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Topic : 09/14 More Brats

Number of Replies: 224
New Messages This Week: 0
Last Reply On:
Created on : Friday, September 08, 2006, 01:46:44 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
Have you ever been at the mall or in a restaurant, and all eyes are on you because your child is throwing a fit? Dr. Phil has advice on dealing with outrageous temper tantrums. Madeline says her daughter, Isabella, takes the terrible twos to a whole new level. She kicks, screams and even bangs her head against concrete walls when she doesn’t get her way. Isabella’s antics have gotten so bad that her daycare center began videotaping her. What’s behind this toddler’s fury? Then, Mary says her 14-year-old daughter, Brittany, is totally out of control. She bites, stomps, throws things and even told a police officer that her father, Rich, punched her in the face! Four months have passed since Rich and Mary sent Brittany to live with her grandmother. Now, they face off on Dr. Phil’s stage. Will they all be able to live under the same roof again? Can this family heal their pain and move on? Join the discussion.

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September 11, 2006, 4:28 pm CDT

Screamers!

Quote From: mis4mary2

Sad really, that you could hate a child.  However, I am grateful that you probably had a 2-parent family for your son and that you didn't have a child with special needs. 

 

Put yourself in their shoes. No, though it is not your place to correct the child, as a citizen you could find a way to help rather than hurt the situation.  Listen to what the child is saying or you could simply help the mom by pointing them in the right direction.  Some children do not express themselves in words because they can't find the words if that have a learning disability or other developmental disorder.

 

If the parent could predict that the child would react like that in the store, I'm sure they wouldn't have come unless they're there to pick up some meds or other needed groceries as well. 

 

A pray never hurt anyone either.  Perhaps when you're in the store you might need to carry a stress ball or ear plugs.  An attitude adjustment is needed for some of the others replying to this as well.

 

Good Parenting is a result of good advice.  Judging people with dirty looks only makes them feel worse.  Please be kind to others like you'd like them to be to you! 

I don't like screaming kids in public places either, and it is frustrating when the parents think its 'cute'. 

 

You gave a different perspective, however, I would like some practical advice on how to deal with the screamers and their parents in restaurants, movie theaters, etc.  My husband and I find ourselves feeling agitated by the screamers, I'm sure everyone would feel better if there was a practical and kind way of dealing with this issue.

 

MF

 
September 11, 2006, 4:38 pm CDT

consideration for others

Quote From: miche1972

I would love to unleash my 8 year old son on you........................ without any of his meds and see if your "perfect" parenting skills work with him! Cause I think you would choke on your own words! I have used and tried every kind of discipline I can.................short of beating him and being an abusive mother. Raising a child with ADHD, and than adding Oppisitional Defiant Disorder and Bipolar on a  child, what gives you the right to judge me or any other parent when allot of us are doing the best we can. The last few weeks have been a roller coaster in my home and when a child is "manic" and not sleeping at all, their behavior goes down the toilet too! There are times when you have no choice but to take him out. Also why should I have to punish my son for disorders he never asked to have? I have 2 other children who are very well behaved at home and in public!

 

 

  Hooray for you being a perfect mother!!! Wish we could all be like you. 

 

 People like you make me so angry! you are unbelievable.

When my kids were little, I did not expect them to be able to always control their public behavior.  It wasn't their fault if they couldn't handle certain stresses.  We were all babies and young children once upon a time.  However, I knew better than to inflict such scenes upon others if it was possible to avoid it.  Whenever I could take them away from the public scene, I did so.  Not to punish them and I never presented it as punishment.  Matter-of-factly I would just tell them that people don't behave that way in public so we had to go. 

 

There are always going to be some times when you can't do anything about it.  I once boarded a plane with a cranky 18 month old and an older woman said angrily "I hope that baby isn't going to cry during the entire trip!"  I responded that I hoped so too, and then began singing Perry Como's "It's impossible," including the line " . . . ask a baby not to cry, it's just impossible."  But if I had been at a restaurant when she started crying, I would have taken her out.  Of course, I would have missed having a dinner out, but what right did I have to impose my screaming child on others when the alternative was to take responsibility upon myself and remove us both?

 

Anyone can understand the occasional scene.  But people routinely let their children behave in public in a way that is disturbing to others when it can be avoided.  They are teaching their kids to be selfish, insensitive, impolite and inconsiderate.

 

Why should you unleash your kid on anybody without his meds?  I'm sorry that your son has problems that must be difficult to handle.  But that doesn't give you the right to put him into a public situation that is beyond his ability to handle and then do nothing while his difficulties spill all over other people who are not responsible for him.  You don't have to be abusive.  Just remove him from situations he can't manage or don't put him in such situations in the first place. 

