Quote From: PleasanceIn insidious ways, the woman is thus brainwashed.
Her independence is eroded. Her perception of reality is distorted. Her self-confidence is undermined. She learns how to be helpless. She learns to be a victim.
Learned helplessness is part of the Battered Woman Syndrome and it is a BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION TACTIC.
To explain it simply...remember that most of us expect certain responses when we do certain things. When the expected responses do not come, we consciously or unconsciously alter our behavior in order to elicit the desired response.
FOR EXAMPLE, we expect that if we go to the mailbox, it will contain mail addressed to us or to our family. We also know that the letter carrier will pick up and deliver our mail at a certain time of day.
NOW suppose you go to the mailbox to pick up your mail at the appropriate time and discover that your outgoing mail has not been picked up but your mailbox has been filled with mail addressed to other people. You call the post office to inquire about the problem and are told that the mail will only be picked up if a large red flag is attached to the mailbox.
You go to the hardware store and buy a large red flag so that you may comply with the instructions, but your mail is still not being picked up and other peoples mail continues to appear in your mailbox.
You call the post office and you are told that your envelopes must be of a certain size. You rush to the nearest stationery store to buy the new envelopes....but your mail is still not picked up. Now you call the post office and are told the problem has been solved. BUT, you can look through your window to see a blizzard of papers, parcels, magazines and postcards spreading across your lawn and into the street.
You complain that the problem has not been solved and you are told to use envelopes of a certain color as well as size. You rush to the stationery store to purchase the new envelopes, but the situation continues to become worse.
You don't receive any of the birthday cards or bills addressed to you, but more and more mail for more and more other people is stuffed into your box. YOU attempt to pick up all the mail and deliver it to the correct recipients, but the more you deliver the more mail arrives until the task becomes overwhelming. YOU HAVE NO CONTROL over the situation. YOU HAVE NO CHOICES. You give up.
NOW IMAGINE THIS PROBLEM APPLIED TO DOMESTIC LIFE. No matter what the battered, or abused woman does, she cannot control her life.
Her behavior does NOT bring a normal, predictable response. Second-guessing the response consumes every waking hour and every minute of her time until the woman finally gives up.
Since she is helpless to cause her partner to respond in a normal way, she believes she is also helpless to conduct her life.
Questions or comments?
I apologize,
I forgot to list the source for this terrific example.
Just so you'll know.
The Battered Woman's Survival Guide ---breaking the cycle
A Resource Manual for Victims, Relatives, Friends and Professionals.
Jan Berliner Statman
anyway i will have to learn this darn thing all 