Topic : Abuse

Summer and holidays are some of the busiest times when it comes to  Domestic Violence and Domestic Abuse.

So heads up.

Have your safety plans in place.

Trust your instincts.

Stay alert.

Don't forget  911 if you need it.

The police are there for you if you need them.

1-800-799-SAFE

www.ndvh.org

Check the front of your local phone book......there you will find your local Domestic Violence and Domestic Abuse hot-line and Crisis hot-line in your community.

These calls can be anonymous to the hot-lines.

You don't have to give your name if you don't want.....they will talk to you and discuss things.......If you just need someone to talk to.

911 for immediate danger.

Get to hell out of the house if you need to.

Stay safe.

Take care.

You made me laugh.....congratulations on your insight and your "new approach" to the problems with him.   Try to take a step back....and observe his behavior......it will give you lots of information and you will begin to see his antics and tactics.

You're a smart woman.....you will recognize what's happening.

You made me laugh when you told us that he said " you were having too much fun without him here"................and what a guy......saying it's your fault, his diet and his lack of FIBER and too much FAT in his diet...........what a joke!   Well, he's going to blame someone......of course!

Man oh man.......this guy is in for some real rough times if he doesn't get the surgery.....but of course he knows everything!

He's probably scared to death of the surgery....and he sure isn't going to get past this diverticulitis unless he gets it taken care of.   Its not your job to get him to do it either.   Its his to take care of .

I think you're right ....your new responses are probably noticeable and leaving him a bit "off balance."

You're making progress....and you definitely are taking good care of YOU and that's the way that it should be.   You are not to  blame for anything.

When you stop and think about all this..... he would rather WATCH OVER AND TRY TO CONTROL YOU....than do what is right...for you and the children ..and make for a happy and healthy home environment.   I think he uses you for an excuse for everything.

Keep on educating yourself......and continue to trust yourself and your feelings and thoughts....you are making progress and you don't have to defend yourself against ridiculous claims or antics.

Take care.

Come back again to post....stay in touch.

We care.

I am So glad this board is here-  I am so scared to share-but I relate well to what all of you have gone thru

I will keep reading- Thanks for your wisdom and encouragement-  I am so scared and I feel so alone- 

   HEY JUST WANTED TO SAY I CALLED THE DV LAST NIGHT AND TALKED TO A MEN! HE ASKED ME MY AGE OK IS THAT WEIRD OR IS PART OF THERE JOB????  WOW ON THE POST ABOUT THE HISTORY I DIDN'T KNOW THAT IT WAS UP THAT I BEEN ON HERE TILL I READ THE POST AND I WENT CHECKING AND SURE ENOUGH IT WAS UP HERE SO I DELETE EVERYONE OF THEM SO MY HUSBAND WOULDN'T SEE WHERE I WENT. HE THINKS THAT DV BRAINWASH ME AND PEOPLE THAT TALKED TO ME HAS TOO. I GUESS CAUSE HE HAS ABUSE ME FOR 19 YEARS AND I TOOK IT NOT KNOWING WHAT HE WAS DOING WAS WRONG. NOW I KNOW WHAT HE IS DOING IS ABUSE.

Guiltrin

First off get another consultation from another lawyer.

You've been married 28 years......LOOK, that in and of its self entitles you to your ASSETS FROM THIS MARRIAGE.

Some questions to give clarity to the situation:

1.  Did you work for all of the 28 years?

2.   For what blocks of time did you work?

3.   HUSBAND QUIT HIS JOB SO THAT HE THINKS THAT IF HE IS UNEMPLOYED........HE DOESN'T HAVE TO PAY OUT.................Please, this guy is classic..........HE DOESN'T WANT YOU TO HAVE WHAT IS RIGHTFULLY YOURS.

There are guys that will even put themselves into BANKRUPTCY just so they look like they have nothing and YOU GET NOTHING............ABUSERS CONTROL........THEY PUNISH WHAT THEY CAN'T CONTROL.............AND THEN IT BECOMES CONTROL, ANYWAY.....with the bankruptcy.

Marsi.........is making really good points in her post to you.

This jerk is NOT taking a break.........he's FINANCIALLY ABUSING YOU FURTHER......he's NOT working......on purpose..........and claiming with this action that there is no job or no benefits...........manipulation..........to get you .........one way or another.    Emotional blackmail....too.!!!!!

What to hell lawyer did you go to?   HIS ?!!!!

Fixing the house, my @*&   !!!!!!

Abusers always paint themselves like the victims..............even OJ did that in the back of the Bronco, after killing 2 people, one of which was the mother of his children.   He was the victim, according to him.......even in his fake suicide note.......he claimed so.

He tried counseling to appease you.........WHAT A STUPID EXCUSE HE HAD ON QUITING !!!!

You know what, if he's a pig......then he's a pig!    God forbid, you actually told about the abuse.....DO YOU SEE WHY COUPLES COUNSELING DOESN'T WORK WITH ABUSE AND THESE GUYS........they punish you for what you say........when that is suppose to be a safe place to open your mouth..............and they blame YOU for why they QUIT............which was their plan anyway....cause the agreement to go was a "game tactic" anyway.........and you thought he wanted to change things.......that "hooked" you back for a bit didn't it?

