Topic : Cheated On

Wow, where do I even begin this...I am a single 38 year old female that has been having a love affair with a married man for almost 16 years.  I found out last Thursday that he is cheating on me with another woman...OMG! I never thought in a million years he would do something like this (why I dont know).  Last year we broke up for a short time because his wife found out about me.  But after a few short months apart (he was calling all the time) I gave in and went back to him.  Why did I do that?  I was doing just fine without him.  So now I am in a situation that I feel is about to get ugly.  I feel like I should call his wife and tell her everything, but what is that going to solve?  I am so angry with him I feel like I want to hurt him in somekind of way.  Its weird because for weeks I have been wanting to get out of the relationship, now that is over, I am not really upset about being without him, its that I am just so freaking pissed off at him for lying to me.  I know I have no right to be angry, because I was doing the same thing to his wife.  I just cant help it I want to call her and tell her everything that has been going on for the past year.  I am torn.  I know it will runi his marriage this time for sure, but I really dont care right now. 

Feel like a fool that is. Get real here. You were the mistress of a married man. This man had a wife. How in the world can he be cheating on his mistress. He was already cheating on his wife. I don't know but maybe I am missing something here. His wife already knows about you and you want to call and hurt her even more. What kind of person are you? I say leave it alone and go find someone who is available.

It was good of you to respond, but your post needed to be directed to palsobrook. The boards can be confusing at first, but you'll get the hang of it.

Thanks for contributing.

I'm sorry for your pain, even though it would seem to many to be your just desserts. (Even YOU admit the irony of feeling cheated by this man.)

In this case the old saying "If he'll do it WITH you, he'll do it TO you"  is completely true.

I understand your angry reaction and the temptation to go to his wife with the news, but I would be prepared for anything. Her reaction may not be what you expect, or what you would like to see. You might want to contact the new Other Woman, and unload on her also. You have more in common with her than this philanderer's wife. But there again, the reaction you get may not be what you expect at all.

Whatever you do, I think your best course of action would include finding another outlet for your anger, exploring why you let yourself get into this and stay in it for so song, chalking it up as a lesson well learned, and moving on.

The other woman board offers support and sympathy from others in your situation.

Although I do not want to cast judgement on you, it is hard for a woman like me to understand a woman like you. I am a recently single mom with three kids. My husband and I are getting a divorce after finding out about his second affair that I know of, recently.  I do not know where you come from, or what makes certain people do what they do, but I can tell you from my point of view that the rejection, pain and anger you feel does not even come close to that of his wife. Just let her be. Exspecially if she has kids. Watching your kids go through it also just icreases the pain. I can understand the feelings your feeling and know you probably want some form of revenge, but don't drag her into to it. Act out Keri Undewood's song or something. The pain the two of you have caused his wife is enough for a life time. Make him pay not her. After all he is the jerk. 

My husband of 5 months just cheated on me with an ex-girlfriend after only 5 months of marriage. I caught him yesterday morning getting a blow job from her in the back seat of the jeep. He didn't get to have the job completed as I interrupted, darn his luck. I've been fairly civil about it, but now, what trust was there (though he had messed around with her the first year/year and half we were together), is destroyed. I want revenge on them both - he says not to blame her, but she has partial blame as she knew we were married and have been together the entire time (she even said she 'didn't care', which is why I want to get her too). Don't worry, he is mostly to blame and he knows I will get revenge on him. He's like, 'if you're going to kill me, go ahead', because he's always said if I cheated on him he would kill us both and make me watch. Told him I wasn't going to kill him, I'm not that way, but I do want revenge, just not sure what yet.

Revenge can have  a boomerang effect, so be careful. It can affect the rest of your life.

Instead of focusing on how much these two have hurt you, spare a thought to how much you have hurt and let down YOURSELF.

You admit that your husband "messed around with her the first year/year and half" you two were together. Now you're surprised that he still carries on with her after you are married? If you thought that marriage would magically change him, or convinced yourself that it would, you let yourself down. If you have entered into some kind of sick competition with this other woman, thinking that you have "won" because he married you, you have let yourself down. If you think that revenge is going to make you feel better or make him more apt to be trustworthy, you're letting yourself down.

I fully sympathize with you, you have been through a traumatic event and you are angry and sad, but you also share some blame for not being more protective of yourself and your best interests. Nobody is going to look out for you, you have to do it yourself. If you don't, and if you delude yourself about the actions of others, they will hurt you over and over.

Yes, this have been going on a good while, and indeed my so called husband was nice for a moment. He still talking to this woman, and claim he want talk nasty anymore. I dont trust him as far as I can throw his but, now this woman ask him is it okay for her to take the girls out of town  and shop for them, I told him I dont feel comfort about this, and he told me my issue is with him and not her, and don't let the girls suffer. I told him both of you were wrong, you were wrong for starting it and she was wrong for going along with it. And now I dont love him per him. I ask him if this is this case, why would you put your penis in me. He states that have nothing to did with this. I am trying to runied the girls lives. I don;t give the girls the time of day and he is done.

He is getting you to take the blame for HIS behavior. This is common in cheating husbands. They have to have an excuse for themselves, so they blame their wives for "driving them to it" or other such nonsense. The truth of the matter is that marriage is hard, times are not always good, and it takes two adults working together to make it functional.

Don't believe his crap for a minute. We all take each other for granted and don't get along sometimes, that's no reason to look for somebody new to make you feel good and give you and ego boost.

As for the other woman taking your children out shopping, this is inappropriate in the extreme. Unless you are divorced and he has visitation, I wouldn't agree with it. What is he trying to teach his daughters?! They suffer becaues they see their father with a woman that does not belong with him, not because they can't have money spent on them.

It's been a long road for you hasn't it? I first saw you on the boards 2 years ago. I'm sorry to read that it didn't work out.

If your husband marries his mistress and has children with her, he will see that she is no more glamourous than you. It is unfair to compare wives with women that have no children and none of the responsibilities.

Sometimes I think cheaters are children than never grew up.