 

I don't judge you for having a child with behavioral problems that you can't always solve.  No one has perfect parenting skills.  But, I judge you for inflicting these sceneson other people when you could often avoid doing so.  That's your obligation.

 

For years I attended large outdoor summer concerts in a public, rural setting.  Hundreds of families would picnic on the lawn.  Without even realizing what I was doing, I began looking for a picnic spot that was close to the many Japanese families who would attend and to steer clear of the Americans.  When an American baby would start crying during one of Beethovan's symphonies, the people around him would just not be able to hear the music.  When a Japanese baby started crying, a parent would pick him up and go for a walk along the perimeter of the field.  I don't know how these cultural differences come about, but the contrasting attitudes were enormous.  I never heard a Japanese parent get angry or blameful towards a crying baby.  They simply removed the baby because they seemed to share a recognition that they had no right to spoil the concert for everybody else.  I learned a lot from those folks.  Maybe there's a lesson in this for you, too.

 
September 11, 2006, 8:51 pm CDT

DONT SHOW ANGER

I HAVE A 5 & 1/2YEAR OLD DAUGHTER, SHE IS A GREAT KID...OF CORSE HAS HER MOMENTS,NOT IN PUBLIC THO!!! MOSTLY AT NIGHT GOING TO BED SHE WILL HAVE EVERY EXCUSE SHE CAN FIND TO GET ME UPSET...I NOTICED HER BEHAVIOR CHANGING RIGHT BEFOR MY EYES AS SHE SEE'S ME GETTING MAD,SHE LOVES IT,SHE WILL PUSH & PUSH SOME MORE,SO NOW IM TRYING A NEW METHOD,I WILL TRY MY HARDEST NOT TO SHOW HER ANGER,IT IS TOUGH AT TIMES,BUT THE MAIN THING IS OUR KIDS ARE A PRODUCT OF THIER ENVIORMENT,DONT CUSS IN FRONT OF YOUR KIDS,DONT TALK ABOUT THINGS CHILDREN SHOULD NOT HEAR,TRY NOT TO YELL,(THAT IS WHAT I NEED TO WORK ON),AND BY GOLLY DONT HIT THEM ANYWHERE BUT ON THE BUTT (IF REALLY NEEDED)I PERSONALLY DONT BELIEVE IN HITTING,BUT I HAVE AND IT OLNY MAKES MATTERS WORSE FOR HER DAD AND MYSELF!!!I NO EASIER SAID THAN DONE, AND TALK TO THEM,THATS ALL MY DAUGHTER WANTS,IM ALSO A STAY AT HOME MOM,DAD WORKS ALL DAY,SO THAT MAKES IT TOUGH ON STAY AT HOME MOMS TOO!! IM NOT TRYING TO SAY IM A PERFECT MOM,BUT IF YOU NOTICE YOUR PROBLEMS AS A PARENT,IT IS THE BEST START TO A GREAT RELATIONSHIP WITH YOUR CHILDREN,JUST KEEP YOUR HEAD UP AND STAY STRONG,CHILDREN ARE OUR FUTURE...BUT CAN ALSO MAKE US PARENTS CRAZY!!!IF WE LET THEM,GODD LUCK TO ALL,AND SEND ME SOME TOO!!!
 
September 12, 2006, 5:22 am CDT

09/14 More Brats

Quote From: miche1972

Wish we could all hit the local target at the same time!! with our shriekers! I understand what you go threw. I have to go Threw it as well. Hang in there and don't let these people get to you.
 Oh, I do try to get him out as soon as possible. I am considerate of other people to the best of my ability. But, this "keep them home" attitude,  really pisses me off. If my child were in a wheelchair, nothing would be said. But, since his disability is invisible, people assume it is my parenting. Autism is  a real disorder, people.

Have a little compassion, people.
 
September 12, 2006, 7:32 am CDT

09/14 More Brats

Quote From: saesq2

When my kids were little, I did not expect them to be able to always control their public behavior.  It wasn't their fault if they couldn't handle certain stresses.  We were all babies and young children once upon a time.  However, I knew better than to inflict such scenes upon others if it was possible to avoid it.  Whenever I could take them away from the public scene, I did so.  Not to punish them and I never presented it as punishment.  Matter-of-factly I would just tell them that people don't behave that way in public so we had to go. 

