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Topic : 09/14 More Brats

Number of Replies: 224
New Messages This Week: 0
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Created on : Friday, September 08, 2006, 01:46:44 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
Have you ever been at the mall or in a restaurant, and all eyes are on you because your child is throwing a fit? Dr. Phil has advice on dealing with outrageous temper tantrums. Madeline says her daughter, Isabella, takes the terrible twos to a whole new level. She kicks, screams and even bangs her head against concrete walls when she doesn’t get her way. Isabella’s antics have gotten so bad that her daycare center began videotaping her. What’s behind this toddler’s fury? Then, Mary says her 14-year-old daughter, Brittany, is totally out of control. She bites, stomps, throws things and even told a police officer that her father, Rich, punched her in the face! Four months have passed since Rich and Mary sent Brittany to live with her grandmother. Now, they face off on Dr. Phil’s stage. Will they all be able to live under the same roof again? Can this family heal their pain and move on? Join the discussion.

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September 9, 2006, 10:53 am CDT

My son, the occasional brat

I can understand the frustration.  My son will be three next month and his tantrums are worse now than when he was two.  Some things we've done to curb the public tantrums have worked well.  If we're going to be out and about around meal times we take some snacks with us to curb the hungry crankiness.  Goldfish crackers were a favorite for a long time.  Now he loves the fruit snacks that you can buy in bulk from Costco.  There's three different flavors and we let him choose which one he wants.

 

The best way to get him to stop his tantrums, for us, is to ask him if he wants to got sit in the car with mommy/daddy while the other finishes the shopping.  His answer is usually NO, so then we tell him that he needs to stop the tantrum and be a good boy.  It usually works for us.  But, if it doesn't my husband and I have no problem walking out of wherever we are and going home.  My son hates that, so we don't have to do it often.

 

The other day we went to a restaurant for dinner, and it was late.  By the end of dinner my son had had enough and was really close to meltdown/tantrum point.  He was climbing all over the seats, trying to climb on the table, and getting mad at us when we kept him in the booth.  Instead of subjecting the rest of the diner to his tiredness (I won't call it bad behavior because he was at the end of his rope and tired) my husband took him out to the car while I paid for the meal and cleared out our stuff.

 

I don't understand why more parents don't just leave if their child is not behaving in an acceptable manner.  There is nothing wrong with it, in my opinion.  The rest of the world should not have to deal with my child's screaming out of control.  Maybe I'm getting worked up, but after working retail between Thanksgiving and Christmas, you have to deal with everything.

 

I think that if a child cannot behave in an appropriate manner while out in public, they should stay home until they can.

 
September 9, 2006, 10:59 am CDT

Think about it

Quote From: tagalong1

What would possess anyone to think that pawning off a problem would solve a problem.  The problem seems to be the parents who refuse to recognize that they need to solve their issues first.

 

Why did they not get help and then try to solve issues caused by them.  If there are no mental issues or denials, then testing for a chemical imbalance would be next on the list

Maybe we should walk in their foot steps before we judge them.  Everyone wants to blame someone, this is not a blame game, some kids and people have difficult personalities and we have to learn what will work for them to get themselves under control.  Everyone has a solution and thinks they're right, what works for one family may not work for another.  Medical intrevention is more than likely not a solution because most insurance doesn't cover much for this (unless you have a great plan and most people don't) or does't cover it at all and families just can't afford it.  The state counsiling, most of those people are either over worked or just don't know what they are doing. 
 
September 9, 2006, 11:59 am CDT

Terrible Two's

 

I am a grandmother. I raised two children and boy and a girl. When they would have their tantrums at first I tried to help control the situation but quickly found that didn't work. Then I learned if I would just walk away from the child he or she would straighten up pretty quick. I did not tolerate tantrums from either of my children and think it is horrible for parents or relitaves to tolerate them. My cousin had a child that would hold her breath till she would start to turn blue and it would scare the mother. She talked to a doctor and was told to let the child pass out and she would catch her breath and not be any worse for it. The first time or two it was very difficult to do this but the child finally got the message and stopped holding her breath.

 
September 9, 2006, 12:21 pm CDT

Been Their

I am curious if the parents of "out -of-control" Brittany cannot parent the child, what miracle is going to enable the Grandparents fo gain control.  My hat is off to them for trying to save this girl.  The trouble she can stumble into, to rebel, can effect her entire life. 

 

This age group lives moment to moment and just don't know about cause and effect or consequences.

