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Topic : 09/13 Man Stealers

Number of Replies: 233
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Created on : Friday, September 08, 2006, 01:45:20 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
Dr. Phil’s guests feel like another woman is moving in on their men. Amber thought Angie was her best friend, until she noticed her husband, Dennis's, daily phone conversations with her and their unusually close friendship. Dennis claims their relationship is strictly platonic, but Angie's boyfriend, Nick, is also doubtful ... especially after catching them sleeping in the same bed. Then, Michelle says she had no idea her life would become so complicated after Kevin left his girlfriend, Joan, to be with her. Is Joan trying to win Kevin back, or are the ex-lovers really just friends? Share your thoughts here.

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September 9, 2006, 8:55 am CDT

females having close male friends or vice versa

i can see females or males having a really good friend of the opposite sex, but when it comes down to flirting and what they think is harmless good fun, that's where the line should be drawn.  i have a male best friend and i am married.  there is no flirting or goo goo eyes.  it's strictly the best friendship i have ever had.  i have known my guy friend since i was a freshman in high school and we were always hanging out.  till this day we still gossip and clown around like we were girlfriends.  my husband and my guy friend are close.  they watch sports together, they golf, they get along.  my husband knows my love for him is real and the love i have for my guy friend is a friend love.  my husband's family has even welcomed my guy friend into their family.  i strongly believe these people on this show don't know where to draw their boundaries.  everyone could be happy as long as there wasn't any funny stuff on the side.

 
September 9, 2006, 12:00 pm CDT

women verses women

I have seen women take over other womens lives.  I have had good friends that are male and believe me almost all of them have tried to hit on me.  I know that women should be able to trust other women but for some reason women ditch on each other when the other one is not around.  I am a very up front woman and this sisuation is dumb on the part of the girlfriend, my fater use to say ILOVE MY WIFE BUT OH YOU KID.  It's still true.

Careful, this could end up bad.

 
September 9, 2006, 3:13 pm CDT

What??

I hope that Dr. Phil gives these folks some real straight up advice.  Even if the relationship is plutonic, there is no way you should be sleeping in the same bed with someone who is not your spouse!!  I agree with Dr. Phil about 95% of the time so I'm sure that he will address this behavior appropriately.

 

I

 
September 10, 2006, 6:27 am CDT

Curious...

I'm curious to see how this show will be. I really love Dr. Phil and all his shows and how real he keeps it for the guests. But this show title borders on sounding a bit like "other" talk shows where the guests end up fighting and hitting each other, until the big burly security guy comes and breaks it up. I know Dr. Phil has more class than that, and I hope that this show goes above and beyond that stereotype. I like the shows, but the titles lately are a little cheesy!

Beyond that, I know he will set the women straight with what's going on in their lives with their men, and in the same sense, will help the men understand how the women are feeling, if they truly have strict friendships with the other men. It would seem that having another male point of view for issues would really help a relationship, because the husband and wife can get in a rut, where everything just becomes routine and conversation becomes automatic. So while having another view on an issue would be nice, I can see how it would definitely be misinterpreted by either husband OR wife.

 

 
September 10, 2006, 8:00 am CDT

Man Stealers

I have endured a man stealer in my life. Sure it started out as a friendship, then grew into something more. The women take time and emotional support from your spouse. Before you

know what hits you she knows more about your relationship than you do. Giving her more insight

than you have. I say if you are feeling left out, then too much time and emotions are being given to the friendship instead of the marriage. It is common knowledge you marry your best friend.

Sure there are some exceptions, but both need to know where the limits are.

 

 
September 10, 2006, 10:45 am CDT

healer or stealer

i am talking from "the other woman's" perspective.  i didn't even think rob and i could be any more than friends.  not only was he married, but he wasn't my type, he was religious, more religious than i and talked about his family often.  it became a "coincidence" seeing each other at public places.  i didn't think nothing of it except that we enjoyed similar things.  i was invited by his wife out to to the house for a cookout and offered to babysit their three children.  pretty soon we had playful bets going and found kindred spirits that we were born practically on the same day, 10 years apart.  if i heard he was having an especially terrible day at his job, i would stop over with a banana split and encourage him a bit.  it wasn't until i heard that my ex-boyfriend, the love of my life, was getting married that i fell to pieces.  rob could relate with feelings of emptiness and loneliness.  he felt disconnected in his family.  i thought it was so special at the time that we fell into each other's arms for support.  but the hugs lingered and soon turned into kisses.  less than a week later, i lost my virginity to him.  i still viewed him as only a friend, but the months rolled on and i was sleeping with him all the time. growing up in a strong religious family i knew my thinking wasn't correct.  i began to go into a downward spiral and soon i found myself with his wife, trying to apologize profusely and figure out a game plan to move forward from this.  four years later i still struggle and am frustrated with myself for allowing myself to give him all my emotional love.  he is upset with himself as well, trying to build what's left of his marriage and just coinciding with his wife for the children.  he lost a lot of money on the deal, his religion, his self worth and a caring wife. our friendship is strained and is tempered with my jealousy because he is able to move on and i am not.  i have been agonizing and suicidal over this issue because we both believe at another time and in another place, we would have been a perfect match for one another.

