Topic : Abuse

.....BEGINS AT HOME. 

For thousands of women and children in our world who are victims of domestic abuse, home is anything but peaceful. 

Every day.....someone reaches out for help. 

May the season bring you joy. 

Snow everywhere! 

The landscape beautiful and quiet. 

Generosity of thoughts........the "porch lights" are glowing. 

Peace and quiet... 

Support for all. 

Take care.  

got in a argument the other day it was a stupid argument over something so petty  I paid off the wrong credit card.  We really never had arguements but this one turned nasty.  I was left in shock at the file names i was being called.    I wanted it to end.  I apologized.  I asked how to make it better.  Then it turned violent.  I was being hit.  I wanted to hit back but didn't not dare.  I just screamed go on hit me harder, and hit me again.  It ended soon after.     

It has never happened before.  I don't believe it will happen again, but the relationship is changed.  I want to forget it happened.  The bruises are gone,  but emotionally it still hurts. 

just wanting to forget 

I am finally on my way out as well.  I was there once before....physically out, but got caught up again in all the 'right'  words.  I just read from Dr. Phil, once you're out, stay out.  I wish I had seen that a year and a half ago.  I guess I was so beaten down emotionally, that to give him another chance, was such a good thing to do on my part.  What an amazing person I am to take all that I had from him for years, forgive him and try to make it work.  That was my way of building myself up.  So today, I sit here, with full knowledge that I've let another year of my life go with no truly remarkable change in how I'm treated by him.  Standing up to him and not allowing him to 'get away' with treating me like crap, fuels the challenge in him even more to break me....how sad.  I'm a giver, he's a taker and I KNOW that my being here is not helping anything, nor will it.  So I'm in the angry stage right now, he wants to share my feelings and talk about it and work through it....and I'm done.   

I see the other stories here and I realize  we're here for a reason, I'm here for a reason, understanding that I need that push to keep my mind clear and focused.  Last time, I didn't reach out for that....the "I can do it all on my own" thing.  So here I go....round 2....ding ding. 

I bet you have also written your feelings here many times, and then never posted, just like me. I, too am tired. I am the Mother of a Daughter who has been in an abusive relationship for over 10 years.  I have always been a good Mom, but I am cut off from her and my Grandchildren, because when she needed help to get away from this man, and begged me for help, I helped her, as did her 80 year old grandparents.  (I am talking big time help.)  She now doesn't contact her family.  Her comment was that  "we never liked her husband" .  She went back with this man and the lives of everyone who loves her has been destroyed. Christmas is heartbreaking for all of us.  My parents miss her and their Grandchildren, too, and they are in ill health, so they wonder if they will ever see her again, and not because they are bad people, but because they helped when she begged for help. 

I am tired of hearing that there is nothing I can do, until she decides to do something herself.  It makes me feel completely helpless. My heart breaks, and as a Mother who always loved, and put her child first, I can't imagine how she can not care about her family, her own children, and what her husband has done to them, which she seems to have forgotten.   

My thoughts and prayers are with all other families who are going throught this, especially during the holiday season. There is no support group for us........ 

gmarki 

First I want to commend you for paying off your credit card......any credit card.   That's a good thing! 

What difference does it make.....well, maybe a bit more interest until you pay down the other one. 

That is certainly NO reason to get hit........there is NEVER any reason for anyone to hit or abuse you ........period. 

You are being abused, verbally, emotionally, and of course physically. 

You are apologizing for things that do not require an apology. 

You were hit............you needed to call the POLICE. 

When you were being hit, you asked to be hit again..........you were.     Has the verbal and emotional abuse gotten so hard and difficult to bare.    You did NOT  deserve to be physically hit or abused emotionally or in any other way. Do you think you are not worth being treated fairly and respectfully , with dignity? 

Something has happened before cause physical abuse is never an isolated incident......meaning that there has to be abuse of some kind prior......in some form or another (emotional, verbal, financial, sexual, etc.) 

Once they hit.........it doesn't stop...........they will hit again.......IT WILL HAPPEN AGAIN.   The cycle will continue.    

Now that this has happened.......you can NOT forget......you must take this information in and understand that you are in a highly dangerous situation and need to get help.  

There is support out there for you.......and we can offer  some support and answer some questions here......its important that you get some support from family, friends, a battered woman's hot line, and or a support group.    There are resources in your area........use them. 

NOW THAT YOU KNOW THAT YOU ARE BEING ABUSED ..........THAT IS NOT LOVE........IT WILL HAPPEN AGAIN...........YOU NEED TO TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF...........YOU NEED TO CALL THE POLICE.    

There  is a need  for your partner to have  consequences for  their  actions..........they knew what they were doing, and they hit intensionally..........its about POWER AND CONTROL. 

It is against the law. 

Take care and let us hear your thoughts and questions. 

Please take care. 

There is help available. 

Would you like some resources? 

Has anyone else been having trouble getting in to the message boards.......I have been trying for some time.......yesterday at various times......I couldn't even get in to them in order to read. 

I was using the message board category at the top of the web's home page.......and it took me no where!   Then I tried.........the message board click point for the current show......to get in that way.....to no avail.......................thinking that possibly they might be revamping the boards or archiving them..........I gave it a rest. 

Today, still I couldn't get in either of those ways, yet once again..........finally I clicked on the show board displayed and low and behold.......zippety...do.....dah..........I was able to move on from that  board. 

I see that some functions are definitely working .......as others were able to post.......however I'm wondering which route they took to get in............on Saturday. 

