Topic : Abuse

love makes us do things thinking it will change and we know there is some good but all we can do what we can do to just get threw it tonight i ask about his money and it was none of my business

is an answer to many prayers.  

   

You sound so strong and healthy!  Miss you alot but so glad you are doing well.  Please be vigilant, though, you know what to watch for.  

   

Come back soon and let everyone know how you are progressing.  

   

Peace  

throw a load of laundry into the machine and clean off the dining room table and feed the dog and check on the kids homework and transfer the laundry into the dryer and look at the mail and...  

  

Okay, I'm exhausted.  I demand a raise!  Retroactive. 

My husband has been abusive for over a year and a half. We've talked but he pretty much said that if I don't tell him he's being a jerk he doesn't know it and he'll continue. Well if I tell him he's a jerk he continues anyway. He's been pretty nice to me today and most of yesterday.  Is it common to think that his abusiveness is going to end or that it wasn't that bad to begin with? I know his good person abilities are there because he was nice for most of the first year and a half of our marriage but I don't understand why it's so hard for him to be nice to me. He's nice to his best friend and even to the drive thru ladies. I'm really confused.  

  

I had a coworker say they were renting a condo for cheap and I got so excited thinking about what it would be like just my son and I but couldn't bring myself to leave. I know I'm unhappy but stay. I don't understand. 

 We're living in the same house & sharing the expenses. We both feel frustrated. I, the female, want more appreciation, love, and respect. I voice that out to him. He replies in anger that I deny everything he's done for me & don't acknowledge the kind things he does. I acknowledge he is reliable & resourceful, does house cleaning and more. I offer support to him by listening about his work (no matter how long drawn it is), making time for him in my schedule, offering to go out and do things together. Gosh, how do I make him see things my way? I offered just to be friends so I don't put pressure on him to treat me like a loved woman. An example of what he does, he speaks to me in a condescending tone, makes immature jokes about the way I look, he yells, he kicks things in anger. I told him, those things make me feel unsafe, afraid, and unhappy. When it comes to affection, I need lots. I say to him I need hugs and he sighs. He's nice when he comes to bed ( but i know better than that) & have not submitted to him. It even became a discussion when I asked him to not say sorry in the middle of the night when I'm sleeping. He just doesn't get it!

Many people don't know that Mother's Day was started after the Civil War as a protest against the carnage of war by women who had lost their sons.   Julia Ward Howe characterized her original 1870 Mother's Day Proclamation as a Day for Peace.  

   

   

ARISE, THEN, WOMEN OF THIS DAY!  

   

ARISE ALL WOMEN WHO HAVE HEARTS, WHETHER OUR BAPTISM BE THAT OF WATER OR OF FEARS!  

   

Say firmly:  

   

WE WILL NOT HAVE GREAT QUESTIONS DECIDED BY IRRELEVANT AGENCIES.  

   

OUR SONS SHALL NOT BE TAKEN FROM US TO UNLEARN ALL THAT  WE HAVE BEEN ABLE TO  

   

 TEACH THEM OF CHARITY, MERCY AND PATIENCE.  

   

FROM THE BOSOM OF THE DEVASTATED EARTH, A VOICE GOES UP WITH OUR OWN.  

   

IT SAYS        "Disarm, DISARM !"   

Do me a favor,  please read the show board for todays show....the first couple....titled Dr. Jekyll or Mr. Hyde ????   

   

You tell me....While I do understand that she the wife may be going thru menopause ...yes, a natural passage in life ....a normal process that occurs.      

   

Is this yet another way to handle an abusive situation as a couples problem...from the descriptions on the show board (I have not yet seen the show) it appears that the guy in this case is using this as yet another of his not taking responsibility and blame for his abuse and problems....along with his father dieing.       

   

Skirting the issue of his abuse.   

   

And it appears that Dr. Phil is also giving him that option.    

   

   

Her menopause.   Her hormonal imbalance.   Her chemical imbalance.   

   

   

Well, well well......here we go again.   

