Topic : Abuse

It is up to each and every battered and abused woman to weigh and measure ....

 

WHEN AND OR IF THEY LEAVE.

 

In my saying that I am NOT saying its ok to push aside, bury, not admit or suppress or deny WHAT IS GOING ON AND JUST GO ALONG ,  THINK OR BELIEVE IT WILL GET BETTER.

 

Let us all not forget that there is real danger in leaving with some batterers , abusers.

 

When a woman decides to leave they are in  more danger than before.  Even if there has never been physical abuse in the past.

 

The woman without denial and "hope" must weigh and measure the scene.

 

They and only they, can truthfully give the best assessment of their abuser, their batterer.  Not in denial, but looking at it straight -on....straight-up.

 

YOU and your CHILDREN are suffering,

 

YOU MUST REMAIN SAFE.

 

Look with both eyes WIDE OPEN.

 

Take care.

 

 

I know, I hear you....LS

 

I was there at the beginning, wondering and yes somewhat adamant about what was occurring with you against you, remember?

 

You were not always nor actually pleased on some days with me.

 

But when you "got it" from all the messages around you....here and in your life.

 

YOU knew.

 

I'm not with additional time, as you see I posted some notes just so folks would realize I wasn't ignoring their messages.....but

 

I have to go now.  (famous last words of mine)

 

Take care, I care.

 

Pleasance

 

 

A wise post,

 

A truthful post .... a fact about abusers.

 

A FACT ABOUT ABUSERS!

 

GIVE UP THE "HOPE"

 

AND MOST OF ALL......

 

THE PITY FOR THE ABUSER.  (a snake is a snake, is a snake.. A poisonous snake does not a  harmless garden snake make!)

 

 

IT WILL SET YOU FREE.

 

YOU WILL THEN HAVE THE FREEDOM, GUILT-FREE FREEDOM TO SEE.....

 

To see what it is YOU WANT

 

You will approach everything then with the knowledge, wisdom and power to do what is best for you and your children.

 

 

Honestly, your posts are not falling on deaf ears.  I can't always jump on the boards while at work. 

 

I've told you before you have a most uncanny knack for explaining the insanity of abuse.  You are able to document how it feels to find yourself in a dysfunctional relationship with someone playing with your head and pretending nice while emotionally abusing you at the same time.  Yes, your husband knows exactly what he is doing.  I would not trust him either because that fiasco in the therapist's office is one strong example of just how far he will go to manipulate and control.  Shame on the therapist for allowing him to use you and at the same time charge you for it.  Shame on her!!!!!!!!  I'll bet she won't get away with it again.

 

I just pray your lawyer is shrewd enough to get a good financial background check on your husband - hopefully so when you decide to go forward with the divorce, you will get your just dues.

 

I'm sure all this emotional bs has taken its toll on your physically.  If I remember correctly you have health issues too.  I'm glad the girls are seeing the light somewhat - you need their support big time.

 

Wildwood - what do you need from the board right now that will help you get through this mess?  Let us know - even if its just hugs for now.

 

We care, we are listening, you don't deserve his abuse.

 

Very Irish

Yes, P., you are so right, giving up the hope and the pitty for the abuser are the most important and hard steps to take. I am trying so hard to do that now. I can say that the HOPE, I already gave it up. My HOPE now is for a better future, WITHOUT HIM. It's the pitty that still keeps me hanging. I am taking baby steps in the right direction though.

He went to the counselor by himself. I wanted him to get help for himself. I wanted to to this last thing for him. But you know, you can take the horse to the water, but it's up to it if it will drink or not. I wanted him to understand the extend of the damage that he's done, to accept responsability for that, to try to become a better person for the sake of the relationship with the kids and to let me go. Nice dreams, huh? NOT going to happen! It seems that he still finds all sorts of explanations for his behaviour, he blames it on everything and everyone. I did hope that he will understand and change, but not for me anymore, only for him. I am done, I am just waiting for the right moment to break free. I had three attempts so far. Hopefully the next one will SET ME FREE.

