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Topic : Abuse

Number of Replies: 27088
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Created on : Friday, July 01, 2005, 04:59:59 pm
Author : dataimport

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July 25, 2009, 5:11 pm CDT

About My Friend

Quote From: cybilone

You are absolutely right she does have rights.  To get her things is not worth the crap from him.

To put a stop to it -- she can call a Police Stand By unit. They will usually give her 15 minutes to get what she can. They will also keep him away from her while this is happening.

 

When she goes to court she needs to also ask for a MOVE OUT order on him so she can get possession of the house again. Everything is in her favor if she follows the LEGAL approaches available to her.

 

Hope this helps,

 

God Bless,

Huggs, Purrs,

Cybil

She did get some of her things, but he had already taken her computer and some other personal belongings and will not let her have them.  Told her if she drops it all then she can have them.  She has followed the protection order and the court lifted it in two weeks.  Now he took pocession of the home and she is waiting for the next court date on Aug 7th.  She feels like she has no rights, as he has taken all pocession of everything that she has.   He even threatened to take her car from her, as it is jointly owned also.  She is so upset and just does not know what to do.  She said she feels like 'she' is the criminal.

 

Any advice?

LSSANDERS

 
July 26, 2009, 8:33 am CDT

Are you in a joint property state?

Quote From: lssanders

She did get some of her things, but he had already taken her computer and some other personal belongings and will not let her have them.  Told her if she drops it all then she can have them.  She has followed the protection order and the court lifted it in two weeks.  Now he took pocession of the home and she is waiting for the next court date on Aug 7th.  She feels like she has no rights, as he has taken all pocession of everything that she has.   He even threatened to take her car from her, as it is jointly owned also.  She is so upset and just does not know what to do.  She said she feels like 'she' is the criminal.

 

Any advice?

LSSANDERS

I am in California a joint property state.  Soooooo, even though both names are on something, she can get possession by petitioning the court to give her SOLE possession of items.

She needs to make a list of all items she wants and then submit it to the court (judge) when she goes to court.

Also, she needs to be sure to inform the judge that he has threatened her -- to not go to court. ACTUALLY I BELIEVE WHAT HE IS DOING IS AGAINST THE LAW. Don't know if he can be arrested for this kind of threat or not. 

She is (I take it)Married to him?? If so, then the court will be her best option.  BUT, BY ALL MEANS  "MAKE A LIST OF DESIGNATED ITEMS.  It will help her. If there are children, then she has a better chance of getting the home in court.

 

I'm lucky, in my case, I'm not married to him any more (ex) and everything is in my name.  So for me it's a slam dunk. Worst case for me is I'll have to evict him if judge does not issue orders I've requested.

 

But, when I divorced him I did all the paper work myself and got advice from an attorney on how to do it.

 

Sorry I can't offer more for your friend.  This guy is a real controller and a jerk!!

 

God Bless

Huggs, Purrs,

Cybil

 
July 26, 2009, 11:49 am CDT

update

Im being quiet the past few days....I suppose I dont have much to say and I dont want to monopolize the baord (as I so often do)

Things are good, quiet.

I havent heard anything. Anything at all. This is a good thing. It still hurts, but the anger is starting to come. This too is a good thing.

He blames it all on me. Im a bitch, Im a whore. Im controlling, Im evil. I dont know how to love. I cant do on my own, for my own.

SCREW ALL THAT CRAP.

I am still sad...And scared. With Josh for some reason the specifics of what happened didnt effect me so much, if only becuase it was a drug issue perhaps? And thigns weren't as violent. At least not so blatantly.

This time...Well, I am struggling with that part of things. I try to write about it, that is how I usually deal with thigns, but this time around. Well...It happened so often, it was like a whirlwind. I cant remember all the times his hands touched me. I cant seperate one incident from the next because they were so often and random as well.

That and when I try and think of the 'incidents' my mind kinda like...I dunno, you know when you stare real hard your eyes go out of focus? I feel like my mind is doing that, only I get really tired and my stomach cramps when it happens, so I just dont think about it. Is this normal?

I have been thinking lately though....Why wasnt I more scared? What is wrong with me?

It makes me feel sick to
 
July 26, 2009, 11:51 am CDT

The last sentance of my last post...

The last sentance of my last post...

was a typo.
 
July 28, 2009, 11:56 am CDT

SLAM DUNK

Went to court this morning.  He showed up and was his usual hateful self. Judge saw right thru him.

Granted Restraining order and Move out.  It is a 5 year order.  He has to make an appointment with me on August 1st and 2nd to get his stuff.  If he gives me any problems, I just call the police and he goes to jail.

 

So glad it's nearing an end.  So sad I had to do this because I did love him.

 

Life goes on.  I will survive.

 

God Bless,

Huggs, Purrs,

Cybil

 
July 28, 2009, 6:48 pm CDT

About my friend

Quote From: cybilone

I am in California a joint property state.  Soooooo, even though both names are on something, she can get possession by petitioning the court to give her SOLE possession of items.

She needs to make a list of all items she wants and then submit it to the court (judge) when she goes to court.

Also, she needs to be sure to inform the judge that he has threatened her -- to not go to court. ACTUALLY I BELIEVE WHAT HE IS DOING IS AGAINST THE LAW. Don't know if he can be arrested for this kind of threat or not. 

She is (I take it)Married to him?? If so, then the court will be her best option.  BUT, BY ALL MEANS  "MAKE A LIST OF DESIGNATED ITEMS.  It will help her. If there are children, then she has a better chance of getting the home in court.

