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Topic : 09/14 More Brats

Number of Replies: 224
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Created on : Friday, September 08, 2006, 01:46:44 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
Have you ever been at the mall or in a restaurant, and all eyes are on you because your child is throwing a fit? Dr. Phil has advice on dealing with outrageous temper tantrums. Madeline says her daughter, Isabella, takes the terrible twos to a whole new level. She kicks, screams and even bangs her head against concrete walls when she doesn’t get her way. Isabella’s antics have gotten so bad that her daycare center began videotaping her. What’s behind this toddler’s fury? Then, Mary says her 14-year-old daughter, Brittany, is totally out of control. She bites, stomps, throws things and even told a police officer that her father, Rich, punched her in the face! Four months have passed since Rich and Mary sent Brittany to live with her grandmother. Now, they face off on Dr. Phil’s stage. Will they all be able to live under the same roof again? Can this family heal their pain and move on? Join the discussion.

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September 9, 2006, 7:13 pm CDT

thank you

Quote From: swertz9

We never know what is going on in other people's lives. My son, who is now 15, had terrible ear infections as a baby and toddler and was irritable and prone to tantrums. My then-husband, from whom i divorced when my son was 5, was incredibly unsympathetic to both our son and to me. We both worked full time yet I was one the one to stay up at night with my hurting son, and who had to miss work to take him to the doctor, etc. I would try not to take my son out in public because it was so stressful. My husband blamed ME for everything. Plus my parents live 3,000 miles away. I felt so alone and so frustrated. I'm just asking everyone to consider that the parents might be doing the best they can, and are probably mortified that their child is behaving that way. Let's not judge each other, let's have compasion for each other.
that was great to hear someone say!!! so thank you
 
September 9, 2006, 8:38 pm CDT

Maybe there is something else going on...

I have 3 daughters. 2 of them normally active, well mannered, and respectful. My middle child (who I also spend quality time with her alone as a rewarding activity) is suffering from some form of not quiet a hyperactive disorder. I researched it but cannot find a disorder that would match her profile (and I have a behavioral science degree). She is 4 years-old and throws violent tantrums when does not get her way. Believe me, I successfuly have helped children and their parents with behavior modification techniques (the same techniques utilized on my other two daughters who are good listeners and the envy of many of my friends). I am a consistent person who believes in positive reinforcement before punishment. Yet, I noticed that every year I encounter at my job at least one child who shares the same type of characteristics my middle child displays: Academically smart (above average intellegence, able to focus on an activity for long periods of times, quick learners, a little physically stronger than peers (at least they display better reflexes), but some develop allergies or flu like sympthoms a little more often than their classmates. When upset, tantrums may last long periods of time, and may try to hurt themselves in anger. My daughter's behavior is improving, but it has been a slow and painful process. So to all those with young children like my little girl... Do NOT give up. In the mean time, my prayers go to the dedicated parents whose parenting technique are not yielding any results.... I hope scientific advances start to move rapidly in the field of genetics, for there will be some children like ours who would tremendously benefit from a psychological explanation and faster behavior modification techniques. Dr. Phil we need a review show with the latest remedial behavioral techniques for children 0-18. Thanks. Nene 
 
September 10, 2006, 4:18 am CDT

09/14 More Brats

Quote From: jobesair

I notice that many parents forget what its like to be a teenager.  Do you remember loving someone so much it hurts?  Or do you remember when your parents said no, and it made you want it that much more.  Teenagers have to find their place, and they may to very stupid things.  But we dont want them to feel like they have no where to go when they are in trouble.  Let her test the water, but make sure she knows you love her, and you always will>

Let a 15-16 year old 'test the water', which includes a sexual relationship,  with a 24-25 year old??? 

 

 Thats illegal.  Also abusive.   If I was this girls mother, I would inform authorities and press charges.

 

 

 

 

