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Topic : 09/13 Man Stealers

Number of Replies: 233
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Created on : Friday, September 08, 2006, 01:45:20 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
Dr. Phil’s guests feel like another woman is moving in on their men. Amber thought Angie was her best friend, until she noticed her husband, Dennis's, daily phone conversations with her and their unusually close friendship. Dennis claims their relationship is strictly platonic, but Angie's boyfriend, Nick, is also doubtful ... especially after catching them sleeping in the same bed. Then, Michelle says she had no idea her life would become so complicated after Kevin left his girlfriend, Joan, to be with her. Is Joan trying to win Kevin back, or are the ex-lovers really just friends? Share your thoughts here.

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September 13, 2006, 7:18 am CDT

Advice Please?

My husband and I have been married for 7 years and we have a baby on the way. We also have a 5 year old little girl. About 6 months ago, I was sitting at my husband's computer fixing a problem. After I finished, I went onto his myspace page and was looking around. Without even thinking, I went into his sent messages in his mailbox. I saw there that he had written a short letter to one of my ex-best friends. (Little background into what kind of person this girl is. She has two children by two different men. Shes single and VERY sexually active. She has lived with us (out of my pure generosity) about 4 times. (and it wouldn't have taken much for my husband to get out of bed, go into the other room and have his way with her.) I have seen her sleep with married men multiple times. She also enjoys sleeping with two men at the same time. Last year alone, she had THREE ABORTIONS! By THREE different men! And in my opinion, she is not the prettiest thing in this world. She is also a TERRIBLE friend. Hence the reason why she is an EX best friend. And she got that title BEFORE my husband did what he did. )
Anyway, I went into his sent messages and saw that he had sent her a message. I was just curious, because I TOTALLU trusted him. I opened the sent item and saw that he had told her "That pic is sexy as HE**!" I was SHOCKED! So I backed out and looked at the next sent message to her on his list. This one said "Where did you go? Melanie has left work and will be home soon." After reading this, I KNEW that something was up. So I went into his yahoo messenger and tried to look at his archives. Of course, they were empty. All of this time, my new best friend was sitting beside me and my husband was obviously pacing hoping that I wouldn't find anything. Well, being the computer hacker I am, I downloaded a program that will decode those hidden yahoo archives so that I can see them. By this time, my husband saw what I was about to do. Right when I got this program up and running, he started to violently PULL all of the cables out of the back of his computer and proceeded to take the computer tower out of the door and throw it in the back of his truck. At this point, I am SCARED and CONFUSED. Not knowing what happened was about to kill me. Later that night after much much maddness, he told me that he had asked her to have sex with him. He also said that he told her that I was LAZY in bed and that I didn't do it for him anymore. He has tried to lie his way out of this situation. He even DESTROYED this computer, (EXCEPT FOR HIS HARD DRIVE, HEHEHE). After all of this, he told me that he never meant it and that he would never have done anything with her. My philosophy is that if you make your bed, you sleep in it. It is hard for me not to bring it up as I feel nasty, used, strung along and not loved. But he gets SOOOO mad at me when I feel hurt and want to talk about it. He says that he is tired of hearing about it. PLEASE HELP!!!! I NEED AS MUCH ADVICE AS I CAN GET!!! I'm soooooo tempted to leave and get a divorce. I understand that he didn't actually do it but since he destroyed the computer, I feel that I am not able to get closure until I find out if everything that he has told me is actually EVERYTHING. Please someone!!! I need advice!!! Should I uproot my family?! PLEASE HELP!!!

