Message Boards

Topic : Abuse

Number of Replies: 27102
New Messages This Week: 0
Last Reply On:
Created on : Friday, July 01, 2005, 04:59:59 pm
Author : dataimport

Please join us on the new Abuse Support message board: Click Here

 

If you believe you need immediate assistance, please call your local emergency number or crisis hotline listed in your local phone book's government pages. You can also find more help on our General and Mental Health Resources and Domestic Violence Resources pages.



As of January, 2009, this message board will become "Read Only" and will be closed to further posting. Please join the NEW Dr. Phil Community to continue your discussions, personalize your message board experience, start a blog and meet new friends.

User Mood
Happy

Message Emote
blank
October 18, 2005, 11:20 am PDT

Oops... forgot to post it...

Quote From: qqqhhh

This guy is loaded with good articles: 

  

http://www.drjoecarver.com/depression.html 

  

He describes what I call "THE PIT".  An awful place, the pit. 

  

http://www.drjoecarver.com/depression.html 

 

Q 

 
User Mood
Happy

Message Emote
blank
October 18, 2005, 11:24 am PDT

And another one!

This one is long.  I've printed it out.  Looks worth a read: 

  

http://www.drjoecarver.com/Memory.html 

  

 
User Mood
Stressed

Message Emote
blank
October 18, 2005, 12:29 pm PDT

Taking Charge

Hello again, 

   Interview went fine, hope to know something tomorrow. 

  

I was cleaning out my hope chest and found something my mom gave me when I was a teen and d*** it,  I want it! I'll post it at the end. 

 So, First he's on a trip so I snooped in some files, now I'm angry. But keeping my cool.  What I found financially, OMG.  So....I made a call to a wonderful lawyer friend and we had a lunch chat.  Since I have not spoken out or complained etc.  My spouse has no idea I could be making plans to put down the gauntlet.  Lovely lawyer friend gave me a entire checklist of things to begin doing.  Things I would have never have thought of.  Just talking to him made me feel empowered like I was taking action and not just whining about it. Thank you for the feedback the the honest bluntness.  I need that.   Anyway here is what my mom gave me and this afternoon I'm going to give a copy of it to my 13yr. old daughter.  Hope it's not to long. 

  

Every Woman

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD HAVE... ...one old love she can imagine going back to...
and one who reminds her how far she has come......

enough money within her control to move out and
rent a place of her own even if she never wants to and needs to......

something perfect to wear if the employer or
date of her dreams wants to see her in an hour......

a youth she's content to leave behind......

a past juicy enough that she's looking forward to retelling it in her old age......

the realization that she is actually going to have an old age
and some money set aside to fund it......

a set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill, and a black lacebra......

one friend who always makesher laugh...
and one who lets her cry......

a good piece of furniture not previously
owned by anyone else in her family......

eight matching plates, wineglasses with stems, and
a recipe for a meal that will make her guests feel honored......

a resume that is not even slightest bit padded......

a feeling of control over her destiny...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW......

how to fall in love without losing herself......

how to quit a job, break up with a lover, and
confront a friend without ruining the friendship......

when to try harder... and when to walk away......

how to have a good time at a party she'd never choose to attend......

how to ask for what she wants in a way that makes it most likely she'll get it......

know that she can't change the length of her calves,
the width of her hips, or the nature of her parents......

that her childhood may not have been perfect...but its over......

what she would and wouldn't do for love or more......

how to live alone... even if she doesn't like it......

whom she can trust, whom she can't, and
why she shouldn't take it personally.....

where to go... be it to her best friend's kitchen table...
or a charming inn in the woods...
when her soul needs soothing......

what she can and can't accomplish in a day... a month... and a year.....

-- Unknown 

  

  

 
User Mood
Weird

Message Emote
hopeful
October 18, 2005, 1:28 pm PDT

Why do women cry?

Why Women Cry

  

A little boy asked his mother, "Why are you crying?" "Because I'm a woman," she told him. 

"I don't understand," he said. His Mom just hugged him and said, "And you never will." 

Later the little boy asked his father, "Why does mother seem to cry for no reason?" 

"All women cry for no reason," was all his dad could say. 

The little boy grew up and became a man, still wondering why women cry. 