He is on his best behaviour these days, but even like that he is still abusing. He doesn't let me sleep at night, wanting to talk and asking me the same things all the time. He is mentally forcing me to say whatever he wants to hear. I do say it eventually, just to have him off of me. It's so hard, but somehow I feel quite strong, because my decision to leave him is 100% taken and I know that I am not changing my mind this time, with all the tears and promises and "good behaviour".

That's it for now. I am so greatfull for all of you that I know you are reading and understanding everything exactly how it is. God bless you all!

LS

Be strong.  I know it's so hard to see them crying & begging.  Just keep in mind that it is all part of their gameplan.  The tears stop so quickly & they are right back to their old tricks.  They don't know any other way to be than what they are & they never "get it" because they don't think anything is wrong with them.  It's ALWAYS someone else's fault.  Doesn't matter what - it's still always someone else's fault. 

 

BLAME was a 4-letter word at our house for so long.  Everything was always SOMEONE'S fault but never his.  And we all ended up avoiding the blame because it was the wrath of God if we were the ones to be blamed for something.  He would never forgive us & never forget. 

 

You know the story, you know the truth.  You are doing what you need to do to take care of yourself & your kids.  You are trying to salvage what you can of your life & build your way to a better one. 

 

You will be OK - just keep putting one foot in front of the other.  When all is said & done, you will be amazed at how far you've come!  Stay strong - we are all cheering for you!!!  God Bless - LS  >^.^<   

Just a quick note - on my way to another shower!!!

 

It's so true that I didn't always want to hear what you had to say.  You were to the point & I needed to hear it even if I didn't want to.  The medicine was hard to take at first! 

 

Again, you are right, once I got it, I KNEW!  I knew what had to be done.  BOY, I didn't want to though!  I was comfortably uncomfortable in my misery if you know what I mean. 

 

Lots of victims are just that.   Comfortable in their misery.  It's what they KNOW - the future is just to scarey to contemplate.  That fear is what paralyzes a victim. 

 

I hope you are all listening to me.  Fear when faced isn't quite as bad as it seems!!!  We only get this one life - don't waste it!!! 

 

You take care.  You are a treasure!!!  God Bless - LS  >^.^< 

Last night me and my husband drank, a little bit I didn't drink too much cause I had to get up and go to work in the morning so, anyway when we layed down in the bed we started to argue over nothing he's saying that all I want him to do is leave, im always upset blah blah.  but then he starts pushing me, in the bed still I told him to leave me alone and he wouldn't stop.  I got up and swung at him and slapped him smack in the face.  That is a bad spot for my husband anyway he jumped up threw me down on the bed and started to punch me on my arms and hit me so hard in my chest that I couldn't breath then he started to choke me. we struggled for a while screaming and yelling at each other,  I was soo mad that I just starting swinging at hime hitting him when I could, but never tried to hit him in the face, but it happened again and again he started to scream and slam against the walls and hit me more.   He provokes me to hit him does everything he can until i get so angry that i swing on him,  then he just goes crazy.  One night he just kept pestering me till I told him I was leaving, he grabbed me a threw me against the door and kept knocking me into it.  Anyway my question is... is it abuse when I hit him first?

my husband is verbaly abusive... he tells me i'am stupid and that i'am crazy... He will leave for days at at a time and when he actually decides to come home and i ask where he has been he will get so mad that he has punched wholes in the wall and doors. he tells me that i'am nothing but a dumb A$$ bit**. He tells me that i never do anything right ,i never do the laundry right , he tells me i'am a sorry a$$ excuse for a woman. I never do my duties as a wife. he tells me i'am stupid , pathetic, crazy, i never do anything right,i'm a sorry excuse for a wife, i'am overbearing, crazy....... does anyone have any advise........