 
September 13, 2006, 8:03 am CDT

The Other Woman

Well I am new to the boards but I have been the other woman. I am currently involved with a man that is due to be married in 3 weeks he has been with her 6 years and messing with me 4 going on 5 years off and on.. I was a young and single this man persued me was very charming and showered me with the attention that  I loved. He was 24 I was 18.  By the time I found out his fiance it was too late there were already feelings there. Now 4 years later I have a 2 year old (by someone else) and I am totally in love. I have been invited to the wedding and he has gotten me a ticket to the honeymoon and a hotel room but i just don't know  what to do
 
September 13, 2006, 8:50 am CDT

get a good lawyer girl

ok i am telling u as soon as the first couple on  with the husband cheating with her girlfriend, as soon as she gets a good lawyer and he will be nice to her because with him owning a trucking company  and 2 kids she can take him for all he has,ive known woman to take the mans company and they had to move back home with thier parents, SO GIRL GET A GOOD LAWYER AND SOCK IT TO HIM, because he just said on national tv that hes not going to stop doing it and made a fool of u in front of everyone, remember first time ur a victum, next time u are a volunteer.

 

And dont let him sweet talk you because thats exactly what he will do when u get a good lawyer, he will never change and shame on him he is degrading u in front of your children AND THEY ARE FEMALES DO U WANT THEM TO THINK ITS OK FOR MEN TO TREAT FEMALES LIKE THAT.

 
September 13, 2006, 8:51 am CDT

09/13 Man Stealers

Quote From: tacdgb

I can so relate to what you have written from your heart.  I have been in an affair with a married man as well.  It's been 6 years.  He started out to be my friend.  One day I asked him to have sex with me and that's where it all started.  He has supported me as well through the illnesses of my husband who I currently take care of.  I am like you struggling as well.  My friend and I have also said that in another time and place we'd be right for each other.  We took our bad marriages to another place (each other)  and that's not even close to being right.  Because of my faith in God I so have struggled with this.  The wrong in the whole thing.  I keep trying to end it all but I keep failing.  The love for him is so powerful that it keeps pulling me back.  I know that we do have a connection as others have saw it in us(they've said so).  But that doesn't make what we've done right.  Also what makes the whole thing hard is my husband knows about us and doesn't even care.  My advice to you is try your very hardest to move forward from what you've been through.  Do what ever it takes, counseling or anything positive to get through this.  Remember don't beat yourself up for this as we are human and we make mistakes.  There's enough people to beat us up that we don't need to do that to ourselves. 
speaking as "not the other woman", it is too bad you are hurt by your situation; however, I have no sympathy for your position. As an adult, knowing right from wrong, you have no excuse for your behavior and resulting pain, nor the pain you and your "friend" have caused his family as well as yourselves. If you do indeed believe and have faith in your God and religion, I suggest you distance yourself as far away as possible from him and his family, ask forgiveness, and move on. Learn an important lesson and  resolve to never put yourself in a position to be "hurt" like this again. Remember one of the rules of the Universe; or Karma, if you will: Everything you do comes back to you. Surely you would not like to be on the receiving end of this kind of deception and betrayal someday, would you?
 
September 13, 2006, 9:10 am CDT

needed advice

I am at my wits end on what to do.  My husband came off a 5 month deployment about a month ago,  well while he was on deployment he made a female friend.  well she became his confidant , his shoulder to cry on. well while on deployment he tried to commit suicide and has turned to her for everything. She is married and has 3 kids.  I was glad that he had someone there to talk to, but i feel like i should've been the one for him to talk to. Through all of this he developed feelings for her and told me he hasnt been happy in our marriage for a year. i was devastated.  When he came home he wasnt even home for a week and was over her house with her family taking my 3 boys over there and just leaving me at home.  He did this very frequently. He would sneak around and call her and she would call the house. I was not happy I felt as though he was choosing her over me and i tried to explain to him that its not right for you to be doing this but he claims there are no feelings for her anymore and they are just friends. I dont believe it.  We even went to a counselor and she more or less agreed with me.  She told us that he had an emotional affair with her and that under no cicumstance should he be friends with her. He of curse disagreed, he wants to have his cake and eat it too. If our marriage is worth saving and is important to him why cant he give her up?  He is fighting so hard to keep her as a friend and I dont understand why.
 