 

There are always going to be some times when you can't do anything about it.  I once boarded a plane with a cranky 18 month old and an older woman said angrily "I hope that baby isn't going to cry during the entire trip!"  I responded that I hoped so too, and then began singing Perry Como's "It's impossible," including the line " . . . ask a baby not to cry, it's just impossible."  But if I had been at a restaurant when she started crying, I would have taken her out.  Of course, I would have missed having a dinner out, but what right did I have to impose my screaming child on others when the alternative was to take responsibility upon myself and remove us both?

 

Anyone can understand the occasional scene.  But people routinely let their children behave in public in a way that is disturbing to others when it can be avoided.  They are teaching their kids to be selfish, insensitive, impolite and inconsiderate.

 

Why should you unleash your kid on anybody without his meds?  I'm sorry that your son has problems that must be difficult to handle.  But that doesn't give you the right to put him into a public situation that is beyond his ability to handle and then do nothing while his difficulties spill all over other people who are not responsible for him.  You don't have to be abusive.  Just remove him from situations he can't manage or don't put him in such situations in the first place. 

 

I don't judge you for having a child with behavioral problems that you can't always solve.  No one has perfect parenting skills.  But, I judge you for inflicting these sceneson other people when you could often avoid doing so.  That's your obligation.

 

For years I attended large outdoor summer concerts in a public, rural setting.  Hundreds of families would picnic on the lawn.  Without even realizing what I was doing, I began looking for a picnic spot that was close to the many Japanese families who would attend and to steer clear of the Americans.  When an American baby would start crying during one of Beethovan's symphonies, the people around him would just not be able to hear the music.  When a Japanese baby started crying, a parent would pick him up and go for a walk along the perimeter of the field.  I don't know how these cultural differences come about, but the contrasting attitudes were enormous.  I never heard a Japanese parent get angry or blameful towards a crying baby.  They simply removed the baby because they seemed to share a recognition that they had no right to spoil the concert for everybody else.  I learned a lot from those folks.  Maybe there's a lesson in this for you, too.

Well said! I have 4 boys ranging in ages 14 years to 18 months. They all have had their "moments" and still do at times. We deal with them by removing them whenever possible. My oldest was diagnosed (by a child psychiatrist, not psychologist) with ADHD at the age of 4. He has hearing loss as well. He has thrown some hum-dingers in his day, but I have never allowed it to occur untouched. I, also, do not identify myself as one of those parents who would & do. Illness, condition, limited abilities or not; there is no reason beyond the fear of appearing rude to not take a screaming child out of a situation such as a restaurant to allow them to settle & collect themselves. Yes; we as parents do need to delay our gratifications sometimes.

 

And it is absolutely the parents responsibility to respect that their child, all children, have their own limits. Yes, that does mean they will not be able to do everything. And that's okay! I witnessed this here where a parent took their child to a local park/water park. The child was obviously overwhelmed by all the children already there combined with the excitement of the water sprinklers. He began screaming about it all so the mother turned the water off & would not allow anyone else to turn it on, rather than coming at a different time or removing him. What right does she have to ruin the day for all the other children who were already there & getting along just because her child was overwhelmed by a situation she placed him in?

 

I absolutely judged her for that. She was rude & inconsiderate & was not doing right by her son, IMO. "Unleashing" her child on everyone like that & expecting all to stop what they were doing for her son was out-of-line & rude to not only for the park goers but for her son as well. That is a very selfish stance to take.

 
September 12, 2006, 7:42 am CDT

09/14 More Brats

Quote From: kyrosemom

 I have a 7 yr old who has Autism. We never know what will set him off into a meltdown. Sometimes, I HAVE to get medicine or something when he is with me. I do the best I can to get him out asap when he is having problems. My son sometimes is NOT ABLE to act appropriately. He cannot help it. Should I keep him at home at all times so you might not get offended?

Going to the pharmacy for medicine or to the store for a short run when you truly can't wait it is not the same as setting through a full meal at a restaurant while the child runs around & screams, only to disturb the other patrons.

 

Likewise, doing/running an errand that cannot be put off can be prepared for, usually. I keep crackers in my van as well as tissues & extras - toys, books, tissues, diapers, clothes, drinks, blankets for naps & comfort, ect. I do not & have never relied on everyone being willing to make exceptions for my children, nor should I.

 
September 12, 2006, 7:45 am CDT

09/14 More Brats

Quote From: saesq2

When my kids were little, I did not expect them to be able to always control their public behavior.  It wasn't their fault if they couldn't handle certain stresses.  We were all babies and young children once upon a time.  However, I knew better than to inflict such scenes upon others if it was possible to avoid it.  Whenever I could take them away from the public scene, I did so.  Not to punish them and I never presented it as punishment.  Matter-of-factly I would just tell them that people don't behave that way in public so we had to go. 

