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Topic : 09/13 Man Stealers

Number of Replies: 233
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Created on : Friday, September 08, 2006, 01:45:20 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
Dr. Phil’s guests feel like another woman is moving in on their men. Amber thought Angie was her best friend, until she noticed her husband, Dennis's, daily phone conversations with her and their unusually close friendship. Dennis claims their relationship is strictly platonic, but Angie's boyfriend, Nick, is also doubtful ... especially after catching them sleeping in the same bed. Then, Michelle says she had no idea her life would become so complicated after Kevin left his girlfriend, Joan, to be with her. Is Joan trying to win Kevin back, or are the ex-lovers really just friends? Share your thoughts here.

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September 11, 2006, 9:12 am CDT

I wish I had had this advice 10 years ago!

people are vulnerable creatures who like to have their egos stroked, and man stealers are very real. trust your gut instincts and feelings. if it seems weird at all, it most likely is.

 

I wish I had had this advice 10 years ago!

 
September 11, 2006, 9:47 am CDT

Ex-lovers-Friends-No Deal

As far as I'm concerned, ex-lovers who have been together for a long period of time and then break up can never just be friends. The temptation is too great, trust me, I am one of those great examples. I tried being just friends with my ex but every time I heard his voice on the phone it felt as thought I never left him and we started talking as though we never broke up.  That brought too many painful memories back in my mind and heart and I knew we would never go back together again so I decided not to take his phone calls anymore.  It has been a while since I spoke to him, and I can honestly say that each day the thoughts and heartache are disapating from my mind and it sure feels great.     Arlene from Orlando, Florida
 
September 11, 2006, 10:09 am CDT

as though we never broke up

Quote From: labella226

As far as I'm concerned, ex-lovers who have been together for a long period of time and then break up can never just be friends. The temptation is too great, trust me, I am one of those great examples. I tried being just friends with my ex but every time I heard his voice on the phone it felt as thought I never left him and we started talking as though we never broke up.  That brought too many painful memories back in my mind and heart and I knew we would never go back together again so I decided not to take his phone calls anymore.  It has been a while since I spoke to him, and I can honestly say that each day the thoughts and heartache are disapating from my mind and it sure feels great.     Arlene from Orlando, Florida

every time I heard his voice on the phone it felt as thought I never left him and we started talking as though we never broke up

 

He knows what he is doing. He's not ready to let go.  Someone has to cut the rope. I think you made a good decision.

 

It's like that book- "He's not that into you" I gotta read it - keep reading bits of it- but it all boils down to, if a man wants a woman, he will go after her, not play the sit on the fence game.

 

If you don't mind bits and pieces of a relationship, then staying friendly with your ex is fine - if you want to be whole, let him go!

 

If he has someone new, and keeps getting back in touch with you, he is disrespecting both of you, and he needs to be told off, and she needs to be made aware.

 

Women shouldn't disrespect each other the way we tend to do. Don't fish off a private pier!

 

 

 

 

 
September 11, 2006, 3:22 pm CDT

Are you thick in the head?

OK, seriously! they were in bed together - 2 consenting adults - what in blue blazes do you think they were doing??? I bet all the tea in china that they weren't reading Dr Phils weight loss books!

 

Give your heads a shake!  My word!  You are candidates to buy swamp land in Florida!

 

Sorry honey to be so blunt - but I'm afraid you need it..

 

Sincerely Sandra from Canada.

 
September 11, 2006, 4:46 pm CDT

09/13 Man Stealers

Quote From: phred64

OK, seriously! they were in bed together - 2 consenting adults - what in blue blazes do you think they were doing??? I bet all the tea in china that they weren't reading Dr Phils weight loss books!

 

Give your heads a shake!  My word!  You are candidates to buy swamp land in Florida!

 

Sorry honey to be so blunt - but I'm afraid you need it..

 

Sincerely Sandra from Canada.

I did read my previous note before I posted it, and I went out and came back and re read it - I want to add something because it sounds so harsh.  I've read the other posts of the other women and I understand what they're talking about. I've been there too,- my ex husband of 9 years decided he liked blondes (I'm a brunette). 

 

See, Everyone elses posts have been really nice and I applaud their sharing of their stories, because  you do need to know you're not alone! BUT!  I can't be a friend to you by idly sitting back and not call a spade a spade and not a shovel - there is a difference.  You're going to have a tough time no matter what you decide to do - but to do nothing will be worse...

 
September 12, 2006, 7:58 am CDT

Excellent Post!!

Oklachick.... Keep your friends close...   Excellent Post!   A spouse stealer can't steal.....what is being given away!   Find out what your mate's interest's and needs are, then meet those needs in a creative way. Or someone else will!   Listen to the song....Woman to Woman by Wynonna Judd...      
 
September 12, 2006, 8:42 am CDT

"Here's your sign"

Quote From: bbjl79

thank you for your response.  i understand you loud and clear...i read your response a dozen times.  i am in agreement with the fact that i DO need to move on and get on with my life.  often i get trapped in thinking this is what i've deserve, like we are two terrible people that deserve each other.  his wife will never pursue a divorce, but when he's around her, she challenges the idea that he will be unfaithful again.  she will say to him that he will have to answer to a higher source about this and makes him feel like he will burn in hell for leaving the church and breaking the sacredness of their marriage.  i don't believe that.  yes, we will be judged for our actions but we won't be sent to "hell" for them.  a loving God wouldn't torchure us.  he created us imperfect!  so i guess what i am asking is:  how do i try to get myself to believe that i am worth more than this terrible mistake i have made and seek forgiveness from those i have upset?