 

so, if you begin to have feelings for a friend of yours, look at the situation and evaluate if it's really worth the gamble of your self worth and the hurting of others.

 
September 10, 2006, 11:23 am CDT

09/13 Man Stealers

When I was very young (18) I became involved with a 28 yr old man - to make someone else jealous - how stupid...I know !   The situation went from bad to worse very quickly.  I ended up

marrying the older guy (still trying to make this other person jealous) My mother, my friends

everyone I knew tried to talk me out of this, but I was young, stupid and extrememly hard headed. The older guy had absolutely no intention of being faithful to me.  I had never had a physical/sexual relationship before so I was extremely naive.  Back in the 70's things were viewed differently too.

Anyway, this slug I married ended up sleeping with not onl his co-workers, our mutual friends

BUT....my sister-in-law.  My brother was serving Vietnam  and she was out serving the service men!  I walked in and caught them once (in my bed of course)  The second time my own father

caught them at a family outting. 

The relationship went down hill further from their I ended up getting out ASAP and never looking back.  To say the least this is a forbidden topic of discussion in the family.  My sister-in-law denies it to this day, my brother has "forgiven her of all her mistakes" and I'm still irked !  I have seen her a couple of times  (funerals etc..) and I have behaved like the proper lady my mother raised me . Now 30 yrs later I still think they are both sick and very disrespectful.  What goes around does come around. Blood may be thicker than water, but lust has no boundaries.  Some people are just disgusting!  

 

 
September 10, 2006, 11:39 am CDT

Man stealing

I have male friends as well, to me the issue is men having friendships with their ex girlfriends.  I often find it funny that the exes usually seem to resurface after the man gets a new girl. (Yes, this is true for men too, but it is more common for women to do this)I certainly do not put all the blame on the women, the men have a responsibility too.  I ask myself  why do these men need to have these connections with exes, when they are involved with someone new?  My theory is that they like the attention, they like the idea that the ex wants them back...I think most of us women can agree though that most time the exes do  not really  even want the men back,they just want the men to want them...period.  Bottom line to me, if you your partner is not comfortable with the friendship and their reasoning is not just jealousy then the partner having the friendship should want to do whatever it takes to give comfort to the one he loves...if the friendship is worth that much to them, why did they break up in the first place...we all know it is never just one thing.  I think it is easy to want to see what we want and deny reality.  Long winded I know, bottom line....I don't think there is anything wrong with Male-Female friendships...male- or female friendships with exes...NOT OKAY.  When you have a new partner (obviously there are exceptions to the rule, they too are very far and in between) Like my momma always said "Why play with fire, you will eventually get burned" 
 
September 10, 2006, 12:36 pm CDT

both sides of the fence

If there is anyone who knows about this from both sides, it is me.  I have both become too close to a male, married coworker and ultimately resulted in marriage and 3 children with him.  Now, like poetic justice, after 17 years of marriage, he has done the same to me.  He began an affair with a coworker 20 years his junior, and although professed he had ceased seeing her, portrayed himself as the perfect, loving husband, was forgiven and regained my trust TWICE (there were two discoveries), and had counseling, he continued to lie and decieve me.  He finally walked out a year ago.  The night before we left, I went to sleep with his arms around me, with "I love you." the last words I heard before going to sleep.  The next morning he made his confession of still "being in love" with his mistress, that he had been lying about loving me, and told me he wanted a divorce.  We found out 4 days ago that he and his mistress had a baby one month ago, and he was trying to keep it a secret until our divorce was final.  It is still not final.  I am fighting major clinical depression, recurring nightmares, anxiety attacks, and the injustice of the Texas Family Law Codes.  Because I naively signed a premarital property agreement under false pretenses, I have not claim to any assets--NONE.  I worked part-time as a nurse for my husband, but was not paid.  We had 3 children during the first 5 years of our marriage. We decieded I would primarily be caretaker for our children.  I poured the last 17 years of my life into our marriage and family, but this earned me no tangible assets, so I am at the mercy of what he will give me above court ordered amounts. This is way below the 300,000.00 per year we lived on.  I hope I can help someone else avoid my plight that all began with becoming good friends, with a married man and  became too close.  There is a very, very good book, "Not Just Friends" by Shirley Glass.  I recommend this book to every person before marriage if possible, but EVERYONE should read this book about the real facts of friendships, the risks, and the boundaries that must be respected to protect the marital union. 
 
September 11, 2006, 6:30 am CDT

Funny Stuff

Quote From: jiggy1976

i can see females or males having a really good friend of the opposite sex, but when it comes down to flirting and what they think is harmless good fun, that's where the line should be drawn.  i have a male best friend and i am married.  there is no flirting or goo goo eyes.  it's strictly the best friendship i have ever had.  i have known my guy friend since i was a freshman in high school and we were always hanging out.  till this day we still gossip and clown around like we were girlfriends.  my husband and my guy friend are close.  they watch sports together, they golf, they get along.  my husband knows my love for him is real and the love i have for my guy friend is a friend love.  my husband's family has even welcomed my guy friend into their family.  i strongly believe these people on this show don't know where to draw their boundaries.  everyone could be happy as long as there wasn't any funny stuff on the side.

The problem is that there will usually, almost always, be "funny stuff"!

 

 

 
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