Topic : Abuse

Such a pretty color -- lilac.  Wonderful flower too!  Wish we could grow it here! 

I have only briefly read your story and I DO have somethings to say (of course I would I'm pretty opinionated!) but seems I've run out of time today. 

Will try to post to you tomorrow.   

WELCOME!  Q 

As in Chrysanthe--- mum  , get it?  Okay sorry for the pun. 

I also have something to say to you -- like lilacmess -- but have run out of time. 

Will try and gather some thoughts for you tomorrow.  

Till then WELCOME to the board! Q 

OK I need some answers... My hubby and I fight all the time an it is always over his daughter from a previous marriage.  I either talked where she couldn't hear me, I was to rough on her,  i should have talked to her, I shouldn't have talked to her, whatever it is.  Its never right.  And then I get mad and then I tell him he should put me first because from previous counseling they have told him that we need to be a united front with parenting well we are not.  Any rules or bouindaries I set he says is to rough on her and  that I would never do that to our own two kids that we had together.  Last night we got in a fight and he of course yelled at me at the top of his lungs like he always does and I went down to my parent house with me children because he won't leave.  (This was my house before I met him but whenever we fight and I tell him to leave because I don't want him to yell at me in front of the children and he does it anyway , I then tell him to leave.  But he won't so who gets to leave me because I don't want to be around him.  My parents tell me that I have to stay with him because I have two children and it was my fault that I got pregnant before I was married that they told me to wait awhile and since I didn't listen to their counsel then I have to pay the price.  They will not support me in anyway if I file for divorce.  I am TIRED of the abuse.  I am TIRED of not being loved.  I am TIRED of his @$#(*&.  I told him today that he would have to take care of his stuff and cook for himself from now on.  I was done taking care of him and his.  He then told me to get a job.  WHATEVER... He always tells me that when he fights with me.  Like he paying the bills is good enough.  Tomorrow he is celebrating his daughters birthday here.  Has she been nice to me talked to me or even done what I told her had to be done before all her friends came over NO.  I don't  think I should same a damn thing.  Personally I am about to the point that I won't even be home when she gets here.  Oh yeh he has to go pick up his other daughter for the weekend because his exwife is going out of town and so he has to drive her everywhere that she needs to go.  The girl doesn't want to ever come over here except when her mom makes her.  That is another story.  I can't stand the girl and don't want to be around her this weekend either.  WHAT SHOULD I DO.?  Tonight he has said a few things to me but I don't give a #($*&.  Instead of coming home and trying to work on our relationship, he came home and took his daughter hunting until dark.   Everytime we don't talk to each other and them the ice will break.  Then its back to the same ol same ol..  I am tired of the same #$*(&.  I dont' think I should put up with it.  What do you all think 

Hi there LS!  

Thanks for your kind words....again!...lol  

I am SO HAPPY to hear that you are going well with the hairdressing :))) It's amazing isn't it, I was once so scared to go out and work after so many years of raising babies, BUT, I'm more than ready now! The time is right , which proves to me that I am letting go of him, you see, I USED to think that he will be back looking after me again! ( financially of course)  

The financial side of things was my BIGGEST fear I would have to say, facing that was MONUMENTAL!! But a very "smart" friend once said to me that I have to be prepared to let go of it all and the rest will take care of itself.....she was RIGHT! Funnily enough, his money means NOTHING to me now! He has lost that pull he had over me, once and for all!  

You are right, it HAS been a long road, but oh SO worth it ;)  

Take Care,  

Bedazzled   

Hi Q!  

It is also great to hear from you :)))  

Thank you so much for your inspiration, LS wasn't kidding when she said you are an angel!   

BRAVO to you, for coming back here day after day to help women, that are at a place that you once were! :)   

As for the kids squabbling, that is water off a ducks back here now :) You know it's kind of weird, but it's actually NICE to hear them being ALLOWED to express themselves, their father didn't allow any "misconduct" from them at all! Rather HYPOCRITICAL considering, he was the MASTER at it!!!!  

You know it's funny that you say spend some time figuring out the red flags, I think I have always known the red flags all along, I just lost who I WAS for a while there. It's amazing as I would not take any nasty crap from my friends, yet the abuse I took from him was UNBEARABLE at times!  

Not anymore, after I posted yesterday, he rang me ( re: fathers day) well, he started using the "F" bomb and that was it!! I hung up quick smart! He tried to call back, I turned the phone off, gone are those days when I played his CHILDISH MIND GAMES! I am through with ANY person that treats me in any other way than I DESERVE to be treated :)))  

Take Care everyone, have a great weekend xo  

I believe that I read in one of your email to other member or someone else's comment that abuse goes in cycles.  Well lately it's been in the downward cycle as he has been very combative for most little things.  We had a big confrontation last weekend where he heard things that I have never said to him because I didn't want to hurt his feelings.  I think our situation has become more clear to him than before and he not pretending to be nice anymore (phoney).    

Nevertheless, I am going on a trip today to Scotland for a week all by myself.  There are many reasons for my trip, but the most important reasons are that I am away from him totally and I prove to myself that I can enjoy travelling by myself and being totalling independent.  I am nervous, but I know that everything will be fine.   

I will not be on the boards for the next week, so I like to thank everyone for their help in giving all these sources to educate me.  I will be busy reading when I return,