 
September 10, 2006, 6:18 am CDT

medical problem

Quote From: nene007

I have 3 daughters. 2 of them normally active, well mannered, and respectful. My middle child (who I also spend quality time with her alone as a rewarding activity) is suffering from some form of not quiet a hyperactive disorder. I researched it but cannot find a disorder that would match her profile (and I have a behavioral science degree). She is 4 years-old and throws violent tantrums when does not get her way. Believe me, I successfuly have helped children and their parents with behavior modification techniques (the same techniques utilized on my other two daughters who are good listeners and the envy of many of my friends). I am a consistent person who believes in positive reinforcement before punishment. Yet, I noticed that every year I encounter at my job at least one child who shares the same type of characteristics my middle child displays: Academically smart (above average intellegence, able to focus on an activity for long periods of times, quick learners, a little physically stronger than peers (at least they display better reflexes), but some develop allergies or flu like sympthoms a little more often than their classmates. When upset, tantrums may last long periods of time, and may try to hurt themselves in anger. My daughter's behavior is improving, but it has been a slow and painful process. So to all those with young children like my little girl... Do NOT give up. In the mean time, my prayers go to the dedicated parents whose parenting technique are not yielding any results.... I hope scientific advances start to move rapidly in the field of genetics, for there will be some children like ours who would tremendously benefit from a psychological explanation and faster behavior modification techniques. Dr. Phil we need a review show with the latest remedial behavioral techniques for children 0-18. Thanks. Nene 
www.blockcenter.com  has some excellent protocols for diagnosing and treating children with learning and behaviour problems.  It sounds like this child needs thorough physiological testing.  The childs behaviour could be a result of allergies, heavy metal toxicity, (amalgams), or several other medical problems.  There  has been some testing done and some children become aggressive and violent because they are allergic to tomatoes.  I feel very strongly, that once this child is in school, the education system will try to force the child on Ritalin.  I oppose this method of treating children.  www.ritalindeath.com
 
September 10, 2006, 7:15 am CDT

lets see

Quote From: momisme2

Let a 15-16 year old 'test the water', which includes a sexual relationship,  with a 24-25 year old??? 

 

 Thats illegal.  Also abusive.   If I was this girls mother, I would inform authorities and press charges.

 

 

 

 

Sorry about that, i was not necessarily  about sex with 24 year old.  i was referring to life in general.  The teenagers know what your morals you have before they turn into teens.  And believe it or not they will follow your footsteps eventually...  With what they see on the TV from birth no wonder they are dating the older men.  I have noticed that teens date older men for one reason, to get out of their mother and fathers home...

just my observation of youth in my area of the world.

 
September 10, 2006, 7:39 am CDT

Lack of discipline?

I am so surprised when I go out and see kids acting like this.  And worse yet, their parents don't do anything about it!  I have a three year old and sure, he has acted out in public, but I take care of it.  I don't let him do whatever he wants, I'm the parent, he's the child.  And you know what?  It doesn't happen often, because I am strict on discipline.  I do not spank so don't think I hit my children. 

 

You know what your children like, so use that as a tool for discipline.  I find this works very well.  Take a toy away and when they are showing they can behave (for awhile) then reward them with giving it back to them.  Timeouts work well too.  I do not acknowledge my son when he's in there, and he doesn't like the lack of attention.  This works very well!  I always use a warning first and you know what?  He understands and I ask him why he was in timeout and he can tell me why.  At three, kids know what their boundaries are, they just choose to see how far they can go and we as parents have to be consistant. 

 

Has anyone else noticed that kids do mostly whatever they want?

 
September 10, 2006, 7:54 am CDT

09/14 More Brats

I hope my best friend watches this show!Her kids are 5,12 & 14 and they are horrible! Everytime we talk on the phone all I hear is her screaming at her kids that she is on the phone and will deal with them later!She screams this 10 or 15 times during a phone call! It's worse when I go to her house,they yell over each other and I leave with a migrane! It would help my friend alot if her family(Mom&sisters) would butt out! They are always telling her she is a terrible mom and that she is abusive to her kids! Her kids call her stupid all the time-even the 5 year old does!The kids are getting better,but I worry about the older two,when they get into boys!There have been no boundaries set for these girls so far and they will most likely protest any they might get!
 
September 10, 2006, 8:18 am CDT

Bewildered

Well where do I start, I have two children a boy who is 4 yrs old and a 7 yr old and since birth the doctors have called them high needs children with severe food allergies and asthma.  I have seen so many specialists I can't count them on one hand.  Their behaviour has worsened over the last 18 months and going out is an absoulute time bomb they used to be quite calm and responsive to discipline but now they are becoming quite aggressive and never talk in a nice manner which is quite distressing when you used to see them so happy.  The paediatricians, asthma specialists and immunology doctors just keep saying I will have to ride it out because children with such severe food allergies have severe highs and lows.

 

I wonder where all this started, I looked after my Mother at home for 3 years with Motor Neurone disease and as I watched her fade away so did my small children which broke my heart.  I feel absoulute guilt over the time they missed out on with me due to mum being so dependent , unfortunately I did not have any help from the hospitals or nurses so I became the nurse changing nappies for her and saving her life on many occassions when choking and all the while my children watched on in despair for their only Nan.  My life will never be the same as I have come to realise neither will my childrens.  I would really love some advice to know how to move on and heal myself and my children who seemed to have discovered attention seeking behaviour since Mum has gone.  The perception from all supposed friends is she is out of pain now and move on with your life but how can you when she was my only parent and I am no longer anybody's daughter but I am a mother but it just does not seem enough.