 

There are always going to be some times when you can't do anything about it.  I once boarded a plane with a cranky 18 month old and an older woman said angrily "I hope that baby isn't going to cry during the entire trip!"  I responded that I hoped so too, and then began singing Perry Como's "It's impossible," including the line " . . . ask a baby not to cry, it's just impossible."  But if I had been at a restaurant when she started crying, I would have taken her out.  Of course, I would have missed having a dinner out, but what right did I have to impose my screaming child on others when the alternative was to take responsibility upon myself and remove us both?

 

Anyone can understand the occasional scene.  But people routinely let their children behave in public in a way that is disturbing to others when it can be avoided.  They are teaching their kids to be selfish, insensitive, impolite and inconsiderate.

 

Why should you unleash your kid on anybody without his meds?  I'm sorry that your son has problems that must be difficult to handle.  But that doesn't give you the right to put him into a public situation that is beyond his ability to handle and then do nothing while his difficulties spill all over other people who are not responsible for him.  You don't have to be abusive.  Just remove him from situations he can't manage or don't put him in such situations in the first place. 

 

I don't judge you for having a child with behavioral problems that you can't always solve.  No one has perfect parenting skills.  But, I judge you for inflicting these sceneson other people when you could often avoid doing so.  That's your obligation.

 

For years I attended large outdoor summer concerts in a public, rural setting.  Hundreds of families would picnic on the lawn.  Without even realizing what I was doing, I began looking for a picnic spot that was close to the many Japanese families who would attend and to steer clear of the Americans.  When an American baby would start crying during one of Beethovan's symphonies, the people around him would just not be able to hear the music.  When a Japanese baby started crying, a parent would pick him up and go for a walk along the perimeter of the field.  I don't know how these cultural differences come about, but the contrasting attitudes were enormous.  I never heard a Japanese parent get angry or blameful towards a crying baby.  They simply removed the baby because they seemed to share a recognition that they had no right to spoil the concert for everybody else.  I learned a lot from those folks.  Maybe there's a lesson in this for you, too.

WRT your comment about Japanese families; it's an important part of the Japanese culture to be respectful of others. I live in a community with a large university town. I have noticed similar situations. There's a large difference between German families & Japanese, as an example. 
 
September 12, 2006, 8:20 am CDT

your right

Quote From: kyrosemom

 Oh, I do try to get him out as soon as possible. I am considerate of other people to the best of my ability. But, this "keep them home" attitude,  really pisses me off. If my child were in a wheelchair, nothing would be said. But, since his disability is invisible, people assume it is my parenting. Autism is  a real disorder, people.

Have a little compassion, people.
sometimes it would be easier to have a child with a visable disability!  because some people are very narrow minded. I had a neighbor who just moved thankfully! showed up on my doorstep one night at 10pm spweing his crap and calling my son a mental retard and a headcase! I was so upset as well was my 13 year old daughter. as she cowered in a corner crying! It was unbelievable. 
 
September 12, 2006, 8:33 am CDT

09/14 More Brats

Quote From: saesq2

When my kids were little, I did not expect them to be able to always control their public behavior.  It wasn't their fault if they couldn't handle certain stresses.  We were all babies and young children once upon a time.  However, I knew better than to inflict such scenes upon others if it was possible to avoid it.  Whenever I could take them away from the public scene, I did so.  Not to punish them and I never presented it as punishment.  Matter-of-factly I would just tell them that people don't behave that way in public so we had to go. 

 

There are always going to be some times when you can't do anything about it.  I once boarded a plane with a cranky 18 month old and an older woman said angrily "I hope that baby isn't going to cry during the entire trip!"  I responded that I hoped so too, and then began singing Perry Como's "It's impossible," including the line " . . . ask a baby not to cry, it's just impossible."  But if I had been at a restaurant when she started crying, I would have taken her out.  Of course, I would have missed having a dinner out, but what right did I have to impose my screaming child on others when the alternative was to take responsibility upon myself and remove us both?

 

Anyone can understand the occasional scene.  But people routinely let their children behave in public in a way that is disturbing to others when it can be avoided.  They are teaching their kids to be selfish, insensitive, impolite and inconsiderate.

 

Why should you unleash your kid on anybody without his meds?  I'm sorry that your son has problems that must be difficult to handle.  But that doesn't give you the right to put him into a public situation that is beyond his ability to handle and then do nothing while his difficulties spill all over other people who are not responsible for him.  You don't have to be abusive.  Just remove him from situations he can't manage or don't put him in such situations in the first place. 