September 13, 2006, 9:12 am CDT

09/13 Man Stealers

Quote From: southernmel1st

My husband and I have been married for 7 years and we have a baby on the way. We also have a 5 year old little girl. About 6 months ago, I was sitting at my husband's computer fixing a problem. After I finished, I went onto his myspace page and was looking around. Without even thinking, I went into his sent messages in his mailbox. I saw there that he had written a short letter to one of my ex-best friends. (Little background into what kind of person this girl is. She has two children by two different men. Shes single and VERY sexually active. She has lived with us (out of my pure generosity) about 4 times. (and it wouldn't have taken much for my husband to get out of bed, go into the other room and have his way with her.) I have seen her sleep with married men multiple times. She also enjoys sleeping with two men at the same time. Last year alone, she had THREE ABORTIONS! By THREE different men! And in my opinion, she is not the prettiest thing in this world. She is also a TERRIBLE friend. Hence the reason why she is an EX best friend. And she got that title BEFORE my husband did what he did. )
Anyway, I went into his sent messages and saw that he had sent her a message. I was just curious, because I TOTALLU trusted him. I opened the sent item and saw that he had told her "That pic is sexy as HE**!" I was SHOCKED! So I backed out and looked at the next sent message to her on his list. This one said "Where did you go? Melanie has left work and will be home soon." After reading this, I KNEW that something was up. So I went into his yahoo messenger and tried to look at his archives. Of course, they were empty. All of this time, my new best friend was sitting beside me and my husband was obviously pacing hoping that I wouldn't find anything. Well, being the computer hacker I am, I downloaded a program that will decode those hidden yahoo archives so that I can see them. By this time, my husband saw what I was about to do. Right when I got this program up and running, he started to violently PULL all of the cables out of the back of his computer and proceeded to take the computer tower out of the door and throw it in the back of his truck. At this point, I am SCARED and CONFUSED. Not knowing what happened was about to kill me. Later that night after much much maddness, he told me that he had asked her to have sex with him. He also said that he told her that I was LAZY in bed and that I didn't do it for him anymore. He has tried to lie his way out of this situation. He even DESTROYED this computer, (EXCEPT FOR HIS HARD DRIVE, HEHEHE). After all of this, he told me that he never meant it and that he would never have done anything with her. My philosophy is that if you make your bed, you sleep in it. It is hard for me not to bring it up as I feel nasty, used, strung along and not loved. But he gets SOOOO mad at me when I feel hurt and want to talk about it. He says that he is tired of hearing about it. PLEASE HELP!!!! I NEED AS MUCH ADVICE AS I CAN GET!!! I'm soooooo tempted to leave and get a divorce. I understand that he didn't actually do it but since he destroyed the computer, I feel that I am not able to get closure until I find out if everything that he has told me is actually EVERYTHING. Please someone!!! I need advice!!! Should I uproot my family?! PLEASE HELP!!!

Listen my husband and I have had our problems. He was an active military man who cheated on me several times, yet I continued to stay. I will put myself out there, yes I did get my revenge. Was not the right thing to do but at the time seemed right. We have worked through all of our problems and our marrige is better than ever. I truely believe that that is because whenever one of us felt hurt or upset the other bucked up and we talked it through. I can't even begin to imagine how many hours were spent talking about what the other had done and how we felt about it. We are now to the point where there is no more hurt from it and we can openly talk about it whenever and wherever. We also make it a point to let any of our military friends know wha mistakes we made and what warning signs to watch for. Living that life style is a difficult one when you are seperated more often than not.

The bottom line is if he doesn't want to talk about it or can't try to understand your feelings then he doesn't want to try and repair the relationship. I am no expert I just know what I have been through. I also know that the thought of leaving is unbearable, but why stay if he can't try to understand how you feel? Suggest getting some proffesional help, and if he declines or beats around the bush about it then honey it is time to move on. My husband was the first to cheat and was more than willing to get help the problem was as soon as we started to make progress he would be deployed again, that was not his fault that just ment we had to work even harder to get where we are today.  