I do realize the site was overwhelmed with all the folks entering the "gifting" contest . 

Just some of what's happening in my part of the world. 

Thank you. 

I don't that I can tell anyone i feel so embarassed and ashamed.  This is the first place that I have even dared to breath a word about it. 

When I look back at my relationship of seven years I can see that you are correct in that this is not the first event.  It was the first one that became physical.   Mostly it just words, name calling a put downs.  I am constantly told that I never Think.  I am accused of lying all the time.  When I am left home for any period of time I get phone calls every couple of hours to make sure I am home and alone.  I feel so untrusted.  Sometimes smothered.   Sometimes I want to something to make the untrusting warranted, but that is not me. 

I thought I was handling this better but after talking about it here I find my self a emotional wreck. 

resources would be nice but I am afaird that there aren't any for me close.  I was going to a therapist for a while but was stopped. 

It is just so hard to talk about. 

I had thought about calling the police when this happened but we were traveling across country when this happened.  This is actually the first oportunity I have to do much of anything without constantly being watch. 

I was truely in love until this happened now I am confussed. 

thank you again 

and hopefully some encouragement. 

Please feel free to post here anytime.....write your feelings down and get them out.....we are comfortable with that......just vent away.......we need not comment to your situation if you just would prefer to vent........we're flexible! 

My heart goes out to you and the great grandparents........I wish I could help you.  It's not fair that you are cut off from loved ones....especially the children. 

I would like to commend you and your parents for trying to help.....your daughter......and your grandchildren........I commend you for offering support and possibly financial help as you stated big time help, that was my guess.    I'm sure that you did all that you could to help get things on the right track.......I'm also thinking that you did so much from the bottom of your hearts. 

Your daughter was blessed and lucky to have that kind of support from family.......I know that I have never had that..........I was told to go home and do what ever he told me to........and things would be alright.......well, they were wrong.......and they were big time wrong!    I knew that then, and I still have animosity about it now.........not understanding or willing to believe or accept ..... why any parents or relatives could ever ask anyone to go home to what I was experiencing.......yet they thought it was a woman's lot in life.  

One thing  I knew was while everyone around me was trying to get me to forget things and pretend that things were not happening .........I was well aware and not about to be in denial........or pretend. 

I can tell you that your daughters husband has her  BRAINWASHED......AND SHE IS STILL IN DENIAL........AND PRETENDING........AND BELIEVING THAT IT WILL GET BETTER...........you and I know that will not happen. 

Part of the ABUSER's tactics.............are BRAINWASHING,    and with the proper brainwashing comes FEAR .......and  ISOLATION.     The fact that she aligns with the abuser  shows that. 

She is so far into denial........and the syndrome that she is not seeing the forrest for the trees. 

Part of his gig is to keep the ISOLATION and BRAINWASHING in place.  If she spends time with loved ones and friends that counteracts all his work on her.........she would have a "real world" check and balance system in place.......something he would never want.......Does she work outside the house?   Does she have that to counteract his crap?.......or is she a loner.....or only spends time with his family!!!! and his friends!!!!!?????? 

I ........like you ...........do NOT understand how she is not protecting her children......from this man and his abuse.    No matter what..............that was always number one with me.............even when I didn't understand the dynamics of abuse toward me.......and didn't want to believe this person that I loved could be as evil and horrible as he showed me.      I protected my children always, and they always were my first interest and consideration.  

   He always had an excuse and an explanation.....and I took responsibility for his problems. ........kept me going 24/7 

(part of why he was attracted to me was that I was so responsible and stable)  something he needed in his life at the time......yet I didn't realize any of what  psychology occurred and made things  happened back then.  

I knew things were wrong......I knew I wasn't doing things wrong.....yet he said I was......and things just kept happening........my church even said, "You stay." 

I can assure you that your daughter has not forgotten what has happened to her children, unless she is so far gone..........so disturbed herself.........that she participates.......God , I hope not.  

She is in denial........she is humiliated........she is brainwashed......she is like a prisoner........she is trying to survive........and she is NOT seeking help or resources to see things straight......she probably feels helpless........and thinks she appeases him by doing as he says.........she is WRONG......the children should see their grandparents and great -grandparents..........and she should be allowed to spend time with her family..................I want to scream....."what to hell is going on?????" 

Is she so afraid that she does everything that he says???? 

"What to hell is going on?" 

Please come back and post further.....come back and ask questions.......that will further your understanding. 

She does need to take a stand.......for her  CHILDREN, AND FOR HERSELF.   

She is so fortunate that she has your support and love................but, she doesn't see it that way, not yet..........she is in the thick of it.            

I wish I could make things different right now. 

Take care...........we care. 

Come back and talk to us.........this is  but one  resource.   Seek some in your own area....there are support mechanisms in place.....in your area, too, I'm sure. 

A suggestion..........perhaps some of that love that you have to share could be put to use helping some less fortunate family  during this Christmas and Holiday season............you could give love and hugs to children and their parents that would welcome and receive with open arms.   Families that would also surely need help with making the holidays brighter for their little ones.   

I  have dropped off food at the local food shelf..........and toys at the local  Police station for children in need.  The Police always know where the neediest are.   Bless them for the work that they do.   Everyday angels! 

You may also sponsor a family or children in your community......annonymosly.....or otherwise depending on the circumstances. 

I know it doesn't change the situation for you right now..........however, you'd be surprise how things work out when you give of yourself during difficult times........rewards aplenty come YOUR way......a brighter holiday season........a blessing.......who knows.........miracles do happen.........sometimes when we least expect them. 

Take care.