 

I don't judge you for having a child with behavioral problems that you can't always solve.  No one has perfect parenting skills.  But, I judge you for inflicting these sceneson other people when you could often avoid doing so.  That's your obligation.

 

For years I attended large outdoor summer concerts in a public, rural setting.  Hundreds of families would picnic on the lawn.  Without even realizing what I was doing, I began looking for a picnic spot that was close to the many Japanese families who would attend and to steer clear of the Americans.  When an American baby would start crying during one of Beethovan's symphonies, the people around him would just not be able to hear the music.  When a Japanese baby started crying, a parent would pick him up and go for a walk along the perimeter of the field.  I don't know how these cultural differences come about, but the contrasting attitudes were enormous.  I never heard a Japanese parent get angry or blameful towards a crying baby.  They simply removed the baby because they seemed to share a recognition that they had no right to spoil the concert for everybody else.  I learned a lot from those folks.  Maybe there's a lesson in this for you, too.

So what you are saying is because I know any possible trip in public is cause for a meltdown, I shoudl keeo him locked up at home like a dirty little secret?  He takes his meds daily!@ For that matter he takes 4 pills at 8am, 1 at noon, 1 at 4pm and another 5 at  bedtime! He never misses his meds for the fact that I have 2 other children and it is not fair to anyone. There are days the meds don't make a damn bit of difference.

 

  I made that statement as she was rude and very inconsiderate to what other parents must go threw.  Don't judge me as a parent. I do all the things right by my son! He has ADHD, whcih that alone would be a walk int he park! He also has OCD,ODD and Bipolar! I know damn well anytime I have to go the grocery store ar Wal-Mart there is gonna be a melt down! I do my best to control it.   I do not take him out very often, but he can't be stuck at home all the time.He sees a Psychiatrist(not psychologist) every month He also has a councilor that is here weekly to see how things are going and if we need any help. I gave up my career to be here for him when he started school knowing the adjustment would be hard and knowing I need to be available to the school at the drop of a hat!

 

     I knwo what my Obligations as a parent are and it is not concerning myself with what people like you may say or think of how I raise my son!  My obligation is to him and making sure he has what he needs.  So no you don't have the rigth to judge me!   I made the comment I should "unleash" him on you unmedicate as she was very rude and not understanding of what non perfect parents may go threw! Read it rigth next time

 
September 12, 2006, 8:38 am CDT

09/14 More Brats

Quote From: our4sons

Well said! I have 4 boys ranging in ages 14 years to 18 months. They all have had their "moments" and still do at times. We deal with them by removing them whenever possible. My oldest was diagnosed (by a child psychiatrist, not psychologist) with ADHD at the age of 4. He has hearing loss as well. He has thrown some hum-dingers in his day, but I have never allowed it to occur untouched. I, also, do not identify myself as one of those parents who would & do. Illness, condition, limited abilities or not; there is no reason beyond the fear of appearing rude to not take a screaming child out of a situation such as a restaurant to allow them to settle & collect themselves. Yes; we as parents do need to delay our gratifications sometimes.

 

And it is absolutely the parents responsibility to respect that their child, all children, have their own limits. Yes, that does mean they will not be able to do everything. And that's okay! I witnessed this here where a parent took their child to a local park/water park. The child was obviously overwhelmed by all the children already there combined with the excitement of the water sprinklers. He began screaming about it all so the mother turned the water off & would not allow anyone else to turn it on, rather than coming at a different time or removing him. What right does she have to ruin the day for all the other children who were already there & getting along just because her child was overwhelmed by a situation she placed him in?

 

I absolutely judged her for that. She was rude & inconsiderate & was not doing right by her son, IMO. "Unleashing" her child on everyone like that & expecting all to stop what they were doing for her son was out-of-line & rude to not only for the park goers but for her son as well. That is a very selfish stance to take.

OMG, you gusy all totally took that out of context! my son too was Diagnosed with ADHD and ODD,OCD by a psychiatrist not A PSYCHOLOGIST! and most recently Bipolar Disorder. I never ever let my son go unmediacated,. but in all honesty ADHD would be a walk in the park right now. I can only medicate him so much and I am not gonna keep him at home all the time to avoid perfect parents! Any single trip in public is gonna cause a melt down!!!!! No matter what. So when I do take him I make sure it is just him and I so I can better deal with it when it comes. and I am able to deal with it most times.
 
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