 

I'm lucky, in my case, I'm not married to him any more (ex) and everything is in my name.  So for me it's a slam dunk. Worst case for me is I'll have to evict him if judge does not issue orders I've requested.

 

But, when I divorced him I did all the paper work myself and got advice from an attorney on how to do it.

 

Sorry I can't offer more for your friend.  This guy is a real controller and a jerk!!

 

God Bless

Huggs, Purrs,

Cybil

Yes, they are married and jointly own the trailer and some other things.  I am sorry to say but she has decided to drop the court case for Aug 7th to extend the protection order.  They have talked on the phone...so I am wondering if that would go against the order ?  He calls "her", she doesn't call him.  They argue some, and sometimes they don't.  But she is so tired of it all and wants to get on with her life without him in it. She just wants him to leave her alone.

 

I just hope he does indeed leave her alone.  But she says she thinks by talking to him that he has realized that all of his "buddies" are not having much to do with him as they once were.  That was the trouble from the start.  He but his friends ahead of his wife. 

 

He is a real control freak!

Lssanders

 
July 28, 2009, 6:52 pm CDT

Abuse

Quote From: cybilone

Went to court this morning.  He showed up and was his usual hateful self. Judge saw right thru him.

Granted Restraining order and Move out.  It is a 5 year order.  He has to make an appointment with me on August 1st and 2nd to get his stuff.  If he gives me any problems, I just call the police and he goes to jail.

 

So glad it's nearing an end.  So sad I had to do this because I did love him.

 

Life goes on.  I will survive.

 

God Bless,

Huggs, Purrs,

Cybil

Cybil,

I wish the court had been different for my friend the first time she went for the protection order.  Her husband used his illness, saying how sick he was, etc etc. and how he loved her etc etc.  He told the court that all she does is drink and sit on the computer, blah blah blah.   After he had banged her head on the dash time and time again in Feb. and then threatend her life then and again a month ago.  The court lifted the protection order.....he got the trailer and all of her belongings!!!!!!  Go Figure!

 
July 28, 2009, 9:51 pm CDT

Congratulations

Quote From: cybilone

Went to court this morning.  He showed up and was his usual hateful self. Judge saw right thru him.

Granted Restraining order and Move out.  It is a 5 year order.  He has to make an appointment with me on August 1st and 2nd to get his stuff.  If he gives me any problems, I just call the police and he goes to jail.

 

So glad it's nearing an end.  So sad I had to do this because I did love him.

 

Life goes on.  I will survive.

 

God Bless,

Huggs, Purrs,

Cybil

Congratulations!  You are so brave.  You are on the path to thebetter life that you deserve!
 
July 30, 2009, 7:07 am CDT

Thanks P and Irish (anyone else too)...

Quote From: Pleasance

Autumn, Autumnbrz.,

 

Of course my dear woman, of course I remember you.  Oh, how I have wondered and worried about you over time.

 

We go back a long, long while.

 

I too value the times we've shared...you were inspirational along your journey.  Both stirring, and encouraging for many.

 

It was most trying when you dropped off the board.

 

You're back again, and I hope, ..... to stay.

 

You will never know how much it meant to me to hear you say ---you are right here, next to me.

 

I don't feel alone, because of so very many good people in here.

 

Thank you.

 

Take care.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Thanks for all the well wishes and welcome backs. Yes, I am back!! I've missed and needed you great ladies over time and know I still have work to do and need your guys support...plus I love helping so much!

 

It has been such an incredible journey that started right here many years ago on this board. Though I know that my journey isn't close to being over I have a good road to travel on that over time gets so much better.

 

My daughters surgery had many problems and a major screw up by the surgeon so we will be dealing with this for many years to come now. These things happen I know but it is tremendously hard on all of us, especially my baby girl. I have tons of family and friend support - we have next to none from ex! - and we are adjusting to our new situation slowly but please keep her in your prayers!

 

I shouldn't have been surprised but in the hospital when my ex was there it was always about him. I even had a nurse comment on it! Wow how some things never change. He became mean and verbally abusive to me in the hospital as well. At one point my daughter asked me to not have him come back cause she didn't want to deal with him anymore. She is only 9 btw.

 

He has stepped up his game in the last few weeks cause they are finally pulling child support from his checks weekly and this has really set him off towards me. He is now seeking at least 50/50 so as not to pay child support. (He told me that is why too!) Its going to be bumpy for awhile but I am still better off!

 

More later, I can tell I will need lots of support and know that all here can help cause unfortunately you understand. Got a busy morning but need to get so much off my chest. Stay safe out there ladies & gentleman. Take care :)

 
July 30, 2009, 7:14 am CDT

Cybil...

Quote From: cybilone

Went to court this morning.  He showed up and was his usual hateful self. Judge saw right thru him.

Granted Restraining order and Move out.  It is a 5 year order.  He has to make an appointment with me on August 1st and 2nd to get his stuff.  If he gives me any problems, I just call the police and he goes to jail.

 

So glad it's nearing an end.  So sad I had to do this because I did love him.

 

Life goes on.  I will survive.

 

God Bless,

Huggs, Purrs,

Cybil

Congrats on being so brave to stand up for yourself!

 

I can understand the remorse you might be feeling for having to go this route but know that you have done what is best and he left you no real choice.

 

You are such a strong, intelligent and beautiful lady and it is wonderful that you can start the process of moving on with your life - abuse free!

 

Take care :)

 
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