Topic : Balancing Marriage and Family

I am a stay at home mom of 3 kids age 9,8 and 4.  So their are 5 in my family but we also live with my brother in law and his daughter and also his other daughter comes home for school sometimes.  But now he has a girl friend that stay over all the time.  Things around here get pretty crazy for me.  So my husband work outside of the home but then when he comes home he works outside since we live on a farm.  It is only a hobby farm, so we have some horse and goat, rabbit and a few other animals.  The problem is that I am the only one that does anything in this house.  I feel like everybody looks at me as the house keeper and the cook.  I told my husband many times that i am not happy here with things.  You see he loves it, this is he dream.  He does nothing to help me with the kids, he spends most of his time away from us.  I just feel that i can't do it anymore.  Last week i told him that we need to have a family day so he said that he will plan something well guess what we did on Sunday?  We spend 4 hours in the van just driving around so I said to him let's take the kids bowling and he said no that he didn't feel like it.  That did it for me I got so upset.  So we dropped him of at home and I took my kids to a movie.  I just feel that we are interferring with his life.  I cry eveyday cause I thought that life would be different for me.  So if someone has any advise to me please help.  I am really thinking about get my own apartment  and leaving him and start making a life for me and my children.  My kids love living her so what I was thinking about doing was just leaving and come to the house in the morning and getting my children ready for school and then come back after school and getting them dinner, then once he gets home i would leave so this way he has to spend time with his children.   

I'm a message board virgin, so I hope I'm doing this right.   

     Have you ever gazed into the stars and asked God why he hates you so much? That you feel he has finally given you more than you can handle?  Have you ever asked him to just take you and get it over with that those in your life would be better off without you?  Yes, I'm down and no, I'm not going to off myself.  I'm a person with very bad luck.  I've got the typical financial and marital issues.  Just a few examples of bad luck - my dog ate my car (down to the metal of the seat), my roof leaks to the point I get woken up in my bed by drips of rain, and by far one of the worst our furnace started on fire 2 days before Christmas leaving us to heat our house by small electric heaters all winter.  Oh yea...it just so happened to be 20 below for a month.  Since we're a two income family that is just getting by, I can't save any money to fix up the house, the car, or anything for that matter.  I've thought about writing Extreme makeover or Oprah's dream come true, but then curse myself because I still have more than many.  As for the marital issues, all seems well until we fight.  I love my husband dearly, but he's mean when we argue.  Not physical, but verbal.  He goes for the digs.  Which I why I guess I'm asking for advise/feedback.  Yesterday, he's gone for a 10 hr class and stops by for a few after.  That bothered me so I confronted him.  Was I wrong to be bothered?  Maybe it was the straw that broke the camel's back.  He wasn't drunk, but I assume feeling a comfortable buzz.  All hell broke lose.  I told him that I do almost everything around our house and feel unappreciated.  He's hollering that I'm lazy, a worthless mother and a worthless wife and the next time I travel to not come home (I travel about 2 weeks out of the year).  He proceeds to tell me that he can't do anything right in my eyes and his life sucks.  I begin to cry - not because I want to but because I couldn't hold back.  He then corners me to the wall, goes nose to nose, and just hollers at the top of his lungs 'oh I want to hit you...oh so bad'.  Then pulls his fist back and stops right at my cheek 'but I'm not like that'.  Whatever. His goal accomplished, I'm left feeling that once again it's an overreaction on my part.  I'm by no means perfect and try to work on those imperfections.  We fight about the same stuff over and over again.  Mostly it's when he goes out.  Am I jealous because I don't get an opportunity to do the same?  Am I angry because he works harder at going out by himself than trying to take me out?  Am I angry because he's such a great dad and an OK husband?  Am I frustrated because my house is always messy despite my efforts to keep it clean?  Am I tired of having to chose to stay home and clean while my husband and 2 kids go off to watch football, eat, drink, and be merry (kids not drinking).  How can I get my husband to understand that he doesn't fight fair when he doesn't see himself doing anything wrong?  I could go on and on, and I'm sure the answer to all the questions is 'YES'.  But my biggest question is how do I fix it?  How can I find the balance of his needs and mine?  I don't have expectations that people 'take sides' - I've got issues too.  I'd like to find the happiness that puts the bounce back in my step instead of feeling that life is getting the better of me. 