 
September 9, 2006, 1:19 pm CDT

im going through it now!

hey ,i was reading up on everyones message,and i just wanted to say that im going through the same.i have a 3 year old daughter and a 6 year old son,i love them both but they drive me crazy!! i am at a loss as to what to do.i am at the point now that when i have to go shopping or if any errands have to be done i can`t take my kids with me which is really unfair!!!

there is absolutly nothing that i won`t do for them ,and they know it which is probably why they act out so much.my son tries to hold his own while we are out but when it comes to his sister he seems to let it all go!

i just wish it was possible to go anywhere that there is people and not be stared at after being in the store for a whole 10 mins! i no it`s not gonna be that way forever,but i just wish that it will change soon,i have another child coming into the world in feb. and  all i want is some peace! it`s not much to ask for.

so please tell me dr .phil what can i do to try and change this before it gets any worse!

 

thanks so much,

terrilynn

paradise,nl,canada

 
September 9, 2006, 1:34 pm CDT

Brats

Quote From: grapevine1

 

I am a grandmother. I raised two children and boy and a girl. When they would have their tantrums at first I tried to help control the situation but quickly found that didn't work. Then I learned if I would just walk away from the child he or she would straighten up pretty quick. I did not tolerate tantrums from either of my children and think it is horrible for parents or relitaves to tolerate them. My cousin had a child that would hold her breath till she would start to turn blue and it would scare the mother. She talked to a doctor and was told to let the child pass out and she would catch her breath and not be any worse for it. The first time or two it was very difficult to do this but the child finally got the message and stopped holding her breath.

I understand how you feel. I am a mother of 2 1/2 year old twins,a 5 year old and a 13 year old. My twins(boy and girl) are a handful. My twin girl is in FULL DIVA mode. Any little thing sets her off. She cries,screams,throws herself on the floor. I can't rely on my husband to help,he works nights,so it's on me. I will admit there are times I feel like pulling my hair out. But I've found it's best to send her to time out,to her room,or even sometimes just outright ignore her. As far as my son is concerned,all he wants is my attention. SO he breaks things(GRRRRRRRR) or stands in my way until I acknowledge him. It's hard,especially when you have so many children,but they're a gift from God,and I tell myself that every day.

 

Ramona

 
September 9, 2006, 2:09 pm CDT

Brats

I would just like to add that children are born with their own personalities.  Now, for example, I have a 5 yr old boy.  He is caring, behaves in stores, and he is under control. He has been like that from birth.  Even while i was pregnant with him i was happy...  

Next example.  My two year old daughter...

She yells, throws toys, hits almost every kid she mets, cries a lot, and she doesn't mind throwing herself in the middle of the floor to get her point across.  When she was first born, she wouldn't let anyone near her but me.  She didn't like her dad. When she turned six months old, she let her dad hold her and love on her.  But only when she allowed it.  I'm trying to teach her colors now, but she insists that every color is pink.  Now some times she is the sweetest baby, but most days she is rotten.  I have tried spanking her.  I have tried separating her from the rest of the family. That helps a minute.  But I'm am on my last leg with her.  Some days i dont even like her myself.  Dont get me wrong i love her, but whew...

Any Help?

 
September 9, 2006, 2:17 pm CDT

Dont Worry

Quote From: crystal570

One year ago, I had to put my daughter (who was then 15) in placement with childrens services because she was out of control.  I found out she'd been sneaking and seeing a 25 year old man, and she'd been abusing drugs and alcohol.  Since she's been in placement with this agency, they have been extremely negligent in their handling of the case.  She is again, at the age of 16 now, dating a 24  year old man, who is heavy into drugs and alcohol.  I have discussed this with the childrens agency and was assured this activity would be stopped.  This was weeks ago.  I recently checked my daughter's email, which she has access to from school, and learned (unbeknownst to her) that she is still dating this 24 year old man and is sexually invovled with him as well.  How do you fight an out of control teen and an agency who enables her to remain out of control?  Her county caseworker knows very well, because I have informed him of this information personally, he simply refuses to act on it.  I DESPERATELY need advice! 

 

Crystal - A very angry mother ...

I notice that many parents forget what its like to be a teenager.  Do you remember loving someone so much it hurts?  Or do you remember when your parents said no, and it made you want it that much more.  Teenagers have to find their place, and they may to very stupid things.  But we dont want them to feel like they have no where to go when they are in trouble.  Let her test the water, but make sure she knows you love her, and you always will>
 
September 9, 2006, 3:31 pm CDT

Be Compassionate

Quote From: bubbles566

I think that for the most part, by and large, parents create the behaviour in their children because they're afraid to discipline children when they need to start.  You have to start disciplining the children BEFORE the age of five.  Long before.  My children NEVER acted up in public.  Ever.  They got their hand slapped if needed, a swat on the behind if necessary, and consistent discipline.  They are now 13 and 18 and really have not given me any trouble whatsoever. 