Finally he put in a call to God. When God got on the phone, he asked, "God, why do women cry so easily?" 

God said: 

"When I made the woman she had to be special. 

I made her shoulders strong enough to carry the weight of the world, 

yet gentle enough to give comfort. 

I gave her an inner strength to endure childbirth and the rejection that many times comes from her children. 

I gave her a hardness that allows her to keep going when everyone else gives up, and take care of her family through sickness and fatigue without complaining. 

I gave her the sensitivity to love her children under any and all circumstances, even when her child has hurt her very badly. 

I gave her strength to carry her husband through his faults and fashioned her from his rib to protect his heart. 

I gave her wisdom to know that a good husband never hurts his wife, but sometimes tests her strengths and her resolve to stand beside him unfalteringly. 

And finally, I gave her a tear to shed. This is hers exclusively to use whenever it is needed." 

"You see my son," said God, "the beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears, the figure that she carries, or the way she combs her hair. 

The beauty of a woman must be seen in her eyes, because that is the doorway to her heart - the place where love resides." 

I just thought someone would like this as much as I do 

   Dee 

  

  

  

  

 

 
User Mood
Happy

Message Emote
blank
October 18, 2005, 2:06 pm PDT

BRAVO!

Quote From: maskedmom

Hello again, 

   Interview went fine, hope to know something tomorrow. 

  

I was cleaning out my hope chest and found something my mom gave me when I was a teen and d*** it,  I want it! I'll post it at the end. 

 So, First he's on a trip so I snooped in some files, now I'm angry. But keeping my cool.  What I found financially, OMG.  So....I made a call to a wonderful lawyer friend and we had a lunch chat.  Since I have not spoken out or complained etc.  My spouse has no idea I could be making plans to put down the gauntlet.  Lovely lawyer friend gave me a entire checklist of things to begin doing.  Things I would have never have thought of.  Just talking to him made me feel empowered like I was taking action and not just whining about it. Thank you for the feedback the the honest bluntness.  I need that.   Anyway here is what my mom gave me and this afternoon I'm going to give a copy of it to my 13yr. old daughter.  Hope it's not to long. 

  

Every Woman

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD HAVE... ...one old love she can imagine going back to...
and one who reminds her how far she has come......

enough money within her control to move out and
rent a place of her own even if she never wants to and needs to......

something perfect to wear if the employer or
date of her dreams wants to see her in an hour......

a youth she's content to leave behind......

a past juicy enough that she's looking forward to retelling it in her old age......

the realization that she is actually going to have an old age
and some money set aside to fund it......

a set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill, and a black lacebra......

one friend who always makesher laugh...
and one who lets her cry......

a good piece of furniture not previously
owned by anyone else in her family......

eight matching plates, wineglasses with stems, and
a recipe for a meal that will make her guests feel honored......

a resume that is not even slightest bit padded......

a feeling of control over her destiny...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW......

how to fall in love without losing herself......

how to quit a job, break up with a lover, and
confront a friend without ruining the friendship......

when to try harder... and when to walk away......

how to have a good time at a party she'd never choose to attend......

how to ask for what she wants in a way that makes it most likely she'll get it......

know that she can't change the length of her calves,
the width of her hips, or the nature of her parents......

that her childhood may not have been perfect...but its over......

what she would and wouldn't do for love or more......

how to live alone... even if she doesn't like it......

whom she can trust, whom she can't, and
why she shouldn't take it personally.....

where to go... be it to her best friend's kitchen table...
or a charming inn in the woods...
when her soul needs soothing......

what she can and can't accomplish in a day... a month... and a year.....

-- Unknown 

  

  

It's amazing what can uncover when start asking questions and FINDING OUT the real answers. 

  

Be sure that you make copies of all the financial info you found BEFORE hubby comes home. 

  

I suggest you keep that checklist is a SAFE place where hubby can NOT find it!   

  

Keep your wits about you.  Have you made your safety plan? 

  

Give your MA a hug for me!  Smart woman! 

 
User Mood
Relaxed

Message Emote
blank
October 18, 2005, 6:26 pm PDT

thanks Q, that was great!