   

What about this?    His abuse is the reason for her stress.....STRESS....SADNESS..  PROBLEMS IN THE MARRIAGE>>>>UNRESOLVED ISSUES >>>>>>.and unsavory living conditions........and she just happens to be at that time of life where her body is changing. Going thru menopause.   

   

Far too much time on her menopause.....and now Robin is going to take her and "fix her"........while this guy's abuse, temper outbursts, emotional withholding, emotional and verbal abuse goes barely unchecked.   

   

DON'T GET ME WRONG, I KNOW THAT ROBIN AND HER PHYSICIAN CAN AND WILL OFFER A SOLUTION AND RELIEF FOR THIS WOMAN'S MENOPAUSAL DISCOMFORT. AND I APPLAUD ROBIN IN ALL HER EFFORTS AND AWARENESS REGARDING THIS SUBJECT MATTER .....I DO FOLLOW THIS LINE OF THINKING.   

   

   

HOWEVER, when will we see the ABUSE ADDRESSED in the only way that it should and can be addressed?   

   

I don't know....go ahead and read the show board.....what are your thoughts?   

   

Does it appear that its coming off as the woman having all these problems and being over sensitive because of it....?  What are your thoughts.   

   

THIS GUY COULD BE ABUSING A WOMAN IN HER TWENTIES, THIRTIES........WOULD IT BE HORMONES THEN ?  Oh, yeah, probably PMS.   I've heard that from an abusers lips.  Oh, yeah!  

   

I know many a batterer and abuser has said that to explain away his ABUSE , POWER AND CONTROL.   

   

What do you all think?   

   

   

Did this abuser get off easy as all the others , yet once again!  ?   

   

   

   

   

   

   

Its no wonder that society continues not to care....unless it happens to them....they really are of the mind set that she did it.....she caused it.......she's to blame.    They think the women deserve it.  

   

There is no OUTRAGE !  

   

   

   

   

   

   

   

   

   

   

I read the board, P. And I'm worried.....even though it seems like Dr. Phil is trying to address the issue of this husbands abusive behavior....questioning why he allows himself to call her names...and the husbands defense is that  he doesn't remember....how convenient...... 

I am not sure about the conclusion of this....my impression after reading the board is that she is getting help for her menopausal issues..and even if the good Doc is telling her she is not crazy...and they are getting counseling.....I could not see any mentioning of the husbands abusive behavior and how to correct it......After reading it, it looked to me that the focus, and the conclusion was her hormonal issues.......Please tell me if it still looks like this after you have watched the show. (The only way I can keep up with what's happening on the show, is to read the boards.....the shows don't air until months later here...) 

  

E 

Guess we'll have to wait and see......how Dr. Phil handles his PRIME-TIME show on the 19th of this month.  

  

I knew a  long time ago....that Dr. Phil's stance , as far as the women were  concerned ....on Domestic Abuse was  somewhat different from all the Abuse Experts in the field......after attending  one of his  all day Seminars with more than 3,000 people....forget the exact count. Believe more than that.   

  

  

I came away troubled by it then...  

  

....guess I'll just have to wait and see......  

  

  

  

And then there was the police officer in line later while we were all waiting to have books autographed .....a conversation in progress regarding the seminar......with the folks in the section of line I was in.....everyone was discussing various points and portions of the presentation.......I voiced my concern about one of the comments regarding Domestic Abuse....and the women involved....and this "police officer" says......"its true, the women you can't feel sorry for ....they keep going back to 'em and if they do break it off...they go get with  someone just like 'em.....you get tired of the whole thing."  

  

  

It was clear to me that this particular police officer had not been educated and trained by Domestic Abuse Experts and the facts  as to the dynamics and why the women need to be deprogrammed, and helped.  

  

Oh how sad it was.  

  

I can tell you I was out numbered in that section of the line, there.   

  

There is no outrage.....for the men and what they do........the outrage is turned against the woman...."stop going back and it wouldn't happen"   

  

  Yeah, like the guy is not going to move on to another woman.