoes.  However, I am not.  You must decide.

 

After reading your piece I actually found it comical yet sooooo tragic.  You focused on "why he burns the leaves" and he trying to get permission to burn the leaves.  It's absolutely insane.  I don't think you can see the forest through the trees.  When you stop playing, the games stops.  You and your husband are into a stand off and no one will win.  At the rate you are going - you very well could end up with nothing.  Dealing with your H is like dealing with the devil.

 

I hope you will reconsider your current situation - stop trying to broker a deal with him - you will loose every time.  He holds the trump cards.  Get to a lawyer - get your legal rights - go after whatever you are entitled to legally and cut your losses. 

 

I really care and I do wish you well.

 

Very Irish 

I lived with a narcissist for 37 years.  After that divorce I met a wonderful man.  We dated about 7 months, then bought a house together.  We lived in the house together and were very happy for about a year and a half.  W e got married 7-7-07.  It wasn't long after were married and a little tiff turned into a huge argument.  He verbally attacked me calling me all kinds of names, then he raised his hand to hit me.  A couple of months later the same thing happened again.  In between the arguements we discussed the hitting and he just kept telling me that he would never hit me. 

 

Until we were married he worked 10 or 12 hours a day.  He quit that job a week after we were married and has started his own business with a whole lot of my financial help.  I thought he would be home more evenings, but that didn't happen.  I would come home from work, he left no note, he didn't call me, he just came home when he came home.  Like when he had no place else to go.

 

Last  week we had a huge arguement over his late hours.  He apologized and said that is all he has known for the past 40 years.  I thought he would try to do better.  The very next day, a Monday, I came home to the same empty house with no note, no phone call, nothing but wondering when he would be home.

 

When he got home I let him know I was upset.  Especially when I had asked him that morning what he was going to do that day.  That day did not mean that evening to me, but I guess it did to him.  I was so upset I told him to just go, if I was going to be alone every evening, I would be all alone.

 

That Wednesday night he started calling me names again and shoving me around, tried to get me in a corner and hold me there.  I tried to call 911, but didn't turn the phone on first, so he took the phone and disconnected it.  He finally left me and I could get to my car for my cellphone.  He stayed out all night, but I didn't sleep, for fear of what he would do when he came in the house.

 

We basically ignored each other until Friday night.  Then he called me names again and had his hands on my throat.  The only reason he took his hands off my neck is because I reached for the phone and he had to take it away from me telling me I am too stupid to turn the phone on anyway.

 

He then went downstairs and fell asleep on the couch.  I dosed off and on all night and left the house before he woke in the morning.  I came home around 7:30 that evening and he was not home.  I didn't hear from him and he didn't come home at all that night.

 

I had a feeling that he was staying out nights for a reason, so Sunday morning I logged onto a computer dating site and sure enough his profile was there.  I called his cellphone and called him a few choice words.  He tried to tell me that he was still signed up from before were started dating.  We had met on a dating service on the computer.   But I knew he was a liar because it had the Town where we bought our house, which is not a Town either of us lived in before.

 

That same day I got a restraining order and he presently cannot contact me in anyway.

 

So my question to everyone is:  Do you think he could be convinced to get help for his anger?  His anger seems to flare when he has had too much to drink.  Get help for his drinking?  His internet looking?  Should I put up with him not coming home until he feels like it?  Thanks, Cascade