Of all the stuff I've ever read, I think The Loser, is the best! OMG, its my X all the way!!! If only someone had shown this to me 9yrs ago! I look back and wonder how I ended up with such a gad awful freak, and it must have been the showering me with attention,gifts, kind of thing that did it.

Lemondrop! I think I know! I can't think of the old s/n anyway, but I'm pretty sure I know! So glad to hear from you again.  

  

Q - I'm going to print those articles and keep them handy to remind me again not to ever make this same mistake again!!  

 
User Mood
Relaxed

Message Emote
blank
October 19, 2005, 7:47 am PDT

Abuse

Quote From: qqqhhh

Need a little history here if you don't mind. 

  

You wrote that this is your 3rd marriage.  Is this the 3rd ABUSIVE marriage? 

  

If it is, then someone isn't learning the lessons life is trying to teach them -- even though there ARE Jekyll and Hyde abusers, there WERE red flags.  Trick is... to recognize them.  Sometimes that is really tough when we have our blinders on. 

  

I would agree with you that your current relationship IS an open and shut case.   

  

You've told him to STOP -- right?  And he hasn't, right?  He doesn't respect you or your boundaries and he probably never will.  So it's up to YOU to stand up for how you will be treated.  No matter how much support you get, no one can do that work for you.  If he is abusive and you stay, you only have your self to blame for putting your self in a place where that torment can continue. 

  

You SHOULD NOT do that to your SELF. 

  

YOU MATTER!!!!  Let those words SINK IN.  YOU MATTER!!! 

  

Stop allowing someone ELSE tell you that you don't! 

  

If you don't want your kids to "support" you (do you mean financially? or emotionally?), then don't obligate them. 

  

Find another way.  Where there is a will, this IS a way. 

  

You can get MORE support in LOTS of other places.  This place is a good one, and there are MANY others.  You just need to know what your options are.  The way to findout what your options are is to ASK. 

  

So call your local domestic violence agencies, shelters, women's advocates groups.  Talk to counselors, lawyers, support groups, friends and other family members.  Educate your self about abuse and what you CAN do about it.  There is ALOT you can do. 

  

Remember, YOU MATTER!!!  Q 

  

Thank you for the advice.  My other two marriages were also abusive.  The first is the the father of my kids and we got married really young.  The second I have no idea why it even took place.  He started abusing and I got out of the marriage.  This husband was never like this until about the last two years.   But now he thinks I am cheating on him and I have never given him a reason to think like that about me.  He is so insecure.  Maybe he has a guilty conscious.  I don't know when he would have the time.  I don't feel that he is.  But now he won't touch me, talk to me and accuses me all the time..  This has never happened before.  It's almost as if he is emotionally detaching himself so he can leave.
 

Message Emote
blank
October 19, 2005, 9:16 am PDT

Confused

Quote From: qqqhhh

And in about a month it'll be that time again!   

  

If you don't ever explain, that'll be fine too -- I'm just glad you reconnected. 

  

Know that I care.   

  

  

Thank you for your thoughts. 

  

  

There are so many women who used to post here that I wonder  about  and wish I knew .........how they're  doing ........... if things are going well for them..........hoping they ARE safe. 

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

 

Message Emote
blank
October 19, 2005, 9:39 am PDT

When

Can someone tell me when the format for the message boards changed. 

  

Were the changes gradual or just one day it all happened? 

  

  

Did the string remain until the changes? 

  

  

  

Just wondering .............. I have been away for so long. 

  

  

  

 
User Mood
Stressed

Message Emote
blank
October 19, 2005, 10:18 am PDT

lemondrop, hey!

Quote From: lemondrop

Can someone tell me when the format for the message boards changed. 

  

Were the changes gradual or just one day it all happened? 

  

  

Did the string remain until the changes? 

  

  

  

Just wondering .............. I have been away for so long. 

  

  

  

The boards shut down for , oh I think about two months this summer.  I just remember that we weren't able to post for a while!  The new format started in July sometime.  I'm not sure about anyone else, but I really missed posting when the boards were down.  I haven't seen some of the "old" regulars since the boards went down & I miss them!!!  I too wonder how some of the "girls" are!!! 
 
First | Prev | 44 | 45 | 46 | 47 | 48 | 49 | 50 | 51 | 52 | 53 | Next | Last