YOU ARE BEING PLAYED........AND FURTHER ABUSED.........NOW WITH HIS FALSE CHANGES EVEN.......HE HASN'T CHANGED.........YOU WISH !!!!!

He dumps you off his insurance.

He quits his job.

He claims if you do this.....or you do that.......it would BE...........well, bull crap!   What an old game he plays !!!!!!

Wake up!!!!!!!    

He is manipulating you.......and I might say he's not so clever either........he is classic......the classic games and approaches.

Even his calls......are fake and apparent to those trained to see the antics.......look at it........."is it too late to call?"............"do you want me to go away".................he's appealing to YOUR decent side........the abusers........will do what is called........BAD GUY ---- GOOD  GUY...............bad guy didn't work....before.....or now...............so GOOD GUY WILL !!!!!

So apparent......so classic..........so obvious.

Start rocking the boat.............and get the REAL and necessary information that you need to get yourself in the best position possible...............He saw you all those years as an easy mark.......are you NOW ????

We're so glad you stopped by.

To educate yourself.

To vent.

To ask questions.

To just talk.

To learn about abuse and its dynamics.

To get resources.

To find out about the library of books out there.

To have others hear your story.

To get some information.

What can we do for you.

Do ya want it served straight up.............or watered down.........and sugarcoated......or the plain truth.

There will be posters that can offer whatever you are looking for.

There is a fine group of women here that care.

Who really give a damn.

WELCOME.

Let us know.

Don't be afraid.....you've already taken more than the first steps.....in coming......reading......and then letting us know you're there.

We care.

I don't know what I did though......as I lost the post....I hit something and it disappeared.

I'm not going to post it again as my mind set is not here now.

I just want to say......Congratulations on you making the call........and you getting more education for yourself on this ABUSE.

Go to the national domestic violence hot-line web site and see what they say about the computer safety.......guarding against the Abusers that track your computer and phone activity.

www.ndvh.org  

Find the alerts on the web page.........and then click on Educate Yourself........and read it all......the tips and all.

That web site contains good info.

Dr. Phil also has that info listed here at the top of the page.....on the abuse board......see the blue links on Domestic Violence?   Do you see it.?

Take care.

I am so happy that you are getting the information so that you know that the only PERSON WHO BRAINWASHED YOU WAS YOUR HUSBAND FOR 19 YEARS.

He was always wrong.......he was and still is abusing you.

Take care.

  Welcome, I was like you too but I kept reading the post and somehow I knew what I say here was ok that I could trust these WOMEN cause they been where I'am now. Do what they say read up Abuse and keep talking to us cause WE ALL CARE AND BEEN WHERE YOU ARE. TAKE YOUR TIME AND READ THE POST. OK??? AND KNOW YOU ARE NOT ALONE HERE.

  THANKS PL, THAT MEANS ALOT. YES I SEE IT AND BEEN THERE AND BEEN LOOKING FOR ANYTHING THAT WILL HELP ME TO GET THE INFORMATION I NEED TO READ ABOUT ABUSE. I WANTED TO SAY ABOUT GOING TO THE MEETINGS WELL MY DAUGHTER WOULD TAKE ME BUT CAN I REALLY ASK HER TO TAKE ME AND HAVE HER IN THE MIDDLE OF ALL OF THIS DON'T GET ME WRONG I KNOW THE MEETING WILL HELP ME BUT ISN'T THIS MIND BATTLE AND SHOULD I RISK HER KNOWING WHAT MY PLANS ARE?? I LOVE MY DAUGHTER AND I KNOW SHE WOULD TAKE ME TO THOSE MEETING IF I WOULD ASK HER BUT IF SHE DOES THAN SHE WOULD KNOW WHERE I GO EVERY TUESDAY NIGHT OR WHENEVER THEY HAVE THEM HERE AND THAT CAN MAKE IT HARD ON HER, HE MIGHT GET MAD AT HER AND TAKE IT OUT ON HER AND I CAN'T HAVE THAT HAPPEN. SO I PROMISE YOU ALL THAT I WILL GET HELP WITH THE BOOKS AND OTHER INFORMATION I CAN TO EDUCATE MYSELF. THE LAST TIME WE WENT OR LAST TIME I WENT TO A COUNSELOR HE TOOK ME AND DROP ME OFF I WENT THERE CAUSE I LOST MY MOTHER TO DRINKING AND HAD A REALLY HARD TIME WITH IT, AND WE WENT TO A COUNSELOR TOGETHER BUT HE TOLD THE COUN, WHAT HE WANTED TO HEAR AND IT DIDN'T HELP... WE EVEN WENT TO TALK TO OUR PASTOR AND HE DID THE SAME WITH THEM TOO AND THAT DIDN'T HELP......  SO I'M TALKING TO YOU ALL AND DV. AND GETTING INFORMATION  TO READ... I READ THE POST AND I SAY MEAN I KNOW HOW THEY FEEL OR I SEE MYSELF THERE. THANKS FOR THE GOOD POST.......