Topic : Abuse

Thank you Parsky for your thoughts and prayers. I've been out of town for the last couple of days and have not been able to check this message board......I did go to court....and luckily he wasn't there.....someone made a mistake and it was assigned to the wrong jurisdiction....so now we have to start all over in the "correct" jurisdiction......what a PAIN!!! But.....I'm glad I went....it was quite informative. Two of the four cops that showed up told me that my husband had called the FBI on them trying to get THEM arrested. I guess he didn't co-operate when he was being arrested for violating the order of protection and they had to "man handle" him. (He's been living with his parents since our separation last December and no, he does not pay any rent...he can't he doesn't have a job! Hasn't worked in over a year!) Anyway.....I guess his Mother mouthed off to the cops as well, which doesn’t surprise me in the least. One of the cops told me that my h accused them of pushing his Mother over a couch. Of course I don't believe it.....this is the same man that accused me of fraudulently cashing a check and called the secret service on me!!!! I actually spoke to the secret service agent and confirmed what he had suspected all along. ....that my h is a drug addicted, crazy, abuser of ALL people. 

Since I was on here last....I wrote him one final email telling him exactly what I thought of him (honestly, I wasn't very nice and it felt great!!!) I also told him I will have nothing else to do with him or any member of his family or friends, that I will do WHATEVER I feel necessary to protect myself from him physically, verbally, emotionally and mentally. I have not responded to any of his emails or calls. I had two snail mail letters from him today when I returned from my trip. (I took my youngest son,17,(the one that just recently underwent brain surgery) to visit his grandparent who live in the mountains. It was very refreshing to get away for a few days.) I have cancelled my cell phone and will be getting a new number soon (he does not have my home phone number). I am taking a course on self defense, I carry mace most everywhere I go, I went back to the judge to modify the order of protection to include he not contact me in ANY way at work and I have been in contact with the head of security at the Airline that I work for, (I've been on a medical leave for the last 6 months, I return a week from tomorrow), upon my return I will have a security guard that will escort me to and from my car. I work in a secure building so I feel relatively safe inside. This is great as my H almost cost me my job by calling me several times a day. If I wasn't at my desk he would demand the receptionist locate me in the building even pulling me out of very important meetings and/or accusing the people I work with that I was "being held against my will". So, it's wonderful to know that I have the support of my work force. I honestly don't think I would have been so strong and determined to cut the ties....all of them....especially the emotional ones, had it not been for the sound advice and support of this board. It has really helped to relate to others suffering the same pain of abuse that I've been going thru and to listen to their advise and respect how they've survived!!!! KUDOS to all of you. I've only been a member of this board for a short while but the rewards are tremendous!  

My h may have pulled me down.....but I'll be damned (apologies if that offends anyone) if I allow him to keep me down! Life is just too short to live it unhappily! I have five wonderful children and one beautiful 4 year old granddaughter.....I am truly a blessed woman with much to live for.  

My thoughts and prayers go out to any of you that are suffering the chaos and turmoil of abuse. I finally had to take some of my OWN advise to my kids.......I can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect different results.......only I have the power to change my life! 

Good luck to all.....and good night for now. 

Shell 

good am. shell.....i read your post twice !!! i cant stop smiling... what a survivor you are...i am sooo very happy for you and proud of you.  how encouraging and inspirational to read your story.  i just know it will help so many others that are still going through a hard time, wondering if they can reclaim their lives back. 

reading your post will encourage them...you may never know how many victims of abuse you have helped by sharing your story of survival, but you have made an impact on those seeking advice, some encouragement, understanding, direction and more.  i know it's not completely over for you just yet,  but your future is so very bright...please cont. to post and keep us updated on your situation...we are here for you, and we care....you go girl !!!!!  

hi j, 

i know you were venting and normally i wouldn't respond to a vent, but in this case i am making an exception ...... 

you need to  call them back and do whatever you can to be on the show...this is what you have waited for, this could be your way OUT.... so what if h wants dr.p to view some tape or pics, it will only serve to help YOU....i would jump at the chance you have been offered here j, so many possiblities.  i could go on  and on but let us know if you call and what happens...i would hate to see this opportunity  pass for you....please make that call..... 

Your in my thoughts and prayers.   

unless everything you've mentioned has occured while shes on the pills i would run. run away. it seems that you are repeating a pattern. when you are in one abusive relationship if you do not do the work on yourself in order to figure out what got   you there then you end yup back there again. there are many older women on this board who have been through menapuase or who know others who have but i still think regardless she should not be throwing stuff at you.  

throwing stuff at you is physical abuse, 

that scratch on your back is ppyhscical abuse.  

please be careful. if you deicde to stay the next time she hurts you you need to call the police and press charges. i would be sure to only do things that defend yourself such as pushiing her and ptting your hands up. police know what injuries are from defending oneself and the injuries from the abuser.  

she needs to stop. and she needs to stop now. i am assuming that your child is grown now as you dont mention any chindren wittnessing any of this but you need ot get out. you also need to get counseling for yourself. this will help you to raise your self estteem and notice hte patterns sot hat you do not repeat the pattern again and find oyurself in another abusive relationship. she has broken the marriage vows by this abuse. there is no excuse for it. no matter what medication she is on she still has self contro.. she has still decided to hit you and throw things at you.  that is a chilice that she has made. she has decided it is okay to hit you every single time she does it and threatens it. you need to get out. for your own safety please leave. if it is form medication this will give oyu the space while she is stablizing but i honestly think that this has just been used as an excuse. i have never heard of menapuase making a woman violent. it is an escuse like an alcoholic who uses the fact that hes drunk to abuse. the thoughts are stillt here no matter what drug she is on. please get some space from her so you can get your footing. we recomment one year of no abuse of any kind in order to verify that the abuser has canged and is serious about it. please protect yourself.  

Hello everyone, I have a situation where my husband loves to hold me down and tickle me.  The problem is he won't stop when I ask him to and then it accelerates into wrestling with him to try and get him off of me and/or to stop tickling me. I enjoy being tickled at first, but then I expect him to stop when I ask him to, but he doesn't.  This morning he was tickling me again and holding me down and he wouldn't stop.  Then he started pulling my hair. I finally slapped him really hard on the head and the side of his face.  He then stopped and let me up.  The problem is I feel really bad like I abused him because I could tell I kind of hurt him, but what do you do when someone refuses to stop tickling you, holding you down, and pulling your hair? Who was wrong in this situation?  Me? Him? or both of us?  I keep telling my husband that I'm worried that one day when we're wrestling around and he's tickling me that it is going to get out of hand really quick and either he is going to hurt me or vise versa?  How do I make him understand this? Thanks so much. 

Hello everyone, I have a situation where my husband loves to hold me down and tickle me.  The problem is he won't stop when I ask him to and then it accelerates into wrestling with him to try and get him off of me and/or to stop tickling me. I enjoy being tickled at first, but then I expect him to stop when I ask him to, but he doesn't.  This morning he was tickling me again and holding me down and he wouldn't stop.  Then he started pulling my hair. I finally slapped him really hard on the head and the side of his face.  He then stopped and let me up.  The problem is I feel really bad like I abused him because I could tell I kind of hurt him, but what do you do when someone refuses to stop tickling you, holding you down, and pulling your hair? Who was wrong in this situation?  Me? Him? or both of us?  I keep telling my husband that I'm worried that one day when we're wrestling around and he's tickling me that it is going to get out of hand really quick and either he is going to hurt me or vise versa?  How do I make him understand this? Thanks so much.