 

I have never really shared this with anyone because it is so painful to remember her fear of leaving her children behind and my desperate fear to let her go which I still have not done and she will have been gone 2 years on September 23 but time passes so quickly and that is a lesson everybody should try to embrace.  I am just pouring my heart out here and I do not know why as I am not normally that way inclined but her anniversary is drawing closer and my heart aches everyday and my children want to go and visit her in heaven and see if she is running around on the tops of the clouds and no wheelchair or tubes, I am glad they have a beautiful view on heaven and life after death, I only wish I could share the same imagination.

 

Thank you for letting me share my story it has allowed me to share a little with total strangers and not to friends and family who have moved on.    Love and Sunshine Allahana 

 
September 10, 2006, 8:39 am CDT

Yes, I judge you a failure as a parent and citizen.

 I hate "shriekers" - little children who are generally two-ish  whose parents allow them to shriek, in high-pitched staccato bursts, repeatedly in a public place without removing them from said public place.  The kids are bored or tired or whatnot,  and parents have no right to inflict that kind of misery on other people.

FWIW, my son was always corrected with a sharp look and words of disapproval if he raised his voice above acceptable levels,  from earliest childhood--- certainly from late-babyhood on.  These bad mothers whom I judge, simply ignore the shrieking as though it isn't even happening.   They give no look or words of rebuke, they don't even try to express the concept that shrieking repeatedly in public is bad and must stop.   (My son was no genius baby, but consistent dissapproval was  effective at conveying the message that shrieking was not "ok".  And I never let myself get away with ignoring my kid so I could get the shopping done.)

Nor do they make any move to attend to the underlying reason the child is shrieking,  nor do they move to leave the store as they should and come back without the shrieker.

I just got back from a shopping trip to the local discount Target store.    No trip to target would be complete without a shrieker in a cart who can be heard for a full hour shrieking over and over and over and over, and the stupid "helpless" parent  pretending it isn't happening and/or that nothing at all can be done to stop it, or at least stop it from disturbing others.    

If it were acceptable to go up to parents in public and tell them how to handle the situation (which of course it isn't),  I think they would think the idea that a young kid can be reproved for shrieking or taken out of the store and attended to is an idea from outer-space, and altogether just too much to ask of them.
 
September 10, 2006, 1:25 pm CDT

It takes a village!

Quote From: swchick

 I hate "shriekers" - little children who are generally two-ish  whose parents allow them to shriek, in high-pitched staccato bursts, repeatedly in a public place without removing them from said public place.  The kids are bored or tired or whatnot,  and parents have no right to inflict that kind of misery on other people.

FWIW, my son was always corrected with a sharp look and words of disapproval if he raised his voice above acceptable levels,  from earliest childhood--- certainly from late-babyhood on.  These bad mothers whom I judge, simply ignore the shrieking as though it isn't even happening.   They give no look or words of rebuke, they don't even try to express the concept that shrieking repeatedly in public is bad and must stop.   (My son was no genius baby, but consistent dissapproval was  effective at conveying the message that shrieking was not "ok".  And I never let myself get away with ignoring my kid so I could get the shopping done.)

Nor do they make any move to attend to the underlying reason the child is shrieking,  nor do they move to leave the store as they should and come back without the shrieker.

I just got back from a shopping trip to the local discount Target store.    No trip to target would be complete without a shrieker in a cart who can be heard for a full hour shrieking over and over and over and over, and the stupid "helpless" parent  pretending it isn't happening and/or that nothing at all can be done to stop it, or at least stop it from disturbing others.    

If it were acceptable to go up to parents in public and tell them how to handle the situation (which of course it isn't),  I think they would think the idea that a young kid can be reproved for shrieking or taken out of the store and attended to is an idea from outer-space, and altogether just too much to ask of them.

Sad really, that you could hate a child.  However, I am grateful that you probably had a 2-parent family for your son and that you didn't have a child with special needs. 

 

Put yourself in their shoes. No, though it is not your place to correct the child, as a citizen you could find a way to help rather than hurt the situation.  Listen to what the child is saying or you could simply help the mom by pointing them in the right direction.  Some children do not express themselves in words because they can't find the words if that have a learning disability or other developmental disorder.

 

If the parent could predict that the child would react like that in the store, I'm sure they wouldn't have come unless they're there to pick up some meds or other needed groceries as well. 

 

A pray never hurt anyone either.  Perhaps when you're in the store you might need to carry a stress ball or ear plugs.  An attitude adjustment is needed for some of the others replying to this as well.

 

Good Parenting is a result of good advice.  Judging people with dirty looks only makes them feel worse.  Please be kind to others like you'd like them to be to you! 

 
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