 
September 13, 2006, 9:12 am CDT

Wake Up and Smell the Manure!!

Quote From: hersheykiss

Well I am new to the boards but I have been the other woman. I am currently involved with a man that is due to be married in 3 weeks he has been with her 6 years and messing with me 4 going on 5 years off and on.. I was a young and single this man persued me was very charming and showered me with the attention that  I loved. He was 24 I was 18.  By the time I found out his fiance it was too late there were already feelings there. Now 4 years later I have a 2 year old (by someone else) and I am totally in love. I have been invited to the wedding and he has gotten me a ticket to the honeymoon and a hotel room but i just don't know  what to do

Honey, you are being used!! Your own words ("he has been messing with me...") bear this out. What man in his right mind gets another woman "a ticket to the honeymoon and a hotel room"?!? WTF?!?? Sounds like your Sweetie would commit bigamy if he could. He isn't worth it -- what makes you think, even if he dumped his fiancee at the altar for you, that the two of you would have enduring happiness?

 

You are 22-23 years old, presumably an adult. For the sake of your own self-respect, end it, now. If you won't do it for that reason, think of this: You have a child (by the SO in your life when you and Sweetie were apparently "off"). Is this good behavior to be modeling for your child?

 
September 13, 2006, 9:21 am CDT

other woman hershy/kiss

 What do you mean you don't know what to do! You have been sleeping with another woman's man for how long? Now your invited to the wedding and honeymoon and you don't know what to do? honey, you are worth more than being #2. He doesn't love or respect  you or his bride. You should tell his wife to be, before they tie the knot and kids come into the picture. This "first friendship then affair" is not just about the two of you. Do you realize the people who r actually involved, and the  incredible pain the two of you will cause when  all said and done? An affair is never about just the two involved. I have lived that hurt, humiliation, and disregard for me and our marriage vows. The anger from the guilt he carried, and the incredible hurt i felt, took it toll on our kids. His selfish act made our home a very angry and unhappy place. I truly do not understand. This guy can't love anyone but himself. Just answer me this. Arn't' you the least bit embarrassed being around his "other woman" the one that supposedly counts?
 
September 13, 2006, 9:26 am CDT

Godfather

My fiance is the Godfather of an ex-girlfriend's child.  In my opinion, he was asked to be so that he would still be in her life.  The funny part of it is, he's not even religious.  She came here and stayed while having problems in her current marriage, she emails him often and says flirtatious things to him.  I'm trying not to be "the insecure girlfriend", but it just doesn't seem right to me.  I've told him about the way she talks to him, and in the beginning of our relationship, how he talked to her and he stopped it right away.  I found this language in an IM history of theirs when we first started dated.  Make note, they have not dated for 12 or more years, just have kept in touch and stayed friends.  Do I need to tell her to back off or am I worrying about something very silly?
 
September 13, 2006, 9:28 am CDT

09/13 Man Stealers

Quote From: hersheykiss

Well I am new to the boards but I have been the other woman. I am currently involved with a man that is due to be married in 3 weeks he has been with her 6 years and messing with me 4 going on 5 years off and on.. I was a young and single this man persued me was very charming and showered me with the attention that  I loved. He was 24 I was 18.  By the time I found out his fiance it was too late there were already feelings there. Now 4 years later I have a 2 year old (by someone else) and I am totally in love. I have been invited to the wedding and he has gotten me a ticket to the honeymoon and a hotel room but i just don't know  what to do

Girl what are you thinking you are doing nothing but degrading yourself and for the sake of the wife to be you should tell her before she makes a huge mistake to marry this SOB!! Always remember that when in a situation like this if he does it to her he will do it to you. How could you possible love a man that can't devote all of himself to you and you only. He is PLAYING you!! Wake up and move on. Don't you feel the least bit guilty about aiding this jerk in ruining this other womans life? This isn't highschool and he is not the only man out there. Lord knows there are much better fish in the sea.

 
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