You do deserve the guilt you feel, own it, and be sorry. Be so sorry you don't do it again. Respect the marriages and vows of others (as one day you may be on the other end of the stick), and turn away from being a part of infidelities. It is none of your business what his wife is feeling, he made his bed and now he can sleep in it. You go on to talk about the church and God and sacredness of marriage, your past behavior shows you are not up on this subject. We are to judge each other on their fruits and right now your looking like a bad apple. If your feeling so terrible then you can make amends by being sorry, and leaving them alone. Don't take his calls.....and don't call him. You talk about the bible so here is a message from it: Turn from sin. That means....turn away, done.

Everyone sins, and the way to forgiveness is to turn from it, ask God for forgiveness and don't repeat it. It is the only way to get the honor back you lost. The next time you meet a man... think to your self, would I give this person my car....my house, my belongings? My inheritance? If not, then how can you give away what is more even precious  than those things?..... "Your-self". You are priceless, and worth more than any gold, or object on earth! Only give yourself to those that deserve you. You can lose your car, and belongings but you can't lose yourself. What you allow to happen to you....will be with you. You learned a lesson....now move on. Kick the dust from your shoe's...and walk. If you learn from it, it's the most important lesson you will ever learn. Don't sell your self short.

Your worth more than that.

Don't get into dialog with him over her....and her judgments, or his judgments or God's or the church. You are not in control of him...or her or God. You are only in control of you. When you have mastered that, then maybe you can give advice to others. If you want to do something constructive for them....pray for them, then let it go.

As far as he is concerned, the wrath he is getting from his wife is what he deserves. He or She did not write on this board so it falls on deaf ears, but any of you out there take care of your spouses!  Comfort them.... Flirt with them, Date them.. meet their needs on all levels. Think of what you want from your spouse, then do the same to them, you have to give to receive.

His wife: I bet is sure wishing she knew what was going on in his head, maybe now "they" will learn to communicate, and know each others needs. As their are others out there.....who will meet them.

 
September 12, 2006, 10:09 am CDT

Sooo true

Quote From: faraway67

people are vulnerable creatures who like to have their egos stroked, and man stealers are very real. trust your gut instincts and feelings. if it seems weird at all, it most likely is.

 

I wish I had had this advice 10 years ago!

Thank you for those words...to often we forget that our gut feeling is pretty close to the truth.  I am amazed at how much I could in the past tell myself whatever I wanted and would believe it....although at night time when I was alone I knew exactly what was the truth and what was just my own fantasy of the situation

 

I think we should always look at the facts of what our gut is telling us....

 

I remember not to long ago saying to someone...if you are questioning if it is right or wrong...most likely it is wrong

 
September 12, 2006, 10:20 am CDT

I think I needed this

Quote From: faraway67

Absolutely right.

 

I would strongly suggest to any married woman who has another woman hanging around their family, to either put a stop to it, or have a conversation that states what the boundaries are!

I wanted to be the "cool" wife, who could handle the female friends and occassional contact with exes, but believe me, if I had it to do over, I would have chased that "church-going" little hussy all the way home to her "preacher" father's house!

 

Women who think they can be friends with married men are only setting themselves up. Either to be used themselves,  or to ruin someone else's marriage and perhaps a whole family.

 

My husband and I have been separated for 2 years, mailnly because of his "friendship" with another woman. We have two children. If she were really "just a friend," he would have been able to give her up, and not let our family be divided because of her.

 

By the way, I am not a head-case, and I am not an ugly woman. He just needs the attention that other women give him, and I need peace.

 

 

I am in a situation right now with someone who has a lot of exes and he likes to keep in contact with them.  However, I am not to sure just how much anymore.  I do believe that he respects me enough to not cross a line.  Like you; I too am the women who plays it cool.  I am telling myself that there is nothing wrong, because I trust this person not to do anything to deceive me.  OMG! I know putting this in writing is making me see that maybe I am doing the "I want to tell myself what I want to hear" syndrome! I guess what I really want to know...is it crazy to want the fantasy?  I mean all relationships take work and that I know....but what about the guy who only has eyes for you, thinks only of you and dreams of the future with only you? Does it really exist?

 

 
September 12, 2006, 10:38 am CDT

Man Stealers

Well my husband of three years, a salesman, recruited a woman to work for his business and they became friends. He started having an afair with her 6 months before we were married and continued until I threw him out 3 months ago. She left her husband, she says for my husband. He claims that he loves us both??? He lived with her for a month after I threw him out and is now in his own apartment. She and I have conversed many times in the last year, first, she claiming that they were only friends and he claiming the same. But you know  a womens intuition, I knew something was going on. Finally he admitted to the affair 6 months ago and wanted to work things out with us. Since then she won't leave him alone or he won't leave her alone. So finding that out, I threw him out since he kept sneaking to see her.  A month and a half ago he said he would not sleep with two women at one time and chose to sleep only with her, BUT, after one week of that he was at my doorstep wanting me also. Today I told him I was done and he can have his girlfriend. They are both alcoholics and like to party. That is the only thing they have in common. Their friendship started the same way of them giving and getting advise about their marriages from each other, which made them think that they were better for each other than their spouses. I don't believe that a man and a woman can be close friends as there is too much of a chance for a sexual relationship.
 
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