I see alot of parents of toddlers talking to them like they're little babies still....one woman at the zoo.....OMG, I thought to myself "Is this the way that she talks?"  Then I realized it was how she was talking to her son in a stroller.  Why are parents talking to their children who are old enough to understand and she's talking to him like he's a brand new baby?!!!!  I had to get away from it.  It was so condescending and appeasing and ANNOYING!  If kids are listening to their parents talk to them like this, I'd be a brat, too!

Kids learn that if their parents are such mushes around them at that age, they will manipulate you in a heartbeat if they know that they can get what they want AND get away with it.  The kid having to go outside because he was acting up in the restaurant?  Hello.... that is what he wanted because he didn't want to be at that restaurant.  I think McDonald's screwed up by making the play area because kids think that they can do that wherever they are.  Parents are afraid of their kids, and the kids know it.  Parents are afraid to discipline their children in front of public eyes, the kids know this, so there is this unspoken thing between.....and hence, we have The Nanny (who teaches consistent discipline and MANNERS, by the way) for solving a nation full of parents without backbones. 

I have made mistakes as a parent, too, but I think that the more that we move away from consistency and manners being instilled in our children, we're going to see more of this behaviour and it's going to go on and on and on.  Parents should never be afraid of their children's behaviour, or a reaction to "no".  The parents are the adults - it's time to act like it.  Stop babying your children and lay down the law.  Yes, some of it could be a physical issue but for the most part, even children with disabilities need consistency and they can learn.  Just at a different pace and more slowly.
We never know what is going on in other people's lives. My son, who is now 15, had terrible ear infections as a baby and toddler and was irritable and prone to tantrums. My then-husband, from whom i divorced when my son was 5, was incredibly unsympathetic to both our son and to me. We both worked full time yet I was one the one to stay up at night with my hurting son, and who had to miss work to take him to the doctor, etc. I would try not to take my son out in public because it was so stressful. My husband blamed ME for everything. Plus my parents live 3,000 miles away. I felt so alone and so frustrated. I'm just asking everyone to consider that the parents might be doing the best they can, and are probably mortified that their child is behaving that way. Let's not judge each other, let's have compasion for each other.
 
September 9, 2006, 7:12 pm CDT

not so easy

Quote From: rayvinfive

I can understand the frustration.  My son will be three next month and his tantrums are worse now than when he was two.  Some things we've done to curb the public tantrums have worked well.  If we're going to be out and about around meal times we take some snacks with us to curb the hungry crankiness.  Goldfish crackers were a favorite for a long time.  Now he loves the fruit snacks that you can buy in bulk from Costco.  There's three different flavors and we let him choose which one he wants.

 

The best way to get him to stop his tantrums, for us, is to ask him if he wants to got sit in the car with mommy/daddy while the other finishes the shopping.  His answer is usually NO, so then we tell him that he needs to stop the tantrum and be a good boy.  It usually works for us.  But, if it doesn't my husband and I have no problem walking out of wherever we are and going home.  My son hates that, so we don't have to do it often.

 

The other day we went to a restaurant for dinner, and it was late.  By the end of dinner my son had had enough and was really close to meltdown/tantrum point.  He was climbing all over the seats, trying to climb on the table, and getting mad at us when we kept him in the booth.  Instead of subjecting the rest of the diner to his tiredness (I won't call it bad behavior because he was at the end of his rope and tired) my husband took him out to the car while I paid for the meal and cleared out our stuff.

 

I don't understand why more parents don't just leave if their child is not behaving in an acceptable manner.  There is nothing wrong with it, in my opinion.  The rest of the world should not have to deal with my child's screaming out of control.  Maybe I'm getting worked up, but after working retail between Thanksgiving and Christmas, you have to deal with everything.

 

I think that if a child cannot behave in an appropriate manner while out in public, they should stay home until they can.

not so angry when you have a child that you know darn well is gonna act up. sometimes there is just not someone around to take the child and things still need to be done.

 

 

   have you ever seen an 8 y/o in the middle of a major BiPolar meltdown? and nothing you can do at that point will help? leaving the store isn't always the answer either.

 

  great if that works for you. I also have a 3 year old and he has never ever thrown a temper tantrum. shopping with him is always a great experience, because he knows at the end there is a reward for him for good behavior.

 

  you just never know the situation and what that family is going through to judge them and their " so called brats"

 
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