I am a stay at home mom of 3 kids age 9,8 and 4.  So their are 5 in my family but we also live with my brother in law and his daughter and also his other daughter comes home for school sometimes.  But now he has a girl friend that stay over all the time.  Things around here get pretty crazy for me.  So my husband work outside of the home but then when he comes home he works outside since we live on a farm.  It is only a hobby farm, so we have some horse and goat, rabbit and a few other animals.  The problem is that I am the only one that does anything in this house.  I feel like everybody looks at me as the house keeper and the cook.  I told my husband many times that i am not happy here with things.  You see he loves it, this is he dream.  He does nothing to help me with the kids, he spends most of his time away from us.  I just feel that i can't do it anymore.  Last week i told him that we need to have a family day so he said that he will plan something well guess what we did on Sunday?  We spend 4 hours in the van just driving around so I said to him let's take the kids bowling and he said no that he didn't feel like it.  That did it for me I got so upset.  So we dropped him of at home and I took my kids to a movie.  I just feel that we are interferring with his life.  I cry eveyday cause I thought that life would be different for me.  So if someone has any advise to me please help.  I am really thinking about get my own apartment  and leaving him and start making a life for me and my children.  My kids love living her so what I was thinking about doing was just leaving and come to the house in the morning and getting my children ready for school and then come back after school and getting them dinner, then once he gets home i would leave so this way he has to spend time with his children.   

I'm a message board virgin, so I hope I'm doing this right.   

     Have you ever gazed into the stars and asked God why he hates you so much? That you feel he has finally given you more than you can handle?  Have you ever asked him to just take you and get it over with that those in your life would be better off without you?  Yes, I'm down and no, I'm not going to off myself.  I'm a person with very bad luck.  I've got the typical financial and marital issues.  Just a few examples of bad luck - my dog ate my car (down to the metal of the seat), my roof leaks to the point I get woken up in my bed by drips of rain, and by far one of the worst our furnace started on fire 2 days before Christmas leaving us to heat our house by small electric heaters all winter.  Oh yea...it just so happened to be 20 below for a month.  Since we're a two income family that is just getting by, I can't save any money to fix up the house, the car, or anything for that matter.  I've thought about writing Extreme makeover or Oprah's dream come true, but then curse myself because I still have more than many.  As for the marital issues, all seems well until we fight.  I love my husband dearly, but he's mean when we argue.  Not physical, but verbal.  He goes for the digs.  Which I why I guess I'm asking for advise/feedback.  Yesterday, he's gone for a 10 hr class and stops by for a few after.  That bothered me so I confronted him.  Was I wrong to be bothered?  Maybe it was the straw that broke the camel's back.  He wasn't drunk, but I assume feeling a comfortable buzz.  All hell broke lose.  I told him that I do almost everything around our house and feel unappreciated.  He's hollering that I'm lazy, a worthless mother and a worthless wife and the next time I travel to not come home (I travel about 2 weeks out of the year).  He proceeds to tell me that he can't do anything right in my eyes and his life sucks.  I begin to cry - not because I want to but because I couldn't hold back.  He then corners me to the wall, goes nose to nose, and just hollers at the top of his lungs 'oh I want to hit you...oh so bad'.  Then pulls his fist back and stops right at my cheek 'but I'm not like that'.  Whatever. His goal accomplished, I'm left feeling that once again it's an overreaction on my part.  I'm by no means perfect and try to work on those imperfections.  We fight about the same stuff over and over again.  Mostly it's when he goes out.  Am I jealous because I don't get an opportunity to do the same?  Am I angry because he works harder at going out by himself than trying to take me out?  Am I angry because he's such a great dad and an OK husband?  Am I frustrated because my house is always messy despite my efforts to keep it clean?  Am I tired of having to chose to stay home and clean while my husband and 2 kids go off to watch football, eat, drink, and be merry (kids not drinking).  How can I get my husband to understand that he doesn't fight fair when he doesn't see himself doing anything wrong?  I could go on and on, and I'm sure the answer to all the questions is 'YES'.  But my biggest question is how do I fix it?  How can I find the balance of his needs and mine?  I don't have expectations that people 'take sides' - I've got issues too.  I'd like to find the happiness that puts the bounce back in my step instead of feeling that life is getting the better of me.